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Chapter 2

Empathy Is King

The main tenet of Design Thinking is empathy for the people

you’re trying to design for. Leadership is exactly the same thing—

building empathy for the people you’re entrusted to help.

—David Kelley, co-founder of IDEO and author of Creative Confidence

Empathy is a word that seems to be popping up everywhere. It has become a buzzword among politicians, education experts, and business leaders. But what does it really mean? “Empathy is the ability to share another person’s feelings and emotions as if they were your own” (Collins English Dictionary, n.d.). Empa- thy is king in Design Thinking, which differentiates it from many approaches that are also used to tackle problems. Some people may be naturally more empathetic, but empathy is a skill that can and should be practiced. In fact, we believe empathy is one of the most important skills you can develop on this journey. Having empathy improves your leadership, teaches you to ask the right questions, and enables you to understand others better.

Gallagher, Alyssa, and Kami Thordarson. Design Thinking for School Leaders : Five Roles and Mindsets That Ignite Positive Change, Association for Supervision & Curriculum Development, 2018. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/amridge/detail.action?docID=5437456. Created from amridge on 2021-09-03 03:45:22.

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Empathy Is King • 21

Empathy must be the driving force behind changes made in our schools. To effectively move our organizations forward, we must be willing to listen, compromise, and meet people where they are. Empathy allows for honest and transparent communication, which can be both frustrating and uncomfortable. Keep in mind that, while they are close cousins, empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is more of a third-person emotional response; empa- thy involves putting yourself in another person’s shoes. Think for a moment about the last time someone shared a problem with you. What was your reaction? Did you try to lighten the mood or immediately solve the problem? If so, you might be suffering from a lack of empathy.

A few winters back, you may have read or heard about a New York City police officer who very generously donated a new pair of warm boots to a homeless man sitting on the streets on a par- ticularly cold night. The story went viral after a tourist snapped a picture of the generous donation in action that captured our hearts. What the picture and the story don’t tell is what hap- pened next. A New York Times reporter tracked down the home- less man, Jeffrey Hamilton, a military veteran who had worked in kitchens before living on the street, and discovered that he was still wandering the streets barefoot. When asked about the foot- wear, Jeffrey told the reporter he had to hide those expensive boots because they could cost him his life. A heartbreaking story in many regards, we feel that this tale also highlights what hap- pens in education: we supply the solution we think people need or the solution we want them to have, without enough empathy for their needs. We wonder if, had the well-intentioned officer spent more time with Jeffrey, he might have learned about other ways to meet that need, or if Jeffrey had more important needs to be met. In Jeffrey’s case, a few layers of socks or a well-worn pair of used boots may have been a better match for his needs. So how do you become more empathetic and uncover the needs of students, teachers, and parents in your community?

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22 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

How Empathetic Are You? The latest neuroscience research shows that 98 percent of us have the ability to empathize hardwired into our brains, and yet many of us do not utilize the skill enough. Think of empathy as a muscle. Like any muscle, empathy can be developed over time with intentional practice. The more we have learned about empa- thy, the more curious we have become. We started wondering how strong our empathetic skills were. If you, too, find yourself wondering, you can take a short quiz that will give you some base- line information. The Empathy Quiz from Greater Good Magazine (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/14) offers a great starting point and draws from three different scientifically validated scales created by researchers to measure empathy. It only takes five minutes to complete, and then you are immedi- ately given both an empathy score and suggestions to help you become more empathetic.

Early in Alyssa’s career, she learned about the power of empa- thy. She became the principal of a highly successful elementary school, as measured by test scores, which was steeped in tradi- tional practices and well versed in “the way we have always done things.” There were many clear opportunities to improve student learning, but rather than force her ideas on teachers, she made time to meet with each teacher, gauge their feelings about the school, and talk about how they could collaboratively improve learning for students. Together, they slowly started creating new pathways for success. They identified the need for students to have increased opportunities for highly differentiated learning in both reading and math, which opened the door for student groupings beyond an individual classroom. They also identified a need to embrace passion in learning and saw an opportunity to play with elementary electives and student choice. While there was not an immediate turnaround in everyone’s thinking or practice, they made progress toward revolutionizing learning at their school. They continued talking about changes that needed

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Empathy Is King • 23

to be made and intentionally provided outlets for everyone to express their thoughts, especially when they disagreed. Outlets for conversation included simple things like an open 15 minutes on a staff meeting agenda or a monthly happy hour when people could connect and share. Opening the door for empathy allows us to engage each other in new ideas and build stronger relation- ships with those for whom we need to impact change. Because empathy is a skill that actually grows when practiced, the rest of this chapter will focus on concrete ways you can build that empathy muscle.

The Power of Observation

The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands, but in seeing

with new eyes.

—Marcel Proust

One of the first ways to build empathy is to hone your powers of observation and cultivate the ability to see what others overlook. You will be amazed at how much detail actually escapes us on a daily basis. Being able to screen out some detail is important for self-preservation, but imagine if you were able to turn on your observation superpowers when needed.

In 1994, Proctor & Gamble was interested in creating new cleaning solutions. They put together a team that used human-centered design as the primary driver behind any new products. The team, focused on improving the mopping experi- ence, did something very simple and very boring: for hours and hours, they watched people mop. With so many hours of mop- ping observation, they started to take note of some interesting details. They noticed that mopping was an inherently dirty job, and almost everyone changed their clothes before mopping. They also noticed that mopping was time-consuming, because

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24 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

it was most effective with clean water. If you didn’t change the water frequently enough, you were simply smearing around the grime with dirty water. These details started to help frame the true need Proctor & Gamble was trying to fulfill. Then, on one visit with an elderly test subject, coffee grounds were spilled and, instead of reaching for a mop, the woman swept up the grounds and grabbed a damp paper towel to clean up the rest. It was at that moment that the idea for the Swiffer mop was born. Through hours and hours of observation, they discovered a solution that would attract dirt in a one-and-done method. Mopping would no longer be a dirty job and, even better for Procter & Gamble, the Swiffer required ongoing purchases from consumers.

Dev Patnaik, CEO of Jump Associates, a strategy and innova- tion firm, says, “The secret to good observation is to observe, get bored, and then observe some more” (Patnaik & Mortensen, 2009). If you are like most people, your first response is probably something along the lines of, “Who has time for this? You must be joking!” We both felt this way when we took an online class, “A Crash Course in Creativity,” taught by Tina Seelig, a professor at Stanford. Only two weeks into class, we were assigned to take a silent 30-minute walk while observing our surroundings. Alyssa had grand plans for how she would love to spend her 30 minutes of observation, but procrastinated until the last moment and improvised with a late-night walk, followed by a few minutes of sitting on her balcony. Even though the night walk wasn’t what she had planned, she was still amazed by the power of observa- tion. She didn’t walk anywhere new; in fact, it was a walk she had taken countless times, and yet she was amazed by how “new” it felt when she truly paid attention to her surroundings. She noticed an art shop tucked right next to the dry cleaners that she had never seen before, and at the corner there was a little free lending library that looked like it hadn’t been used in a while. It was almost as though she was a visitor experiencing the neigh- borhood for the first time.

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Empathy Is King • 25

Similarly, David Kelley, founder of IDEO, recommends think- ing like a traveler. When you travel to a new country, you pay attention to every detail, delighting in the new smells, sights, and sounds of your location in a way you don’t at home. David suggests that simply being acutely aware of your surroundings will help you spot more opportunities. This leaves us wonder- ing. What opportunities are present in our classrooms that we haven’t stopped to notice? What would happen if we questioned all our practices as though we were travelers? What might we notice if we truly stopped and took a few minutes to observe the practices in our schools? Our guess is that not only might we notice opportunities, but we might also begin venturing into new solutions. How might you hone your powers of observation?

Challenge yourself to find something new in the mundane. Do you always spend time in the school office? What are you missing? Instead of sitting in your office, sit in the chairs usu- ally reserved for those waiting to meet with you. Settle in and observe. What new details emerge? Look around slowly. Does this perspective give you new insights into what a student, parent, or teacher must feel when they sit on this side of your desk? Just because you have looked at something a hundred times doesn’t mean you have seen it. Joan, a principal of a K–6 school who had been in the position for many years, decided to observe, from a different perspective, something she had been part of year after year. It was the day class lists and teacher assignments were posted in front of the school, the week before school started. This was a favorite day for Joan, since she loved welcoming back the students and families and was always filled with possibilities for the new year. Unlike many colleagues, Joan chose to be present, chatting with families, even if it meant hav- ing a few uncomfortable conversations with parents or students who weren’t pleased with their class assignments. This year, though, Joan decided to just observe. She parked her car across the street and watched. Sure, there was some excitement and

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26 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

happiness to be observed, but she also saw a different side to the day. She noticed the kids who feigned excitement in front of their friends while looking at the list, but then walked away with their heads down, fighting back tears. She noticed parents getting on their cell phones, having agitated conversations as they left school. Maybe the day wasn’t as great as she had per- ceived it to be. Could there be a better way? The simple act of observing and really seeing something she had been a part of left Joan questioning and imagining different solutions. Joan was so intrigued by what she observed, she followed up with parents to dig deeper and really understand both their and their children’s experiences. What might you try to really see for the first time?

Immersion Insights: Shadow a Student (or a Teacher) Consider shadowing a student or a teacher for an entire day and putting yourself in their shoes: walk the halls they walk, sit in their seats. What is their daily experience at school? The aha moments that you will get from this experience are worth the time out of the office. They are rich, human-centered, and powerful. In fact, administrators and teachers who have tried this often credit it as the number-one thing that helped them shift their role from accidental designer to intentional designer. What might happen if you viewed your role and approach as a principal through the eyes of your students? Or through the eyes of your teachers? How might that shift your focus?

The first time Alyssa intentionally shadowed a student was on the first day of a new school year. She thought it would be interesting to view the “back-to-school” excitement through the student’s eyes. As a student, she had participated in plenty of first days, and yet, she was in no way prepared for the reality or the boredom of what she experienced. She was shadowing an 8th grade student in a traditional middle school setting with a seven- period day. The welcome-back excitement from the students

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Empathy Is King • 27

arriving at school carried into the first-period class, when there was a quick “get-to-know-you” activity followed by a review of the rules, syllabus, and expectations. It was very teacher-centric, with little effort to engage or encourage participation from the students. The class went by fairly quickly, but then she realized she would likely be repeating this same class structure six more times in different content areas. By period four, she was bored beyond belief. She found it hard to muster enthusiasm in any of the classes. With the newfound knowledge from her experience, she brought a novel idea to the leadership team: redesigning the first three days of school. The team brainstormed ways to make the first three days more about building a learning culture and cultivating relationships among and between students and teach- ers. What a perfect opportunity for a redesigned experience, one that, unless looked at through the eyes of a student, may not have been apparent.

Erik Burmeister, former principal of Hillview Middle School in Northern California, took shadowing a student a step further by creating a small “design team.” The design team identified a problem: how might we use time and resources differently to better meet the needs of our students? The team knew the best place to start was with students. They identified profiles of different types of students attending their school and assigned each member of the design team to a specific student. Design team members shadowed a student for an entire day, following up with an interview of the students and their parents. This perspective of new data helped them approach the allocation of resources from the perspective of what was best for students. The outcomes included a new bell schedule, master schedule, and intersessions that look almost nothing like a traditional mid- dle school. Now design and empathy are so second nature that they are both just business as usual at the school.

Because we are often short on time, it can be tempting to only shadow for one period or a small portion of the day. While

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28 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

you can learn some things from a short experience, it doesn’t paint the entire picture. The more time you can give to the shad- owing experience, the deeper your understanding will be, and you will walk away with a clearer picture of possible needs. It can also be tempting to select an “average” student to shadow, one who is having an okay experience at school. We challenge you to think about your “extreme users” when selecting a student to shadow. How is school working for second-language learners? What about exceptionally gifted students? By selecting students who might have needs outside the norm, you will likely gain additional insights.

Another piece to consider is the messaging to those around you and the person you are shadowing. Taking the time to explain your purpose will put those you are hoping to observe in their natural environments at ease. If people are unsure why you’re following them around, they may become uncomfortable, and you will not have a genuine view of what they are experiencing. Finally, think through how you will record your observations. Where will you position yourself? What type of notes will you take? How can you be that “fly on the wall” with little disruption to those around you?

Shadowing a student has become so popular that School Retool, an IDEO professional development fellowship that helps school leaders redesign their school culture, actually sponsored a “Shadow a Student Challenge” last school year. During the first challenge, they had over 1,300 principals clear their calen- dars for the day and spend it immersed in the school lives of their students.

Active Listening Another way to build empathy for those in your school commu- nity is just to listen—really listen—to people. Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart. We are amazed at the number of times peo- ple check their phones mid-sentence during a conversation. We

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Empathy Is King • 29

get it; we are all connected and must be reachable at any given moment of the day, but we challenge you to start really listening, with all electronics out of sight. Be in tune with the person you are talking to, in tune with their facial expressions and body lan- guage. It sounds so basic, but the things we say account for only 7 percent of the total message that other people receive. The other 93 percent of the message that we communicate when we speak is in our tone of voice and body language (Businessballs, n.d.). Pay attention to the other person and try to remove your ego from the equation. Anything you learn is not really about you or how you like things to be done; it is all about what is best for students. When you are ready to take your active listening to the next level, try interviewing for empathy.

Interviewing for Empathy Borrowing from ethnographic methods, interviewing for empa- thy is an important step in the design process. The goal of empa- thy interviews is to have conversations with end users (students, teachers, and parents) that are fairly open-ended and allow you to identify their needs, both explicit and implicit. They are one of the best methods for gathering information and, unfortunately, are not commonly used in schools. Many schools are open to gathering feedback, but they usually do so through surveys. Sur- veys can help you quickly gather information from large groups of people, but they usually lead to surface-level insights and lack real depth of understanding why a group of people answered a question in a particular way.

In contrast, empathy interviews are designed to gather deep information about fewer people’s experiences. In empathy inter- views, the interviewer works to build rapport and then evokes stories from the interviewee, really trying to understand his or her point of view and perspective. Interviewing for empathy requires you to ask, “Why?” a lot. Even if you think you know the answers, when you try asking people why they do or say the

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30 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

things they do, sometimes the answers will surprise you. Unlike other interviews, empathy interviews don’t require a lot of ques- tions. A conversation that stems from one question should go on as long as it needs to. Because we are trying to understand specific examples, try to stay away from “usually” or “always” when asking questions. Instead, ask about a specific instance or occurrence, such as, “Tell me about the last time you _________.” Our perception of reality is often slightly different than our actual reality. For example, many people will state that they are fairly health-conscious, and if you ask them what they usually eat for dinner, they might give an example of grilled chicken and veggies. However, if you asked what they ate for dinner the pre- vious night, their response might be pizza, as they were coming home late from baseball, and the night before was hamburgers, because they were running to another event. You get the point: our “usually” and our reality are often quite different.

Empathy interviews encourage stories. Whether or not the stories people tell are true, stories reveal how people think about the world and their perceptions about the topics you are discussing. Also, watch for inconsistencies between what people say and what they do; these inconsistencies can offer a lot of interesting insights. We talked to a principal at one school who told us that they truly valued student input, and then we watched him not ask one question while we toured classrooms. This led to an interesting conversation around the meaning of student input. And lastly, don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes it takes a minute for people to warm up or to recall a story of interest. Figure 2.1 shows a guide for an empathy interview we used to learn more about the students’ homework experience at a school. It is important to note that these interviews are not like job interviews; you don’t have to ask every person the same set of questions. Because the goal is to evoke stories, think of the questions as a set of guidelines, rather than a script to be strictly followed. If an interviewee has something interesting and juicy to

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Empathy Is King • 31

share, you might only need to ask one or two questions during the interview.

Figure 2.1

Sample Empathy Interview Script: Student Interview on Homework

• Tell me about last night’s homework.

• What was your worst homework experience this year? Why was it your worst experience?

• Tell me about a time when homework really helped you. What did that look like?

• Do you ever get stuck doing your homework? Tell me about it.

General prompts to use if you get stuck:

• Why? Why did you do/say/think that?

• Really? And why was that? What do you think would help with that?

• Can you say more about that? Tell me more.

• What were you feeling then? Why?

The good thing about empathy interviews is you can do them virtually anywhere and they don’t cost anything. Empathy inter- views can be informal or formal, random or scheduled, topic- focused or open-ended. Because you are focused on learning about someone’s experience, you can learn a ton, regardless of how you choose to structure them. When Alyssa was an admin- istrator, a conversation she had with a middle school student during lunch helped her see what it was like for students to receive their report cards in the mail and caused her to rethink how we shared feedback with students. She asked herself ques- tions like, “Is a grade on a report card sufficient information for a student?” and “Shouldn’t receiving something in the mail from school be a positive experience?” On a grander scale, empa- thy interviews conducted over the course of six months with numerous students, teachers, and parents helped inform how to improve learning experiences across an entire school district,

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32 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

with the insights feeding into a strategic plan. Regardless of the scale, empathy interviews ground us in the day-to-day experi- ences of learning and teaching at school.

All you need to conduct an empathy interview is a partner, something to capture your notes, and a handy cheat sheet with suggestions and possible prompts to get you started (see “Tips for Empathy Interviews” in the Appendix). We encourage you to have a partner, when possible, to help document the interview. It can be tricky to be responsible for both interviewing and doc- umentation. During the interview, try your best to capture what you see, what you hear, and what your interviewee might be feeling. Document exact phrases and quotes from the interviews; a lot can be lost in the transcription.

Empathy interviews sound simple, but they are very power- ful. The simple act of talking to the user moves the conversation from abstract discussions to real interactions. We no longer have to guess or assume what parents are experiencing; we can ground our efforts to improve parent collaboration in the sto- ries and experiences we gather from real parents at our school. We don’t have to guess if the supports we are offering for new teachers are meeting their needs; a few interviews with first- and second-year teachers will provide us with actual information.

In 2016, Kyle Schwartz, a 3rd grade teacher at Doull Elemen- tary School in Denver, Colorado, authored a book titled I Wish My Teacher Knew: How One Question Can Change Everything for

Our Kids. The book describes Kyle’s experience of wanting to get to know her students better and asking all students to finish the sentence “I wish my teacher knew . . . .” What her students shared was both heartbreaking and insightful. Student responses included the following: “I wish my teacher knew that my dad works two jobs and I don’t see him much.” “I wish my teacher knew that my family lives in a shelter.” “I wish my teacher know [sic] that I am smarter than she thinks I am” (De La Cruz, 2016). That simple prompt profoundly changed how she approached

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Empathy Is King • 33

students in her classroom. What do your teachers wish you knew about them? Engage in empathy interviews. You will likely uncover interesting insights, but if nothing else, getting away from your desk and out of meetings to spend time with the peo- ple whose lives are impacted by what your school does can be incredibly informative and rewarding.

Sí, Se Puede: Empathy Interviews Lead to Insights Under the guidance of Donna Teuber, Richland School District Two (RSD2) in Columbia, South Carolina, runs an R2 innovation incubator and hub. R2 Innovates provides a safe space, mentor- ing, and support for a team of educators and leaders who want to implement promising practices in their schools and beyond. While R2 Innovates boasts many success stories, Sí, Se Puede may just be at the top of the list. This team of five educators from across the district connected around a common interest: solving the learning challenges of a growing Latino population, many of whom speak English as a second language (Sí, Se Puede means “Yes, We Can” in Spanish). This team sensed a lack of connec- tion between school and home for students, but didn’t just act on their assumptions. The team chose to verify and make sure that they really understood the problem, which meant talking to and learning from the right people. They questioned how to best reach Latino parents. Their first attempt was an e-mail survey, and they immediately recognized how skewed the results were. What about the parents who wouldn’t or couldn’t complete an e-mail survey? So the team had to get creative, push further, and figure out how to speak to the right people to get to the core of the problem. They needed to spend time in the commu- nity. They went door to door, talking to parents of some of the most disadvantaged students. They went three or four times in the first month, scheduling visits on either weekday nights or weekend mornings, when they were most likely to catch working

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34 • Design Thinking for School Leaders

parents at home. The team also held focus groups in the neigh- borhood and at school sites. Upon reflection, the team learned the most from empathy interviews. Among their insights were the following:

• Sometimes the students, especially in middle school or high school, may have become proficient enough with English to navigate the system, but that doesn’t mean their parents have.

• Families missed the celebrations from their home culture, and as a result, school just fell flat here for them. Parents reminisced about the parties they had in Mexico at the end of every school year. Parents were looking for more recognition, festivities, and opportunities to connect on a personal level at school.

These insights led directly to changes in programs for students. Sí, Se Puede created Fiesta Conexiones, a summer festival sup- porting Spanish-speaking students and their families in connect- ing with school, district, local, state, and national resources. They also created a student interpreter program that provides internships for upperclassmen at Spring Valley and Richland Northeast High to build skills in interpretation and translation, and support Spanish-speaking students and families. Students are able to earn a “Translator Certificate” and course credit, and if desired, can receive assistance in obtaining a business license so they can offer freelance translation services outside of school. Sí, Se Puede has also been instrumental in implementing student- led conferences across the district and providing Internet access in homes where needed, and is now working on a college cohort pipeline focused on developing relationships between RSD2 and local universities to encourage Latino students to continue their studies after high school. This team not only had incredible pas- sion to solve their problem, but they also understood the impor- tance of employing empathy prior to developing solutions. Sí, Se

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Empathy Is King • 35

Puede is now in its third year and going back out to do another round of empathy interviews before determining its next steps.

Reverse the Interview When teaching others about empathy, you can even reverse the empathy interview, giving others the opportunity to interview and practice their empathy skills on you. Suzanna Jembsy, head of the Galloway School in Atlanta, Georgia, saw an opportunity to do just that. When first joining the school, Suzanna didn’t have a need for a large office and opted for a smaller space. It was in need of decorating, so she turned the task over to a group of students. The students interviewed their new head of school about her work preferences, likes, and needs. They listened well and created a spectacular space that brings joy to Suzanna every time she works in her office. Is there a topic students or faculty could interview you about? Providing the opportunity for the interview and the ability to act on any insights just might be the jump-start that your students or faculty need.

Empathy Mapping Observation and interviews can give leaders a surprising amount of information. Empathy mapping can be a great way to synthesize your learning and insights around specific users, helping you hone in on their specific needs. There are many different versions of empathy maps available, but most have four common quadrants: thinking, seeing, doing, and feeling. Figure 2.2 includes the four quadrants, as well as two additional sections—pain and gain. The next part of the process takes a bit of role-playing. Imagine that you are one of your students, teachers, or parents. Use the infor- mation gathered through observations and interviews to identify what they are thinking, seeing, doing, and feeling. Get specific. Fill the empathy map with sticky notes for each of the four quadrants. If you can, venture into the pain and gain sections of the empathy

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map. The pains will include their fears, frustrations, and the obsta- cles they need to overcome. This section will uncover possible causes for why your end users may not be reaching their goals. In the gain section, jot down any insights you have about their suc- cess and how they obtained it. What works for them?

Figure 2.2

Empathy Map

After creating an empathy map, try to summarize it. Do you have any new ideas about how to approach solutions for your students or teachers? The completion of empathy maps is a great collaborative exercise. If you have engaged in this activity with a team, encourage each member of the team to share their thoughts about the exercise and the end user (student, teacher, parent). Have they identified any new needs? What insights have they gained? With this new information, try creating a needs statement: “Our students (teachers, parents) need a better way to_______________BECAUSE_______________.” This statement is very important, as it will drive your next steps.

Think and Feel?

Say and Do?

GainPain

Hear? See?

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We once worked with a school district that was seeking to provide their teachers with higher-quality professional develop- ment. From an empathy map we created during a design session, we were better able to identify the needs of teachers. Originally, the focus of our work was to improve teacher professional devel- opment, but after interviews with teachers, we completed the empathy map and a very different need emerged. Here is how we summarized the new information: “Teachers need a better way to connect and network with other teachers, both formally and informally, to share best practices, stories of what works, and challenges, because teaching is inherently isolating.” Armed with a new needs statement, we were ready to create experiences that met this need. As a result, our next districtwide teacher profes- sional development was conference style, with lots of teacher choice. We added an evening event prior to the professional development day, with a thought-provoking speaker and a happy hour sponsored by local restaurants. Then the actual professional learning day consisted of many sessions teachers could select from to meet their own needs, and we added working lounges and coffee carts so teachers could meet to debrief after a session or plan next steps. None of this would have been created had we not taken the time to empathize with our users via an empathy map.

Be Vulnerable Empathy is a two-way street. Yes, a very important skill in build- ing empathy is listening, but equally as important is learning to take risks in conversations. This can be hard as a leader, yet removing our masks and revealing our feelings to someone is vital for creating a strong empathic bond. Liz Wiseman, business consultant and author of The Multiplier Effect: Tapping into the Genius in Our Schools, talks about the importance of leaders crafting and sharing a “mistake story.” A mistake story explains a time when you as the leader made a mistake: what happened, where you went wrong, and what you learned from it. Try

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crafting a mistake story and think about an opportunity to share it with your teaching staff. By taking a risk and being vulnerable, you will have a double win. Your staff will have more respect for you as a leader, and you will also build your empathy skills.

The first time Alyssa shared a “mistake story” with her staff, she was worried they would judge her mistake as a sign of incom- petence. It was spring, and teacher emotions were generally high, as everyone knew there would be staffing changes due to a few enrollment bubbles. One particularly tricky situation was with a 3rd grade team of teachers—three veteran teachers and one first- year teacher. This grade level would only need three teachers the following year and would need to lose a teacher to the 2nd grade team. In working through the decision, Alyssa had multiple indi- vidual and group conversations with teachers on the 3rd grade team about what would be best for students. In her eagerness to support and work through the problem with this team, she forgot to have equally important conversations with the 2nd grade team, and rumors started flying. She was baffled that she had forgotten such an important piece to this complicated puzzle. She chose to share her mistake with the staff in full transparency of where they were, what information was being considered, and how the decision would be made. The staff’s reaction was deep apprecia- tion and surprising compassion. They understood that everyone makes mistakes. As a new principal, it can be tempting to pretend to have all the answers, but Alyssa found that by sharing her mistakes, others were more willing to share theirs. As a result, they co-created a culture of transparency in which mistakes were learned from and empathy grew.

One thing to remember when sharing a personal mistake story is that most people can sense insincerity. Really put your self-reflection skills to work and think about the story you are telling. Does it ring true? Does it feel honest? Is it significant or trivial? Being vulnerable is risky, so it can be tempting to choose a light story but then embellish or exaggerate the expe- rience. While we don’t believe you need to bare your soul in an

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embarrassing or gut-wrenching way, you do need to carefully think through your story, setting your intention and sincerity for sharing. Another caution: don’t take it to the extreme. Success- fully sharing a mistake story once doesn’t mean you should do it at every meeting. For best results, use this strategy sparingly and avoid the over-sharing syndrome. Vulnerability can be a power- ful tool for building trust in your community, but you can easily wear it out or make it feel false with overuse.

Share in Other People’s Stories and Experiences Empathy isn’t just about sadness. It really is about listening to and understanding the experiences of the people around you. Some of these stories will be joyful—enjoy them! In early 2017, IDEO’s Teachers’ Guild launched an empathy campaign called “This Is Me and I Matter.” The campaign invites students to share short videos stating who they are and what they want others to know about them. In viewing these videos, teachers will consider the dimensions of stereotyping, reflect on how they see them- selves, and create space for dialogue and understanding. The Teachers’ Guild launched this campaign because they believe greater empathy can be transformative for classrooms and schools by helping students feel more connected, supported, and safe. What might it look like to launch a #knowmystory cam- paign at your school?

Working on any of the strategies shared—observing, immer- sion through shadowing a student (or teacher!), interviewing for empathy, creating an empathy map, and being more vulnerable— will build your empathy skills. Simply viewing the world through a more empathetic lens will raise your awareness of the differ- ences that make your teachers and students unique and prompt you to question the way in which your students or teachers are experiencing your school—a critical first step on your path to becoming a design-inspired leader.

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