response

Below, I discuss universal corrections. These apply to everyone, on a continuum. These also compose the exhaustive set of errors made in the essay.

You can touch on any aspects of the material from any of the authors that we have read so far, but I want this to be your own original point of view that is WELL- ARGUED and WELL-ILLUSTRATED with examples.

There are two very important general features that your essay needs to have:

1) It has to be specific. Do NOT talk in vagueness or in generalities. Make a precise point using your reasoning;

2) Your discussion has to be seamlessly integrated. In other words, don't have it be a disconnected discussion.

See the writing guidelines before starting.

These are things to work on:

1) Make sure to have a very specific thesis. When you think about an ethical problem in the context of technology, the easiest thing to do is to remain vague about what you mean. For example, if you say something like, “Lack of privacy many bad results to our lives”, we are left wondering what kind of consequences and, more importantly, why we should weigh consequences in the first place when it comes to privacy. The best way to evaluate the quality of your thesis is to imagine you saying it in a large crowd of people who don’t have the attention to listen carefully.

Someone ask you about privacy and you say, “Privacy is important because it is deeply personal.” Have you said something that is authentic and interesting? Go through your thesis and think about it as something that gives us a window into humanity— potentially, a window that’s never been opened before. That’s the kind of thesis you should be brainstorming. “Privacy is a constructed abstract property that does not really exist.” What? Now my attention is hooked. What can you mean by this? Captivate us.

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2) Now, the process of supporting your claims: The biggest thing that we need to work on is showing HOW your thesis works. You are painting a picture for us. Give us all of the details. Your paper should give us a larger picture of how your thesis works. But, also, each paragraph should give a smaller picture of the aspects of your large argument that you are working out.

For example, suppose you want to discuss the social construction of privacy and you want to argue that privacy really has no value because when people have it, it adds nothing to their lives. First, you could discuss what you mean by privacy. Define it in your own terms. Next, you have to define what a ‘social construction’ amounts it. Is it that society creates categories that do not actually, physically exist? Third, you have to now tell us why privacy is a social construction. Some folks did an excellent job integrating some applied research to support their argument. For example, you could integrate a study that shows that most people are actually not happier when they get what they perceive to be ‘privacy’. You can cite evolutionary literature on the fact that we evolved with our communities to lack privacy.

3) This is worth repeating: what does each of your paragraphs do in the overall argument? For many, the paragraphs were just lists of points about an issue: “There’s this thing here…. But there’s also this thing… And there’s also this thing.” Really try to use your paragraph to be more than just a list of things. Set them up to make smaller points. And when I trace a storyline through all of these points, I can see an interesting picture. I’d suggest going through each paragraph when you finish and writing a single sentence for what the paragraph is about. Then, combine all of these sentences and see if they produce an interesting argument. Remember, do not merely repeat the same general point in different ways. And, more importantly, do not have paragraphs that have limited connection to previous paragraphs.

4) The most important thing about writing other people’s words are: 1) You always give them credit. Any time that you use someone else’s words, you MUST cite them. Otherwise, it is plagiarism. 2) Do NOT rely on someone else’s words for YOU to make an argument. Many folks had giant block quotes. But quotes do not create an argument. What I want to see is how YOU ANALYZE THE ISSUE. So, I’d suggest staying away from quotes longer than 2 lines unless it is absolutely necessary that you use the larger quote. IF you do use any quotes, make sure to analyze what the author means.

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5) This brings me to structure. (2) and (3) are entangled. You can’t have a good argument without good structure and vice versa. Go through each of your paragraphs and ask yourself the question: What is the purpose of this paragraph? Does it make an argument? Is it successful? Does it repeat information? There was a lot of repetition in these essays. For a 4 page essay, that ends up using a lot of room. One thing to keep in mind is that we repeat when we are unsure about our argument. But when you make a good argument, you feel satisfied and move on.

6) This one is simple: Make sure to use any relevant views that you are supposed to use. And, make sure the views are accurate. You want the point to be simple and useful. As a note-taking method, I’d recommend taking about 5 sentences of notes per reading. Those sentences should give you the most essential aspect of that author. This helps for accuracy.