Group Therapy Application

Andy Horne Hi, I'm Andy Horne from the University of Georgia and we're here tonight to talk with you about the group work in schools. We have with us, uh, Dr. Janice Delucia-Waack from the University of, uh, Buffalo, State University in New York system and Dr. Allen Segrist from, uh, Purdue University. Welcome and I'm really looking forward to, to hear in about the group that you're gonna be working with tonight and tomorrow. So, could you tell us a little bit about what to expect and what, if we think of the various types of groups that we could be thinking about, what type of group would this probably be called?

01:00 Janice Delucia-Waack This would be a psychoeducational group.

01:05 Andy Horne Psychoeducational. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack They're gonna be learning new skills, how to get along with each other, how to manage feelings and emotions express them.

01:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm. How would this differ from say other types of groups, uh, we're, we're, we're talking about teaching specific skills, how would this differ from say a counseling group or a psychotherapy group or such?

01:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think most of what's gonna happen in schools is gonna be psychoeducational. They don't have the time to do an intensive, of counseling group or therapy group. (crosstalk)

01:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And a lot of times the idea is really to do more preventative kinds of things. So, you know, every 7th grader could really learn some more communication skills... (crosstalk)

01:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...or some more anger management skills even with kids who have been identified as at risk, the idea really would be to teach them skills and help reinforce skills like communication skills or conflict resolution skills, uhm, (crosstalk)

01:50 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack rather than trying to get them in and try to figure out what their problems are or, uhm, look at their internal issues.

01:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm. If we were to see this developing in school, what would have taken place ahead of time? Ah, what are some of the things that you might be doing to set up for this group?

02:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, we would definitely, uhm, have done some kind of need assessment.

02:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

02:15 Janice Delucia-Waack So, whether you ask a school counselors or the teachers or the student themselves or ideally all of them kind of what kinds of, of, uhm, things would be helpful.

02:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, I like to ask students, you know, what kind of group would you like to be in? Would you like to be in anger management group? Would you like to be in the communication skills group? And then also, what group do you think would be helpful to other students? Uhm, because sometimes they say, "Well, I don't wanna be in the anger management group but all my friends could be in one or, (crosstalk)

02:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack or something like that.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, and then we would have definitely wanted to have sit down with individual students and talk to them about why they would wanna be in a group? Uhm, how do they typically participate in a group. Uhm, (crosstalk)

02:50 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack what kinds of things they would wanna talk about. What would be they, be comfortable sharing and, and working on?

02:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Is there any type of research, I mean, both of you have written in the, uh, group literature quite a bit, is there any research that supports this type of work or is this, is this something... (crosstalk)

03:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...that, uhm, documented in the literature as a, as a good approach to use with adolescents?

03:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Oh, yes, yes. I mean, I think, theoretically, uhm, you know, people have made statements like groups are other treatment of choice. Uhm, most of, of, of adolescents, uhm, problems develop from interpersonal relationships even if they're depressed or anxiety comes from something that's happening in school or with their peers or with their family. And so, so, it makes sense to intervene in a group... (crosstalk)

03:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...in that way but there is also a lot of literature out there that shows that very specific psychoeductional groups, uhm, are effective. They're, they're better than no treatment at all. A lot of times they work at least as well as if not even better than individual counseling kinds of things. And I think it make sense if, if kids are having trouble in relationships, it doesn't make sense to teach them in a group how to relate differently.

04:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And they're not gonna listen to an adult I think that's the piece... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack for adolescents that's so powerful is I can say it as an adult and I go, "Oh, you're an adult I'm not gonna listen to you." But when one of their fellow peers says to them, "I like it when you do that," or if you talk to me differently I'd... (crosstalk)

04:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...hear you differently.

Andy Horne Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack It has that value that it doesn't have from an adult.

04:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm, uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm.

Allen Segrist And I think it provides in the psychoeducational sense, the structure that they can make use of, uh, uh, in, in, in (inaudible ) ways on their parts of further experiences that they have.

04:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Ah, so, I think, uh, you know, (crosstalk)

04:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist it's, it's, uh, input that has an intellectual quality to it and the joint benefit of experiencing that with some other young people and then being able to, themselves, follow through to make the transfer to other life experiences.

04:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Right, right. (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And that's one of the things that we'll try to do as we wrap up with them is really get them to think about, okay, what worked for you in this group? Some of you have different learning styles.

05:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack For some of you maybe writing the stuff down was a cognitive organizer. For some of you saying it out loud, for some of you watching somebody else do it. What was your learning style? Okay. Now, how you gonna do that later on? Uhm, (crosstalk)

05:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack I mean, I always say to the kids, "Okay, what felt best? Who did you connect with? Who was comfortable talking with? Okay, now, who do you have in your real life?"

05:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Is it a friend, is it a parent, is it a teacher? Who is that person that you can bounce those ideas of off. So, there's almost like a planning for the future that I think needs to happen at the very end.

05:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack It's not enough that you say, "Oh, this was really felt good and we did a, the script was really nice." No, no, no. How are you gonna be different and I, and I think the more they plan, the more they, there's something about saying that out loud... (crosstalk)

05:45 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...that makes that action happen easier.

05:50 Andy Horne And there's a group commitment that will happen. I mean, (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Exactly.

Andy Horne if you do it in a group, you've committed to your, your fellow members. (crosstalk)

05:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Right.

Andy Horne Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Right.

Andy Horne Uh hmm. I, you, you've made a comment that probably 80 percent of the group work should be done before the group begins. That's when... (crosstalk)

06:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...you're doing the planning, the thinking, the preparing. As we look at this group that's about to begin and to develop and enfold, what have you done in, in advance to get ready for it?

06:10 Janice Delucia-Waack One is in a sense of when you're planning a psychoeducational group, that idea of packing your toolbox.

06:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And so, what I'm doing is I'm putting all these different tools in there so we have some things to look at self-esteem, communication skills but we don't unpacked that toolbox until the members start to talk about what they, they wanna do.

06:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm, uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack My, my other metaphor as I think about it is, is the image of a lacrosse game in the sense that in, in, uh, lacrosse team practices all kinds of different place in practice. But they don't call the play till the person with the ball is running down the field.

06:45 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And then, he's crawling out to the team members and I see it that same way. When we start to see what's happening in the group, then we're gonna call the play. So, we might look at irrational beliefs, we might look at self talk, we might start to look it okay, what's this about your body image, and what do... (crosstalk)

07:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack you telling yourself that why do you have to only weigh 100 pounds and look this way or, or those kinds of things. And so, depending on where the group members go, that's where, what, that's what play we're gonna call.

07:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist And I think, you know, that, those are the examples of the, of the contents(ph) but then you, you deal with it. You, you process how that, uh, came to the surface, uh, how it's relating to, uh, fields to be understood, or challenged by others.

07:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist And, you know, you follow that through then to, you know, get a sense of completion. It isn't to say... (crosstalk)

07:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...well, we've done these 10 steps in the rows necessarily but probably you've covered all 10 steps and you say, (crosstalk)

07:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist " Ah, it feels good. It's taken... (crosstalk)

07:45 Andy Horne Yeah.

Allen Segrist ...care of." (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack But that's the key piece. It's once you say, "Okay, we're gonna do, uhm, a self-esteem group." Then, you've gotta find out where your group members are having trouble around self-esteem.

07:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Is it not being realistic? Is it irrational beliefs? I have to be perfect, you know, I have to look like a model. Where, where they get in trouble and then your activities have to be designed to, to work with that. And I think that's where the, the piece and, and maybe I can talk about this a little bit is where we tend to go on the extreme either we over plan and, "Okay, we have to do these 15 activities." (crosstalk)

08:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Or you come in with adolescence and you say, uhm, you know, well, we're just gonna see where they wanna go and then there's no structure.

08:25 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And I think you have to have that balance of we have a plan.

08:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack But when this, when the group members get into something that's really, really good stuff that they're gonna learn from at the teachable moment, we're not gonna adhere to our plan 'coz okay we were gonna spend 10 minutes on this, we're gonna stay with this. No, we're gonna stay with them till they get something that's useful from it.

08:45 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Yeah.

Allen Segrist I'm happy at sometimes working with it that way.

08:50 Andy Horne Yeah.

Allen Segrist Uhm, I think sometimes I have done things for 20 minutes or 10 hours but, uh, it's like playing it in accordion, we stretched that out, we squeezed that up, you know. (crosstalk)

09:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist But sometimes that, when a group itself or individuals other group begin themselves to take that leadership assertion for the things that they will need, they even generate some of their, their own activities... (crosstalk)

09:10 Andy Horne Yeah. Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

09:15 Allen Segrist ...for others to share it.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist So, you know, that's... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...some of your meth, I think some of your best evidence in... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist a qualitative sense.

09:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Yeah.

Andy Horne I, I think it's gonna be very interesting to watch the process happen to say, " Okay, let's see. We're starting with a bit of a structure here. Let's see where it goes, what, what it leads to and what the outcome is." This is gonna... (crosstalk)

09:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...be a lot of fun.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne What else we need to say about the group before we get started?

09:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I, I like to, I think the one thing that's gonna be a little bit different is I truly like to think about group sessions with structure... (crosstalk)

09:45 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...in a sense that you have an opening where you kind of focus the group members, you kinda remind them of what you talked about or what you're gonna talk about that day. If they had any homework, they're gonna check in. Then, you... (crosstalk)

09:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...have that working piece where you teach that new skill or you practiced that new skill or you look at something. And then, there was always that, that closing which for me is, "Okay, what did you learn? How did you learn it? What you gonna do with it?"

10:05 Andy Horne Yup. How easy(ph). (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Now, we don't have that luxury of weeks in between.

10:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So, we're not, you're not gonna see as much of that full session. You're gonna see lots of working and then you're gonna see that processing of what did you learn, how you gonna use it, but we're... (crosstalk)

10:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...not gonna be able to go back and check in and see because we're doing this over the course of a day and a half. And I think that's... (crosstalk)

10:25 Andy Horne Right.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...the different piece in there, uhm.

10:30 Andy Horne Well, I'm looking forward to see in the group enfold.

Janice Delucia-Waack Oh, I am too.

10:35 Andy Horne So.

[sil.]

Janice Delucia-Waack Welcome to group. Thank you all for coming. Uhm, we have tonight and then we have all day tomorrow, uhm, to work together as a group. And so, what we'd like to do tonight is just get started in terms of talking a little bit about how group is gonna work, uhm, what things we might wanna do and see if you have any questions in those kinds of things. So, the very first thing we probably should do is at least introduce ourselves, uhm, and so we know what to call each other and, and we know who each other is. Uhm, and what I'd like to do is to, uhm, I know somebody who may know each other a little bit or at least, you know, faces, you may know some of the names but it's really gonna be important that we know each others names. And so, I'd like to do what I think is a kind of a funny activity, uhm, which is "call the names" activity. And what we wanna ask everybody to do is go around and introduce themselves what your name, how did you get your name, uhm, what would you like to be called if you wanna be called something different than, than your given name, uhm, and then also, uhm, do you like your name and if you don't like your name what would you, uhm, if you were gonna change it what, what would you change it to.

11:45 Haley Cordes Uhm, my name is Haley and I'm not really quite sure how I got my name. I guess my parents just like it and both agreed on it. So, uhm, I like my name because, uhm, it's not really popular at least in my age group. So, I never like thought about what I'd wanted to be if I changed it. So, I like it.

12:05 Drew Edmondson Uhm, my name is Drew and, uh, I'd really like my name 'coz it's different. It's not Andrew like a lot of people think it is, uhm, but the way I got my name, my last name is really long. So, my mom like didn't wanna name me a long first name or anything 'coz she didn't like that be (inaudible ) in kindergarten. (laughing) So, she just named me Drew and I like it a lot. I wouldn't change it for anything.

12:35 Alright, my name is Angela, uhm, my mom wanted a name that she can shortened like how we were named(ph) and have a nickname (inaudible ). So, that is the thought(ph). I like my name I don't really think about changing it but I really like propose to be called Cassie and so on and so off. (crosstalk)

12:55 (inaudible )

12:56 Janice Delucia-Waack And what would you like us to call you?

Ah, Cassie is fine. It doesn't really bothered me. I had called both things, so.

13:00 Andrea Tordi My name is Andrea. Uhm, originally my grandma was hoping my mom , my dad pick out names and she went Michelle but my mom didn't want that for my first name since my brother was gonna be an Alex. Uhm, so Miche, Michelle is my middle name now and my first name is Andrea, obviously, and I really like my name. I've gotten, I don't know how but people used to write my name to Andre, Angie or Ange, and Annie but Andrea is just fine and so I really like it.

13:30 Katie Buschman My name is Katie. Uhm, my dad (inaudible ) know it. I got his name with me 'coz, uhm, he said Katie 'coz, I guess that's part of their name back then or something but a lot of people have it. It's an okay name but ever since I was little I would love the name Ashley, I don't know why but if I can change my name, it'll be Ashley.

13:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

13:55 Jessica Hall My name is Jessica. Uhm, I got it because my dad have name for J's and they are all Jim, Joe, Jonathan decided on Jessica to mention as we're actually family. And I like my name. I prefer Jessica because in some place and everyone in my family likes Jessie so much better and that's like on my birthday cards, on my name tags, on everything. If, yeah, it's just like Jessie for some reason I don't know why.

14:20 Nathan West My name is Nathan and I have no idea why my parents named me that but my brother's name is Matthew so he's came from the Bible but I think mine didn't, but (laughing) I was, I was trying to figure out where it came from but it comes from something and, uhm, uh, my dad said he wished to had started name with me an M so then he calls like M & M's just sort of thing.

14:45 Alright.

Nathan West And Nathan is like okay but a lot of people have a name Nathan and I wished they would have name me Daniel and that would have been from the Bible but I just think that's you're making, most people have a name it there and just sorted to Nathan but I believe they (inaudible ) Daniel but this is my nameplate and you could call me Nathan. (laughing)

15:01 Cassandra Ellis My name is Cass Ellis and I don't know where my parents got it. They decided to combine their names. Uhm, (laughing) if I could change that I make it Cass and then Ellis so I can have a middle name 'coz I don't have a middle name but so that's if I change it.

15:20 Sarah Boeckmann My name is Sarah. Uhm, I don't know where my parents came up with my name. My mom just called me that ever since she was like in 5th or 6th grade she really liked the name Sarah. So, she named me Sarah and I like my name, okay, 'coz maybe I don't change it just so many people are named Sarah, not a lot but sometimes like whenever I hear the name I turn around and if it's not me then I feel really dumb (laughing) but, uhm, I guess I like my name okay, I don't know what have to change it too so Sarah works for me.

15:55 Ronae Biddle My name's Ronae and, uhm, I guess both, both my parents names start with a R so they wanna name me something that starts with a R. Uhm, and they spell it weird, it's not right and e, even like the proper spelling it's R-O-N-A-E and they spelled it that way because my grandpa's name is Ron and my mom's name is Veronica. So, they decided to spell it like that and most people can't pronounce it when I first, I've heard so many different variations (laughs) I don't know but, uhm, I like my name though. I like, I like having different spelling because it's original and I love my name, I won't change it. So.

16:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, what was it, what was it like to do that right now? Uhm, what were you thinking as I asked you to share that? Uhm.

16:40 Nathan West I was thinking I have no idea where my parents got it.

16:45 Yeah. It's just okay. (laughing)

Nathan West 'Coz it's still don't get the sound good.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I hear some kind of uniqueness. This is my name, (crosstalk)

16:50 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack I like to personalize it to some extent or it represents me.

16:55 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And I think that's, that's important. And I think that's part of, uhm, kind of what we wanna do in group, uhm, is, is kind of help you see who you are, uhm, as a person and then also see who you are in connection to other people 'coz I think that's what we live in our life is who are we as unique individuals but we relate to other people and how do we have these relationships, how you stay connected to people but also for your own person, uhm, and, and be true to yourself. And so, uhm, we've got, we're to use this, uhm, picture for some activities that we're gonna do tomorrow but what I wanna do is to share briefly with you some of the things that we want, uhm, to put forth these goals for this kind of group. And, and I see this as, uhm, even if we were doing a very specific kind of group, we did an anger management group or communication skills group or we even focused on, uhm, anxiety or depression or those kinds of things that some of our goals are gonna be similar. No matter what we're doing, we're gonna be thinking about communication, we're gonna be thinking about problem solving, talking about our feelings, sometimes even identifying it. I think sometimes we just do things without thinking about what we're feeling and, and we don't make that connection (inaudible ). These are some of the kinds of things that we're gonna be, uhm, talking about and that'll be our general goals. Uhm, you, we're gonna try to really, uhm, focus them and target them to the kinds of things that you wanna talk about specifically but that's gonna be kind of underlying. If that's what we're gonna do, how we will gonna do this? Uh, real key issue is safety. Uhm, how we will gonna fit is to help you to feel safe, how we're gonna help you to feel comfortable because one of the things that we really wanna do is ask you to try out some new behaviors. To think a little bit differently, maybe feel differently, take a few risks in that way to see if you can mend some changes. So, how we will gonna do that over the course of, of the next day and a half? Uhm, what do we need to do, uhm, as a group? I like to use the analogy of a swimming pool. Uhm, when you go into a, uh, to, uh, a swimming pool, what's always posted on the wall?

18:55 No diving.

19:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, well what kind of, but, but a set of rules right?

Drew Edmondson Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Let's talk about why are there rules in the swimming pool?

19:05 Safety.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Okay. Why would we need rules here in the group then?

19:10 Safety.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. (laughing) If it's, uh, it's a little different, nobody's gonna drown here, right? (laughing) Okay. But what do we, I, if you think about it we probably can go through some of those rules and almost translate them. What would be, what would be the translation of no diving?

19:25 Haley Cordes I don't what the translation would be but I can think of like rules.

19:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Sure.

Haley Cordes Like, uhm, to like that everyone speak don't like talk with people. Other people are talking... (crosstalk)

19:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Haley Cordes ...to keep things in the group to like people aren't worried about you're gonna go, call a bunch of people what you've talked about, you know.

19:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes Kind of feel safe within your group.

19:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. That you make two important points. Let me back up for one, that one person talking at a time. I think about that as one person on a diving board at a time. Right? And so, we really do want that everybody have a chance. Okay. The second one is real, really probably even a more important rule if, and it should not accompany (inaudible ).

20:07 Cassandra Ellis They know diving would mean like don't get, don't like over put too many details and they're like, to keep it basic.

20:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Cassandra Ellis But like, you mean, about everybody have a turn talking and like (inaudible ).

20:24 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, okay. Or else it might be don't go too deep, I have thought about that but, uhm, recognizing that we have so many hours together... (crosstalk)

20:30 Cassandra Ellis Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...and so, we want to, when we set goals tomorrow and talk about what you want to accomplish in this group we wanna, we wanna accomplish something that you have, you can do in certain(ph) eight(ph) hours in the time that we have. Uhm, so, you don't wanna assume I'm gonna make all these big life changes. Uh hmm. Okay. But. (crosstalk)

20:50 Allen Segrist Well, I don't wanna think about getting all the shallow into. You know, (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist if, if, (crosstalk)

20:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Great.

Allen Segrist you just kind of live your life at the shallow end of the pool, uh, that is what the whole pool is about.

21:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm, uh hmm. And Allen, I can be the lifeguards.

21:05 Allen Segrist Yeah, okay. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack So, we can kind of maybe (inaudible ) to move a little a bit out in the shallow (coughs) and give you some instruction, uhm, teaches some skills, teaches some of the things that you might wanna do as you move towards. Do we need to have a little bit more co, about confidentiality? I think that's really important. You guys go to school with each other. Allen and I are gonna leave and we may not see you again, uhm, but you guys are gonna run into each other in the hallways.

21:30 Haley Cordes Uhm, the thing I like about groups is that, uhm, (clears throat) like I don't see like these people like everyday because in high school you just came and see everybody and it's cool to hang out with people that you don't normally to be with. Like... (crosstalk)

21:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...when I could see people and so it's cool to have like I know stuff about Jessica but I don't wanna go and like share it. You know what I mean? Like I know her but I don't have to hang out with her and it's cool that I... (crosstalk)

22:00 Jessica Hall (inaudible ). (laughing)

22:03 Haley Cordes ...oh, I mean, I don't see you everyday to be your friend because of a group and that like she can trust me and I can trust her kind of thing, (crosstalk)

22:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Hailey Cordes you know.

Janice Delucia-Waack And there is, there is that, that two sides of being a group with people that you're not good friends with. One of them is we can probably get some honest feedback, uhm, because you don't have to see each other everyday in the hallway. And so, when you say, you know, if I said this to you, how would this make you feel? You all might be able to be a little bit honest than with your best friend because you might hurt that person's feeling and then you have to deal with that. So, there is that honesty and that, that we're gonna encourage. The other piece of that though is you gotta think about what you take out of this group in the sense of, uhm, you don't wanna go back and tell your friends, "Well, I was in group with Nathan and he talked about these things." Uhm, and so, what, what I think I'm gonna ask you is, uhm, we want you to talk about this group experience, we want you to, to talk about what it was like, what was helpful, what your light. But talk about what you learned and talked about what was helpful to you, you know.

23:00 Allen Segrist One thing I like in that point too I have see, I think I can always be honest in, in a particularly, particular thing I'm saying but I can choose that if we have opened this how much, how much of me I'm really sharing in such a statement and I might not choose to go very deep or I might choose trusting myself, trusting another person to really, that it all go, you know. Uhm, and it's okay, uhm, because I chose to do that.

23:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, having said that we wanna get up and move around.

23:35 Allen Segrist We had some transition? Alright. Uhm, (crosstalk)

23:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Well, uhm, what I like you to do like she suggested is have you stand up on your feet but we need to kinda get the chairs back out of the road. I'd, I like about this more space at least that we have but without the chairs. So, what I'd, what I'm asking you to do now that you're standing on your feet is, uh, just kinda think of this as space that you can move in and first I'd like the roses to go over here and the tulips to go over here.

24:05 Hmm.

24:10 Allen Segrist The roses can stand over here and the tulips can stand over here.

Cassandra Ellis Do you like them to think of it?

Allen Segrist I don't question(ph). (laughing)

24:15 (inaudible )

24:16 Janice Delucia-Waack I feel rose who are with tulips. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Make, make a move toward one group or the other... (crosstalk)

24:20 Drew Edmondson I'll be with rose.

Allen Segrist ...and see what it, see what it makes you think about or are you at. (crosstalk)

(inaudible ). (crosstalk)

24:23 Janice Delucia-Waack Roses are (inaudible ).

24:24 Allen Segrist Here's the roses, here are the tulips.

24:25 Drew Edmondson Wait, well, well, supposed I like the rose.

Allen Segrist Roses?

Cassandra Ellis Rose (inaudible ). (crosstalk)

24:29 Drew Edmondson Oh, oh, where?

24:30 Cassandra Ellis Oh.

Janice Delucia-Waack Roses. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Oh, roses are here, tulips are here. (laughs)

Drew Edmondson I'm a rose.

(inaudible )

24:33 Allen Segrist We're now having none so, is there any meaning you can attach to this?

24:35 There's no good(ph).

Cassandra Ellis Oh, yeah.

I think we're good. (crosstalk)

24:40 Allen Segrist The different... (crosstalk)

Nathan West (inaudible ).

24:41 Allen Segrist ...color. (crosstalk)

Nathan West (inaudible ) like roses so I like to live different. (crosstalk)

24:42 Yeah.

Nathan West I think that way. (crosstalk)

Roses are. (crosstalk)

24:45 Allen Segrist So, you're, you're, you're thinking against the move to be a rose or think like roses. Colorful.

24:50 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

I just think the roses are ugly. (laughing) Like not(ph) of you. (laughing)

24:55 Allen Segrist How about the thorns?

25:00 Yeah, they do have thorn. (crosstalk)

Yeah, they do have thorns. (laughs)

(inaudible ).

25:04 Allen Segrist But no, sometimes I've heard people over here talking about their thorns like they really love them.

25:05 They don't like 'em. (laughs)

25:10 Allen Segrist Do you have thorns? Oh, well, let, don't get too close or what about roses or the, what your choice with roses?

25:20 Sarah Boeckmann Okay.

Allen Segrist Okay. (laughs)

Haley Cordes Classic.

25:25 Sarah Boeckmann Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Classic.

Sarah Boeckmann Romantic. (laughs)

Allen Segrist There.

Drew Edmondson There's a lot of different meanings but I know my guess.

25:30 Allen Segrist Okay. Now, do you hear some differences and how we are sad(ph) to use to think about it? What would you say? 'Coz there's, roses are so popular whatever you say you might there. (crosstalk)

25:40 Nathan West Yeah, that's what I think of rose.

Yeah.

Allen Segrist Yeah, okay. So, there might be something that comes more and more that has some sense. Okay, blue-green over here, red-orange.

25:50 Whatever(ph).

(inaudible ) I don't know. (crosstalk)

25:52 Blue-green.

Blue-green. (crosstalk)

(inaudible ), blue-green, I don't know.

25:55 Allen Segrist (laughing) Okay, any ideas about your choices with?

26:00 Nathan West I think of red and orange is just like fire and like... (crosstalk)

26:05 Yeah.

Nathan West ...fire(ph). (laughing) And blue-green is like peaceful, bitchy twin.

Allen Segrist Alright. This might get a little more complicated. Ah, kite of the, diamond-shaped kite, tail, wind, string.

26:15 Uh-huh.

26:20 Allen Segrist Kite, kite, tail, wind, string.

26:25 That's right.

Nathan West I'm going to.

Allen Segrist Were you missing, right? (laughing) What's it like to be the string then?

26:30 Nathan West 'Coz in like you connected to everything. You're with the kite, you're with the wind, and you're with the tail. So, like... (crosstalk)

26:35 Allen Segrist Okay.

Nathan West ...you can kinda go with everything or you can fall from photograph(ph). (laughing) I'm sure you're gonna float.

26:40 Allen Segrist But you are connected here, you're the connector though.

26:45 Nathan West We have connections.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

(inaudible )

26:48 Allen Segrist How about the tail?

Andrea Tordi I liked it 'coz it kind of ask more, I mean, it adds my personality to the kite and then the kite could be like just a plain little kite or something with a pretty tail but it's, kinda(ph) own personality... (crosstalk)

26:55 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi ... for you.

27:00 Allen Segrist How about kite?

Everybody looks at the kite. (laughing)

Haley Cordes I was thinking more of laid back just like kind of thing, you know.

27:05 Allen Segrist Just driving by the wind, yeah? (crosstalk)

27:10 Haley Cordes Yeah.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

(inaudible ) (crosstalk)

27:11 Haley Cordes Let it do it for you. (laughs)

Sarah Boeckmann Yeah.

Allen Segrist Ah, these are windier group the most, do you think, uh. (crosstalk)

27:15 Drew Edmondson Yeah.

Allen Segrist Alright, here's, uh, here's another one, uh, serious, fun-loving, casual, formal. You're fun-loving, how's fun-loving?

27:25 Andrea Tordi Optimistic.

Haley Cordes Yeah.

27:30 Allen Segrist Optimistic. (crosstalk)

Spontaneous, adventurous.

Haley Cordes Yeah. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes Outgoing another thing.

Allen Segrist So, you can be any of these other things... (crosstalk)

27:35 Haley Cordes Just like fun.

Allen Segrist ... you wanna be if you have to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh hmm.

Yeah. (crosstalk)

Yeah.

Allen Segrist Ah, okay. (crosstalk)

Haley Cordes Too serious is not like going to have fun but actually... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

27:40 Haley Cordes fun, you know. Happy. (crosstalk)

Nathan West But simply if you need to be serious, too.

Haley Cordes Yeah. (crosstalk)

Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes Like if you're so serious you miss a lot of fun. (crosstalk)

27:45 Nathan West Somebody, you are all alone.

Yeah, really.

Allen Segrist Well, this is another way and has got four parts and sometimes I was getting little abstract I'm afraid. Authority. I am authority, I want authority, I use authority, I avoid authority.

28:00 Drew Edmondson It depends on the situation.

Allen Segrist Yeah, I think.

Yeah.

28:05 Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Oh, what's this some?

Drew Edmondson 'Cause it's a lot.

Allen Segrist I, I am authority.

Janice Delucia-Waack Keep that thought, Drew.

Allen Segrist I am authority.

Janice Delucia-Waack Keep that thought, that's a good thought.

28:10 I am, I want, I use, I avoid.

Drew Edmondson (inaudible ) certain situation, I avoid.

28:12 I am, I want.

I.

Allen Segrist I am authority. What's it like to, for her to choose this? I'm not asking you to say that but. (crosstalk)

28:20 Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist What would, what would that be for, any of you to have chosen this?

28:25 She has one responsibility.

I think she's authority than the, a lot of things that she possibly cover.

28:30 Allen Segrist Yeah. (crosstalk)

Nathan West There's a lot of pressure on her, too.

Yeah.

Nathan West Like the way you're saying that.

28:35 Allen Segrist Okay. Well, how about you with I want authority? (inaudible ). (laughing)

28:42 Jessica Hall I didn't make.

Ronae Biddle (inaudible ) (laughs) Uhm, (clears throat) I don't know. I, I guess I like to have rules to follow. I don't like, I don't, I don't know.

28:50 Allen Segrist Say here, you're searching for some authority to help you. (crosstalk)

28:55 Ronae Biddle Okay. I don't know, I like organizations so I don't like it... (crosstalk)

29:00 Allen Segrist Okay.

... to be like chaotic, like you know. (crosstalk)

29:05 Allen Segrist And you make the organization happen?

Ronae Biddle Usually.

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Ronae Biddle I would like I was to be in between these two.

29:10 Allen Segrist Well, I use authority was it, now, does that have? (crosstalk)

Nathan West I thought of guys where it was like you use it.

29:15 I know. (crosstalk)

Drew Edmondson You could use authority to like, I don't know how you could use that on yourself but you can use that on yourself. And, uh, like you could use it on another people like being a leader on a team or like, uh, uh, cop in, you know, in the city or something.

29:30 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson Show leadership and so it goes along with the leader thing I think too.

Allen Segrist Now, over here we have those who say I avoid authority.

29:35 You know like I thought this is like use your own authority instead of like having somebody else like 'coz I don't know. Uhm, I think I'm pretty good on making decisions and stuff.

29:45 Cassandra Ellis Ah, I'm kinda at the middle of all these.

Sarah Boeckmann Yeah.

29:50 Allen Segrist Well, right, that's, yeah there's a piece for me and everyone on that positions.

Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Drew Edmondson Yes, but.

Guess, what do you mean?

29:55 Drew Edmondson But you gotta choose what you're doing... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Drew Edmondson ... if it's right.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think what you said earlier Drew was it depends on the situation, and that's the piece. You don't wanna say, (crosstalk)

30:00 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

30:00 Janice Delucia-Waack "I always, I want authority and I want somebody to tell me what to do." There are times when maybe you do wanna seek advice of authority. (crosstalk)

30:10 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And there's other times when you gotta use what's inside you to make that decision or you wanna just stay away from it and you've got to make it dependent on a situation.

30:15 Allen Segrist Alright, here's the center spot and, uh, if you would call that how near, how far are you in relationship to this center for the how have things have been learned(ph) for you within the group today.

30:30 Janice Delucia-Waack So, how connected is that we will? (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist How connected in the, and here's the center things and, uh, you know, do you feel near, do you feel far, you, really I did it some of these (inaudible ).

30:41 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh-huh.

Allen Segrist (laughs) These are what pass the door and close it?

30:45 Nathan West I'm not all the way up there.

Drew Edmondson I'm moving around.

Allen Segrist Okay. (crosstalk)

Haley Cordes I'll open the door. (laugh)

Allen Segrist (inaudible ).

30:49 Drew Edmondson I'm really (inaudible ) situations again.

30:51 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Drew Edmondson On the move like sometimes I'm up here and then I'm, I'm back here. (crosstalk)

30:55 Allen Segrist Okay. (crosstalk)

Cassandra Ellis Okay.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, you know, let me, let me ask another question is go back to where you were when you came in, when you first, when we first set... (crosstalk)

31:00 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...a circle tonight. Where do you think you were? (crosstalk)

31:05 Allen Segrist In another, in another position.

(inaudible ) chair. Great, yeah.

31:07 Nathan West This is like, you know, some (inaudible ).

31:10 Janice Delucia-Waack So, we all seem to move quite a bit. Some more than others but... (crosstalk)

31:15 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...how do we do that? What happened? What did you notice? What made you feel that you can move a little bit?

31:20 Drew Edmondson I got more comfortable with like you guys like, like to. (crosstalk)

31:25 Uh hmm. Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Can you be a little more specific Drew with the certain things that we said or things that we did, what, what were you checkin' out, what helped you feel a little bit better?

31:35 Drew Edmondson Well, just different, just getting comfortable like how you guys are getting run this and how we're gonna like respond to questions and... (crosstalk)

31:40 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson ...am I gonna sound stupid or somethin'. Just... (crosstalk)

31:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson ...stuff like that.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Okay.

Haley Cordes 'Coz everybody opening up, you know. (crosstalk)

Drew Edmondson Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Yeah.

Drew Edmondson Like the whole lens of the camera thing that I'd said earlier just didn't more of new clothes.

31:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm, uh hmm. And all of you are taking some risks and, you know, and, and just trying out some new behaviors in that, some of these questions were kinda tough to figure out where you gonna go, you know, or to kind of think about, "Hey, what am I gonna share and what am I gonna say? How am I gonna make sense of this?" And you all were doing that.

32:10 Janice Delucia-Waack So, welcome everybody. Thanks for coming. It's good to see you I know it's a little early this morning. Uhm, what I wanna do is just checkin' with people and see if you have any comments about what we did last night, any thoughts, anything that stands out particularly before we move on?

32:25 Andrea Tordi One thing that I thought yesterday was that (inaudible ) my friends are usually listener but when we're through but, you do both. You talk and we listens and we get to experience both sides of the story.

32:40 Janice Delucia-Waack What are the things that we talked about a lot of times when we talk with counselors is why groups work, uhm, differently than individual counseling and, and that's that piece is in individual counseling, you always feel like you're the one who's being helped. In a group, you get to learn how to help people as well as be helped and so it's that, uhm, reciprocity that works. Uh hmm. Well, we did some things to kinda get you to start to think last night. Uhm, you know, we had those, those exercises where you moved around and you had to think about who you were and those kinds of things. What, what we wanna try to do in group is, is a lot less kind of just talk about things and use metaphors and use stories and use creative arts and those kinds of things to, to get you involved, to make it a little bit more fun but I also think that metaphors and stories kinda give you a way to think about things sometimes, uhm, that are a little bit better than else to saying let's try this or whatever. So, I wanna read you something, uhm, it's a metaphor about a garden. Uhm, and I want you to just to listen to it and see what comes into your mind as I'm talking and reading and then we'll, we'll kinda go from there. It's called Pulling Weeds and Planting Flowers. Let's imagine it's a nice spring day and you wanna start a garden. You go out and you see that there are a lot of weeds. You put on your old comfortable clothes, get on some gardening gloves, kneel down and start pulling out those weeds. Soon, all those weeds are gone and you feel pleasantly tired but proud about what you've done. There's that old garden full of, full of weeds with the good dirt clearly visible again. So, you take off your gloves, you walk into the house, you sit down and you tell yourself what a nice garden you have. What's wrong with this picture? Of course, you say you have to plant some flowers. Well, groups are more than pulling up weeds and trying to get rid of the rocks and twigs that are covering up the good earth. It means planting flowers not just pulling up weeds. The whole purpose of removing yourself to fitting patterns of behavior, recognizing what hasn't worked is to start cultivating thoughts and behaviors that produce flowers. Get, getting rid of the problem areas is only the first step to growth and development. The real purpose of group is to help you get on with your life, to produce something good and worthwhile to grow flowers or fruit. Effective gardening does not stop after pulling out weeds. Interestingly, the old Greek words for peace are reign does not mean only absence of war, it means a time of productivity, of fertility, of tranquility. So, what do you think the message of that was? How was that a metaphor for what we're gonna do in group? Well, I think the reason that I liked it so much and I read it, uhm, a couple of years ago, was that I think a lot of times what happens in, in groups and even the kind of groups that, that you're gonna be doing in schools or that you might participate in schools is that that they focus on what people do wrong. You know, you're in an anger management group because you can't control your anger, uhm, and they don't focus on what people do well. We focus on the weeds and we don't focus on the flowers or the good stuff. Uhm, and I think that's why sometimes people get into group and they're like, "Well, this is all negative and this is all down and this what I do wrong." And so, I think what I like about this analogy is, is, is a couple of things. One of them is recognizing that not only do with what I change some things, uhm, but we want to plan some things. We wanna develop some new skills. We wanna teach them some new behavior. Everybody can learn to communicate better, everybody can learn some relationship skills, everybody can get along a little better or, or, resolve conflict better. And so, everybody has some weeds that they need to pull of and everybody has some flowers that they, they want to plant. Now, we're even gonna take this a little bit further this morning in a sense of I want everybody to think about what you're bringing to group? How you're gonna contribute because everybody has something unique, some skills, some strengths, some things we saw a lot of it last night. But we wanna make sure that we're pretty clear about what you're bringing to groups and that you feel good about contributing and Drew you, you did a nice lead in this morning in terms of you get to help people as well as, as, as you get some help in that way. And so, we wanna make sure that we're, we're pretty clear about that. Alright, what we're gonna do at this point is we're gonna let you work in pairs, we're gonna give you, you see our picture of, of the garden over there. We're gonna give you pictures of weeds and flowers and stones, uhm, and watering cans, uhm, and we're gonna let you label them for yourselves 'coz I, I think it's really helpful to have a visual representation. So, uhm, I, I think it's pretty clear. The flowers are gonna be the things that you wanna learn, uhm, that you wanna do differently. They can be behaviors, they can be thoughts, they can be feelings, they can be skills. You might, and somebody write, write trust management, somebody might write, uhm, to feel better about myself or to focus on the positive more, uhm, somebody might say I, I, I need to be able to identify my anger more quickly and then tell people when I'm angry as opposed to waiting and then exploding, you know, those, those might be some of, of your goals or, or they might be your weeds. Uhm, not paying attention to your anger might be your weed and your, your flower might be to, uhm, clearly figure out when you're angry or when you start getting angry and then saying that to somebody you're (coughs) expressing it in that way. What do you think the stones would represent in this metaphor? What, what, what's, what happens when you have a stone in your garden?

38:05 We tossed them.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. And why do you do that? (crosstalk)

38:10 It get in the way kinda thing.

Janice Delucia-Waack It gets in the way. Exactly. Exactly. (coughs) So, if we were talking about what kinds of stones might get in the way of our garden. It's just generally not specifically yours but what, what, what, what we, what we maybe label our some of the stones?

38:30 That they're like a fight or something like that.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

38:35 Nathan West Judgments.

Janice Delucia-Waack Judgments, okay. Judgments we make about ourselves or other people, peer pressure maybe.

38:40 Fears.

Janice Delucia-Waack Fears. Uh hmm. Okay. Okay, hurry. What do you think, we're, we're talking about watering cans. What do you think the watering cans would represent?

38:50 To help you in a group.

38:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Exactly. Good. What I wanna do is we're gonna do this and then we're gonna put them up on the board because we want a real visual representation of what are weeds are and what are flowers are and what are our watering cans are. Okay. So, why don't we get into, to, dialogues again. Why don't you pick somebody that you didn't work with last night. We're gonna give you about 15 minutes, uhm, we're gonna give you a markers and, and stuff to, to write. So, why don't you, you can move your chairs around a little bit. We're gonna get you some pictures and then what we're gonna do is have you label your flowers and weeds and watering cans and stones and then share them with the person, uhm, that you're sitting next to. So, let me go and get those.

39:30 (inaudible )

39:32 Oh, it's bad. (laughing)

Hungry or thirst?

39:35 Do you feel we're giving on (inaudible )?

39:39 Yes, I, I think that probably is. (crosstalk)

39:40 (inaudible )

39:41 You think differently, you feel differently (inaudible ).

39:45 Or, uhm.

(inaudible )

39:49 Allen Segrist (inaudible )

39:50 Understanding these labels, of course, (inaudible )

39:54 (inaudible )

39:55 (inaudible )

40:05 (inaudible )

40:10 (inaudible )

40:15 (inaudible )

40:20 (inaudible )

40:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Alright. Alright. Well, let's, let's talk a little a bit about, uhm, some of the things that you wrote down and, and you can feel free to share as much or as little as you, as you want. Uhm, well let's start over the positives. So, let's start with the watering cans.

40:35 Nathan West And my watering cans cannot fall within each other 'coz I'm not too good at putting myself in other people shoes and my other one is acceptance, (coughing) acceptable because I can put myself in the shoes and I might, you might not think that I have known or I haven't been through that but I'll make sure that I put myself or put myself or to think about a time where I might have been like that and it makes me more accepting and I try and think okay well, and we both kinda have like the same thing. I've learned that a lot of ours can rephrase them and then most like accepting.

41:10 Drew Edmondson I put on this, uh, like kinda fall under the same thing too like I try to be like happy and carefree, easygoing and I was trying to make people happy and try to be easy to talk to. So, I, I can be like a friend and help them if they need help or you know just there for me. That's me.

41:30 Well, I'm probably peaceful such peacemaker because I'm pretty good like I try to avoid gentlemen like I was not like one of my things. I don't like it. I think it's, you know, it kind of pointless. So, as much as, you know, (inaudible ) as you can get and I'm pretty a calm person, too. So, that's what I try to do just like, you know, my friends they're gonna like start big fight but I like, yeah, no, (inaudible ). Yeah, just trying make it all like, uh, I don't know. It is like I'm not really used for it sometimes, I mean, (crosstalk)

42:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

42:10 I guess, it's gonna be like gayer feelings on everything but like turn into a big thing and make a big scene or anything like that. It's just not, uh, it's not really me. So. (crosstalk)

42:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Good, good. Okay. You can, you can use that here. We, one of the things that I think is, is helpful a lot of times is that balance between feelings and behavior. And, and I think what you're talking about is the strong as everybody gets into the feelings and then they never change the behavior, you know. It's just more fun to be angry. (crosstalk)

42:35 Yeah, and they get into (inaudible ). (crosstalk)

42:38 Janice Delucia-Waack Then you get to, exactly. Other people go immediately into the solution and never acknowledge the feelings.

42:40 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack And so, what we'll trying to do is do a little bit of both here. Okay, what are the feelings so we can figure out what needs to be changed? About let's do both. Good. So, we're gonna call on you that at some point in time. Keep us from being too dramatic and too caught up in the feeling. Good, good. Okay. Okay. Well, let's pu, put them up on the board.

43:00 (inaudible )

43:04 Janice Delucia-Waack Alright, a little (inaudible ). Katie, I love that necklace.

43:10 Katie Buschman (inaudible ) my mom .

43:11 All of the bonus thing.

(inaudible )

43:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, great. Alright. Let, let's talk about our flowers now. What do we want to plant? Or what we'd like to keep if you got some good skills and if you think you're good at, at conflict resolution or in peacemaking or stress management. Those might be the things that you wanna keep doing as well. But how do you wanna be different at the end of the day? What flowers do you want to?

43:35 Katie Buschman I said, actually, I will be more understanding (inaudible ) is I think and I'll be glad to really understood (inaudible ) somebody else as if where they are.

43:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Good.

Casey Houser I don't know if I wanna kind of deal with conflicts. I'm really bad at conflicts and I, I don't know like, I always like, I'm scared I guess. I don't like doing that and I wanna make new friends like we'll always be (inaudible ).

44:04 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. So, I hear you're gonna deal with conflicts and makes some new friends.

44:10 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Good. Okay.

Nathan West Mine is not piling my mistakes like and also not care about my parents as much like that's a big thing. It kinda ruin you I guess 'coz you get obsessed with it. You always think you always have to look this way all the time then you never get to like know who you realy are, you know, you never get to just what is yourself, you don't even know because you're so caught up in I have to wear this shirt or I have to, has to sing this song and has to do that. And then, with the piling on my mistakes, I'll mess up one time and then I'll put it aside or whatever and then I'll wait awhile and now pile all back up. Let us say, I did some stupid at school and then I'm like okay, whatever then a week later I'd seen at lunch to go by myself (coughs) and when I get home I'll sit there and I think, "Wow." Did I ask that notion about myself? I have no friends. Only last week I did this and everybody thought I was stupid and on a week before I mess up on this and, so, I just pile that all up and I get really, really low. I don't just deal with it a time, I just push it aside. So, I'm really bad at that.

45:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Can I get you to, to reframe that? Let's think positively, flowers you wanna plant. So, instead... (crosstalk)

45:20 Nathan West (inaudible )

45:24 Janice Delucia-Waack ...of piling up your mistakes, so, what do you wanna do?

45:25 Nathan West Uhm, not make mistakes but. (laughing)

45:30 Janice Delucia-Waack (inaudible ) Let, let's have a pick. Let's, let's reframe this I mean this is part of the, I think, you know, what we tell in ourselves in our negative self-taught causes a lot of problems for us. So, how can we change that statement to be a positive statement? Not piling up mistakes.

45:50 We're kind of deal with mistakes that actually make our own life not making such a big deal like... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

45:55 ...who cares if you're going stupid like everybody does (inaudible ).

45:57 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. So, more accepting upon mistakes.

46:00 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Haley Cordes I try to look at the bright side and know there is like sometimes no bright side among mistake but I always think all could be worst or, you know what I mean. And how it varies some kind of thing. So, I don't know.

46:10 Uh hmm.

Hailey Cordes Maybe not to... (crosstalk)

46:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...feel, as bad about it and/or.

Janice Delucia-Waack Good. What else? What other flowers are we gonna plant?

46:20 Andrea Tordi One of my flowers is, uhm, no fear to speak out. No, I mean, even in talking or (inaudible ) still little nerve-wracking for me but I wanna be held, uh, know that, I, I know what I'm believing but it's like being able to go out there and say, "This is what I am and this it," is more difficult for me.

46:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. So can you?

46:45 Andrea Tordi Uhm, for then positive. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack What other, what other positive? Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi Uhm, just be able to say what I think and not worry about what people think about it.

46:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, okay. Good.

46:55 Ronae Biddle Mine was kinda like Andrea's that said uhm, I'm(ph) becoming more comfortable like sharing personal thoughts and feelings like in a group because a lot of times like uhm, (inaudible ) like I'm a good listener, like I'm really good at listening to people but a lot of time I won't say anything, I'll just listen, so that was what my things that I would like to go better.

47:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. And I think one of the things that we'll talk about of a very sense(ph) today is, is kinda figuring out what keeps you from sayin' it. Sometimes it's, it's you feeling uncomfortable and you saying I don't have any important thing to say or people aren't gonna listen to me, sometimes it's fine(ph) what you got from people. This is isn't safe to say this or and so, maybe we can check some of that stuff out. Probably it would be helpful if we have at least one flower from everybody so we kinda know as we go through how we can help you.

47:40 Cassandra Ellis (Coughs) I kinda like what Andrea says like I wanna do more, confident with myself like I know how I feel but I wanna be able to just like say it and not worry about what people are thinking.

47:55 Drew Edmondson Uhm, I, I guess I want to better understand my fears and like how to react with them like sometimes I will just be like really irrational when I like, and so I guess, it's like I just want a better like, react better 'coz sometimes I act too emotional, I guess.

48:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson Sort of react better to me(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

48:15 Cassandra Ellis I guess, I don't know, I like making friends and like just meeting new people and stuff so like, I don't know, sometimes it's a little hard because high school is so big so you can't really, really get around to everybody and you all kinda like stick to your basic friends that you always, like you just have your certain friends that you hang out with but I like, more(ph) of kinda like my grade and like just go to different groups or whatever 'coz(ph) you know, it's kind of better 'coz it's like you see how like, you can see the difference. There's a big difference between certain people so I'm(ph) just kinda like interesting, I think and... (crosstalk)

48:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Cassandra Ellis you know, some people can like what, despite what you may think they really like really great just like you know, sometimes you got that little you know, bias and had about certain people but there are, they get totally I'm worried(ph) about how you're wrong, sometimes.

49:00 Janice Delucia-Waack So, maybe being a little bit more open?

49:05 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack And maybe taking a few more risk and trying to think about meeting some new people then?

49:10 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Uh hmm.

49:15 Cassandra Ellis That's how what I feel about groups like that's why I like to be involved 'coz you can meet new people, you know what I mean? People you don't see down the hall everyday or whatever.

49:20 Janice Delucia-Waack So let's talk about weeds, what are we gonna get rid of? What negative thoughts? What negative behaviors? You know, and a lot of times what happens is that with weeds is they worked(ph) for a little while they were okay.

49:35 D'you understand?

Haley Cordes Uhm, one of my weeds is patience, like I don't have good patience at all, like I'm really bad about it and uhm, I feel like I need to be more patient to be stress free kind of.

49:55 Casey Houser I also had patience 'coz I feel like uh, like with people that don't have patience with are the people who are closes to me and like I feel like I jump on their back like, if they don't get toned down right now, like I can get mad and like, then I feel bad because they are like the closest people in my life but I yelled at them for not getting stuffed done and then another one is money spending habits because I'm really bad at that. Like I need to stop (inaudible ). (laughs)

50:25 Drew Edmondson Uhm, one of my weeds like sometimes I feel like I got to be good in everything I do and like I got to give a 150 percent in everything I do, schoolwork, football, sports, everything and I just want you know to get rid of them. That kind of also relates to my stones too, so... (crosstalk)

50:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Haley Cordes I think your a, tell you I think it's okay to give your 150 percent all the time because I, I've got a new job(ph) but that doesn't mean that you have to be good at everything, you know what I mean? (crosstalk)

50:55 Drew Edmondson Oh yeah, I know what you mean.

Haley Cordes Like, you can be like your not gonna be perfect to everything you do, you know but, I mean, like ri, like being in sports I can relate to that like, you made a commitment so you wanna be the best you can be but you can only be so good, you know what I mean? So.

51:15 Drew Edmondson Yeah.

Andrea Tordi One of my weeds kind of relates to Drew's and, that I have self pressure and, pressure in academics and pressure in softball and even in showfire(ph) like have to be on top of dancing or something like that and they do just(ph) understand that... (crosstalk)

51:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi ...what I do, what I give 100 percent is gonna be enough.

51:35 Jessica Hall I don't have that downfall on my weeds but that would be one if I had a third weeds if I don't. (laughs) But yeah, uhm one of the ones(ph) that I did have those uhm, like holding on the anger like when me and my friend get in a fight like we don't talk about it but we'll let it go and then like we'll get another fight like a week later, I don't(ph) like I still bring out my old feelings about well, I'm mad at you for this, I'm mad at you for that and it's like I need you start on the billing(ph) okay, it's over, it happen, it's done, let it go.

52:05 Cassandra Ellis I don't know how I guess the way I think about it but if I get mad you know, I tell over(ph) as much as possible (inaudible ) people like sit down and talk it out and you know, how do you feel about this and like explain and what you can do to make it better. It's just more of like it happened, there's no use crying about it, you know like crying is like it make it better so, just you know let it go and you know I, I guess like you ought to be able to talk about it but I know I think if I like talk about it really ex, explode and say things I don't want to so I think it's just better just for, for me at least to let, just let it, you know, I'll put(ph), if I sleep it off you know... (crosstalk)

52:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Cassandra Ellis ...uh, so what I was (inaudible ) you just sleep it off.

52:50 Nathan West That's really interesting 'coz that's, mean the opposite. (crosstalk)

Cassandra Ellis Is it?

Nathan West I'm the one that, I'm the one that asks to sit down and say okay, why do you feel this way like just talk to me about it and it's really hard when the people are that way and say... (crosstalk)

53:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Nathan West ...uh, just let me just, just get over you know and I'm just think well, I can't get over it until I'm positive that like you are over and then you try talk to them about and I say "Well, just don't worry about it." What you do right about it it's like they were your friend and it's really hard when they don't wanna talk to you about it 'coz, and I'm always stock with well, I wanna talk about it, it still, I need to know how to do that, how to just be that way and accept people to say, well, I just don't want to talk about it, that's over(ph).

53:25 Cassandra Ellis No, I just like feel bad though 'coz I know like, (inaudible ) you know, you got to, somebody says like hey, I don't want to be your friend anymore and you(ph) wonder why, they get you frustrated and I'm like you know, looks like one of those happy go lucky people calm, don't let really anybody mad at 'em or anything though you know sometimes you just like you don't want to explain it, just yeah, you just wanna, you just wanna let go, that's basically what it is, you seemed like oh, I wanna forget about it like I(ph) make sure... (crosstalk)

53:55 Haley Cordes You know, tell them I (inaudible ) like I just want to be happy so, but sometimes it, it's really bad 'coz I'm just like okay, if it like, if it bothers me I'm not gonna be happy but then like after a while you get like really upset... (crosstalk)

54:10 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

Haley Cordes ...like one day and your like uh, and you still don't know how to get it out because you bring out stuff like from a long time ago... (crosstalk)

54:15 Uh huh..

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...and I'm like, what? But like, I understand were your coming from, were(ph) just keep it in and get over it because you don't want to(ph) like make it a big deal like you wanna avoid drama(ph). Let's say just(ph) whatever, I'm trying to be the mature one here.

54:30 Cassandra Ellis Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, well, and it sounds like at least the three of you can kinda help each other and work on this in the sense of trying to figure out it, I mean I'm thinking about pick your balance(ph). When is the important stuff that you need to say to your friends you know that you hurt my feelings, I really need you to be different and when we have to sometime say, you know what, just let it go.

54:45 Allen Segrist Uhm, whatever we take just to kind of put a little warmth in there would be you know, hey, I, I realize that I'm bothering you right now but you know, I need to do this for myself. Maybe that would be more understanding 'coz it would(ph) be an understatement perhaps. But if it's cold like hey, I don't care, were done, you know uh, that's how we always start(ph) to thing.

55:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser I'm the exact opposite of you all I wanna is go to sleep and like even if that other person like wants me to say something like I know I should and I, I can say well, alright, in my head I know what I should say and like I, I can think about what I wanna say but I just can't say it like I'm not good with comfort like even if it's like the biggest like if it, even if it is like really big deal and like the other persons like really mad at me or, and it's my fault like I still don't know what to say like, I can say I'm sorry but I can't explain why like, I don't know why, I just can't do that, I just want to go to sleep.

55:50 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, and, and a lot of things that we wanna do today are really getting you to think about what you want in a relationship, what does bother you, what makes you feel uncomfortable and the stuff that you tell yourself and you expla, you still gonna make a choice about whether you share it or not, sometimes you own(ph) to it and sometimes your not. And then maybe... (crosstalk)

56:05 Allen Segrist So Nath(ph), gave you a cue earlier that though(ph) he said, were(ph) he said, one of this predicaments is piling things up, we did not even know that and you could suggest to him hey(ph), now, I'd worry if you start piling this things up, I am burned out(ph), it's me and I just have to go take care of myself right now.

56:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist But don't, don't think, don't start thinking big pile's(ph) a bad day.

56:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Alright. Well, I think this is gonna come up again and again (coughs) these days as we do some things but let's, let's hang up our weeds and our flowers right now.

56:35 Flowers.

56:40 Flowers.

Flowers over here.

Oh.

Yeah.

(inaudible ).

56:41 (inaudible ).

56:42 (inaudible )

56:43 Janice Delucia-Waack Alright. Stones, rocks, pebbles, whatever we want to call them.

56:45 Drew Edmondson Rocks... (crosstalk)

Stones...

56:50 Drew Edmondson ...kinda go together uh, it's like peer pressure and like pressure from my parents (coughs), the school I belong, like my good at everything weed or whatever was like... (crosstalk)

57:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson ...like, like my parents really want me to see succeed like be the best like, I mean it's good but it's like, sometimes they like over do it and like warns you like starting varsity as a freshman or stuff like that, why don't you have like A pluses when you have like A's and stuff like that and it's just really hard and like your friends are like, oh, why do you always listen to your parents and like it's just lot of pressure.

57:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

57:30 Haley Cordes Yeah. And(ph) like that goes back to like sharing your feelings with what's on their(ph) mind like I, it's like a fear sharing my feelings because I don't want her make 'em mad or but like with grades like when you get that A's your excited but then your parents like where is the A+ and your like (coughs) it's great you wanna tell them you know, mom, dad I'm working my hardest, you know what I mean.

57:50 Casey Houser One of my stones is fear of trust I guess with things I've gone through in my life and family and friends like it's really hard for me to open up and trust someone and like telling my secrets like I really don't really like sharing any of my secrets... (crosstalk)

58:05 Haley Cordes They talk to each other, about people.

Casey Houser ...anybody 'coz it always seems to backfire when I really do that so, that's one of my fear, I think stones, I don't know... (crosstalk)

58:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, you know, tahnk you for sharing that. (crosstalk)

Casey Houser Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack I mean that's, that's pretty important.

58:20 Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi I think sometimes I'm kind of opposite of Casey like sometimes I always think oh well, they seemed like a nice person I can, I can trust them and there's... (crosstalk)

58:25 Yeah.

Andrea Tordi ...no problem and then I don't you know, until I (inaudible ) sensitive enough for my goal that was fine (inaudible ) I think about what goal, what if they go say this or what if I'm really couldn't trust them but I did. Sometimes that's my problem jumping into trusting them without thinking about stuff like might happen.

58:45 Ronae Biddle See, I'm a lot like that, I trust everybody very much... (crosstalk) ?

58:50 Too much.

Ronae Biddle ...that's(ph) just like, I don't know uhm, like I can be trusted and so I assume that everybody else can be and a lot of time... (crosstalk)

58:55 Andrea Tordi Yeah.

Yeah.

Ronae Biddle ...that's not the case and I do all the time though.

59:00 Allen Segrist So the word fear, that three of you mentioned somebody else said it uh, and uh, I was wondering, what do you do with fear?

59:10 Nathan West I guess it depends on what it is and there's different kinds like some kinda fears spiders and it's not like as big of a deal as a fear of being hurt in a relationship.

59:20 Yeah.

59:25 Casey Houser I think you like go(ph) as a person your gonna have to try to work on your fears and like try to get over on like... (crosstalk)

59:30 Haley Cordes Before (inaudible ).

59:34 Casey Houser Yeah. We ought to grow like ad learn, like I think gro(ph), like if you overcome a fear you, that's when you learn the most about yourself and like you learn how strong you are and how you, how you deal with things and stuff.

59:45 Andrea Tordi Just like Casey like if you don't make, might, might be afraid of making a mistake but if you don't make the mistakes and how you're gonna learn from it. (crosstalk)

59:55 Yeah.

Andrea Tordi If you always play it safe then, you're never get, I mean to something big that's gonna figure(ph), we're gonna not, know what to do because you never experience something like that.

01:00:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist So it can be something that you can confront it, you can deal with it... (crosstalk)

01:00:10 Yeah.

Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...you can face it uh, (crosstalk)

01:00:15 Nathan West If you don't you'll never know if you're always scared of it. (crosstalk)

Yeah.

Nathan West Like it was a relationship thing, and you were always thinking oh, I want somebody else but then you never do because you're scared of it then you're like never gonna know what it's like, I don't know.

01:00:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm. Well, in group it's a good place to make notice of some of these fears you know, that(ph) if you have something to say but you're noticing that you're holding back and you're not saying it, this is a good place to think about, is it me? Well, I'm not share this with anybody else or there's something that happens in this group as there something that somebody said or does somebody remind me of somebody and so it makes me uncomfortable about sharing this.

01:00:55 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack That maybe worth a, a five or ten minute conversation for us about what happens for us or am I afraid if I say this people won't like me or they will judge me or they'll label me. Let's check that out and see, is that really true? Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

01:01:05 Casey Houser Sometimes you don't know what you fear like... (crosstalk)

01:01:10 Haley Cordes Yeah.

Casey Houser ...sometimes like, I used to never really have relationships with anybody and I didn't know why and then finally, I just let myself go and open myself up to someone and I have finally figured out that my fear is commitment and like I have a big fear of that and once I let myself go like it was such a big relief because I grew as a person and I figure out one of my faults and I try to go on and try to work on my fear.

01:01:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Can I put you on the spot for a minute Casey...

Casey Houser Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Can you tell me a little bit what was the fear commitment? What would happen if you committed to somebody?

01:01:45 Casey Houser Uh, I just felt like if I committed to man(ph) they're gonna let me down like... (crosstalk)

01:01:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Casey Houser ...that if I open myself of that(ph) I would, they would either tell my secrets to someone or they would like betray me somehow. (crosstalk)

01:02:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser And I was scared of that and I didn't wanna go through that.

Janice Delucia-Waack Did that happened?

01:02:10 Casey Houser Yeah, it's happened before, that's probably why I'm scared of it.

01:02:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm. And I think it goes that to that idea that you have to figure out who you can trust and who you can't?

01:02:20 Casey Houser Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack It's not about commitment, it's about the people that are involved... (crosstalk)

Casey Houser Yeah.

01:02:25 Janice Delucia-Waack ...in it. Uh hmm.

Casey Houser You see a lot of understanding like there's a lot of contrast like people have directly opposite views but they understand where that person is coming from and... (crosstalk)

01:02:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser ...you can learn from each other like having the opposite views you can learn how to kinda meet in the middle.

01:02:40 Exactly.

Janice Delucia-Waack We had 10 people who were talking like Nathan in terms of I have to be perfect all the time and dah, dah, dah, it would be hard to come up with strategies to combat them because your also ingrained in it so we need those differences. That's what's really need about groups is, is you want people to compliment each other... (crosstalk)

01:02:55 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack you compliment different perspectives.

01:03:00 Yeah. Great.

Janice Delucia-Waack What was... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist I like to tell(ph) that some people can, have extended to others 'coz you know I, I've heard clients go across the circle here.

01:03:10 Haley Cordes That's us(ph)... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist I like to help you, I like to understand you.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

01:03:15 Nathan West I really like the point that I, I think it was one or two of you made that, to understanding things to you is that if you personally have been through it at least you have friend kinda like you're(ph) thing I had a friend that do the same thing and so it was kinda interesting you know, and you wouldn't have known that had didn't know, or if we didn't come here or something. (crosstalk)

01:03:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm. What was it like to identify this weeds, this flowers, this watering cans, to write it down to share it? Was it easier to share it with one person (coughs) or was it tough(ph)? But what was it like, I think some of you struggled a little bit.

01:03:45 Andrea Tordi I think it was interesting that once we start like, I mean at first is kind of slower startin' (inaudible ) but then once you realize that oh well, uhm, my feelings was just like that or, I like(ph) the opposite feelings of that person, your able to get out and talk about it in having conversation of it because someone knows what your feeling like or they're the other side of the feeling.

01:04:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes I like talking about like weeds or whatever with a bunch of people because like I could give feedback to Nathan or you know what I mean like, I got feedback and you know that you know what I mean, your not perfect, you have stuff to work on but other people can help you, you know what I mean? And that sounds like cool about friends and relationships and stuff, you know you have those people to help you and you help them.

01:04:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

01:04:35 Casey Houser I think it's kind of a relief to like identify things about yourself that you like and that you don't like so you know what your good at and what you need to work on and you, your not going to do that on a day to day basis with your friends but if you like sit down in a group and you identify this things and like you talk about it then it's easier to grow as a person.

01:04:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, I'd like to think about what we do in group is probably not what you do normally on a daily basis... (crosstalk)

01:05:00 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...but sometimes you can use the strategy. Sometimes when your having a bad day you need to sit down and say you know, what are my watering cans, how can I help other people? What am I good at and what am I telling myself that's not good.

01:05:10 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So you don't do it everyday but hopefully we're teaching you some things that when you need 'em, you'll use 'em.

01:05:20 Andy Horne So what I were ask to do today is talk a little bit about how the first session went last night and then talk about how the first session went this morning in the second session uh, this morning. So, what I, I uh, wanted to observe is that last night you did a really nice job of getting the, the group set up, having the uh, students come together and what a delightful group of students they were. They are so energetic and so, so enthuse and one of the first things that you did was you talk to them about uhm, the swimming pool metaphor were you said let's talk about how things work with a swimming pool and they joined in very quickly to start talking about well in the swimming pool you have guidelines or rules that we have to live with and it's interesting to watch because they actually begin generating the rules themselves. You suggested this will be a good thing to do but, then they start to say, well, you know like uh, with the diving board you don't want two people on the diving board at once and uh, then they... (crosstalk)

01:06:15 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne ...started talking about yeah, you, I think uh, you brought up the shallow and you, you don't always be in the shallow but you also wanna be careful in the deep and, so it was really interesting to watch how that began to develop and then the uh, next thing that uh, uh, uh, seem to happen was that uhm, you begin talking to them about uh, activities to do and uh, Al you had a series of movement activities and ask them to uh, to go through them and it was enjoyable to watch because you could see that even though you didn't explain in detail, (laughs) you know it's like you know, here and there, where are you and, and... (crosstalk)

01:06:50 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne ...they move very quickly so I think a number of counselors when they are beginning to do group or have a fear that it won't work and yet you got up and said, let's do this and it will work and it did. (crosstalk)

01:07:00 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne And so it's possible to watch the process happening very well and the students would look a little confused, they look at each other and then said, okay, I don't know what this strange people up to but we'll do it and they went and did the work very effectively and ... (crosstalk)

01:07:15 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...as you begin, began to be a little more detailed with the activities they began to be more engaged in 'em and it was kinda fun... (crosstalk)

01:07:20 Yeah.

Andy Horne ...as they uh, uh, stayed connected so uhm, the last one that you did with them uh, I thought was kind of uh, fun because you did the uh, centering were you said here is the center of the group, where are you and they came together and there were some yeah, out further and some closer and then you, Janice ask on where were you when you started and they move further back out and, then they started talking around and you can see some recognition reflects on their parts like, yeah, yeah, we are in here now and earlier we're right here because we didn't know what to expect... (crosstalk)

01:07:50 Allen Segrist Hmm.

Andy Horne ...and so, it, it was really nice to see this happening, so, the combination of activities you had last ni, night with the, the name game, they talked about that as, I've got a sense of individuality and I'm connected here, people know me and yet I'm unique. You had the uh, guidelines, the rules that brought them together as a group, they start to say, yeah, this is, we agree with this, there begun to be deve, developing a sense of cohesion with the activities you could see the connectedness and say in, I see were I am with you and were I'm separate from you, I can see how were complimentary or how we're unique and so the whole process of last night was interesting to watch and as we finished you could just see the enthusiasm for coming back today, it's like... (crosstalk)

01:08:30 Allen Segrist Yeah. Yeah.

Andy Horne ...yeah this is good. So, did you have any thoughts on you know, the cumulative events of last night that you wanted to share or observations you wanted to make?

01:08:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, I think that's a good point because I think you do have to have their balance at group but particularly for adolescents. That first session has got to provide that structure of here's how it's gonna work and here's what our rules are. Confidentiality is so important but you don't wanna bore them. (crosstalk)

01:08:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And so you've got to have something that's fun and engaging but at the same time be clear about how it's gonna work so that they know and so it really is, it is a balance... (crosstalk)

01:09:05 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...otherwise, they're not gonna wanna come back.

Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist And it was, maybe it's a nice contrast moving in to this morning session 'coz they could kinda sit in their chair at the outset... (crosstalk)

01:09:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...and it may not work too hard is be the first to say something... (crosstalk)

01:09:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...a little slow but last night after they had been in the sense in my term I guess, energize... (crosstalk)

01:09:25 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...by being up in their feet and moving around, you know, their mouths just started to work in just (laughs) pretty effectively... (crosstalk)

01:09:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

01:09:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...connecting to ideas uh, getting different thoughts about it.

Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm. Now this morning you chose to have them mixed up a little bit so they weren't seated quite the same way with that, that was uh, to begin to provide different opportunities for them to interact with others... (crosstalk)

01:09:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Then I said to one of 'em too, you know, I think the whole ideas were gonna try out new behaviors... (crosstalk)

01:09:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...and if you sit in the same place every time then you kinda get stock in your old patterns so we're really... (crosstalk)

01:10:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

01:10:00 Janice Delucia-Waack ...trying to remind them that were gonna move them around again uhm, because we really want them to keep sitting next to new people but also sitting in new chairs to remind them that we're gonna try new stuff out.

01:10:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Yeah, I kinda watching to see how two people paired up and there's still kind of pick in the person beside 'em... (crosstalk)

01:10:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist more so than they are the going to cross the room to a new person for their... (crosstalk)

01:10:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist for their life experience.

01:10:25 Andy Horne Yeah.

Allen Segrist So, that would be something I encourage them to be... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist more conscious about.

01:10:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Well, we're going to see more of this happen but uh, the second session that you just completed and that uh, that has happened you had the metaphor (coughs) of the garden and it was interesting to watch how quickly the students identified with uh, with the, the metaphor... (crosstalk)

01:10:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...and begin to think in those metaphorical terms were you, you talked about with the uh, the watering of pail you know... (crosstalk)

01:10:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...and the, the fertilizer, the enrichment, you talked about the weeds and the flowers, you've got the stones... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

01:11:00 Andy Horne ...and so it's kind of interesting to see if they'll go, what are you talking about? (laughs) But, in fact they didn't, each of them just seem to go, okay... (crosstalk)

01:11:05 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...uh, I understand and they begin to identify what you were asking for with that and so, writing(ph) go through each of the uh, activities that you did uh, I wanna observe with you that what seem to be happening was they started talking out uhm, about saying, well yes, uh, I need to be more empathic or yes I'd like to be happy to find a friend and yes I need to be more open and uh, this are characteristics I have but as you went through the activities and the talk begin to develop more fully, several things seemed to be occurring. One, was they begin to personalized change that might be important for them and instead of uh, being an academic exercise were they said, well, a flower would be this, that or the others like well, in my life one of the things, ways... (crosstalk)

01:11:55 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne ...that I need to be growing is, (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne and they begin to talk about that much more personally, in fact this uh, as the process went on there was greater and greater depth to their sharing of their experiences with friends, with people that they had been friends with and had moved on to different ways of relating to them. Now, I was just kind of wondering uh, is this fairly consistent with your experiences in doing the groups like this?

01:12:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think this is certainly a really good group and this kids are pretty verbal and, and you know, for all of us it's a pretty self aware... (crosstalk)

01:12:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...but I also do think that this metaphor is really powerful. What I've seen is groups will develop their own metaphors but because you have a such a sure(ph) group, you have seven or eight sessions, they might not find the metaphor till session five, six or seven if we can give them a metaphor it speeds up this process and it does, it's that projection or that identification or whatever... (crosstalk)

01:12:50 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...that helps them personalize it so I do think that, that metaphor is real powerful... (crosstalk)

01:12:55 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...in getting them connected in some way. (crosstalk)

01:13:00 Allen Segrist Yeah, yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack It's a common language.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack We all have something that we can talk about.

01:13:05 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Well, I think the evidence is written... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Right.

Allen Segrist ...on each of those up on the wall.

01:13:10 Andy Horne Uh-huh.

Allen Segrist Uh, that's how thoughtful they are uh, uh, serious it is or personalize it is.

01:13:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist So, yeah it's, it's effective thing in, in a very kind, quick kind of thing.

01:13:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well(ph), and I also think what happen sometimes in some of these psychoeducational groups is people say, okay, our goal is communication skills so that's our group goal so everybody has their goal. But, everybody has different communication skills that maybe they need to develop or maybe different situations... (crosstalk)

01:13:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...and it's really as helpful for everybody to make that I statement, this is how I wanna be different... (crosstalk)

01:13:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

01:13:45 Janice Delucia-Waack ...this is what I, there's somethin' about saying it to the group, there's something about internalizing it and that everybody else know... (crosstalk)

01:13:50 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...so that they can help each other. We sometimes, because we assumed that we have a group goal, we don't spend enough time doing the individual goals... (crosstalk)

01:13:55 Andy Horne Right. Right.

Janice Delucia-Waack and that goal setting is really important... (crosstalk)

01:14:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...because look how much information we got and how (laughs) many connections?

01:14:05 Andy Horne Yes that is... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Yes that is... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack ...that feeling of I'm not alone, I have this same issues or somebody can help me with this, this is really great, was this real powerful? (crosstalk)

01:14:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

01:14:15 Janice Delucia-Waack You could see them making those connections.

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne So, if you think of the therapeutic factors of group work, already we can see them in operation you can see... (crosstalk)

01:14:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne ...the uh, the togetherness develop and you can see the uh, connectedness, you can see the, we are here and we're dealing with our issues.

01:14:30 Janice Delucia-Waack The universality... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Is there.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Hmm. The installation of hope I mean, (crosstalk)

01:14:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack and I think the other thing is the altruism. They realize, I can help somebody else... (crosstalk)

01:14:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...somebody get something out of this troop but I can help somebody else... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Right. Yeah. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack ...which I don't think teenagers have sometimes.

01:14:45 Andy Horne Yeah, yeah. So, where do we go next?

Janice Delucia-Waack We're gonna start lookin' at uhm, how people develop their feelings, maybe one of rational beliefs, what they're telling themselves, we're gonna look at that process of... (crosstalk)

01:14:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...how do they feel which I think is gonna be great because they really talked about... (crosstalk)

01:15:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...what they're telling themselves, (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...their internal behavior... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Oh... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack ...how that feels (laughs) and, and, and I think anybody can relate to it but these, these uhm, kids certainly has some other stuff goin' on. (crosstalk)

01:15:10 Andy Horne Yeah. You, you've got some great material to work with from what they've already said. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Yes. Oh, exactly.

Andy Horne That's fantastic.

Janice Delucia-Waack Yes. And we did ask them to, to generate some ideas so we have some things that they're willing to talk about but we don't have to call them by name.

01:15:20 Andy Horne Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack We have kind of buckets and things like that we... (crosstalk)

01:15:25 Andy Horne Right.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...can pull out if ever we need them.

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne This is going to be good.

Janice Delucia-Waack So, good... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Andy Horne So, let's move on.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Well, let's get started again. Uhm, I think we set some good goals this morning and really started to talk about things we might wanna do differently, so, what are we gonna move in to now is talkin' about, thinking and feeling and behaving uhm, because sometimes we get mixed up in those kinds of things uhm, so I wanna give you some situations, don't, don't put too much thought into this, let's go through this pretty quickly, let's do true/false. Okay? Uhm, your friend take CD of yours and breaks this, this makes you absolutely furious. True or false?

01:16:00 Right(ph).

Yeah(ph).

So I hear some true, some falsest. Okay.

I'll be true.

False probably.

Janice Delucia-Waack Your mama let you stay up until one o'clock on Saturday at eight watching TV with your friend who is sleeping over, this makes you angry and embarrassed in front of your friend?

01:16:10 True and false.

True.

True.

True.

True.

True.

False.

Nathan West Again it depends.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Your teacher gives a surprise test, you forgot to study the chapter the night before so your go, your grade goes from a B to a C and this makes you guilty and outraged. True or false?

01:16:25 True.

True.

True.

False.

False.

True.

True.

False.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. So I heard some trues but I heard some falsest in there.

01:16:30 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack How do you, how do you decide?

Nathan West It depends, like, that's what... (crosstalk)

01:16:35 Like your choices(ph)?

(inaudible ).

01:16:36 Yeah.

Nathan West (inaudible ), like that CD it depends.

01:16:38 Yeah.

Nathan West Was it and with a friend it depends which friend is over and what's happening and. (crosstalk)

01:16:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. So there's somethin' in between the situation and the feeling.

01:16:45 Tell me about it.

Uh hmm.

Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Right? Okay. The situation doesn't cross the feeling, there is something that goes on and what's that mediating event? What's in the middle?

01:16:55 How it affects you.

Janice Delucia-Waack How it affects you, okay.

01:17:00 Your thoughts.

Janice Delucia-Waack Your thoughts, how you make sense of this. Okay, and if it is were trick questions in the sense of this makes you feel, you don't automatically feel that way. Right, okay.

01:17:05 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, why don't we look at our handouts for a little bit, just uh, just uh, to kinda go, go through some of this but if you look at it, they call this the ABC Model and, and the A is the event, the B is you belief or you attitude about the event and then C is your feeling uhm, as a result to the uh, the beliefs. So, you guys, you were, talking about your CD's and it, and somebody said it depends on what CD. Tell me about that.

01:17:30 Uh. (crosstalk)

Drew Edmondson Like some of the CD's like (inaudible ) I love that band and you know, but then other CD's juts like yeah, I never really want that CD, I just got it as present or something and it wasn't that important to me or something like that. And then other times like you're like I spent my hard earned money to like buy that CD 'coz... (crosstalk)

01:17:50 I think(ph)... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, it's my favorite CD and they should known that it's my favorite and... (crosstalk)

01:17:55 Drew Edmondson Yeah.

Nathan West I also think it depends on how it broke... (crosstalk)

01:18:00 Yeah.

Nathan West ...if they broke it just to break 'coz their mad at me... (crosstalk)

Yeah(ph)... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Nathan West it's a big difference than oh(ph), my CD player scratched it and I dropped it.

01:18:05 Yeah.

Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Right.

Yeah. Right.

01:18:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Exactly. And you know, and if you look at this you know, and we don't need to go through this in detail but it might be good to think about this that, that first piece was uh, a friend breaks my CD uhm, and then you go down to part two and it says change my friend is mean so my friend broke that CD intentionally to my find is clumsy. How do you feel differently?

01:18:25 Casey Houser How would you be aggravated... (crosstalk)

01:18:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser than take care of my stuff.

01:18:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Exactly, exactly.

Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Whether or not that you broke or, okay, so how would you, if your mom will let you stay up late, what kinds of things are you telling yourself to make yourself furious at your mother?

01:18:45 Casey Houser She's not giving me responsibility to tell myself when I need to go to bed like charge(ph) when I need to think, if I have stuff to do in the morning.

01:18:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Casey Houser It's my responsibility to know I needed, how much sleep I need to get.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Okay. What else, what else would you tell yourself about your mother that would make you furious?

01:19:00 Nathan West It was a weekend?

01:19:05 Casey Houser She's trying to control me.

01:19:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Uh hmm. See how the beliefs come out? Okay. Now, how could we change that? What could you say that, probably it would still be true about your mother would make you feel less furious with her.

01:19:20 Casey Houser She just wants me to get sleep.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Okay. She's trying to take care of me.

01:19:25 (inaudible ).

01:19:29 Janice Delucia-Waack And so, you could say, oh, you know she's mean and she's ridiculous or you can say she really cares about me and she's worried about me and... (crosstalk)

01:19:30 Uh hmm... (crosstalk)

Nathan West Especially if we don't call, you know, (crosstalk)

01:19:35 Yeah.

Nathan West when you say you'd be home at like 9 and now it's 9:30 or 10 and you haven't called at all.

01:19:40 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. (laughs) Well, let's, let's talk about this 'coz you know, you guys are smiling and your laughing about it that(ph) some kind of loving, compassion for your parents . Now, you could easily turn this around and say she's mean and she's a jerk and how dare she do this to me and, but somehow you guys are makin' sense of this. How do you do that? What are you telling yourself?

01:20:00 Don't(ph) care.

Uh hmm.

She loves me.

01:20:05 Drew Edmondson She's my mom . She's just looking out for me... (crosstalk)

Yeah.

Drew Edmondson ...and you know, I guess it's all for the best even though I may not think of it at that time.

01:20:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. So the, do, do any situations come to mind, you know were you are just absolutely furious or angry, or hurt, or whatever that maybe we need to talk a little bit about in terms of whether some of this things that you're telling yourself, how were you making sense of this, maybe we can put a different spin on it.

01:20:30 Like with our parents or like just about.

Janice Delucia-Waack Anything. Uh hmm. Friends, school... (crosstalk)

01:20:35 Teachers?

Janice Delucia-Waack ...teachers, definitely, uh hmm.

01:20:40 Haley Cordes Teachers like in Iowa(ph). Oh, like I understand like, how they had to deal with a lot of kids and all that stuff but sometimes it's all really can be really unfair and like especially like, I'm there to get an education and I work hard you know and so when they give that really hard test I don't understand and then they don't explain, you know what I mean, like I get frustrated with teachers a lot. Especially 'coz I'd try, you know, like other kids complain about when they don't do anything, you know, you've got a complain but I don't know... (crosstalk)

01:21:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...and I can't really say anything to 'em, you know what I mean 'coz I don't wanna be disrespectful and they'll hate me and all the grudge(ph) and so uhm.

01:21:20 Janice Delucia-Waack What other people think about that.

Andrea Tordi Feel like well this is the notes(ph) but you may not look (inaudible ) you may not look in your book for other (inaudible ) your supposed to teach me and what I need to learn for the test and so it's just... (crosstalk)

01:21:30 Haley Cordes Yeah.

Andrea Tordi ...frustrating 'coz you don't know what you need to study 'coz then you over study and then you get stressed but if you don't study enough then you don't get any grade.

01:21:40 Nathan West I took it the other way. I look it(ph) their, their way like I never had a problem with the teacher and I really see it that way because me as I, you're supposed to be the one that supposed to study the stuff anyway, it's like that's what my parents tell me to, is that you as student work(ph) teachers aren't gonna fail you, your gonna fail yourself so if you have a low grade it's your fault. You can't say oh, it's abo, it's about the teacher and 'coz also uhm, there's not gonna be anybody out there hiring a job when you're 30 something telling you okay, you need to go like exactly what you need to do you know, you kinda have to do it yourself. 'Coz that's the kind of same thing with the test you have to know like... (crosstalk)

01:22:20 Haley Cordes Then why do we have teachers?

Nathan West 'Coz they kinda give the idea like here, this is the chapters, here's the stuff well, like (inaudible ) and the teachers, she goes over the stuff but it's up to you to do the outlines and to read the chapters 'coz if you don't you won't pass and so I mean, it's kinda, you have to study, you have to do it and at the same thing with anything I think.

01:22:45 Haley Cordes Yeah, but you know, I'm just saying that it's frustrating 'coz I do do to that... (crosstalk)

Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes and then when you get a hard test I'm like "oh, we talked about that," maybe you did with sixth period but you know what I mean, (crosstalk)

01:22:55 Nathan West Yeah.

Haley Cordes like and I can see how you know they can't be perfect and they can't remember everything but you know when I bring out an unfamiliar(ph) question you know, you think you get credit for or something, you know.

01:23:00 Jessica Hall Sometimes I think also the conflict 'coz you know different students learn things in different way... (crosstalk)

01:23:10 Yeah.

Jessica Hall ...and I agree to what, what, what you said Nathan like I know its not fair to blame you teachers and I've never have a problem with any teacher except one and she's because the way that he ran his class and present the material is not a way that I learn well... (crosstalk)

01:23:20 Haley Cordes Yeah.

01:23:25 Jessica Hall ...and like, and like what you said Andrea. He would talk and lecture and stuff but what he talked and lectured on and what the test were on were like not related at all and I was like how am I supposed to do well in your tests if that's not what you go over your class.

01:23:40 Yeah.

Jessica Hall And yeah, definitely frustrating.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think those were important things to kind of sort out and, and recognize. I mean, one of the things you could do is you could get an F and you ca, or D or C and, and immediately start to say I'm a terrible student, what's wrong with me, okay, or you can do the other option, he's and idiot. Okay, well, or, or let's make I, I mean Jessica I hear you makin' really good sense of this, okay? This is how I learn, now, it's not about blamin' it, it's, it's the teaching style of this teacher doesn't match with my learning style so then the question becomes, do you say, you know when it doesn't match, I'm gonna be okay with the C in this class or am I going to try to figure out something different. If you could look at uhm, handout 14, uhm part 3 and starts off with it's inaccurate to say, but I again, I think there's somethin' about verbalizing things, about saying them out loud sometimes it's a different than reading now. And so, what I wanna do is, is, let's go around and uhm, let's say the first statement and then let's change it, so I'm going to start. Josh made me mad.

01:24:45 Uhm... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack What I really need to say, I choose to be mad. Okay? Casey you can pick anyone of those ten(ph) that you wanna say. And let's say 'em all out loud.

01:24:55 Casey Uhm, Tyler(ph) made me feel humiliated and I would say I choose to be humiliated.

01:25:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

01:25:05 Haley Cordes Okay, the coach makes me feel defeated. I choose to feel defeated.

01:25:10 (laughs) I know(ph).

Drew Edmondson My dad makes me feel guilty. I choose to feel guilty.

01:25:15 Cassandra Ellis Homework makes me sick. I choose to dislike homework. (laughs)

01:25:20 Okay(ph).

01:25:25 Alright Nathan(ph)

I choose to... (crosstalk)

Nathan West I, I don't like the way I choose like it sounds like you have to like... (crosstalk)

01:25:30 Yeah, absolutely. (crosstalk)

Nathan West ...'coz no, I don't know and I don't feel like anybody chooses like study. I mean... (crosstalk)

01:25:35 I choose to be(ph).

Nathan West ...well, I guess you're choosing something but tell me something that you have to like you're gonna do this like Josh made me mad.

01:25:40 Alright(ph).

Nathan West No, I choose to be mad.

Allen Segrist Well, here's an advantage(ph)... (crosstalk)

01:25:45 But it sounds like its your fault. (crosstalk)

Nathan West Yeah.

It sounds... (crosstalk)

No, its. . .

Wait, yeah.

But your(ph) interested in. . . (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Here is an event and here is the thought, here is my attitude now, what are you going to do with it, is that a choice or?

01:25:50 Nathan West Yeah, I just don't like it, like how to say it.

Allen Segrist Alright(ph).

Uh hmm(ph).

01:25:55 Ronae Biddle I think a little out time but I think people do to choose, like especially when you're mad and stuff you choose to be mad and like you've been I know you can't let it go or you can hang on to it. Well(ph).

01:26:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

01:26:05 Allen Segrist Maybe you can learn on some other choices too.

Uh hmm.

Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Most times that I'm in this position I get mad you know, I choose to be mad. What, what else I might do, the opening out uh, possibilities uh, (crosstalk)

01:26:20 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack But it's, uhm, earlier somebody said, I sleep on it, right? I just sleep on it. If it's still there in the morning maybe I'll deal with it.

01:26:30 Haley Cordes Then again like the one I read where the coach makes me feel defeated... (crosstalk)

01:26:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...or like sometimes you can't help the way you feel about it. You know what I mean, like, obviously feels that you've been doing something wrong or you know what I mean, like you're out there on the court.

01:26:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Someone stole the ball from you or something and he yells at you, you know you're going to feel stupid.

01:26:50 Drew Edmondson But, like you can feel stupid or can like turn around and be like, dang, I shouldn't have done that and what the, happen(ph) when the, like next time try not to let that happen like there's (inaudible ) ... (crosstalk)

01:27:04 Haley Cordes Yeah, but I'd still feel defeated before I wanted to get better.

01:27:05 Yeah. (crosstalk)

Right. (crosstalk)

Nathan West (inaudible ) dislike homework, you can't, it's hard to force yourself to like something, (laughs) yeah... (crosstalk)

01:27:10 That's like. (crosstalk)

Nathan West so, I don't really have the best grades in Geometry, in Math, in History (laughs) stuff 'coz like that's not really boring(ph) me.

01:27:20 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Nathan West And so, I don't like... (crosstalk)

That's the most important... (crosstalk)

Okay(ph).

01:27:25 Nathan West I don't know how to choose to like it.

Yeah, you can't really make your stuff(ph) work(ph). (crosstalk)

Nathan West It's hard to take up.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

don't like.

01:27:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, words that again is the sole(ph) process of nobody likes homework. (crosstalk)

01:27:35 Anybody(ph) want?

Janice Delucia-Waack You know, I mean does really anybody like to do homework?

Nathan West (laughs) No, no.

(inaudible ). (crosstalk)

01:27:40 (inaudible ).

01:27:41 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, so, but why do they have homework?

(inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:27:42 (inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:27:43 (inaudible )

01:27:44 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, what's the goal, okay so it's unnecessary evil. It uh, it accomplishes you something but(ph) the idea is that we do our homework everyday then it will reinforce something so that when we go to take a test we will know what we're supposed to know.

01:27:55 Okay.

Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So maybe just acknowledge(ph) you got it like this I'm never gonna like it, uhm, but I have to do it. Jessica it sounds like you do something different. (laughs)

01:28:05 Jessica Hall I'm uh, I'm, I always plan to not procrastinate but that's what always I'm doing anyway's, it's like we have some (inaudible ) reading and I have that books spot and I'm writing out like I'm gonna start reading tomorrow but then it's tomorrow, and then its tomorrow. (laughs)

01:28:20 Janice Delucia-Waack So what gets in the way?

Jessica Hall My schedule, work, car(ph), babies and my little brother , chores, sleep.

01:28:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. What? Jessica what, what could you do?

01:28:30 Jessica Hall Read(ph). (laughs)

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. But what's realistic?

01:28:35 Jessica Hall Like, like, like last summer I've read my first book on vacation, I got it completely wiped out, it was the second the second book that you know, after all(ph) the vacation, band camp started and then it just gets pushed back, pushed back, pushed back in half a week so if I can get at both books on vacation that would've been so great.

01:28:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Right. But what about 10 minutes a day or, you know I mean been thinking about it, you're not gonna sit down and read for an hour or an hour and a half so can you find 10 minutes? Is there?

01:29:00 Jessica Hall I'm sure I could. (laughs)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. But that's the other piece again is figuring out when it works. You might say I'll be (inaudible ) before I do that and you, and you figure out that doesn't work.

01:29:10 Jessica Hall Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So does it work? Do you get ready to go to work and then you, but you do it 10 minutes early and say sit for 10 minutes while you, no, okay, okay. (laughs) Where would that, an extra 10 minutes be in your day that you might possibly read?

01:29:20 Before you go to bed?

01:29:25 Jessica Hall No.

Nathan West Yeah, (inaudible ) at work and there's never ending it there? (crosstalk)

01:29:30 Jessica Hall Yeah, right if I ever reported(ph) to work. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack You always have to be cleaning in there... (crosstalk)

01:29:35 Jessica Hall Yeah.

Nathan Hall Alright. Then like(ph), and like are you (inaudible ) time like... (crosstalk)

01:29:40 Jessica Hall It(ph) would be like in the morning but I have a little brother to do. I have to play with him and do my chores and I mean, I guess I couldn't find time with that but you know, he's seven so he's like Jessie play outside play volleyball. (crosstalk)

01:29:50 Nathan West Can you read to him?

Jessica Hall No. (laughs)

01:29:55 Uh hmm(ph).

Jessica Hall No. He wouldn't sit and listen to the chapter about Sense and Sensibility. I don't see that happening.

01:30:00 Janice Delucia-Waack But could you read his book for ten minutes while you read yours?

01:30:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

01:30:10 Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson I always read at night like before going to bed... (crosstalk)

Yes.

Before(ph) you go to bed?

01:30:15 Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Jessica Hall See if I read on my bed though... (crosstalk)

(inaudible ).

01:30:17 (inaudible ).

01:30:18 Jessica Hall I don't pay attention like I have to sleep, what, what was that? I was asleep before I remember anything. (crosstalk)

01:30:20 Yeah... (crosstalk)

Yeah... (crosstalk)

(inaudible ). (crosstalk)

01:30:23 Yeah.

I like music playing when I'm reading or I can't concentrate about... (crosstalk)

01:30:25 Yeah(ph)... (crosstalk)

Nathan West I did that with homework.

(inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:30:27 Casey Houser I can't concentrate on what I'm doing unless I have something else right there in the room.

01:30:30 (inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:30:31 I can't do that... (crosstalk)

(inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:30:32 (inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:30:33 (inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:30:34 Jessica Hall (inaudible )I have to hear the whole song (inaudible ).

01:30:36 Yeah.

Jessica Hall It was like oh, I have Math homework over on the bed.

01:30:40 Casey Houser Makes me concentrate 'coz I'm like don't listen to that, concentrate on what you're doing. That, so there go(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, (inaudible ) it's, it, I think this is important is everybody has a different style and you've got to figure out what it is... (crosstalk)

01:30:50 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...and, and so this part of our group is, can give you some new ideas but we can't say Jessica do it this way because what works for Nathan and what works for Casey doesn't work or might not work for you and so you've got to figure that out yourself. Okay. Well, let's switch a little bit but let's get up and move around for a minute. Okay?

01:31:10 Okay.

Alright.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, what we're gonna do, we're gonna move in to talk in about assertiveness. So, if we had you uhm, kind of be in three camps, non-assertive, assertive, aggressive. Where would you put yourself on that line? Okay, now it's sort (inaudible )... (crosstalk)

01:31:27 (inaudible ).

01:31:28 Janice Delucia-Waack ...being non-assertive means avoiding what you think, feel, wants or belief avo, avoid saying because you are afraid to risk the consequences because you don't believe in your own rights because you don't know how to speak up for yourself or because you think another persons rights are more important than yours. Being aggressive means saying what you think, feel, wants or belief in ways that denying another persons right to be treated with respect, anger, meaness(ph), hurtfulness put, fold up, put down spitefulness. Being assertive means saying what you think, feel, wants or belief in ways that don't damage another persons right to be treated with respect in straightforward non-threatening ways and ways that deny your own rights, Okay.

01:32:05 What was that again? (crosstalk)

Alright, so how(ph)... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack So non-assertive all the way over here, aggre, assertive's in the middle, aggressive's on the end.

01:32:10 Uh hmm.

Okay.

I look like I'm middle .

01:32:15 Janice Delucia-Waack So this is were you are right now. (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist I'm feeling sarcastic.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. (laughs) Alright.

01:32:20 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, move to where you wanna be at the end of the day. Do you wanna move towards being more assertive? Do you wanna move towards being... (crosstalk)

01:32:30 Non-assertive... (crosstalk)

Currently(ph)... (crosstalk)

I'm mild(ph)... (crosstalk)

On the middle(ph)... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack ...non-assertive? You like playing? Okay, alright so let's talk about that. Where, where did you start? Where did you move?

01:32:35 Drew Edmondson Just like just depends on the situation, mean like I'd try not to be aggressive but like sometimes just, it's my nature to kind of be aggressive I guess.

01:32:50 Janice Delucia-Waack How's that happen(ph)?

Drew Edmondson I'll just kinda come acro, I like come acro(ph), I'll be in like in bad mood or something and somehow I'll just come across too aggressive and you know, the fact I'm like, oh men, I probably shouldn't you know, been like that so much you know, feel bad something like, like dang like but most of the time I try to be assertive just.

01:33:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Yeah?

01:33:15 Casey Houser I become always assertive except from people like are aggressive towards me and then I'm aggressive like to reflect someone like 'coz being aggressive towards one of my friends or my family then I will gonna be aggre, aggressive back right. I'm not gonna let them stumble (ph) on my aggressive(ph) being.

01:33:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Yeah. Okay.

Jessica Hall I'm kinda like that too, like I've (inaudible ) really like non-assertive because like, I don't like to bring out a point of view because those like stumble and then, and being an aggressive person means then I'm over there and I'll get aggressive right then 'coz I feel you know, like hurt and pushed back in my corner so, it's there or there.

01:33:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Nathan West I find that interesting and that both because that you get aggressive back on the other way that's when I become non-assertive if somebody else does aggressive I back off. I'm like okay and then you can think whatever you want.

01:34:05 Janice Delucia-Waack What about other people?

Oh, well, I guess I'm kind of aggressive but I'm really like sarcastical things, I do not think or before I do things sometimes(ph) it frighten me but I'll(ph) be uhm, assertive so I'm trying to be assertive.

01:34:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Or I hear sometimes when somebody else gets attacked then that kicks in for you. You're protecting somebody and so some of that... (crosstalk)

01:34:30 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack aggressiveness comes out.

Uh hmm.

Nathan West I think(ph) my promise I feel bad, like I over think things not just with people with situations too, like if my friends were gonna go out and somebody has their permit or they're license and not supposed to drive anybody I won't get in the car you know, and I'm like never mind gettin' mad at me 'coz I stopped them from having fun but... (crosstalk)

01:34:50 Janice Delucia-Waack But you... (crosstalk)

Nathan West ...and I just stop things, I don't do anything bad because I don't want anybody to be in trouble and I'm always worried like oh my gosh we can't do this 'coz, 'coz that's not right or do get in trouble. Your parents wouldn't like that.

01:35:00 Janice Delucia-Waack But I think the key about being assertive is you don't always get what you want. Okay, you've been very clear about it and I, and I want you, I hear this wheezing on you Nathan and I'm gonna challenge you a little bit on that okay. Because you might say to your friends we shouldn't get this car with somebody who shouldn't be driving us. Okay, but they still may choose to get in the car or they may choose to listen to you and not. (coughing) The only one that you really have a say and is you can say, I'm not gonna get in that car. But they can choose whether to listen to you or not, and so you can be assertive and people can be mad at you. You can be assertive and, and people still won't do what you want. You, you probably get what you want more when you're aggressive 'coz people are afraid of you. They don't like you... (crosstalk)

01:35:40 Yes.

Janice Delucia-Waack but they do what you want because they're afraid of you. So, I think that's something to think about. You're not wearing(ph) their (inaudible ) they're choosing not to do those things because they're hearing a voice of reason in here.

01:35:55 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think it's important to realize is none of those are wrong their nature(ph), be times when you choose not to be assertive because you're not gonna win. You know you just say some things with, I'm, I'm that, I'm choosing that to say something to the teachers because you feel like I'm not gonna win in this situation. If I say something even if I say it respectfully they may hear it as aggressive and it may impact my grade or it may impact something. That's the choice that you make you choose to be not assertive at sometimes a lot of times it sounds like you choose to be assertive and that's good, but there maybe times when you need to be aggressive you've been assertive and it's not working. So, then it's not that any of those is right or wrong all the time, it's a choice. And you might start of being none assertive and it doesn't work and then you move to being assertive and that doesn't work and you move to be aggressive or you might go to deceptive type(ph) measure, you might be assertive and if it doesn't work so you move into the ignore or the get out of the situation or get somebody else to help you, isn't that right? Uhm, okay, let's give one of our pails over here. Uhm, so we have that pail of problematic situation. Let's get back in our circle. This are some of the things that you all were nice enough to write down with different situations that adolescence may need help with. Let's talk about writing(ph) down a sort of response would be, what would be the assertive response, what would be the aggressive response, and then how would you decide based on that. Okay, so shall we start.

01:37:20 (inaudible )

01:37:25 Janice Delucia-Waack All right what do we got here. Your boyfriend/girlfriend wants to go further physically than you are comfortable going. You really like him or her and you don't want them to be upset with you, how do you let them know where to stop? All right so if I was gonna be none assertive I probably wouldn't directly confront them but I might move his hand or not be alone with them or say my mother is coming home soon or right, stuff like that. Okay, being assertive would be saying, I don't think I'm ready to do this right now. I like you, I care about you but I'm not ready to be physical. Being. (crosstalk)

01:38:05 Allen Segrist I don't expect you to say no.

Yeah.

01:38:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. (laughing) Okay. Well, in a being aggressive would be you know, what if you, if you don't stop, if you pressure me anymore I'm gonna break up with you or I'm getting, getting a new boyfriend or.

01:38:20 Andrea Tordi I think that if the uhm, (crosstalk)

(inaudible )

01:38:24 Andrea Tordi your boyfriend or girlfriend really cares about you and they're respecting you, being none assertive or assertive shouldn't be enough to tell(ph)... (crosstalk)

01:38:30 Yeah.

Andrea Tordi (inaudible ) that, thus your drawing behind you're not going to be hoeing(ph) anymore if, if it takes to a part we have to be aggressive then maybe we should maybe consider why are we with this person.

01:38:40 Yeah. Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, my guess is that's an issue a, a lot of people have to deal with. So, why would people stay or how would you deal with it if they keep pressuring you? What will, would be some ideas? I'm not asking you personally but what would be some raise(ph) you'd wanna (inaudible ).

01:38:58 Andrea Tordi Uhm, it's nice, like I also think that they have to have (inaudible ) that you know... (crosstalk)

01:39:03 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi ...to complete the (inaudible ). They've used to let us or suffer it then they shouldn't, they shouldn't be able to meet (inaudible ) the long arrow than that. There is time for me going out in a relation and based themselves on... (crosstalk)

01:39:15 (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:39:16 Andrea Tordi ...somebody else.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

It sounds like (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:39:18 Janice Delucia-Waack (coughing) So, if we were gonna create some positive self talk, and I gotta put you on this by just for a little bit Andrea, (crosstalk)

01:39:25 Andrea Tordi Okay.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...as soon as I entangled myself. Uhm, what, what would you want a girl like that in a situation? What would you want her to be saying to herself? I'm. (crosstalk)

01:39:35 Andrea Tordi Well, I mean she needs to think about the things that she's accomplished by herself. The things that she's been able to do without his help or whatever on that. She is perfectly, like she's (inaudible ) she's like smart like her, like her grades I mean or her, like stuff like he can't, I mean just because (inaudible ) it doesn't mean he takes away that from her. He can't take away her self-esteem so she needs to make sure she has that.

01:40:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Okay. Okay. I'm thinking about our stones a little bit here in the sense of, my guess is there's some pressure or some other things that may keep her in that relationship or which she have friends were saying you have to have a boyfriend or.

01:40:15 She could and I'm not (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:40:21 Janice Delucia-Waack (Coughing) Okay, what make, what would make you hard to say I'm really good at this and I don't need him and get rid of him?

01:40:25 Uhm.

Casey Houser I think if she really like him it's gonna be hard just to let, (crosstalk)

01:40:30 Yeah.

Casey Houser ...let go like you can't just let go your feelings just like that you know.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

01:40:35 Casey Houser So you're gonna have to spend some time to get over.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes I really end up, end up pressure and it's alright although that's kinda easy for me. I just think that you don't have to be aggressive in that situation that you're worth for. You know like you should hang on to him because you know like you shouldn't have to get aggressive about it.

01:40:55 Nathan West Well, if you also like(ph) somebody that, with you to hang out. (crosstalk)

01:41:00 Haley Cordes Well uhm, I didn't like it, you know that's, that's what time does for people, you know I mean like you might not know that about someone when you first start dating... (crosstalk)

01:41:10 Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...over something but I think that if you like, are on that and you didn't have to get aggressive and you're, you can do better.

01:41:20 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, my, my thought is he would, you know that most of the time when this happens (coughing) uhm, you are in involved relationship, it's a committed relationship, it's not aggressive, aggressive like I'm gonna hate you if you don't do this. It's much more sorrow(ph) it's you know we've been together a long time, we're adults now, we should be showing our love in this way, you know kind of saddled pressure more than aggression, physical aggression, am I, am I right? Is, is uhm, is that, and so that's harder to, to combat. You know that's harder to say you know you look kinda dumb if you say well, I'm, I'm not old enough to do that or not ready to do that or you know. (crosstalk)

01:42:00 Nathan West You shouldn't or like you should be able to say that and not being stupid.

01:42:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Nathan West Because just because one person is ready doesn't mean everybody is.

01:42:10 Yeah.

Haley Cordes I, I'm gonna just being stupid like with people on close to. You know what I mean like... (crosstalk)

01:42:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...it's okay to be stupid. And just be yourself like half long, so that's something I wouldn't be embarrassed about.

01:42:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. We, anybody have other thoughts? Do we wanna talk about this more or make do another situation?

01:42:30 New situation.

01:42:35 Nathan West Yeah. I think (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:42:37 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay. Okay, whoever wants to, go pick one.

Drew Edmondson (laughing) It's not a bad (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:42:43 Yeah.

Casey Houser Well, this is a lot like (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:42:47 What's that?

Go ahead(ph).

Casey Houser You tried to compete with your sibling for everything but he/she always is the better child. What should you do? Well, my brother is always the better one so (laughing) it doesn't mean, (laughing) uhm, being none assertive would be like kind of like pouty baby but not like that saying with your feeling. Uhm, assertive might be, go to your parent and well, tell them like, you feel like you've treat this child better and uhm, I feel like you're not treating me like you're treating them. And then being as aggressive might mean beating up your brother or sisters. (laughing) (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:43:27 (inaudible )

01:43:28 Nathan West Or you could be aggressive by saying like, I'm gonna get that and you know I mean like... (crosstalk)

01:43:30 Casey Houser Yeah.

Nathan West ...all they give to my brother or my sister all the attention so I'm gonna go and do something that I would make them really mad so that way could be really mad.

01:43:40 Casey Houser (inaudible ) We and my brother seen this, my parent also seen this but I feel like my dad treats me better and my mom treats my brother better... (crosstalk)

01:43:50 Uh hmm.

Casey Houser ...and my stepdad favor my brother rather than me. He was (inaudible ) Uhm, so definitely my mom try to tell me she treats us the same (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:44:01 Yeah, but I know(ph) parents want things better. (crosstalk)

Yeah.

Casey Houser Oh, she's like my best friend but it's still there like it's different. My dad is more of the, I need you. He's not really ever around like. (crosstalk)

01:44:10 Haley Cordes So you can't (inaudible )?

01:44:16 Casey Houser Yeah.

Haley Cordes I think that's why I'm closer with my dad too.

Casey Houser Yeah.

Haley Cordes You don't see him a long time so really exciting (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:44:21 Casey Houser Yeah. I'm, I'm very definite girl I'm like, (crosstalk)

Haley Cordes (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:44:22 Casey Houser We only(ph), like ever see each other really like maybe ones a week or we still see each other everyday 'coz my parents have restaurants. And now (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:44:31 Haley Cordes That's fine(ph).

Casey Houser ...not anymore but uhm, so it's harder like to have, have, have a relationship with them now 'coz it's like hard to get see each other 'coz sometimes my mom gets angry with me try to hang out.

01:44:45 Janice Delucia-Waack Yeah. How do you think you might say to your mother ? I'd like to spend time with dad .

01:44:50 Casey Houser No, I've tried a million things they never worked. (crosstalk)

Hate you.

Casey Houser She did. Like I think she feels like I never spend time with her you know how I almost spend time with him 'coz whenever I'm with my mom like I never go, I'm never going to my dad's house like on weekends or any day. And my mom feels like I never like go out to dinner with her but I live at her house so I see her... (crosstalk)

01:45:10 Yeah. I do.

Casey Houser ...more than seeing my dad . So, I don't like her and go out to dinner with her(ph) but, and she's like oh, you go out to dinner with him, you know it was like he'd better.

01:45:15 Hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Why are you saying them?

01:45:20 Casey Houser I don't, I just like that's really tough, (inaudible ) that stupid I don't ever get to see him (inaudible ) lived here and she's like well, you're never home.

01:45:28 (inaudible ) it's hard 'coz. (crosstalk)

01:45:30 Casey Houser I don't know what to do which is so pathetic 'coz like I can control, no I guess I can't control life.

01:45:40 Janice Delucia-Waack You can't but you can... (crosstalk)

Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...but you say something but you, you may not change how she (inaudible ). (clears throat) Anybody have any ideas 'coz I think it's tough.

01:45:50 Haley Cordes I'll just tell her mom like it would be the same way if I live with my dad. You know what I mean but I'm like, oh yeah I will just tell her, I was like if I look dad better I would have move in with him, you know, I mean like I will move in with him and it will be the same way if I, if I was at dad's house then you know I'd really wanna go to (inaudible ) instead of see us often. (crosstalk)

01:46:10 (inaudible ) (crosstalk)

01:46:11 Haley Cordes And I'm sure I wanna go and hang out, you know you wanna do something. And (coughing) that's something I say and I mean she's always part of me (inaudible ) jealous thing.

01:46:19 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think that's the pieces we were talking earlier about controlling your own feelings.

01:46:25 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack But you cant control others.

Yeah.

Casey Houser Well, I don't think she means might be feel about it but she's (inaudible ) 'coz I never spend time with her.

01:46:32 Haley Cordes You think it's hard 'coz you don't wanna make your mom feel that either. (crosstalk)

01:46:35 Casey Houser Yeah.

Haley Cordes Yeah. (crosstalk)

Uh hmm. Hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, is this your mom , and I don't want you to put on spot but, but is this your mom kinda being assertive about saying something. I, I hear a message in her, I want some quality time with you Casey.

01:46:45 Casey Houser Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack I don't want just watch(ph) and you watch TV or running in and out.

01:46:50 Casey Houser Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Do you and your mom maybe need to find something that you can do.

01:46:55 Casey Houser Yeah, we do.

Janice Delucia-Waack Kinds of things but I think it's really, really important uhm, for people to have a guiding theme in their life to kind of have a, a direction something to think about those kinds of things. What I'd like to do and, and have you all share now is kinda what are your themes, particularly your strength themes. We, we talk a little bit about negative self talk in what you tell yourself and all those negative kinds of things but let's bring up the postive ones. What makes you resilient? What makes you strong? What keeps you going? Uhm, what helps you? Uhm, so you can share as much or as little uhm, in some ways this really was for you to, to write it down to have a concrete reminder of what your theme is and I think at sometimes it helps to, to know where you're going, to have a, a direction in life to, to really have a purpose.

01:47:45 Andrea Tordi The only thing that has a big influence in my life was uhm, my church 'coz I wanna, (coughing) I go there... (crosstalk)

01:47:55 Sorry.

Andrea Tordi ...to sing during the mass stuff and, and it's really, it's just so much fun and it's, it's getting, it's a good relief to be around of people you know that shares some of the same, really don't personally(ph) you know... (crosstalk)

01:48:10 Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi ...most in the same ways that you do and it's unbreak from the rest of the world back in the reality where you have to prove, likes(ph) me will, will challenge what you blamed and you have to free yourself where, when you're surrounded by well, an environment where everyone believed the same thing that you're more easy or not afraid to be yourself because they accept you for that because up there to. (crosstalk)

01:48:35 Drew Edmondson Well, there is a quote that I'm also about teamwork 'coz I'm a football kind of guy, 'coz our theme sport said uh, it's uh, by Christy Hyatt(ph) and it said as, teamwork has made a great situation either you helped make it or the luck of it will bring you, and I just feel that you always got to have teamwork in everything you do or even like, if you just do it by yourself you gotta have teamwork within yourself, like they have approach(ph) going together in everything makes (inaudible )

01:49:03 Katie Buschman All right I(ph), I thought is girl(ph) line 'coz I've always like plenty(ph) of kits, it shows that I don't care what other people think and I just wanna be myself as, the littlest things that (inaudible ) it's not hard(ph) so pleased me, I'm a free spirit, I'm strong and determined. I loved seeing on the stars and I'm just a girl and that's all I wanna be. I don't want to be anything else such on the(ph) way me. So yeah.

01:49:25 Janice Delucia-Waack That's great.

Katie Buschman That's it. (coughing)

01:49:30 Haley Cordes Okay, uh, uhm, I'm not a really happy person like it takes a lot to not make me happy. And so like I don't know, like my childhood wasn't really like, I couldn't (inaudible ) worst like, I don't know, it's just like wasn't that bad one but uhm, I went like do(ph) counseling and stuff for it. And uhm, like my counselor really helped me like look at the positive things in life, and so like I've kind of (coughing) helped myself and I was like, like the world smile means a lot to me, like I try to, like I wanna make my smile reflect(ph) that everyone that I wanna, I want to make other people smile just by smiling and I pulled up a couple of quotes uhm, one of them is be kind and merciful that no one ever come to you without coming the way better and happier. So, really have an impact on other people's lives and help them or make them happy, and the other one is you're happy as well you're making a greatest contribution and so like, I don't know I just like to have an impact on people and yeah be (inaudible ).

01:50:48 Jessica Hall Uhm, my poster has a whole bunch... (crosstalk)

01:50:50 Yeah.

Jessica Hall ...and they're like one or two end-quotes(ph) (inaudible ) (coughing) that I pulled off to enlarge(ph) and post it at my room and some of them are about just like life lessons or reaching your dreams, your goals or just the narrow things. Uhm, if you want the rain (inaudible ) to put up with the rain. Stand for something or off, off for anything, look at life with a golden(ph) shield and not the rearview mirror, talk less and say more. Uhm, remember that no one can make you feel inferior about your consent, happiness is a choice not a response, for every person there(ph) comes a lot of success that are doesn't waiting for the elevator, and that happiness is a place between too little and too much.

01:51:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Anything to stand out for anybody (inaudible ).

01:51:36 Nathan West For some reason that elevator one does, near(ph) you are kind of, was I like.

Jessica Hall For every person there(ph) comes a lot of success that are doesn't waiting for that elevator.

01:51:45 Nathan West I don't know it seems like me like I'm waiting for the elevator you know, I don't know, I like that one.

01:51:50 Cassandra Ellis I (inaudible ) my poster, I used uhm, like something I like a little bit of life from Sublimes(ph) what I got and it's like life is too short, life is too short, it's the only what you got 'coz you might can't remember you might get shot and then you could, like the end is kinda like brutal(ph) (inaudible ) but it's like, it's (inaudible ) reality you gotta think you know, some people like sit and dwell on things and then they're like get all angry and they don't realize that they're wasting their time or wasting her life. You know just being mad about something when they could, you know, say like that they're(ph) mad at their friend while they could have been, are having a great time with their friend and they just wholly(ph) missed that opportunity 'coz they do on, on something that wasn't really, you know it's like what a lot of people do and another form is like, it's all right, uhm, what's wrong 'coz it's just like, it's so mellow you know. I like mellow things, I don't like (inaudible ). (clears throat) It's like you know over drama hmm, everything like that so, feeling just like you know get be on (inaudible ) back and everything, you, you shamble(ph) at time.

01:53:00 Okay(ph).

Like every time so(ph).

Sarah Boeckmann I really like the first one that you've said that there's been more (inaudible ) a little bit. Let be the world get mad just(ph) don't be really shame just lay around like (inaudible ) if you're mad at someone you just waist your time like you shouldn't go out and have fun and enjoy your life 'coz, yeah.

01:53:20 Casey Houser My life being with that uh, I have to make my own happiness no one else is gonna build for me. In my, article I have bought(ph) and it goes, we are being to fall very easily into this barrier(ph) and we only have to work very high decree something on ourselves, the conviction that life is good even though around us we see pain, (inaudible ) sickness and injustice. And I found three more and one is, treasure silence when you find it and while being mindful you're getting set(ph) 10 side to be alone with yourself. 'Coz I think it's really important that you get to know yourself like without other people around that you need your own time. And another one is cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself, does you really are? And another one is despite all appearances no one is really able, they're, let astray(ph) by in your hands. I mean learning more about things you've got to be more power, powerful as a person. And I think we need to, as a country and as, our generation used to look at other things in the world besides what's going on in America(ph) or in a country like there's a (inaudible ) like going on in there for and be (inaudible ) how about with that in a (inaudible ) 'coz I think it's really important to both.

01:54:27 Sarah Boeckmann I don't like angry(ph), I don't like, I like to live life and just be really happy like I hate being in fight to the people and being mad about stuff. So, my like kinda life theme is that one song, just don't worry be happy because I really (inaudible ) of ring about stuff like, oh, my God are they mad at me or something, I just really don't like doing that and it takes a lot to make me mad so, I just don't like being mad so, and it's not the way you're gonna be happy.

01:54:55 Ronae Biddle Uhm, what I really wanna talk about is it's, it's uhm, a verse from the Bible. Uhm, this guys probably know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Uhm, that's probably my favorite verse because uhm, in my life theme because there've been a special like in the last three, or for a few(ph) years. I think my parents have been divorced for four or five years and, but there's still, there's still a lot of tension and there's still a lot of stuff going on between them. And between, like my siblings on the other hand(ph), and all that and there's, I don't know, just a lot of stuff going on all of the time. And sometimes like I'll get really stressed and all, you know, I just wish my family was normal or something, you know. I wish my parents were still married or whatever. But this verse uhm, really encourages me because it says "in all things uhm, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." And uhm, and in everything even, even if I don't like it. Even, you know, I don't like the fact that my parents are divorced but I can't change it and this verse is a promise to me that if I continue to trust them, God will work uhm, everything else according to his purpose.

01:56:20 Janice Delucia-Waack So what was it like to have to break your theme down? Like to share it?

01:56:30 Jessica Hall First of all she believes that he really believed in and take faith in and it kinda nice to share that with like other people. It's like this is me, this is what I think and I'd like to share a piece of it with you.

01:56:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson It's kinda different because it makes you like look at yourself because sometimes life just goes by so fast you can't let it stop them, look at them and reflect on what your life spin and it's like gives you a chance to kinda do that and see what your theme was so far and like if you wanna change it, gives a chance to hopefully do that if we need to.

01:57:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, I kinda pick up, I wanna go back to something that Drew just said... (crosstalk)

01:57:10 Yeah(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack ...'coz it made me think about you know, you're so busy that you kinda forget about it. Are there situations recently uhm, that maybe it would've been helpful if you had that theme right there? It would turn out differently or that you ought to done differently?

01:57:25 Casey Houser Well, it's(ph) my life begins like to make myself, I, to not make myself happy but you have to make your own happiness like no one's gonna create it for you and like I just want to dwell on some of the things that I haven't dwelled on for a while. It wouldn't uhm, and if I could back and change it I would've, would've done another things not well or so.

01:57:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Janice Delucia-Waack So, I, I just wanna shift a little bit in terms of, of getting you uh, to reflect on what we've been doing uhm, last night and today. Uhm, what's been helpful uhm, what have been critical moments for you, uhm, what have you learned, what are you doing differently, what are you gonna, what's one thing, I wasn't gonna say this but what's one thing you're gonna leave here thinking about or that you're gonna take with you? Uhm, let's talk about that. You can go back and look at your, your flowers. How did you in terms of flowers and weeds. Uhm.

01:58:30 Nathan West I've(ph) never been to people uh, 'coz I really never thought and you said this like you let the whole group just sit down, these people and just like realize. I've had(ph) people talk to me during noon breaks and stuff like say, I didn't know or that I can never really thought that like somebody else thought the same thing that I did. Or have the same problems that I did and it was just really cool and interesting to hear everybody and for other people to know if there's somebody else out there. And now like, I think I hope that it might like bring even us closer and then we can spread that unto our class and then, our class could even be closer and that'll be really cool.

01:59:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser Something I'm gonna take away is like how feeling about, the things about my feelings and I'm choosing to feel away now just feeling that way like... (crosstalk)

01:59:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Casey Houser you choose how you're gonna feel, it's not like you made me feel this way like it's your choice with how you take it.

01:59:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Drew Edmondson Yeah, uh, uhm, my case looks better for, to me. (clears throat) It's like that's probably gonna or like we had better (inaudible ) back to my father or like understanding and not reacting in(ph) different situations and have that fears so that's like that whole world like choosing and go probably... (crosstalk)

01:59:45 Yeah(ph).

Drew Edmondson ...most of the time I just like act a lot, think about this so I mean, now I like be able to think about it and then act on it, you know. Maybe situations will turn out better so or turn out different at least.

01:59:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

02:00:00 Andrea Tordi I think one thing that uh, with the flower thing but it only gets it, but things you wanna grab at it makes you it, but, you don't think it's really a problem until you actually stay. This bothers me or this is most affecting me negatively so if you can get out in the open and in on writing or whatever it really makes you focus on this is what I need to work on.

02:00:25 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So what did you do related to your flowers or weeds? Did anything change or what's?

02:00:35 Andrea Tordi I think now it's gonna be definitely a lot easier for me to talk with amongst you know, more than just one and one. And it'll be easier for me to talk to bigger group. And uh, it was what I came here.

02:00:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. What do you think change? Are you telling yourself something differently about talking in front of people or talking about people or?

02:00:55 Andrea Tordi I think now it's more like (coughs) they may accept me, they may not but whether or not they accept me it's, there's just gonna be some differences between opinions so it's not always a matter whether they like me or not, there are just different opinion. So, I didn't have to prove anything (inaudible ) to accept.

02:01:17 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. And I think that's hard. I mean, I think all of us want everybody to like us and it's not gonna happen, you know. Uh hmm. Who else? Did you even plant some flowers that you didn't plant(ph) there originally? Did you ever have that happen? You go out to your garden and there are stuff growing that you know you didn't plant. You know, how, where did this tulips come from? Or where did these... (crosstalk)

02:01:45 Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...lilies of the valley or whatever. So, what, any of those unexpected flowers come up today? Something you noticed about, I was saying, say people what you learned about yourself? What did you learn about other people? What did you learn about how you relate to other people? What, what did you learn today? (clears throat)

02:02:05 Sarah Boeckmann Then it hits(ph) me like just really everywhere (coughs) and we've been(ph) talking like, 'coz normally like I won't really talked to, I'm staying at the back it's like ever but now, like I feel like I really, like gotten to know him and everything and it gets me how we all kind of feel the same way or like... (crosstalk)

02:02:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

...we'll go and take the same stuff. It just gets(ph) me you know.

02:02:30 Uh hmm.

Andrea Tordi Kinda like what Sarah said how my (inaudible ) should like, they're like going(ph) to school feel the exact, the same way and then, and then (inaudible ) feel the exact opposite way through it, so it's like (clears throat) you connect with other, more people like in different ways. So.

02:02:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Jessica Hall It's kinda like those surveys that we fill up before we started and ask why she was like why do you not feel comfortable talking to these people? And one of my things is that you know, well, Drew is not gonna understand what I'm going through because he's not me and his life's so better but you just see that you know, everybody around you goes the same things and understands to the certain degree because we're all the same age, we know how pretty much this thing kinda feel(ph) that we're going through.

02:03:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

02:03:15 Jessica Hall So, I was wrong. (laughing)

Just about your group(ph)? And.

02:03:20 Jessica Hall I, yeah, (inaudible ) (laughing)

02:03:22 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm, uh hmm. Well, I think it's important that even, you know, some of you, you touch from different family situations.

02:03:30 Jessica Hall Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And yet, I heard all of you actively are trying to understand and care. And so even if you didn't come from that same, exact situation, you were listening, you were empathizing, you were trying to connect and so maybe that sometimes more important that willingness than having the exact, same situation. Uh hmm. Good(ph). So if I was gonna ask you what was the one critical incident, and I really would like to hear from everybody on this. What, when we ask you about this group a year from now, or next year at this time when we're put another group together and you know, and, and so the sophomores are saying, "What can I expect?" What, what would you say to them? What would be the critical in, incident that you would still remember? What's gonna stand out for you was most important, most helpful, most useful today? And it, I mean, I guess it's, it's gonna be very different from us to do. Might be something I said or might something else said, what most, more likely it's gonna be something that one of you said to each other or something that we did 'coz uh-huh like, "Oh, wait a second."

02:04:40 Casey Houser Hmm, I think that I'm saying like not hold anything back and like say what you wanna say because no one's gonna judge you and no one's gonna think that we're gonna be there trying to help.

02:04:50 Janice Delucia-Waack So, was there a time today when you (inaudible ) advice? (crosstalk)

02:04:57 Casey Houser Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack You took a little bit of rest, can you tell us what it was?

Casey Houser Uhm, probably when we were talking about relationships.

02:05:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

Casey Houser And parental concern. Well.

02:05:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. So there was a little bit of a, can I say this was gonna happen.

02:05:10 Casey Houser Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack And what happened?

Casey Houser Everybody was going understanding and like I don't think anybody really judge me and like no one thinks different and I think you get advice and... (crosstalk)

02:05:20 (inaudible )

02:05:22 Casey ...felt good to get stuff off my chest that I normally would say. Like I wouldn't just talk about this suddenly(ph).

02:05:25 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. So what would be your good concern(ph) today(ph)?

02:05:30 (inaudible )

02:05:32 Andrea Tordi I guess the time when we had uh, actually in the lot like for the guy(ph) thing that analyze yourself you know, like well, what is in my way? What's, what do I need to work on? What do I want to improve? (crosstalk)

02:05:40 (inaudible )

02:05:42 Andrea Tordi But, I mean, when you're actually looking at yourself and you're saying, "Well, this is what I need to do." That's kinda hard sometimes.

02:05:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm, uh hmm. But somehow writing it down clarified it for you?

02:05:55 Andrea Tordi Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Okay, good. (crosstalk)

Katie Buschman Yeah, I've gotta agree with Andrea with(ph) the same thing like you write it down, you kinda realize, "Well, this is something that I need to work on and something that you should walk away with and something you should try to reach for it." And she makes me realize that maybe I am kinda a negative person and I should try to be more positive about things. Just compromise the things.

02:06:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes I like the whole thing you know. Just every part about it. (crosstalk)

02:06:20 A (inaudible ).

02:06:24 Haley Cordes And I like, I like how Allen made us like and we're like really close and like comfortable, made us stand on that all(ph) that were like how we all got closer you know what I mean, like just a visual... (crosstalk)

02:06:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes ...perspective of it. Like I'm pretty comfortable with people in general but like they're sort of really... (crosstalk)

02:06:45 Uh hmm(ph).

Haley Cordes ...like came together.

Allen Segrist And you know about the (inaudible ). It needed around(ph).

02:06:55 Nathan West I find myself interesting to 'coz normally most (inaudible ) and stuff are, are we have it in our head. Like how some boys like, "Oh, I can hang with them. I never really talk to them." Well, it's so interesting how we all did and like after breaks and stuff, we didn't just have this people only talk to this people, it wasn't creepy were all were a group. We're all like stay walking with each other, we all stayed within the conversations and I remember just giggling.

02:07:25 Haley Cordes No, it's like no single, one of us like horrible(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack Does she consciously did that?

02:07:30 Nathan West It's just too bad that everybody doesn't get out and get a life you know. (crosstalk)

02:07:35 Yeah.

Nathan West 'Coz if we did that when we walk through the hallways. I reme, uh, this could be the whole, entire school.

02:07:40 Like this is our mandatory class or something. (crosstalk)

This is our mandatory class. (crosstalk)

Nathan Uh(ph), I know really. It doesn't. (crosstalk)

02:07:45 Janice Delucia-Waack If you 10 go back and you influenced more person and they influence... (crosstalk)

02:07:50 Allen Segrist Hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...one person.

Cassandra Ellis Maybe you just like it's gonna take a little time but it's gonna like, I don't know make the halls less like you know.

02:08:00 Awkward(ph) (inaudible )

02:08:03 Cassandra Ellis Yeah, it's gonna like you're really one of the cliques and everything and it's gonna be more easier to like we were out you know, like we want to do it or we wanna stay with it. Say people are, have, I mean, we have our best friends and everything but you know, you wanna be more open to everybody and so like, this is gonna like, I don't know if it's hopeful that this is gonna like start that off, it will take a while 'coz people are so set in their ways and everything but it just takes a few people are gonna, it'll, it'll take especially if you're going in with the freshmen, and moves up so.

02:08:35 Janice Delucia-Waack I think it's very, very important uhm, that we did what we just did in terms of talking about us a group. What was helpful? What did you learn? I think it's also very important uhm, to talked to each person individually. Uhm, and so what we're gonna do now is Allen's gonna line us up because I ain't in geographically and geometrically and spatially challenge. We're gonna give you each beads. You're gonna, when we're done you're gonna make a key ring, or a bracelet, or a necklace depending on what you want. Uhm, but each of us is gonna get a self beads. Uhm, and then you're gonna give a person a bead and you're gonna thank them for something that they did in group that you, you found helpful and you're gonna wish something for them for the future. And we're gonna give you a minute to talk to each person...

02:09:20 Hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So that we.

Allen Segrist Take one big step to the right(ph). (laughs)

02:09:25 So I'll see you, yeah.

Allen Segrist Yeah, so here we fit.

I don't know if we'll see again.

Janice Delucia-Waack So I move, okay.

02:09:30 Okay.

(inaudible )

02:09:31 (inaudible )

02:09:32 (inaudible )

02:09:33 Janice Delucia-Waack Okay.

(inaudible )

02:09:35 (inaudible )

02:09:40 (inaudible )

02:09:45 (inaudible )

02:09:50 (inaudible )

02:09:55 (inaudible )

02:10:05 (inaudible )

02:10:10 Andy Horne What we're gonna be doing now is talking with uh, Janice and Allen about uh, some of the experiences that they've had and you know, brief review of the group that we've had and ask uh, a little bit about what's happened. We have our group members here uh, to watch pers, uh, and participate as much as they would like to. And I'd like to get their input and as we, uh, finish we'll have Janice and Allen uh, give us some, some comments about them. And so, what I wanted to do first is check and see with uh, Allen and Janice, did we achieve the goal that you had? Did we have a type of group here anticipated?

02:10:45 Allen Segrist I think in assessing uh, some of the content uh, or where does the language, I've heard all 10 people making use of the, the concepts that were part of the literature. (crosstalk)

02:11:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Part of the handout. Now, we didn't depend on the literature or made an over uh, reliant and I don't know that is there, it's been used, it's been demonstrated.

02:11:10 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I go back to I think what I said early on... (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack is like you call(ph) groups no matter what topic you have or trying to teach communication skills, try to teach somewhere(ph) and self-reflection, problem solving, uhm, assertiveness to some extent and, and I think we, I think we accomplished that.

02:11:25 Andy Horne Uh hmm, uh hmm.

Allen Segrist I think there's errants(ph) in the preparation or there, and it always feels like being in the experiencing coming out of it, it's been very improvisational. We, we never did this before with this group. (crosstalk)

02:11:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist It's this, so therefore it's different but it's still the same as... (crosstalk)

02:11:45 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...in like in our past group experiences that we've had. But therefore, you know, we had to be responsive(ph) in the time presented right here, right now.

02:11:55 Andy Horne Uh hmm. So you have an intent, (inaudible ) and the intent was in part covered by the uh, type of uh, activities you were, you prepared. (crosstalk)

02:12:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne And you talked about communications, problem solving, decision making and assertiveness and other areas. Uh, does the outcome meet the intent you have from the start? It sounds like it does. (crosstalk)

02:12:15 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Uh, because of the, the things that occurred but as you think back on it, did it turn out anything(ph) differently as you expected that uh, where there a, a re-direction that happened? Did it have a changes that you didn't anticipate?

02:12:30 Janice Delucia-Waack Hmm, well, I think as always for me, things take longer that I think they are. (crosstalk)

02:12:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Some people really are over-prepared(ph). (crosstalk)

Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack We have a lot more activities that we could've done.

Allen Segrist Right.

02:12:40 Janice Delucia-Waack And yet, I don't feel like we wasted any time. I don't feel like we were spinning our wheels or talking about stuffs that, that wasn't useful.

02:12:45 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, and so I think that's important for our leaders(ph) to pay attention to as long as we're doing stuff that, that's useful, not to get impatient and worried.

02:12:50 Yeah(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack But I, I'm, I'm curious. I wanna put the group members on the spot for a moment. Did we, was this worth eight hours of your time? Was this worth a day and a half?

02:13:00 Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack Did you learning something. (crosstalk)

Yeah. (crosstalk)

Yeah.

I think so.

Casey Houser I think we all learn a lot about ourselves and how to deal (coughs) with people and how to relate to people from different backgrounds and different groups, even at school like different cliques. I think we all learned how to relate with each other.

02:13:15 Andy Horne That was good. (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Haley Cordes I was gonna say like we all are pretty nice people and we have opened up to each other really well which took uh, and like we were able to carry on a long conversation which is why we didn't uhm, get to only uh, to this file (inaudible ) at the bad thing at all.

02:13:33 Andy Horne Alright(ph).

02:13:35 Haley Cordes You guys should know like we were able to carry on a conversation about a comeback(ph) you know, that we really want to talk about like we care about it and... (crosstalk)

02:13:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

02:13:45 Haley Cordes ...each other, so that was very cool.

Andy Horne Now, one of the uh, things that we look at of group work is whether the uh, uhm, therapeutic uhm, factors were present or not. Would you talk just briefly about your, your take on to that?

02:13:55 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm, uh hmm. Well I, I think uhm, it was great to see, one of the things that I've, I tried to do very early on on the group is make their connections and you guys were making it for yourselves. You know, I feel connected to you or then we start to talk about uhm, you know, how you see it this way and you see it differently and how you can help together and then you start it making those connections. (crosstalk)

02:14:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And so I think that cohesiveness was clearly there.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, but also almost the installation of hope. You know, I can do this, other people can do this, the universality, we all feel some of this same kinds of things. I think that you, you all said that more than once.

02:14:35 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, the other piece that I liked the most about groups... (crosstalk)

02:14:40 Andy Horne Okay(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack ...uhm, and, and again you, you all brought this up uh, as we were starting in terms of goals which just that idea that you can help each other and yet, it's not just you be in help, you don't feel like you're the client. There's a mutual piece and that's so important.

02:14:50 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack Uhm, so that, that stood out for me. How about you Allen?

02:14:55 Allen Segrist That was good acceptance level(ph), I mean, uh, and it transferred not even eventually but I mean, pretty quickly in a person making more self-accepting statements of themselves. Uh, they're not judgmental uh, uh, hope that you all have and... (crosstalk)

02:15:10 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist ...keep from labeling, keep from you know, calling people by short-term names.

02:15:15 Andy Horne Uh hmm. Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

02:15:20 Allen Segrist Uhm, uh, you know, and, and basically the real ambition to be understanding and to be understood.

02:15:25 Andy Horne And as an observer... (crosstalk)

Janice Delucia-Waack Yeah(ph).

Andy Horne ...it was very, uh, you're very quickly moved to be in uh, focus on one another and group itself and you, you close up(ph) the uh, the cameras and, and the observers in the back uhm, just really became cohesive, connected, interrelated, and uh, there was a really nice give and take there.

02:15:40 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

02:15:45 Andy Horne If we talked about uh, stages of a group. Uhm, do you think that uh, we had some stages in coming together here did you, did you have a sense that the uh, uh, group occurrence uh, talk about stages for example uh, (crosstalk)

02:16:00 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm.

Andy Horne good work were(ph) pressing? (crosstalk)

02:16:05 Janice Delucia-Waack Well, I think I, we, we clearly started in terms of, of, of that opening stage, that orientation... (crosstalk)

02:16:10 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...getting connected. I, I think that for me, it was psychoeducational groups. You don't have that transitional stage that storming as early on. (crosstalk)

02:16:20 Andy Horne Uh hmm, uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack So I think they got to work together pretty quickly... (crosstalk)

02:16:25 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...eventually, if we had more time together we would started to really notice some differences.

02:16:30 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack And some of you would have said some things... (crosstalk)

Something(ph).

Janice Delucia-Waack ...that you might be a little hurt by, or a little embarrassed by, or, or a little uncomfortable and we went ahead to resolve this conflicts. We went ahead but I think with most psychoed groups, if you got 10 or 12 hours with a group, you don't have time to really... (crosstalk)

02:16:40 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack ...do that conflict, (crosstalk)

02:16:45 Allen Segrist Yeah.

Janice Delucia-Waack that transition stage.

Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Janice Delucia-Waack But they certainly was, were doing the problem solving and... (crosstalk)

Andy Horne Right.

Janice Delucia-Waack uhm, the supporting and there wasn't a lot advise giving. There was more of well, could you think about this or when I was in that situation this was helpful to me which is the kind of therapeutic uhm, interventions we want.

02:17:00 Andy Horne Uh hmm.

Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne Well, were watching with the, the giving in, in the transitional process so when you started down, everyone was fairly quiet, reserved, it's like, well what if I'm doing this right, was that. By the time you finished there was a quite a clamoring, everybody was talkings(ph), lot of interaction... (crosstalk)

02:17:15 Allen Segrist Uh hmm.

Andy Horne ...movement around and out of laughing and uh, it feels really fun to see that was on. Just a nice, nice coming together.

02:17:25 Jessica Hall I really like (inaudible ) you because it's like you're taking a little piece of every person who you gets to know, putting it in one day and just a reminder of this whole experience.

02:17:30 Andy Horne Yeah.

02:17:35 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

Jessica Hall It's, it's only tangible with you can take away and see it and wear it, feel it and know that happened, that you remember it.

02:17:40 Andy Horne One of the things that I, uh, I was wondering about is do you have any questions for Janice or Allen(ph) about what they were teaching about as they did in groups because you are participating, you're mostly focus in on, on what's happening to me or what's happening to us. And I think questions of Janice and Allen about what they were experiencing.

02:18:00 Katie Buschman What is your common taking of this whole experience, everything that's been happen(ph) (inaudible ).

02:18:09 Janice Delucia-Waack Uh hmm. Well, I've to tell you I, I've lead a lot of groups and Allen's lead even lots more than I have (laughs) and I coming(ph) anxious every single time. Uhm, in terms that is this gonna work? Are they gonna jell? Uhm, are they, you know, and, and, and then I just gets such a great feeling. Uhm, okay, this is gonna go okay. But then anxiety is there. You know, is it, is it gonna work? Uhm, and, and I think my other fear was you guys were all selected and uhm, you know, you wanna be peer mentors and yet, we wanted this video to show uhm, not only really good, great, great group members but some of the difficulties sometimes. Uhm, and you guys were honest and open so you talked about your fears sometimes, you talked about your anxiety, she talks about what made you uncomfortable with. And that's the com, stuff that, that we want and so that was wonderful. Okay. (crosstalk)

02:19:00 Well, are there anything that different from our group (inaudible ) you have in the past?

02:19:07 Janice Delucia-Waack I've done other groups like this and, and, and it can go two ways. When people seek to be in groups that they usually come in with a clear finger they wanna talk about. But sometimes in this kind of group where you've been asked, you've been, I didn't but, but you're not in pain, you're not saying and I don't have any friends or I'm depressed or I'm anxious and so people coming and say, "I don't know what I wanna work on and I don't know what I wanna talked about and I don't need any help." Uhm, and so, even though you guys didn't come in in crisis(ph) or pain, you were able to identify some goals.

02:19:40 Andy Horne Yeah, it's just exciting to see that you're here doing this. Uh, this is a great program you've got, it's a great direction you want and you can break through. So, thank you very much. Uh hmm. (crosstalk)

02:19:50 Janice Delucia-Waack Thanks guys. You're wonderful.

02:19:55 Thank you.

What did that means? (laughing)

GROUP MEMBERS: RONAE BIDDLE SARAH BOECKMANN KATIE BUSCHMAN HALEY CORDES DREW EDMONDSON CASSANDRA ELLIS JESSICA HALL CASEY HOUSER ANDREA TORDI NATHAN WEST REFERENCES: ANDERSON, A. (1994) STORIES I'D TELL MY PATIENTS PULLING WEEDS AND PLANTING FLOWERS EATING DISORDERS THE JOURNAL OF TREATMENT AND PREVENTION, 2,184-186 HULSE-KILLACKY, D. (2006). THE NAMES ACTIVITY. IN J. L. DELUCIA-WAACK, K. H. BRIDBORD, J. S. KLEINER, & A. G. NITZA (EDS.), GROUPWORK EXPERTS SHARE THEIR FAVORITE ACTIVITIES. A GUIDE TO CHOOSING, PLANNING, CONDUCTING, AND PROCESSING (PP.54-55), ALEXANDRIA, VA. ASSOCIATION FOR SPECIAL LISTS IN GROUP WORK. MORGANETT, R.S. (1990). SKILLS FOR LIVING. GROUP COUNSELING ACTIVITIES FOR YOUNG ADOLESCENTS (VOLUME ONE). CHAMPAIGN, IL. RESEARCH PRESS ARTWORK BY: SCOTT NITZA VIDEO PRODUCTION BY: CATV5 COLLEGE CABLE ACCESS AT IPFW INDIANA UNIVERSITY PURDUE UNIVERSITY FORT WAYNE 210IE COLISEUM BLVD. FORT WAYNE, IN ACA