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What are the cultural expectations for men and women? Are gender roles com- pletely determined by cultural patterns and expectations, or can they be negoti- ated and changed? Are there intergenerational differences in gender-role expec- tations? Based on her experiences as an Asian American/Pacific lslander who was raised in male-dominated cultures, Rona Tamiko Halualani describes her struggles to navigate the difficult terrain of culture/gender expectations.

12 "This ls the Way Things Are!": Moking Sense of Gender Roles in Cultures Rona Tamiko Halualani

As a child, I always looked tbrward to the summer. That's when I would see my Japanese grandparents, who would travel from Honolulu to Califoriria to visit my two older brothers and me. (I am of mixed back6pound: halfJapanese, part Hawaiian, and part English). My grandfather was six feet tall, a strong man with an infectious laugh and a big heart, usually buying us an1-thing we wanted. My grandmother was quite different. She wasjust under frve feet tall, with a petite frame and a soft voice. I loved them both with every fiber of my being. But each time I saw them, I started to notice peculiar things specifi- cally in terrns oftheir gender roles. For example, when I was eight years old, I sat down at the dinner table. I immediately noticed that my grandrnother was scurrying around, grabbing dishes to set the table, making sure that the tea was hot enough and the fish was fully cooked. Grandpa was always the last to enter the kitchen; when he finally did, all the food was on the table. I under- stood from moments like these that my g'randfather expected specifrc things of my grandmother: the preparation of fbod to his liking and on time, and the completion of all housework maintenance duties (such as laundry,

cleaning, and grocery shopping). With such implicit rules, I never witnessed my grandmother complaining and Grandpa never outwardly demanded such behavior. It was as my grand- mother once told mc, when at age six- teen I asked about the clear differences in their gender roles: "This is the way things are!" The gender role differ- ences I observed therefore took on this 'tutur:tl lualitv: tlto .'ule. rnd -rpec'

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Cu_!!g1e Corugpts

Culture and Gender Roles Culturcl patterns often prescribe appropriate be- haviors for men and women. In some culturcs, very specific gender-rclated behaviors are ex- pected; other cultures allow more ambiguitY in the exPected roles of women and men.

MAKING SFNSE OF GENDER ROLES ]N CULTURES IU)

tations for holi women and men behaved were the "normal" outcomes ofcul- ture and tradition (and these outcomes would reproduce themselves over f,rme).

What was odd was that, when my grandparents were around, my brothers and I implicitly accepted the roles of my grandparents. We never lifted a fin- ger to help my grandmother, even as she moved around the house Iiantically to address all ofour needs. Simply put, we had unconsciously and consciously acquiesced to the gender scenarios that are embedded in Asian cultures. Our tacit acceptance of such gender roles was especially odd given our immediate family context at home in California. My parents were nothing close to "tradi- tional." Both my parents were highly educated, worked full time, and held progressive views about gender roles. Specifically, my parents created an egal- itarian household for their children. Mom and Dad shared all household du- ties and childrearing responsibilities. In fact, some of the first memories I have as a child were those of my father taking care of my brothers and me. In addition, once my brothers and I grew tall enough to load a dishwasher or stand on a stool to wash rice (a daily chore in our house), my parents initiated us into a world ofequal sharing of chores and responsibilities. I remember my mother telling me, "Girls and boys alike need to partake in housework and taking care ofthe family." We were expected to treat other girls and boys with equal respect and value. There were also no boundaries imposed on how we envisioned our futures; Mom and Dad encouraged the three ofus to "be" what- ever we wanted, and to enter professions that were not expected of our gen- ders. (By contrast, as a child, my mother was always encouraged to be either a schoolteacher or a nurse, which were two professions deemed "suitable" for women.)

As the youngest and the only daughter in the family, I considered my parents'modern philosophy about gender roles as incredibly important. Throughout adolescence and into my college years, I continued to notice how different the gender roles were between my parents, compared to those be- tween my grandparents. I realized that there were no "clear" or "natural" rules and expectations about gender roles and behaviors. My parents, who were raised in traditional households, did not reproduce the gender portraits to which they were exposed. Instead, we were always working to make sense of seemingly automatic gender roles and negotiate for ourselves our own gen- der identities.

Like culture, gender is socially learned and fashioned in relation to all of the people in your life (your parents, grandparents, family members, neigh- bors, friends). Thus, while we assume that we will immediately invoke the gender roles of our parents, there may be much more to it than this. Our gen- der identities are informed by al1 of our accumulated experiences and memo- ries. In addition to obser-ving the gender roles within my family, I remerrber going to my friends'homes and observing mostly traditional roles for wives and husbands (with the mother compietely tending to the home while the fa- ther served as the breadwinner and family decision maker). I was initially shocked that other families were not like mine. That impression has stayed

106 PART TWO > CROSSING CULTURES

with me.Asian cultures are presumed to adhere to strict gender role divisions: males fulfill the breadwinner roles and females the domestic roles. While I saw it firsthand with my grandparents, this image grated against the diver_ gentwiew offered by my parents. I internalized these contrasting experiences, which influenced the development of my own gender identity as a mixed Asian American/Pacifi c Islander woman.

I remember one of my Asian classmates in middle school. Susan. who asked why my mother was sordifferent', flom all the other Asian mothers. "How is she different?" I asked. My friend responded, ,.She works and she seems to call the shots at your house. Is she really Japanese?,,The question shocked me. Why was it so odd to my friend that my molher worked outside of the home? Ald because my mother did not stay at home or act in accordance with certain cultural (Asian) norms, her cultural background was being ques- tioned? For years, I did not really understand this interaction. I could not ouite grasp how gender and cultural norms are intertwined so tightly. To many of my family members and friends, to be traditionally ,,Japanese,' was to model and perform all ofthe expected gender roles and behaviois. To go against such expectations (especially as a woman raised in a patriarchal culture) threat_ ened one's cultural authenticity and membership. I had been told family sto_ ries about how my grandmother ,bent along" with the gender expectations of her as a Nisei Japanese woman, and that my motheia strong-willed San_ sei-fought every gender rule placed upon her. How did this happen to two women who were thked to the same traditions but were taking diffeient paths toward gender role expectations? Perhaps it was easier for my mother 1o di- verge away from the gender expectations of the time, given that she was of a later generation, but I also noticed that other female relatives who were mrr mother's age acted like my grandmother: soft-spoken and subservient. - From about age ten through high school. I grew increasingly curious abouthow my grandmother and mother were so different from each other in that one adhered to tradition and the other (though raised in a traditional household) broke away ffom gender and cultural norms. I became curious because I was trying to sort out my own gender identity and behaviors. Fearfirl that I would become more deferential like yr] grandmother, I began to act out-especially against males. I would constahtly rebel against my male classmates in every subject in school. One instructor in my middle school complained to my mother that I was overly "aggressive" and "competitive,, with the bovs in class. Hear- ing this, my mother smirked and told me later that she *u" "r."ry proud" of me.

Even at a young age, I was very aware of the gender stereotl.oes and ex- peclations ofAsian women, and I did not wanl Lo be trapped as a woman in such cultural norms. In fact, I did everything I could to go against the grain of the gender rules that framed my grandmother,s life: academically compet- ing with other males throughout college and graduate school, and

"o,rrdiogoff at any hint of chauvinisrn from my female and male friends and familv members. This eventually spilled over to how I act today. I am a tenurei university professor on a large campus and oiten ,,overcompensate ' bo shat_

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MAKING SENSE OF GENDER ROLES IN CULTURES I07

Culture Concepts Knowledge of Our Own Culture Knowledge of out own cultural system maY be very closely linked to intercultural competence. Though often overlooked, knowledge of our own culture provides impoftant insights that facilitate u ndercta nd ing of other . -t lturee.

ter the notiod that I am a weak, passive Asian woman who can easily be taken advantage of. For example, I have a wonderful department chair and I have found myselfsnapping at him or coming across in a verbally aggressive manner so that I will not be misrecognized as a docile Asian American woman. I want to be taken seriously but find that I act in response to my ac- cumulated memories ofthe gender roles I have seen in my life. I have had to reflect upon these "habits" of mine and work toward openly discussing my feelings and perceptions with my colleagues and friends. The tight-knit rela- tionship between gender and culture always shifts in relation to the inter- personal contexts. Three years ago, I married a wonderful man, which raised yet another gender role consideration. My husband is the eldest Chi- nese (lst generation) son in his famiiy, ald he was raised to be a "strong" male figure. This means that he was not expected to engage in any house- hold or familial duties, since it was deemed "inappropriate" for the eldest Chinese son to do such chores. The differences in our gendered upbringing became dif{icult in our first year of marriage. We had to openly discuss the ways in which we were raised (as the eldest Chinese son and the youngest daughter in a mixed family), and we had to negotiate "new" gender roles and expectations for ourselves. I exposed my husband to the egalitarian philoso- phy of my parents, while also being sensitive to the Asian way of gender so- cialization. In turn, my husband and I would have long discussions about our memories of our parents, and he always emphasized how difficult it is for individu.ais to change and rethink traditions and rules-especially gen- der rules-that center their culture. From these discussions I realized that gender norms and roles are always up for negotiation and reconfrguration, though often this is done subtly and indirectly. I started to think back to the anecdotes and stories my mother wouid tell me (and that I had forgotten) about how my grandparents negotiated the strict gender norms in their lives. My grandmother-a stubborn and gilently strong-willed woman- wanted to work outside the home, so she went against my grandfather's wishes, got her driver's license, and took her first job. Realizing he couldn't change the situation, my grandfather relented and later expressed apprecia- tion for the money my grandmother earned for the household. My grand- father even began to shift his previously held views on gender roles; in his elder years he took on some of the household responsibilities, encouraged

my grandmother to try ne\a/ things, and persuaded her to travel more. I know now that the notion that gender and cultural norms can't change be- cause "This is the way things are!" is not entirely true. Rather, we can share our gendered./culLured experi- ences with others, and we can negoti- ate what "gender/culture" means in our specific :eiationships and at .pe- cific times in our lives.

108 PARTTWO > CROSSING CULTURES

) ) ) Learnin AmongUS 1. What is the relationship between Halu-' alani's cultural background a:rd her be-

[efs, values, norms, and cultural prac- tices? IIow does this background affect her sense of the appropriate roles for fetrilies and males?

2. Think about Halualani's story from the standpoint of cultural patterns. Using Hofstede'e framework (see pages 64-71), explain the views of Halualaai's grand- parents, parents, and husband.

3. How important was it that Halualani had kndwledge ofher own cultural background as she and her hueband add:essed iliffer- ing e.rFectations that each had for the other?

4. What expectations do you have for appro- priate gender-related behaviors? Do these expectations occur as a result of your cul- tural backgmund? Ilave you ever had to negotiate contested gender roles, as Halu- alani has done? If go. describe the exoeri- ence{s) and the outcome(s).

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