Conflict Resolution

Guiding and Directing Young Children

(Relationships and Guidance)

Activity:

What does discipline mean to you?

1. Think about this for a moment…

2. Write your definition down on a piece of paper.

Discipline is the process of TEACHING (what they

can do) and GUIDING (putting limits on what they

can’t do).

We should strive to guide children to be

responsible and cooperative.

Why do children behave certain ways?

Why do children do what they do?

Understanding behavior means that we remove ourselves from the outcome of the

behavior and try and understand what the behavior is communicating.

Examples:

A tired child might act out during a field trip or at the end of the day.

You might bring a child to the grocery store during their naptime. (Poor timing)

A child might be hungry and act out.

**They aren’t necessarily acting out because of you!

How can we learn to see what the child is asking through their behavior (and stop

seeing or viewing the child’s behavior as good or bad, right or wrong)?

Why set limits?

Guiding children is an active role which helps…

 Establishing boundaries to keep a child safe (physically, mentally, socially,

emotionally, and spiritually). Setting limits helps assure the safety of each child and

adult.

 Children develop self-control; a sense of accountability for their own behavior

(includes hitting, back talking, kicking, etc.) It helps them learn about safety,

appreciation for property (prohibit the destruction of materials and equipment), good

health habits, and consideration for others (assures respectful treatment of all

people).

 Modeling positive problem solving and communication skills.

 Giving children as much power as developmentally appropriate. Help them regulate

their own behavior. Children grow up into healthy adults when they reach young

adulthood and understand that they are independent and are responsible for their

own lives and actions.

Are we there to punish or teach?

Punishment Vs. Teaching &

Guiding Anger Responsibility

Resentment Alternative

Behaviors

Revenge Actions/

Consequences

Sadness Good Judgment

Negative

Reactions

Positive

Results

*Table/chart taken from Peacebuilders workshop

• Punishment is defined as the infliction of pain, loss, or suffering for a crime or

wrongdoing

• It is designed to stop unwanted behavior by inflicting retribution that is painful

or unpleasant. It gives a behavior a negative consequence to decrease the

likelihood of its recurrence.

• While punishment may achieve immediate results, it will not teach alternatives or

enhance understanding of what should be done.

• Take a look at the chart below to see the consequences between punishment and

providing guidance (teaching and guiding).

Problems with punishment

 It’s negativity triggers a spirit of retaliation on the part of the child.

 Children who are frequently punished become more devious, not more cooperative.

When children are punished for trying things out and making mistakes in the process their sense of initiative and autonomy are squelched

 Punishment provides no opportunities for learning new, more effective behaviors

 Children can receive the message that it is okay to hurt people when you don’t like what they do.

 Physical punishment can lead to child abuse.

Harmful effects of punishment

Punishment leads to:

-Low self-esteem

-Negative self-concept

-Angry feelings

-Disengagement from school and the learning process

So what do you do instead?

The alternative to punishment is guidance.

1. Guidance is not permissiveness, nor is it a

simplistic manipulative reward system.

2. Guidance is a complex approach that involves

meeting needs, understanding developmental

issues, expressing feelings, preventing

problems and using a problem solving process.

Ask yourself…

When you are faced with

misbehavior are you

interested in changing the

behavior or are you

interested in controlling,

winning or making the child

suffer?

The teacher should recognize that mistaken behaviors are caused by inexperience, the influences of others, or deep unmet physical or emotional needs.

General guidelines…

1. Communicate what you are doing and why.

2. Check communication to see whether it is clear.

3. Build positive relationships.

A significant aspect of education is “relationships, relationships,

relationships.”

***It is important to keep in mind the fit between what you do (PRACTICE) and

your long term goals for children. If you want children to be kind, understanding,

etc. then you need to model it for them.

How does a teacher build positive teacher-child relationships?

1. The teacher relies on guidelines for expected behavior that are

worded positively rather than rules with negative wording and

implied threats.

2. The teacher models and teaches acceptance, cooperation and

empathy.

3. The teacher models and teaches conflict management.

4. The teacher avoids embarrassing or humiliating children.

5. The teacher uses removal or physical restraint as only as a last

resort.

6. The teacher works on managing his/her own feelings.

The teacher builds partnerships with parents

1. The teacher recognizes that being a parent is a difficult job.

2. The teacher uses a variety of methods to connect with parents; phone calls, visits, notes home, meetings, conferences, events etc.

3. The teacher avoids judging parents and makes the effort to connect with even the hardest to reach parents.

Guiding children….

 Helps children learn from their mistakes instead of punishing them for the mistakes they make

 Empowers children to solve problems instead of punishing them for having problems they cannot solve

 Helps children to accept consequences, but consequences that teach and leave self-esteem in tact instead of punish

What guidance is not…

 It is not just reacting to problems.

 It does not mean that the program won’t be

educational.

 It is not a sometimes thing.

 It is not permissive discipline.

Preventing unacceptable behavior

Set up an appropriate environment

Let the environment provide the limits

Model appropriate behavior

Redirect energy

Provide physical control when needed

Teach appropriate expression of feelings

Meet needs

Responding to unacceptable behavior

 Give feedback.

 Allow children to experience the consequences of their

actions.

 Catch children being “good.”

 Ignore misbehavior that is designed to attract attention.

 Teach pro-social behavior.

 Time out, taking away things (toys, dessert, etc.) being

grounded….these methods don’t meet the child’s

needs. Therefore they typically aren’t very effective. But

if you choose to use this method, use time-out

appropriately.

Time-out: two views

 Traditional: Child is removed to a time out chair or unoccupied part of the room as a consequence for wrong doing. It is intended that the child “think about” what they have done. The adult decides when the child may rejoin the group

 Guidance Perspective: “Cooling off period”. The teachers removes a child from a difficult situation and helps them to calm down so the two can then talk about and hopefully resolve the conflict. The intent is for the child to practice coping skills and the child decides when they are ready to rejoin the group.

Let’s take a look at 2 scenarios.

For the first scenario, we will compare the

Traditional model and Guidance Model approaches

to disciplining young children.

Situation: It is September and (Teacher) Alicia is just getting to

know her new class of four year olds. Today at lunch time Sam

and Jose were sitting next to each other laughing and talking,

neither one of them are eating much food but they are making a big

mess.

 Traditional Model

Alicia approaches the

boys, looks sternly at

them and says: “ Look

what a mess you are

making!, I am going to

move my chair to sit

between the two of you,

now please stop playing

and start eating.”

 Guidance Model Alicia moves her chair closer to the

boys and says, “ You two are having so much fun down here, what’s so funny?”

Alicia spends a few moments hearing about the boys joke, asks them how they like their food and tells them about the food she likes on her plate.

When the boys look like their done she reminds them that they can go play as soon as their area is cleaned up.

Alicia makes a mental note to herself to send a note home to both boys parents about the new friend each of them has made.

For the second/last scenario, try to figure out which

approach you might try as a teacher.

Situation #2: How might (Teacher) Maria figure

out how to guide these children?

Maria is a teacher of four year olds, she has a small class of 14 children and a very small classroom. Recently Maria has noticed that there are more and more conflicts over toys and space. Yesterday Noah and Joe told every girl that tried to come into the block area where they were playing with legos to “go away”. Maria helped the boys to work out the problem yesterday but now it’s happening again!