Analysis of Rhetorical Artifact Second Draft

246 CHAPTERs FROM ETHOS TO LOGOS: APPEALING TO YOUR READERS

FIGURE 8.ó Health Care PSA A tongue depressor appears against a plain white background next to a headline that reads: open up and say anything. The text underneath it reads: want better health care? start asking more questions. to your doctor. to your pharmacist. to your nurse. what are the test results? what about side effects? dont fully understand your prescriptions? dont leave confused. because the most important question is the one you should have asked. go to wvvw. ahrq. gov / que stio ns aretheansw er or call I - I 0 0 - 9 3 I - AH RQ (2477) for the 10 questions every patient should ask. questions are the answer. The sponsors appear at the bottom of the ad: Ad Council, the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, and AHRQ Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality.

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From lntroductions to Conclusions Drofting an Essoy

I n this chapte4 we describe strategies for crafting introductions thar set up

I your argument. we then describe the characteristics of well-formulated paragraphs that will help you build your argument. Finally, we provide you with some strategies for writing conclusions that reinforce what is new about your argument, what is at stake, and what readers should do with the knowledge you convey.

DRAFTI NG I NTRODUCTIONS

The introduction is where you set up your argument. It's where you identify a widely held assumption, challenge that assumption, and state your the- sis. writers use a number of strategies to set up their arguments. In this section we look at five of them:

. Moving from a general topic to a specific thesis (inverted-triangle intro- duction)

. Introducing the topic with a story (narrative introduction)

. Beginning with a question (interrogative introduction)

. capturing readers' attention with something unexpected (paradoxical introduction)

. Identifying a gap in knowledge (minding-rhe-gap introduction) Remember that an introduction need not be limited to a single paragraph. It may take several paragraphs to effectively set up your argument.

248 cHAaTER 9 | FRoM tNTRoDUcTtoNs To coNcLUStoNS: DRAFTTNG AN ESSAv

Keep in mind that you have to make these strategies your own. That is, we can suggest models, but you must make them work for your own argu- ment. You must imagine your readers and what will engage them. What tone do you want to take? Playful? Serious? Formal? Urgent? The attitude you want to convey will depend on your purpose, your argument, and the needs ofyour audience.

r The lnverfed-Triongle lntroduction An inverted-triangle introduction, like an upside-down triangle, is broad at the top and pointed at the base. It begins with a general statement of the topic and then narrows its focus, ending with the point of the paragraph (and the triangle), the writer's thesis. we can see this strategy at work in the following introduction from a student's essay. The student writer (1) begins with a broad description of the problem she will address, (2) then focuses on a set of widely held but troublesome assumptions, and (3) finaily, responding to what she sees as a pervasive problem, presents her thesis.

In today's wortd, many believe that education's sole purpose is to communicate information for students to store and draw on as necessary. By storing this information, students hope to per- form we[[ on tests. Good test scores assure good grades. Good grades eventuaLþ tead to acceptances into good coil.eges, which uttimateLy guarantee good jobs. Many teachers and students, convinced that education exists as a tool to secure good jobs, rely on the banking system. In her essay "Teaching to Transgress,', be[[ hooks defines the bonking system as an "approach to learn- ing that is rooted in the notion that att students need to do is consume information fed to them by a professor and be abte to memorize and store if' (185). Through the banking system, stu- dents focus solely on facts, missing the important themes and l"ife lessons availab[e in classes and school materiats. The banking sys- tem misdirects the fundamental goats of education. Education,s true purpose is to prepare students for the real wortd by attowing them access to pertinent life knowLedge available in their stud- ies. Education shoutd then entice students to appþ this pertinent life knowledge to daity life struggles through praxis. In addition to her definition of the banking system, hooks offers the idea of praxis from the work of Pauto Frejre. When incorporated into edu- cation, praxis, or "action and reflection upon the world in order to change it" (185), offers an advantageous educationaI tooI that enhances the true purpose of education and overcomes the bank- ing system.

The øtuàent beqins with a general øet of aseumptions about. eàuaation that ahe belíeves people reaà- íly accept.

'he then c¡tee

author bell hooks, to identify an approaah that makes use oftheøe asaump- tíons-the "banking system" of eàuca- tion, a term hooka borrows from eàuca- þor Paulo Freire.

The atuàentthen poínto to the þank- ínø system a6 the problem. Thíç øets up her theaís about the "true purpose" of eàuoaþíon.

DRAFTING INTRODUCTIONS 249

The strategy of writing an introduction as an inverted triangle entails first identifying an idea, an argument, or a concept that people appear to accept as tme; next, pointing out the problems with that idea, argument, or concept; and then, in a few sentences, setting out a thesis-how those problems can be resolved.

r The Norrolive lntroduction Opening with a short narrative, or story, is a strategy many writers use successfully to draw readers into a topic. A narrative introduction relates a sequence of events and can be especially effective if you think you need to coax indifferent or reluctant readers into taking an interest in the topic. Of course, a narrative introduction delays the declaration of your argu- ment, so it's wise to choose a short story that clearly connects to your argu- ment, and get to the thesis as quickly as possible (within a few paragraphs) before your readers start wondering "What's the point of this story?"

Notice how the student writer uses a narrative introduction to her argument in her essay titled "Throwing a Punch at Gender Roles: How Women's Boxing Empowers Women."

The aþuàent's entire firøt paragraph is a narrat¡ve that takes uo ¡nto the worlà of womenb boxing anà foreshaàows her theais.

Wîth her narratíve aø a backàrop, the stuàent íàentifreç a problem, uaing the þransítíon wor¿ yet to mark her chal- lenge to the aonàÞ þíons she observea ín the uníversíty'e womenb boxing

Proøram.

Glancing at my watch, I ran into the gym, noting to myselfthat being late to the first day of boxing practice was not the right

way to make a good first impression. I flew down the stairs into the basement, to the room the boxers have lovingly dubbed "The

Pit." What greeted me when I got there was more than I could ever have imagined. Picture a room fitted with boxing gloves of atl

sizes covering an entire wat[, a mirror covering another, a boxing

ring in a corner, and an awesome collection of framed newspaper

and magazine artictes chronicling the boxers whose pictures were

hanging on every wa[[. Now picture that room with seventy-ptus girls on the ftoor doing push-ups, sweat dripping down their

faces. I was immediately struck by the disciptine this sport would take from me, but I had no idea I woutd take so much more from it.

The university offers the only nonmititary-based co[[ege-[eve[

women's boxing program in America, and it atso offers women the chance to push their physicat limits in a regutated environment. Yet the program is plagued with disappointments. I have expe- rienced for myself the stereotypes female boxers face and have

deatt with the harsh reality that boxing is stitt wideLy recognized as on[y a men's sport. This paper wi[[ show that the women's box- ing program at Notre Dame serves as a much-needed outlet for

females to come face-to-face with aspects of themsetves they

The writer then states her thes¡' (what her paper "wíll ohow"): Despite the problems of ate' reotypíng, womenb boxíng offera women 5îøníñcant opportu' nitieo for growth.

Spain øeta up her arqument by aøkíng a questíon anà then tentatively answer' ínø ¡t w¡þh a refer enae to a publ¡áheà øtuày.

In the þhirà çen- þen6e, she sþâte, her thesiø-that men anà women have very líttle contaat ín the workplaae.

Fínally, ahe outlineø the effeôts that this lack of aontact has on women.

25O CHApTER 9 | FROM INTRODUCTIONS TO CONCLUSIONS: DRAFTING AN ESSAY

would not typicatl"y get a chance to explore. It witl also examine

how viewing this sport as a positive opportunity for women at ND

indicates that there is growing hope that very soon more act'ivi-

ties similar to women's boxing may be better received by society

in generat. I wi[[ accomplish these goats by analyzing scholarly journats, old )bserver [the schooI newspaper] articles, and survey

questions answered by the captains of the 2003 women's boxing

team of ND.

The student writer uses a visually descriptive narTative to introduce us to the world of women's college boxing; then, in the second paragraph, she steers us toward the purpose of the paper and the methods she will use to develop her argument about what women's boxing offers to young women and to the changing world of sports.

r The lnterrogotive lntroduction An interrogative introduction invites readers into the conversation of your essay by asking one or more questions, which the essay goes on to answer. You want to think of a question that will pique your readers'inter- est, enticing them to read on to discover how your insights shed light on the issue. Notice the question Daphne Spain, a professor of urban and environmental planning, uses to open her essay "spatial Segregation and Gender Stratification in the Workplace."

To what extent do women and men who work in different

occupations also work in different space? Baran and Teegar-

den propose that occupational segregation in the insurance

industry is "tantamount to spatial segregation by gender"

since managers are overwhelmingly male and clericaì staff

are predominantly female. This essay examines the spatial

conditions of women's work and men's work and proposes

that working women and men come into daily contact with

one another very infrequently. Further, women's jobs can be

classified as "open floot" but men's jobs are more likely to be "closed door." That is, women work in a more public envi-

ronment with less control of their space than men. This lack

of spatial control both reflects and contributes to women's

lower occupational status by limiting opportunities for the

transfer of knowledge from men to women.

By the end of this introductory paragraph, Spain has explained some of the terms she will use in her essay (open floor and closed door) and l¡as offered in her final sentence a clear statement of her thesis.

In "Harry Potter and the Technology of Magic," Iiterature scholar Elizabeth Teare begins by contextualizing the Harry Potter publishing

DRAFTINGINTRODUCTIONS 25I

phenomenon. Then she raises a question about what is fueling this success story.

ln her ñrst four øentenceg, Teare àeacríbea aome- thinq she îs curi- ouâ about and she hopes readers will be aurioua aboul.-the growing popularíty ofthe Harry Potter books.

ln the ñfth sen- tenae, Teare a9k5 the queøtíon she wíll try to answer ín the rest of the essay,

Fînally, ín the last sentence, Teare of- ferø a parbíal anøwer to her queatíon- her theaío.

The July/August 2001 issue of Book lists J. K. Rowling as one

of the ten most influential people in publishing. She shares

space on this list with John Grisham and Oprah Winfrey, along with less famous but equally powerful insiders in the book industry. What these industry leaders have in common

is an almost magical power to make books succeed in the

marketplace, and this magic, in addition to that performed with wands, Rowling's novels appear to practice. Opening weekend sales charted like those of a blockbuster movie (not

to mention the blockbuster movie itselÐ, the reconstruction

of the venerable New York Tïmes bestseller lists, the cre-

ation of a new nationt worth of web sites in the territory of cyberspace, and of course the legendary inspiration oftens

of millions of child readers-the Harry Potter books have transformed both the technologies of reading and the way we

understand those technologies. What is it that makes these books-about a lonely boy whose first act on learning he is awizard is to go shopping for a wand-not only an interna- tional phenomenon among children and parents and teach-

ers but also a topic of compelling interest to literary social, and cultural critics? I will argue that the stories the books tell, as well as the stories we're telling about them, enact both

our fantasies and our fears of childrent literature and pub-

lishing in the context of twenty-first-century commercial and

technological culture.

In the final two sentences of the introduction, Teare raises her question about the root of this "international phenomenon" and then offers her the- sis. By the end of the opening paragraph, then, the reader knows exactly what question is driving Teare's essay and the answer she proposes to explain throughout the essay.

r The Porodoxicol lntroduction - A paradoxical introduction appeals to readers' curiosity by pointing out an aspect of the topic that rLrns counter to their expectations. Just as an interrogative introduction draws readers in by asking a question, a para- doxical introduction draws readers in by saying, in effect, "Here's some- thing completely surprising and unlikely about this issue, but my essay will go on to show you how it is true." In this passage from "'Holding Back': Negotiating a Glass Ceiling on Women's Muscular Strength," sociologist

252 CHAPTER 9 | FRoM lNTRoDUcTloNs To coNcLUsloNS: DRAFTING AN EssAY

Shari L. Dworkin points to a paradox in our commonsense understanding ofbodies as the product ofbiology, not culture.

Current work in gender studies points to how "when exam-

ined closely, much of what we take for granted about gender

and its causes and effects either does not hold up, or can be

explained differently." These arguments become especially

contentious when confronting nature/culture debates on

gendered bodies. After all, "common sense" frequently tells

us that flesh and blood bodies are about biology. However,

bodies are also shaped and constrained through cumulative

social practices, structures of opportunity, wider cultural

meanings, and more. Paradoxically, then, when we think that

we are "really seeing" naturally sexed bodies, perhaps we are

seeing the effect of internalizing gender ideologies-carry-

ing out social practices-and this constructs our vision of "sexed" bodies.

Dworkin's strategy in the first three sentences is to describe com- mon practice, the understanding that bodies are biological. Then, in the sentences beginning "However" and "Paradoxically," she advances the surprising idea that ourbodies-not just the clothes we wea4 for example- carryr cultural gender markers. Her essay then goes on to examine women's weight lifting and the complex motives driving many women to create a body that is perceived as muscular but not masculine.

r The Minding+he-Gop lntroduction This type of introduction takes its name from the British train system, the voice on the loudspeaker that intones "Mind the gap!" at every stop, to call riders' attention to the gap between the train car and the platform. In a minding-the-gap introduction, a writer calls readers'attention to a gap in the research on an issue and then uses the rest of the essay to fill in the "gap." A minding-the-gap introduction says, in effect, "Wait a minute. There's something missing from this conversation, and my research and ideas will fill in this gap."

For example, in the introductory paragraphs to their book Men's Lives, Michael S. Kimmel and Michael A. Messner explain how the book is differ- ent from other books that discuss men's lives, and how it serves a different purpose.

This is a book about men. But, unlike other books about men,

which line countless library shelves, this is a book about men

as men. It is a book in which men's experiences are not taken

for granted as we explore the "real" and significant accom-

plishments of men, but a book in which those experiences are

treated as significant and important in themselves.

ln the frrst aen' tence, Dworkín quotes from a atuày to íàentífy the ihink' íng thaÞ ahe is 6oîng to challenge.

Noþíce how Dworkín aígnalø her own poeiþ¡on "However" relative to aommonly helà â6eumptîons,

Dworkin enàa by atating her theøíø, notín4 a paraàox that wíll surprìae reaàers,

fhe authors be1in wíÞh an assumption anà then challenge íþ. A transitíon worà (but) aignals the challenge,

The authorø follow with a queotion thât. provokes reaàers' ¡nþeresþ an¿ pointe to þhe gap theJl surfimarîze ¡n the Iast sentence,

DRAFTING INTRODUCTIONS 253

But what does it mean to examine men "as men"? Most courses in a college curriculum are about men, arent they? But these courses routinely deal with men only in their public roles, so we come to know and understand men as scientists, poìiticians, military figures, writers, and philosophers. Rarely, if eve4 are men understood through the prism of gender.

Kimmel and Messner use these opening paragraphs to highlight both what they find problematic about the existing literature on men and to intro- duce readers to their own approach.

A Proctice Sequence: Drofting qn lntroduclion

Write or rewrite your introduction (which, as youie seen, may involve more than one paragraph), using one of the strategies described above. Then share your introduction with one of your peers and ask the following questions:

o To what extent dii the strategy compel you to want to read further?

o To what extent is my thesis clear? o How effectively do I draw a distinction between what I

believe others assume to be true and my own approach? . Is there another way that I might have made my introduction

more compelling?

After listening to the responses, try a second strategy and then ask your peer which introduction is more effective.

ll Use an inverted triangle. Begin with a broad situation, concept, or idea, and narrow the focus to your thesis.

B Begin with a narrative. Capture readers'imagination and interest with a story that sets the stage for your argument.

p Ask a question that you will answer. Provoke readers'interest with a question, and then use your thesis to answer the question.

!l Present a paradox. Begin with an assumption that readers accept as true, and formulate a thesis that not only challenges that assumption but may very well seem paradoxical.

p Mind the gap. Identify what readers know and then what they dont know (or what you believe they need to know).

Sreps fo Drofiing lntroductions: F¡ye Strotegies

254 CHAPTER 9 I FRoM INTRoDUCTIONS TO CONCLUSIONS: DRAFTING AN ESSAY

2 If you do not have your own introduction to work on, revise the introduction below from one of our students' essays, combining two of the strategies we describe above.

News correspondent Pauline Frederick once commented, "When a man gets up to speak people listen then [ook. When a woman gets up, peopte [ook; then, if they Like what they see, they listen." Ironicalty, the harsh reality of this statement is gìven [ife by the ongoing controversy over America's most recognizab[e and sometimes notorious toy, Barbie. Cele- brating her 40th birthday this year, Barbie has become this nation's most beleaguered sotdier (a woman no [ess) of idol,atry who has been to the front [ines and back more times than the average "Joe." This dot[, a piece of plastic, a toy, incurs both criticism and praise spanning both ends of the ideotogicaI spectrum. Barbie's curyaceous and basicatty unreatistic

body piques the ire of both liberals and conservatives, each contending that Barbie stands for the distinct view of the other. One hundred and eighty degrees south, others praise Barbie's (curves and atL) abil"ity to untock youthful imagination and potentìal. M. G. Lord explains Barbie best "To study Barbie, one sometimes has to hold seeming[y contradic- tory ideas in one's head at the same time. . . . The dotl" functions [ike a Rorschach test: people project witdLy dissimilar and often opposing meanings on it. . . . And her meaning, [ike her face, has not been static over time." In spite of the extreme potarity, a sole unconscious consen- sus manifests itself about Barbie. Barbie ìs "the icon" of womanhood and the twentieth century. She is the American dream. Barbie is "us." The question is atways the same: What message does Barbie send? Barbie is a toy. She is the image of what we see.

DEVETOPING PARAGRAPHS

In your introduction, you set forth your thesis. Then, in subsequent para- graphs, you have to develop your argument. Remember our metaphor: If your thesis, or main claim, is the skewer that runs through each paragraph in your essay, then these paragraphs are the "meat" of your argument. The paragraphs that follow your introduction carry the burden of evidence in your argument. After all, a claim cannot stand on its own without support- ing evidence. Generally speaking, each paragraph should include a topic sentence that brings the main idea of the paragraph into focus, be unified around the main idea of the topic sentence, and adequately develop the idea. At the same time, a paragraph does not stand on its own; as part of your overall argument, it can refer to what youîe said earlier, gesture toward where you are heading, and connect to the larger conversation to which you are contributing.

We now ask you to read an excerpt from "Reinventing 'America': Call for a New National ldentity," by Elizabeth Martínez, and answer some

MARTíNEZ I nflNvrNÏNo "AMER|CA" 255

questions about how you think the author develops her argument, para- graph by paragraph. Then we discuss her work in the context of the three key elements of paragraphs'. topic sentences, unity, and adequate develop- ment. As you read, pay attention to hoq sentence by sentence, Martínez develops her paragraphs. We also ask that you consider how she makes her argument provocative, impassioned, and urgent for her audience.

ELIZABETHMARTINEZ

From Reinventing "America": Call for a New National Identity

Elizabeth ly'rartínez is a Chicana activist who since 19ó0 has worked in and documented different movements for change, including the civil rights, women's, and Chicano movements. She is the author of six books and nu- merous articles. Her best-known work is 500 Years of Chicano History in Pictures (1,991), which became the basis of a two-part video she scripted and codirected. Her latest book is De Colores Means AII of Us: I'atinaViews

for a Multi-Colored Century (1998). In "Reinventing'America,"' Mattinez argues that Americans'willingness to accept a "m)'th" as "the basis for [the] nation's self-defined identity" has brought the country to a crisis.

Eo. some frfteen years, starting in 1940, 85 percent of all U.S. elemen- l' t^t-v schools used the Dick and Jane series to teach children how to ."ud. ih. series starred Dick, Jane, their white middle-class parents, their dog Spot, and their life together in a home with a white picket fence.

"Look, Jane, look! See Spot mn!" chirped the two kids. It was a house full of glorious family values, where Mom cooked while Daddy went to work in a suit and mowed the lawn on weekends. The Dick and Jane books also taught that you should do your job and help others. All this afñrmed an equation of middle-class whiteness with virtue.

In the mid-1990s, museums, libraries, and eighty Public Broadcast- ing Service (PBS) stations across the country had exhibits and programs commemorating the series. At one museum, an attendant commented, "When you hear someone crying, you know they are looking at the Dick and Jane books." It seems nostalgia rum rampant among many Euro- Americans: a nostalgia for the days of unchaìlenged White Suprem- acy-both moral and material-when life was "simple."

Weïe seen that nostalgia before in the nation's history. But today it sig- nifies a problem reaching a new intensity. It suggests a national identity crisis that promises to bring in its wake an unprecedented nervous break- down for the dominant society's psyche.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in California, which has long been on the cutting edge of the nation's present and future reality. Warning

2

3

I

sirens have sounded repeatedly in the 1990s' such as the fierce battle over

** ftirrory textbooks io. p"Uiit schools' Proposition 187's ugty denial of

human rights to immigrants, the 199ó assault on affirmative action that

culminated in Proposiii on Zng, and the 1997 move to abolish bilingual

education. Attempts to copycat these reactionarymeasures havebeen seen

in other states. Theattackonafñrmativeactionisntreallyaboutafñrmativeaction.

Essentially it is another tactic in today's war on the gains of the 1960s' a

tactic rooied in Anglo resentment and fear' A major source of that fear:

the fact that California will almost surely have a majority of people of

color in 20 to 30 years at most, with the nation as a whole not far behind'

check our rh; February 3, lgg2, issue of sports lllustrated with its

double_spread ad for nmi rnagazine. The ad showed hundreds of new- born baúies in their hospital c¡bs, all of them Black or brown except

for

a rare white face here and there. The headline says, "Hey, whitey! It's your

turn at the back of the bus!" The ad then tells you, read Tíme magazine to

t ."p,rp with today's hot issues' That manipulative image could have been

p.rúnrt "a

today; its implication of shìfting power appears to be the recur-

."rrt .right.nare of too many potential Anglo allies'

Euro-Americananxietyoftenfocusesonthesenseofavanishingna- tional identity. Behind thã attacks on immigrants, affirmative action,

and

multiculturalism, behind the demand for "English Only" laws and the re-

jection of bilingual education, lies the question: with all these new people,

iungrrtg"r, u.rã "rrltrrr"r,

what will it mean to be an American? If that question once seemed, to many people, to have an obvious' universally

ap-

pti".uleanswe4todaynewdefinitionsmustbefound.ButtoooftenAmer- icans, with ,tppor"á scholars in the lead, refuse to face that need and

instead rr.rrr. á nostalgia for some bygone clarity' They remain trapped in

denial. An array of such ostriches, heads in the sand, began flapping their

feathers .,åirily with rhe publication of Allan Bloom's 1987 best-selling

iook, rhe cloirng of the Aàerican Mind' Bloom bemoaned the decline of

our ,.commorr.,rJrr"r" as a society, meaning the decline of Euro-american

cultural centricify (shall we just call it cultural imperialism?). since then

we have seen constant sniping at "diversity" goals across the ìand' The

assault has often focused o.t ho* U.S. history is taught' And with reason'

for this country's identity rests on a particular narrative about the histori-

cal origins of the United States as a nation'

256 CHAPTERgIFRoMINTRoDUCTIoNSTocoNcLUSIoNS:DRAFÍINGANESSAY

The Great White Origin MYth

Everysocietyhasanoriginnarrativethatexplainsthatsocietytoitself und the r"oild *ith u ,eJ of stories and symbols. The origin myth, as scholar-activist Roxanne Dunbar Ortiz has termed it' defines how a soci-

I

MARTíNEZ I nrrNVrNrNG "AMERTCA" 257

et¡r understands its place in the world and its history. The mlth provides the basis for a nation's self-defined identity. Most origin narratives can be called myths because they usually present onÌy the most flattering view of a nation's history; they are not distinguished by honesty.

Ours begins with Columbus "discovering" a hemisphere where some 11 80 million people already lived but didnt really count (in what became the United States, they were just buffalo-chasing "savages" with no grasp of real estate values and therefore doomed to perish). It continues with the brave Pilgrims, a revolution by independence-loving colonists against a decadent English aristocracy, and the birth of an energetic young repub- lic that promised democracy and equality (that is, to white male landown- ers). In the 1840s, the new nation expanded its size by almost one-third, thanks to a victory over that backward land of little brown people called Mexico. Such has been the basic account of how the nation called the United States of America came into being as presently configured.

The myth's omissions are grotesque. It ignores three major pillars 12 of our nationhood: genocide, enslavement, and imperialist expansion (such nasty words, who wants to hear them?-but that's the problem). The massive extermination of indigenous peoples provided our land base; the enslavement of African labor made our economic growth pos-

sible; and the seizure of half of Mexico by war (or threat of renewed war)

extended this nation's boundaries north to the Pacific and south to the Rio Grande. Such are the foundation stones of the United States, within an economic system that made this country the first in world history to be born capitalist. . . .

Racism as Linchpin of the U.S. National Identity

A crucial embellishment of the origin myth and key element of the na- tional identity has been the mlth of the frontierl analyzed in Richard Slotkin's Gunfigþter Nation, the last volume of a fascinating trilogy' He describes Theodore Roosevelt's belief that the West was won thanks to American arms, "the means by which progress and nationality will be achieved." That success, Roosevelt continued, "depends on the heroism

of men who impose on the.course of events the latent virtues of their 'race."'Roosevelt saw conflict on the frontier producing a series of virile "fighters and breeders" who would evenually generate a new leadership class. Militarism thus went hand in hand with the racialization of his- tory's protagonists. . . .

The frontier myth embodied the nineteenth-century concept of Mani-

fest Destiny, a doctrine that served to justify expansionist violence by means of intrinsic racial superiority. Manifest Destiny was Yankee con- quest as the inevitable result of a confrontation between enterprise and progress (white) versus passivity and backwardness (Indian, Mexican).

13

10

11

258 cHAeTER 9 | FRoM tNTRoDUcTtoNs To coNcLUsloNS: DRAFTING AN EssAY

"Manifest" meant "God-given," and the whole doctrine is profoundly rooted in religious conviction going back to the earliest colonial times. In his short, powerful book Maniþst Destirty: American Expansion and the Empire of-Right, Professor Anders Stephanson tells how the Puritans reinvented the Jewish notion of chosenness and applied it to this hemi- sphere so that territorial expansion became God's will. . . .

Manifest Destiny Dies Hard

The concept of Manifest Destiny, with its assertion of racial superiority ls sustained by military powet has defined U.S. identity for 150 years. . . .

Today's origin myth and the resulting concept of national identity make iø for an intellectual prison where it is dangerous to ask big questions about this society's superioriry. When otherwise decent people are trapped in such a powerful desire not to feel guilty, self-deception becomes unavoid- able. To cease our present falsification of collective memory should, and could, open the doors of that prison. When together we cease equating whiteness with Americanness, a new day can dawn. As David Roedigeç the social historian, has said, "fWhiteness] is the empty and therefore ter- .ifi¡ing attempt to build an identity on what one isnl, and on whom one can hold back."

Redefining the U.S. origin narrative, and with it this country's national 17 identiry could prove liberating for our collective psyche. It does not mean Euro-Americans should wallow individually in guilt. It does mean accept- ing collective responsibility to deal with the implications of our real ori- gin. A few apologies, for example, might be a step in the right direction. In 1997 , the idea was floated in Congress to apologize for slavery; it encoun- tered opposition from all sides. But to reject the notion because correc- tive action, not an apology, is needed misses the point. Having defined itself as the all-time best country in the world, the United States fiercely denies the need to make a serious official apology for anything. . . . To press for any serious, offrcial apology does imply a new origin narrative, a new self-image, an ideological sea-change.

Accepting the implications of a different narrative could also shed light t8 on today's struggles. In the affirmative-action struggle, for example, op- ponents have said that that policy is no longer needed because racism ended with the Civil Rights Movement. But if we look at slavery as a fun- damental pillar of this nation, going back centuries, it becomes obvious that racism could not have been ended by 30 years of mild reforms. If we see how the myth of the frontier idealized the white male adventurer as the central hero of national history with the woman as sunbonneted helpmate, then we might better understand the dehumanized ways in which women have continued to be treated. A more tmthful origin nar- rative could also help break down divisions among peoples of color by revealing common experiences and histories of cooperation.

DEVELOPING PARAGRAPHS 259

Reading as a Writer

l. To what extent does the narrative Marl.,ínez begins with make you want to read further?

2. How does she connect this narrative to the rest of her argument? 3. How does she use repetition to create unity in her essay? 4. What assumptions does Martínez challenge? 5. How does she use questions to engage her readers?

r Use Topic Sentences to Focus Your Porogrophs The topic sentence states the main point of a paragraph. It should

. provide a partial answer to the question motivating the writer.

. act as an extension of the writer's thesis and the question motivating the writer's argument.

. serve as a guidepost, telling readers what the paragraph is about.

. help create unity and coherence both within the paragraph and within the essay.

Elizabeth M arfínezbegins by describing how elementary schools in the i940s and 1950s used the Dick and Jane series not only to teach reading but also to foster a particular set of values-values that she believes do not serve all children enrolled in America's schools. In paragraph 4, she states her thesis, explaining that nostalgia in the United States has created "a national identity crisis that promises to bring in its wake an unprecedented nervous breakdown for the dominant society's psyche." This is a point that builds on an observation she makes in paragraph 3: "It seems nostalgia runs rampant among many Euro-Americans: a nostalgia for the days of unchallenged White Supremacy-both moral and material-when life was 'simple."' Mar|inez often returns to this notion of nostalgia for a past that seems "simple" to explain what she sees as an impending crisis'

Consider the flrst sentence of paragraph 5 as a topic sentence' With Martínez's key points in mind, notice how she uses the sentence to make her thesis more specific. Notice too, how she ties in the crisis and breakdown she alludes to in paragraph 4.,Essentially, lt.{:artínez tells her readers that they can see these problems at play in California, an indicator of "the na- tion's present and future reality."

Nowhere is this more apparent than in California, which has long been on the cuttíng edge of the nation's present and future reality. Warning sirens have sounded repeatedly in the 1 990s, such as the fierce battle over new history textbooks for public schools, Proposition 187's ugly denial of human rights to

immigrants, t]ne 1996 assault on afñrmative action that culminated in Propo- sition 209, and the 1997 move to abolish bilingual educatíoî. Attempts to corycat these reactionary measures have been seen in other states'

The final sentence of paragraph 5 sets up the remainder of the essay.

260 CHAPTER 9 | FRoM lNTRoDUcrloNs To coNcLUsloNS: DRAFTING AN EssAY

As readers, we expect each subsequent paragraph to respond in some way to the issue Martínez has raised. She meets that expectation by for- mulating a topic sentence that appears at the beginning of the paragraph' The topic sentence is what helps create unity and coherence in the essay.

r Creote Unity in Your Porogrqphs Each paragraph in an essay should focus on the subject suggested by the topic sentence. If a paragraph begins with one focus or major point of dis- cussion, it should not end with another. Several strategies can contribute to the unity of each paragraph.

llse detoils that follow logkaily lrom your topic sentence dnd moìntoin o single focus - o focus thol is clesrþ on exlension of your thesis. For example, in para- graph 5, Martínez's topic sentence ("Nowhere is this more apparent than in Catifornia, which has long been on the cutting edge of the nation's present and future reality") helps to create unity because it refers back to her thesis (thß refers to the "national identity crisis" mentioned in paragraph 4) and limits the focus of what she includes in the paragraph to "the fierce battle over new history textbooks" and recent pieces of legislation in California that follow directþ from and support the claim of the topic sentence.

Repeot key words Ío guide your reoders. A second strategy for creating unity is to repeat (or use synon)ryns for) key words within a given paragraph. You can see this at work in paragraph 12 (notice the words we've underscored), where Martínez explains that America's origin narrative omits significant details:

The m1'th's omissions are grotesque. It ignores three major pillars of our nationhood: genocide, enslavement, and imperialist expansion (such nasty words, who wants to hear them?-but that's the problem). The massive extermination of indigenous peoples provided our land base; the ensla"em."t of Afücan labor made our economic growth possible; and the selzure of n"tf of Mexico by war (or threat of renewed war) extended this natiorfs boundaries north to the Pacific and south to the Rio Grande. Such are the foundation stones of the United States, within an economic system that made this country the first in world history to be born capitalist. . . .

Specifically, Marrínez tells us that the origin narrative ignores "three major pillars of our nationhood: genocide, enslavement, and imperialist expan- sion." She then substitwtes extennination for "genocide," repeats enslave- ment, and substitutes seizure for "imperialist expansion." By connecting words in a paragraph, as Martínez does here, you help readers understand that the details you provide are all relevant to the point you want to make.

IJse tronsition words lo link ídeos hom different sentences. A third strategy for creating unity within paragraphs is to establish a clear relationship among different ideas by using transition words or phrases. Transition

DEVELOPING PARAGRAPHS 26I

words or phrases signal to your readers the direction your ideas are tak- ing. Table 9.1 lists common transition words and phrases grouped by function-that is, for adding a new idea, presenting a contrasting idea, or drawing a conclusion about an idea.

Martínez uses transition words and phrases throughout the excerpt here. In several places, she uses the word but to rnake a contrast-to draw a distinction between an idea that many people accept as true and an alter- native idea that she wants to pursue. Notice in paragraph 17 how she sig- nals the importance of an official apology for slavery-and by implication genocide and the seizure of land from Mexico:

. . . A few apologies, for example, might be a step in the right direction. In 1997 , the idea was floated in Congress to apologize for slavery; it encountered opposition from all sides. But to reject the notion because corrective action, not an apology, is needed misses the point. Having defined itself as the all-time best country in the world, the United States fiercely denies the need to make a serious official apology for anything. . . . To press for any serious, official apology does imply a new origin narrative, a new self-image, an ideo- Iogical sea-change.

Similarly, in the last paragraph, Martínez counters the argument that afflr- mative action is not necessary because racism no longer exists:

. . . In the affirmative-action struggle, for example, opponents have said that that policy is no longer needed because racism ended with the Civil Rights Movement. But if we look at slavery as a fundamental pillar of this nation, going back c-enturies, it becomes obvious that racism could not have been ended by 30 years of mild reforms. . . .

There are a number of ways to rephrase what Martínez is saying in paragraph 1 8. We could substitute however for "buf ." Or we could combine the two sentences into one to point to the relationship between the two competing ideas; Although some people oppose ffirmative action, believing that racism no longer exists, I would argue that racism remains a funda- mental pillar of this nation. Or we could pull together Martínez's different points to draw a logical conclusion using a transition word like thereþre. Martínez observes that our country is in crisis as a result of increased immigration. Thereþre, we need to reassess our conceptions of national

TABLE 9.1 Common Transition Words and Phrases

AnnrNc au IoE¡

also, and, further, more- over, in addition to, in support of, similarþ

Pnps¿NnNc a CoNtnast¡Nc Io¡a

although, alternatively, as an alternative, but, by way of contrast, despite, even though, howeveç in contrast to, neverthe- less, nonetheless, rather than, yet

DnawrNc a Locrcrl CoNcr-usro¡,r

as a result, because of, consequently, fi nally, in sum, in the end, subse- quently, therefore, thus

262 CHAPTER 9 I FROM TNTRODUCTTONS TO CONCLUSTONS: DRAFT|NG AN ESSAY

identity to account for the diversity that increqsed immigration has created. We can substitute any of the transition words in Table 9.1 for drawing a logical conclusion.

The list of transition words and phrases in Table 9.1 is hardly exhaus- tive, but it gives you a sense of the ways to connect ideas so that readers understand how your ideas are related. Are they similar ideas? Do they build on or support one another? Are you challenging accepted ideas? Or are you drawing a logical connection from a number of different ideas?

r Use Criticol Strotegies to Develop Your Porogrophs To develop a paragraph, you can use a range of strategies, depending on what you want to accomplish and what you believe your readers will need in order to be persuaded by what you argue. Among these strategies are using examples and illustrations; citing data (facts, statistics, evidence, de- tails); analyzing texts; telling a story or an anecdote; defining terms; mak- ing comparisons; and examining causes and evaluating consequences.

Use exomples ond ìllustrotions. Examples make abstract ideas concrete through illustration. Using examples is probably the most common way to develop a piece of writing. Of course, Martínez's essay is futl of examples. In fact, she begins with an example of a series of books-the Dick and Jane books-to show how a generation of schoolchildren were exposed to white middle-class values. She also uses examples in paragraph 5, where she lists several pieces oflegislation (Propositions 187 and 209) to develop the claim in her topic sentence.

Ciìe doto. Data are factual pieces of information. They function in an essay as the bases of propositions. In the first few paragraphs of the excerpt, Martínez cites statistics ("85 percent of all U.S. elementary schools used the Dick and Jane series to teach children how to read") and facts ("In the mid-1990s, museums, libraries, and eighty Public Broadcasting Service . . . stations across the country had exhibits and programs commemorating the series") to back up her claim about the popularity of the Dick and Jane series and the nostalgia the books evoke.

Analyze texts. Analysis is the process of breaking something down into its elements to understand how they work together. When you analyze a text, you point out parts of the text that have particular significance to your argument and explain what they mean. By texts, we mean both verbal and visual texts. In paragraph 7, Martínez analyzes a visual text, an advertise- ment that appeared in Sports lllustrated, to reveal "its implication of shift- ing power"-a demographic power shift from Anglos to people of color.

Tell norratíves or anecdotes. Put simply, a narrative is an account of some- thing that happened. More technically, a narrative relates a sequence of

DEVELOPING PAR,AGRAPHS 263

events that are connected in time; and an anecdote is a short narrative that recounts a particular incident. An anecdote, like an example, can bring an abstraction into focus. Consider Martínez's third paragraph, where the anecdote about the museum attendant brings her point about racially charged nostalgia among white Americans into memorable focus: The tears of the museum-goers indicate just how profound their nostalgia is.

By contrast, a longer narrative, in setting out its sequence of events, often opens up possibilities for analysis. Why did these events occur? Why did they occur in this sequence? What might they lead to? What are the implications? What is missing?

In paragraph 11, for example, Martínez relates several key events in the origin myth of America. Then, in the next paragraph, she explains what is omitted from the myth, or narrative, and builds her argument about the implications and consequences of those omissions.

Define lerms. A definition is an explanation of what something is and, by implication, what it is not. The simplest kind of definition is a synonym, but for the purpose of developing your argument, a one-word definition is rarely enough.

When you defi.ne your terms, you are setting forth meanings that you want your readers to agree on, so that you can continue to build your argu- ment on the foundation of that agreement. You may have to stipulate that your definition is part of a larger whole to develop your argument. For example: "Nostalgia is a bittersweet longing for things of the past; but for the purposes of my essay, I focus on white middle-class nostalgia, which combines a longing for a past that never existed with a hostile anxiety about the present."

In paragraph 10, Martínez defines the term origin nanative-a rnyth that explains "how a society understands its place in the world and its his- tory . . . the basis for a nation's self-defined identity." The "Great White Origin Mlth" is an important concept in her developing argument about a national crisis of identity.

Moke comporísons. Technically, a comparison shows the similarities be- tween two or more things , and a contrast shows the differences. In prac- tice, howevet it is very diffrcult, if not impossible, to develop a comparison that does not make use of contrast. Therefore, we use the lerrn comparison to describe the strategy of comparingand contrasting.

Doubtless you have written paragraphs or even whole essays that take as a starting point a version of this sentence: "X and Y are similar in some respects and different in others." This neutral formulation is seldom helpful when you are developing an argument. Usually, in making your comparison-in setting forth the points of similarity and difference-you have to take an evaluative or argumentative stance.

Note the comparison in this passage:

264 cHApTER 9 | FRoM rNTRoDUcTroNs To coNctusroNS: DRAFTTNG AN EssAy Atthough there are simitarities between the current nostatgias for Dick and Jane books and for rhythm and btues music of the same era-in both cases, the object of nostalgia can move peopte to tears-the nostatgias spring from emotional responses that are quite different and even contradictory. I wiLL argue that the Dick and Jane books evoke a longing for a past that is cotored by a fear of the present, a longing for a time when white mjddte-cLass values were dominant and unquestioned. By contrast, the nostalgia for R&B music may indicate a yearning for a past when mutticuttural musicians provided white foLks with a sweaty retease on the dance floor from those very same white-bread vatues of the time.

The writer does more than list similarities and differences; he offers an analysis of what they mean and is prepared to argue for his interpretation.

certainly Elizabeth Martínez takes an evaluative stance when she compares versions of American history in paragraphs 11 and 72.lnpara- graph 1 1 , she angrily relates the sanitized story of American history setting up a contrast in paragraph 12 with the story that does not appear in history textbooks, a story of "genocide, enslavement, and imperialist expansion." Her evaluative stance comes through clearly: she finds the first version repugnant and harmful, its omissions "grotesque."

Exomine couses and evoluate consequences. In any academic discipline, questions of cause and consequence are central. whether you are analyz- ing the latest election results in a political science course, reading abåut the causes of the vietnam war in a history course, or speculating about the long-term consequences of global warming in a science

"orrr., questions

of why things happened, happen, or will happen are inescapable. Examining causes and consequences usually involves identifying a

phenomenon and asking questions about it until you gather enough infor- mation to begin analyzing the relationships among its parts and decid- ing which are most significant. you can then begin to set forth your own analysis of what happened and why.

of course, this kind of analysis is rarely straightforward, and any phenomenon worthy of academic study is bound to generate a variety of conversations about its causes and consequences. In your own thinking and research, avoid jumping to conclusions and continue to sift evidence until plausible connections present themselves. Be prepared to revise your thinking-perhaps several times-in light of new evidence. , In your writing, you also want to avoid oversimplifying. A claim like

this-"The answer to curbing unemployment in the únlied states is to re- strict immigration"-does not take into account corporate outsourcing of jobs overseas or the many other possible causes of unemployment. At the very least, you may need to explain the basis and specifics of your analysis and qualify your claim: "Recent studies of patterns of immigration and unemployment in the united States suggest that unrestricted immigration is a major factor in the loss of blue-collar job opportunities in the south-

DEVELOPING PARAGRAPHS 265

west." Certainly this sentence is less forceful and provocative than the other one, but it does suggest that you have done significant and focused research and respect the complexity of the issue.

Throughout her essay, Martínez analyzes causes and consequences. In paragraph 8, for example, she speculates that tlire cause of "attacks on immigrants, affirmative action, and multiculturalism" is "Euro-American anxiety," "the sense of a vanishing national identity." In paragraph 13, she concludes that a consequence of Theodore Roosevelt's beliefs about race and war was a "militarism fthat] went hand in hand with the racializa- tion of history's protagonists." In paragraph 1ó, the topic sentence itself is a statement about causes and consequences: "Today's origin mlth and the resulting concept of national identity make for an intellectual prison where it is dangerous to ask big questions about this society's superiority."

Having shown where and how Martínez uses critical strategies to develop her paragraphs, we must hasten to add that these critical strat- egies usually work in combination. Although you can easily develop an entire paragraph (or even an entire essay) using comparison, it is almost impossible to do so without relying on one or more of the other strategies. What if you need to tell an anecdote about the two authors you are com- paring? What if you have to cite data about different rates of economic growth to clariS' the main claim of your comparison? What if you are comparing different causes and consequences?

Our point is that the strategies described here are methods for explor- ing your issue in writing. How you make use of them, individually or in combination, depends on which can help you best communicate your argument to your readers.

ll Use topic sentences to focus your paragraphs. Remember that a topic sentence partially answers the question motivating you to write; acts as an extension ofyour thesis; indicates to your readers what the paragraph is about; and helps create unity both within the paragraph and within the essay.

B Create unity in your paragraphs. The details in your paragraph should follow logically from your topic sentence and maintain a single focus, one tied clearly to your thesis. Repetition and transi- tion words also help create unity in paragraphs.

E Use critical strategies to develop your paragraphs. Use examples and illustrations; cite data; analyze texts; tell stories or anecdotes; define terms; make comparisons; and examine causes and evalu- ate consequences.

Steps to Developing Porogrophs

266 CHAPTER 9 I FRoM rNTRoDUcTroNs To coNcLUstoNS: DRAFTTNG AN EssAy

A Proclice Sequence: Working with Porogrophs

We would like you to work in pairs on paragraphing. The objective of this exercise is to gauge the effectiveness of your topic sentences and the degree to which your paragraphs are unified and fully developed.

Make a copy of your essay and cut it up into paragraphs. Shuffle the paragraphs to be sure they are no longer in the original orde! and then exchange cut-up drafu with your parrner. The challenge is to put your partner's essay back together again. When you both have finished, compare your reorderings with the original drafts. Were you able to reproduce the original organization exactly? If not, do the variations make sense? If one or the other of you had trouble putting the essay back togethe4 talk about the adequacy of your topic sen- tences, ways to revise topic sentences in keeping with the details in a given paragraph, and strategies for making paragraphs more unifred and coherent.

DRAFTING CONCTUSIONS

In writing a conclusion to your essay, you are making a flnal appeal to your audience. You want to convince readers that what you have written is a relevant, meaningful interpretation of a shared issue. You also want to remind them that your argument is reasonable. Rather than summa- nze all of the points you've made in the essay-assume your readers have carefully read what youîe written-pull together the key components of your argument in the service of answering the question "So what?" Estab- lish why your argument is important: What will happen if things stay the same? What will happen if things change? How effective your conclu- sion is depends on whether or not readers feel that you have adequateìy addressed "So what?"-that you have made clear what is significant and ofvalue.

In building on the specifi.c details of your argument, you can also place what you have written in a broader context. (What are the sociological implications of your argument? How far-reaching are they? Are there po- litical implications? Economic implications?) Finally, explain again how your ideas contribute something new to the conversation by building on, extending, or even challenging what others have argued.

In her concluding paragraph, Elizabeth Martínez brings together her main points, puts her essay in a broader context, indicates what's new in her argument, and answers the question "So what?":

Accepting the implications of a different narrative could also shed light on todayt struggles. In the affirmative-action struggle, for example, opponents have said that that policy is no longer needed because racism ended with the

DRAFTING CONCLUSIONS 267

civil Rights Movement. But if we look at slavery as a fundamental pillar of this nation, going back centuries, it becomes obvious that racism could not have been ended by 30 years of mild reforms. If we see how the myth of the frontier idealized the white male adventurer as the central hero of national

history, with the woman as sunbonneted helpmate, then we might better understand the dehumanized ways in which women have continued to be

treated. A more truthful origin narrative could also help break down divisions among peoples of color by revealing common experiences and histories of

cooperation.

Let's examine this concluding paragraph:

1. Although Martínez refers back to important events and ideas she has discussed, she does not merely summarize. Instead, she suggests the implications of those important events and ideas in her first sentence (the topic sentence), which crystallizes the main point of her essay: Americans need a different origin narrative.

2. Then she puts those implications in the broader context of contempo- rary racial and gender issues.

3. She signals what's new in her argument with the word if (if we look at slavery in a new way, if we look at the frontier myth in a new way)'

4. Finally, her answers to why this issue matters culminate in the last sen- tence. This last sentence conrìects and extends the claim of her topic sentence, by asserting that a "more truthful origin narrative" could help heal divisions among peoples of color who have been misrepresented

by rhe old origin myrh. clearly, she believes the implications of her argument matter: A new national identity has the potential to heal a

country in crisis, a country on the verge of a "nervous breakdown" (para.4).

Martinezalso does something else in the last sentence of the conclud- ing paragraph: She looks to the future, suggesting what the future im- pttåti""i oi h.. argument could be. Looking to the future is one of five strategies for shaping a conclusion. The others we discuss are echoing the

introduction, challenging the reade4 posing questions, and concluding with a quotation. Each of these strategies appeals to readers in different ways; therefore, we suggest you try them all out in writing your own con-

clusions. Also, remember that some of these strategies can be combined. For example, you can write a conclusion that challenges readers, poses a

question, Iooks to the future, and ends with a quotation'

r Echo the lntroduction Echoing the introduction in your conclusion helps readers come full circle.

tt h.lpJh"tn see how you have developed your idea from beginning to end. In the following example, the student writer begins with a voice speaking

268 cHAprER 9 | FRoM rNTRoDUcnoNs ro coNCLUsroNS: DRAFTTNG AN ESsAy

from behind an Islamic veil, revealing the ways that western culture mis- understands the symbolic value of wearing the veil. The writer repeats this visual image in her conclusion, quoting from the Koran: "Speak to them from behind a curtain."

Notiae that the author begíns wíth "a voíae from behínà the shroudø of an lslamic veí|" anà then echoes this quotation in her concluøíon: "9peak to them from behíná a aurtaín,"

Notíce how the concluøíon eahoes the introàuction ín its reference to a voíce speaking from behinà a curtaín.

Introduction: A voice from behind the shrouds of an Islamic vei[ exclaims: "I often wonder whether peopte see me as a radical, fun- damentatist Muslim terrorist packing an AK-47 assautt rifle inside my jean jacket. 0r maybe they see me as the poster girl for oppressed womanhood everywhere." In American cutture where shametess pubtic exposure, particularly of females, epitomizes ultimate freedom, the head-to-toe covering of a Mustim woman seems inherentty oppres- sive. Driven by an autonomous nationa[ attitude, the inhabitants of the "[and ofthe free" are quick to equate the veiL with indisputabLe persecution. Yet Muslim women reveal the enstaving hijab as a sym- botic disptay of the Istamic idea[s- honoç modesty. and stabil.ity. Because of an unfair American assessment, the aura of hijab mystery cannot be removed untiI the customs and ethics of Mustim culture are genuinely exptored. It is this form of enigmatic seclusion that forms the feminist controversy between Western liberats, who per- ceive the veil as an inhibiting factor against free wil"t, and Istamic disciples, who conceptualize the veiI as a sacred symbol of utmost morality.

Conclusion: By improperþ judging an alien religion, the veil. becomes a symbol of oppression and devastation, instead of a representation of pride and piety. Despite Western images, the hijab is a daily revitaLization and reminder of the IsLamic societal and retigious ideats, thereby uphotding the conduct and attitudes of the Mustim community. Americans share these ideaLs yet fail. to recognize them in the context of a different culture. By sin- cereþ exploring the custom of Islamic vei[ing, one wi[[ realize the vital role the hijab ptays in shaping Muslim cutture by shelter- ing women, and consequentty society, from the peri[s that erupt from indecency. The principLes imptored in the Koran of modesty. honor, and stabitity construct a unifying and moral view of the Islamic Middte Eastern society when properþ investigated. As it was transcribed from ALlah, "Speak to them from behind a curtain. This is purer for your hearts and their hearts."

r Chollenge the Reoder By issuing a challenge to your readers, you create a sense of urgency, pro- voking them to act to change the status quo. In this example, the student

DRAFTING CONCLUSIONS 269

writer explains the unacceptable consequences of preventingyoung women from educating themselves about AIDS and the spread of a disease that has already reached epidemic proportions.

The changes in AIDS education that I am suggesting are necessary and relativety simple to make. Atthough the current curricutum in high schoot heatth classes is hetpful and informative, it simpty does not pertain to young women as much as it should. AIDS is killing women at an alarming rate, and many people do not reatize this. According to Daniel DeNoon, AIDS is one ofthe six l"eading causes of death among women aged 1.8-45, and women "bear the brunt of the wortdwide AIDS epidemic." For this reason, DeNoon argues, women are one of the most important new poputations that are contracting HIV at a high rate. I chatlenge young women to be more welt-informed about AIDS and their Link to the dis- ease; otherwise. many new cases may develop. As the epidemic

continues to spread, women need to reatize that they can stop the spread of the disease and protect themselves from infection and a number of retated complications. It is the responsibil.ity of health educators to present this to young women and inform them of the powerful choices that they can make.

Here the auþhor cítes a ñnal pîeae of reøearch to empha- sizethe ertent of the problem.

Here ahe begina her expliaít challenge to reaàers about what þhey have þo do to proteat themeelveg or their âtuàents from infeotíon.

The seaonà through ñfþh çentences present an array of opt¡one,

r Look to fhe Future Looking to the future is particularþ relevant when you are asking readers to take action. To move readers to action, you must establish the persis- tence of a problem and the consequences of letting a situation continue unchanged. In the concluding paragraph below, the student author points out a number of things that teachers need to do to involve parents in their children's education. She identifies a range of options before identify- ing what she believes is perhaps the most important action teachers can take.

First and foremost, teachers must recognize the ways in which some parents are positively contributing to their chitdren's aca- demic endeaVors. Teachers must recognize nontraditionaI methods

of participation as legitimate and work toward supporting parents in these tasks. For instance, teachers might send home sugges- tions for locaI after-school tutoring programs. Teachers must also try to make urban parents feel welcome and respected in their schoo[. Teachers might cat[ parents to ask their opinion about a certain difficutty their child is having, or invite them to tatk about something of interest to them. 0ne parent, for instance, spoke highty of the previous superintendent who had let him use

27O CHAPTER 9 | FROM TNTRODUCTTONS TO CONCLUSTONS: DRAFTTNG AN ESSAY

r Pose Questions Posing questions stimulates readers to think about the implications of your argument and to apply what you argue to other situations. This is the case in the following paragraph, in which the student writer focuses on immigration and then shifts readers' attention to racism and the pos- sibility of hate crimes. It's useful to extrapolate from your argument, to raise questions that test whether what you write can be applied to differ- ent situations. These questions can help readers.understand what is at issue.

ln the last two øen- tences, the wríter looks to the future wíth her reaommen- àatíonç,

The ñrst queøtÍon.

Other apeculative questíons fol- low from possible responseâ to the wríterb ñrst queetíon.

his work as a film producer to help with a show for students during homeroom. If teachers can devetop innovative ways to uti- lize parents'tatents and interests rather than just inviting them to be passìvety invo[ved in an atready-in-ptace curricutum, more parents might respond. Perhaps, most important[y, if teachers want parents to be invotved in their students'educations, they must make the parents feel as though their opinions and concerns have real weight. When parents such as those interviewed for this study voice concerns and questions over their chi[d's progress. it ìs imperative that teachers acknowledge and answer them.

A[so, my research may appty to a broader spectrum of sociologi- caI topics. There has been recent discussion about the increasing

trend of immigration. Much of this discussion has invol.ved the distribution of resources to immigrants. Should ìmmigrants have equal access to certain economic and educationaI resources in America? The decision is sptit. But it witl. be interesting to see how this debate witl ptay out. If immigrants are granted more resources, wil[ certain Americans mobilize against the distribu- tion of these resources? Wi[[ we see another rise in racist groups such as the Ku K[ux K[an in order to prevent immigrants from obtaining more resources? My research can also be used to under- stand global conflict or war. In generat, groups mobilize when their established resources are threatened by an externaI force. Moreover, groups use framing processes to justifo their cottective action to others.

r Conclude with o Quototion A quotation can add authority to your argument, indicating that others in positions of power and prestige support your stance. A quotation also can add poignancy to your argument, as it does in the following excerpt, in

DRAFTINGCoNCLUSIONS 27I

which the quotation amplifies the idea that people use Barbie to advance their own interests.

'fhe wr¡ter quotee an authority to amplíf¡r the îàea thât ¡nàîv¡¿- u ally a n à aoll eatívely, we prcjeci eíøn¡ñ' aance on toys.

The question stitl remains, what does Barbie mean? Is she the

spokeswoman for the empowerment of women, or rather is she

performing the dirty work of conservative patriarchy? I do not think we witl ever know the answer. Rather. Barbie is the undeni-

abte lmerican lcon." She ìs a toy, and she is what we want her

to be. A test performed by Atbert M. Magro at Fairmont State

CotLege titLed "Why Barbie Is Perceived as Beautiful" shows that

Barbie is the epitome of what we as humans find beautifut. The

test sought to find human preferences on evotutionary changes in

the human body. Subjects were shown a series of photos compar-

ing different human body parts, such as the sjze and shape ofthe

eyes, and asked to decide which feature they preferred: the primi-

tive or derived (more evotved traits). The test revealed that the

subjects preferred the derived body traits. Ironically, itìs these preferred evolutìonary features that are utitized on the body of

Barbie. Barbie is truly an extension of what we are and what we

perceive. Juel Best conctudes his discourse on Barbie with these

words: "Toys do not embody viotence or sexism or occutt mean-

ìngs. Peopte must assign toys their meanings." Barbie is whoever

we make her out to be. Barbie grabs hold of our imaginations and

lets us go wi[d.

ll Pull together the main claims of your essay. Dont simply repeat points you make in the paper. Instead, show readers how the points you make fit togethen

B Answer the question "So what?" Show your readers why your stand on the issue is significant.

p Place your argument in a larger context. Discuss the speciflcs of your argument, but also indicate its broader implications.

@ Show readers what is new. As you synthesizelhekey points of your argument, explain how what you argue builds on, extends, or challenges the thinking of others.

fl Decide on the best strategy for writing your conclusion. Will you echo the introduction? Challenge the reader? Look to the future? Pose questions? Conclude with a quotation? Choose the best strat- egy or strategies to appeal to your readers.

Steps to Drofting Conclusions: Five Strotegies

272 CHAITER 9 | FRoM tNTRoDUcTtoNs To coNcLUstoNS: DRAFTTNG AN EssAy

A Proctice Sequence: Drofling o Conclusion

1 Write your conclusion, using one of the strategies described in this section. Then share your conclusion with a classmate. Ask this person to address the following questions:

. Did I pull together the key points of the argument?

. Did I answer "So what?" adequately? o Are the implications I want readers to draw from the essay

clear?

After listening to the responses, try a second strategy, and then ask your classmate which conclusion is more effective.

2 If you do not have a conclusion of your own, analyze each ex- ample conclusion above to see how well each appears to (1) pull together the main claim of the essay, (2) answer "So what?" (3) place the argument in a larger context, and (4) show readers what is new.

From Revising to Working wíth Peer Groups

I cademic r.'uriting is a collaborative enterprise. By reading and com- l-\ menting on your drafts, your peers can support your work as a writer. And you can support the work of your peers by reading their drafts with a critical but constructive eYe.

In this chapte4 we set out the differences between revising and edit- ing, discuss the peer editing process in terms of the composition pFamid, present a model peer editing session, and then explain the writer's and ieader's responsibilities through earþ drafts, later drafts, and final drafts, providing opportunities for you to practice peer response on three drafts of a student paper.

REVISING VERSUS EDITING

We make a distinction between revising and editing. By revising, we mean

making changes to a paper to reflect new thinking or conceptualizing. If a reader finds that the real focus qfyour essay comes at the end ofyour draft, you need to revise the paper with this new focus in mind. Revising differs fro- editing, which involves minor changes to what will be the final draft of a paper-replacing a word here and there, correcting misspellings, or substituting dashes for commas to create emphasis, for example'

when yor_,'." reading a first or second draft, the niceties of style, spell- ing, and punctuation are not priorities. After aII, if the writer had to change

thã focus of his or her argument, significant changes to words, phrases,

and punctuation would be inevitable. Concentrating on editing errors early

Editing