Empowered Learning Discussion DUE 11/17 @11pm

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Dealing with Crisis Artfully

The goal of this book is to help students be seen, heard, and supported so they do not end up in an emotional crisis. However, even with thoughtful planning and creative and engaging support for both the student and yourself, some students will still struggle with behavior. In this chapter, we work through steps to implement when a crisis occurs, beginning first by accepting that crises will occur and then figuring out how to respond in compassionate, calm, and loving ways.

Playing the Long Game of Love and Persistence We were recently in a kindergarten classroom observing Sam, a student with very challenging behavior, and were able to witness a beautiful example of love and connection. As we walked in, Sam was already in a full meltdown. He was screaming, crying, and hitting the carpet with a pillow. It appeared he had already knocked several books off the shelf, as there were many books scattered on the floor, and some looked to be ripped. One of the coteachers had taken the rest of the class to the library a few minutes early in order to help Sam maintain dignity and privacy while the other coteacher stayed behind to support. What we witnessed next was nothing short of magic.

His kindergarten teacher, Mr. Goode, sat on the carpet next to him. He reassured Sam with the following phrases: “I am here. It is going to be okay, I promise.”

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Causton, Julie, and Kate MacLeod. From Behaving to Belonging : The Inclusive Art of Supporting Students Who Challenge Us, Association for Supervision & Curriculum Development, 2020. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/uneedu/detail.action?docID=6263859. Created from uneedu on 2020-09-22 18:08:16.

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Sam writhed around screaming and hitting the pillow on the carpet. He was yelling, “I hate you! I hate school! I hate this!” During Sam’s outburst, Mr. Goode’s disposition remained calm, loving, attentive, nearly meditative. The student sobbed, screamed, and sobbed some more.

Mr. Goode offered, “Do you want my hand on your back?” Sam yelled, “No!” Mr. Goode continued sitting silently next to Sam, breathing slowly, deeply, and audibly. After what seemed like 20 minutes—but was actually only four—something happened. Sam paused and took a shuttering breath and then sighed. Then Mr. Goode said, “There you are.”

“There you are,” he repeated, as if to say, “I see you now, and you are not your behavior.” Sam sighed again and wriggled over to Mr. Goode’s leg and rested his head on Mr. Goode’s hand. He lay there breathing. Mr. Goode breathed, too. When Sam’s breathing finally slowed down and he appeared to be ready to get up, Mr. Goode said, “Let’s get a drink of water and wash your face. I am sorry that was so hard for you.” They got up to get a drink. Mr. Goode got some water, too. He then said to Sam, “Let’s clean up these books and then we can get you to the library.” They cleaned up the books together. With Mr. Goode’s guidance, Sam taped the book that had ripped. They walked out of the classroom hand in hand.

When Mr. Goode returned, we had a lot of questions for him. The first was “What started this situation?” We learned that Sam had been having a lot of trouble because he only wanted to sit next to a student named Sabrina. But during story time, the two seats next to Sabrina were taken, so Mr. Goode suggested that he find another spot. Mr. Goode then explained, “Sam’s rage is big and deep, as you saw. It turned into quite a scene today.”

Next, we asked Mr. Goode to tell us exactly what he was doing while sitting on the floor with Sam. Mr. Goode smiled and said, “Well, I am certain none of this can be explained clearly, but I hold space. It may sound strange, but while I sat there, I opened my heart to Sam. I always first make sure the student is safe and I am safe.

“Second, I reassure the student and imagine my heart opening up to him and surrounding him with light. Then I examine my own reactions. I work on calming myself. Again, I know this sounds strange, but I ask myself, ‘Where does this hurt?’ and ‘What does this remind me of ?’ I send myself love. I surround myself with healing energy. It is fairly traumatizing to witness the pain that some of these

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children bring. I use it as an opportunity to heal myself, and I know somehow it helps to heal them.

“Next, I listen for the pause. There comes a time with Sam where he moves out of rage and into sadness. I try to let him know he is coming out of it. When I notice the shift, I say, ‘There you are.’

“I guess,” Mr. Goode continued, “today was a big rage, but it didn’t last as long as usual. I am noticing improvement in both the length of Sam’s tantrums and also the intensity. After lunch today, we will spend time talking about that situation, at a point when he is calm, but it is still fresh in his mind. That is when I like to teach him alternatives to the rage. He is really improving. It just takes time. Consistency and love are the only real constants in teaching. You just have to be patient enough to see it. This is a long game here.”

Although we think Mr. Goode was clear in his explanation, we’ve outlined his big ideas in Figure 7.1 in an attempt to replicate his calm way of being with a student during a crisis.

This type of response to crisis behavior requires a teacher who is heart-centered and ready to deeply listen to and respond appropriately to the content and context of the student in a rage. Mr. Goode did not react when Sam shouted that he hated him. He did not react when Sam shouted that he hated the class. Instead, Mr. Goode responded by breathing. This is one of the most centering things we can do for ourselves and our students. Although not responding to Sam’s shouting could be misinterpreted as planned ignoring (Scheuermann & Hall, 2016), it is not.

The idea behind planned ignoring is to provide no feedback, no attention, no reinforcement to the student. The assumption is that when the teacher withholds

Figure 7.1: Six Steps to Holding Space During Crisis

1. Hold space and open your heart. Visualize your heart opening toward the student.

2. Reassure the student with a few words and imagine the student surrounded with healing light.

3. Examine your own reactions. Ask yourself, “Where does this hurt? What does this remind me of?”

4. Create space to calm and heal yourself. 5. Listen for the pause with your student. 6. Repeat and watch the magic occur over time.

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reinforcement or attention related to the behavior (e.g., yelling “I hate you!”), the student will cease to engage in the behavior. Often, when educators use planned ignoring, they do not make eye contact or connect to the student until they are engaged in more appropriate behavior. This is much different from Mr. Goode’s continuous and thoughtful connection with Sam. He created space for Sam by physically and emotionally witnessing the crisis, supporting, and providing love. Mr. Goode did not ignore Sam by not reacting. Instead, he provided an attentive response the entire time Sam was in crisis. Mr. Goode did not let Sam’s negative statements take him away from his plan to hold space and provide love. This is the goal for supporting students when they’re at their most vulnerable.

Staying Safe and Calm When our students are in crisis, it is important to think about the safety of the student, their peers, and yourself. The best way we can do this is to practice the act of remaining calm. Mr. Goode showed us a great example of what this can look like, as do the six steps for holding space during crisis. By using these six steps (and others we will share in this chapter), you can begin to build calming strength as a critical mental resource to help you stay in the present moment and be ready to work with your students when they are melting down, throwing, kicking, screaming, punching, or self-harming. These are some of the most challenging behaviors that teachers report and that we ourselves have experienced.

We’re sure you have heard of the so-called flight, fight, or freeze reactions that biologically occur when we are faced with the threat of emotional or physical pain. Broken down a bit more, psychologist Rick Hanson (Hanson & Hanson, 2018) describes the specific emotional responses in fight, flight, and freeze as fear, anger, and helplessness. These three emotions are present in a great spectrum when we are faced with the threat of emotional or physical pain—uneasiness to panic, annoyance to rage, and feeling overwhelmed to paralysis.

Though it is normal for us to experience these emotions, and as teachers we often feel many combinations of these emotions when we are engaged with a student in crisis, it is critical that we learn and help our students learn to meet these threats of emotional or physical pain with calm strength. When we are calm and present, we can maintain our own emotional and physical state that allows us to utilize all our mental resources to support students most effectively.

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Understanding the Science of Crisis When we feel stress—whether it is emotional, physical, environmental, or academic— our body responds by releasing cortisol. This cortisol then triggers physical reactions, sometimes manifesting in a depleted immune system, increased blood pressure, or tension in large muscles. When our students are stressed and release cortisol, their bodies’ physical reactions often result in behavioral outbursts and challenging, difficult-to-manage behavior.

When kids experience high levels of stress and continual high cortisol levels day in and day out, they can begin to react to everyday experiences as if their safety and security is threatened. For example, one student, Tommy, melted into crisis when he was asked to pick up his paper off the ground. This moment of crisis can often feel very confusing for us, but it is important to remember Tommy’s physiological response to the various stressors he may be under. His crisis was not a rational, cognitive choice. It was likely a physiological response from continuous exposure to stress throughout his day and life. He also likely did not yet have the skills required to manage his stress and calm his mind and body. Keeping all this in mind is useful as you commit to responding in calm, measured, and reassuring ways when your students are in crisis.

Becoming Mindful of the Breath When our students are in crisis, our minds and bodies often respond chaotically as we attempt to deal with our emotions, thoughts, body sensations, triggers, and actions all at once. Training ourselves to focus on our breath can help us cultivate a resilience and a calmness that allows us to be present during a student crisis. We can also teach our students this skill to help them come back to themselves from the pain, stress, anger, and powerlessness they are feeling. You can focus on your breath and then invite the student to do the same. We like using hand signals, such as palms up to breathe in and palms down to breathe out. Bringing attention to our breath gives us and the student a chance to move on from flight, fight, or freeze mode—and into recovery mode.

Don’t Overestimate Threats or Underestimate Resources As humans, biologically, we often overestimate a potential threat and under-

estimate our resources to handle that threat. When a student is crying or screaming,

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we might overestimate the problem or threat and react as if it were a crisis when in reality, it is not. Have we reflected on our own reaction? Did we breathe deeply? Is the student safe? Can you sit near her and breathe deeply, assuring her that you are there and will wait with her?

Pause and Avoid Speaking or Acting in Anger This doesn’t mean we are asking you to never feel anger when a student says

something hurtful to you or another student. You might feel anger. This is normal. But we want you to practice not speaking or acting from that anger toward the student. Instead, pause and assess your emotions underneath the anger, such as your concerns or fears. For example, you can say, “I’m angry Joe is calling me hurtful names. Pause. Underneath that anger, I’m concerned because he has disrespected me in front of the class, and I will lose the respect of all the other students if I don’t discipline him now.”

Once you’ve acknowledged the anger and its underlying concern, we want you to practice self-compassion and talk to yourself in a heartfelt way. Separate your anger from everything else. Doing these steps will help you stay calm and speak in a way that aligns with the belief that no student is bad—and their behavior is a form of communication.

This is also a practice we can teach our students and colleagues. In many instances, these two steps can help avoid turning challenging behavior into an even greater crisis. For example, take our friend Shane, the assistant principal of a middle school in a small rural district in the northeast United States. One day at her school, a fight broke out between two 8th grade girls. Hair was pulled, faces were slapped and scratched, and yelling echoed through the hallway. Shane was in her office with the principal when the two girls were brought in by a science teacher who had stopped the fight. The teacher began explaining what he had seen. The principal began to order suspensions for both girls while asking who had started the fight and why. In response, the girls started to scream at each other and at the principal.

Shane interrupted and said, “Why don’t we all pause?” She paused, took a deep breath, and then continued, “Before we pass blame or suspensions. Let’s take some time to cool down and come back together to talk about this when we’re not all in such a heated zone.” The girls looked at Shane. The principal looked at Shane but

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then nodded and said to the girls, “Yes, Mrs. Ruddy is right. I’ll call your parents to have them come get you today. Tomorrow morning, once we’ve had time to cool down and think, we’ll have a talk to figure out the best consequence and course of action.”

We love this example because Shane was able to model the practice of pausing and not acting or speaking from a place of anger or fear for her two students in crisis. After sharing this story with us, Shane reflected on the issues that can arise when adults hastily dole out consequences in the heat of the moment before anyone has had a chance to cool down or discuss what happened. Students feel they are not listened to. They often don’t have a chance to attempt a mediation to resolve this issue, and they don’t feel connected to the consequence. Instead, Shane likes to pause and come back together when everyone—adults, students, and parents—are calmer and ready to at least attempt to discuss the issue and come to a resolution. When this happens, she says, students feel supported, respected, and listened to.

In this particular crisis at Shane’s middle school, the girls did not receive suspensions. Instead, they participated in a mediation session with Shane, who had been formally studying Restorative Practices (RP) and conflict resolution in order to prepare for implementing RP schoolwide the following academic year. Shane, in collaboration with the principal and the two girls, decided that an appropriate consequence for their actions both in harming each other and their 8th grade community hallway would be to provide a service to their peers. They would create a project highlighting the importance of respect and healthy communication between friends and peers.

With the help of their school health teacher, the girls planned a 30-minute lunchtime event for their fellow 8th graders about healthy relationships. This led to an activity about setting boundaries and having clear communication. They shared with their peers that their fight had resulted because of rumors instead of clear communication. Shane was inspired by how effective this approach was to the girls’ crisis, how much more the girls learned from mediation and service work in lieu of traditional suspensions, and how it not only helped mitigate the negative impact on the school community but also provided a positive impact.

After dealing with that crisis using RP, Shane was even more committed to implementing the approach schoolwide. Three years later, both her district’s

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middle school and high school use RP as a foundation for supporting all students. Shane reports that in-school and out-of-school suspensions are significantly down, and the attendance and graduation rates at the middle and high schools are up. Her district’s positive outcomes are not singular. Research has consistently shown that schools that strive to keep students in school—compared with schools that more actively suspend students—have increased student achieve ment outcomes (Osher, Poirier, Jarjoura, & Brown, 2014).

Creating Your Own Success Plan In Chapter 6, we outlined our process for heartfelt problem solving that results in developing a success plan for students. Sometimes, though, when crises erupt, we also need to create our own success plan. We recommend using the steps in Figure 7.2 alone or with a friend, colleague, or loved one.

Another important factor in effectively supporting students in crisis is to understand that public reprimands always increase the chance of escalating the student’s behavior. Whether it is raising your voice or using a public behavior chart, these types of public displays send a negative message to the student who will then experience a swell of anxiety, embarrassment, and shame. Certainly, we know that students can press our buttons even when we acknowledge and try to always honor these important truths.

Kate vividly remembers during her first month as a teacher, she sent a student named Jonas out of her classroom after getting into an argument about his independent research project.

Jonas had cursed at me and told me he hated me and my stupid class. I remember turning bright red, feeling my flight-or-fight response kicking in, and telling him, “We don’t speak to each other like that in here. You better leave now and go to the office to cool down before returning.” Oh, did I make a mistake.

At that point in my career, I didn’t have the skills to deal with behavior and crisis that I needed. I hadn’t committed to understanding that student behavior is communication, and I certainly didn’t pause to avoid acting in anger before doling out a consequence. I took everything Jonas said personally. I thought, “He is right; I’m a terrible teacher and my class is stupid!”

Worst of all, I knew I had branded myself as a teacher who sends students out of the room, signaling to Jonas and his peers that he did not belong in our class. This

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Figure 7.2: Creating Your Own Student Success Plan

What do I need to recover from this situation?

What might need repair? How can I repair it? What might I need to restore? How can I restore it?

What types of supports can I put in place?

In what ways do I need to fill my cup to be even more prepared for this situation in the future?

What are three steps I can put in place to help me feel more successful? 1.

Is there anyone I need to talk to about this?

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was not the teacher I wanted to be, and it was not the teacher Jonas needed me to be. Jonas tested me and instead of leaning in, I pushed back.

When Jonas left my classroom, he didn’t come back that period. Or the next day. Or the next. I knew he was skipping class because I made him feel bad, and I had done so in front of his peers. I needed to check in with him and apologize. I needed my own success plan. I sought him out during lunch time in the courtyard where I knew he often hung out with his friends. When I approached the group, he was there but avoided looking at me. I asked if I could speak to him privately and, without speaking, he moved to one side, away from his peers.

I told him that I’d messed up. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at him or sent him out of the class. I told him I was sorry I had done it, sorry if I had hurt him, and sorry that even though it hurt my feelings that he had called me names, I was the one who was there to protect him and teach him, and I hadn’t done that to the best of my ability. I finished by telling him that I missed him, his humor, and his ideas in class a great deal. I told him I really wanted him to come back to class and figure out how I could help him better—and how he could help himself, too.

He didn’t say anything in return, but he came to class the next day. I spent the next few weeks earning his trust back by talking to him quietly; learning more about him, his strengths, and his needs; and leaving him positive and encouraging notes. Jonas was one of my most important early lessons as a teacher. In fact, he helped me determine who I wanted to be as an educator and commit to many of the ideas and strategies discussed in this chapter:

• Practice the pause. • Avoid acting or speaking in anger. • Hold a private conversation with the student. Create conversations that

maintain their dignity and connect with love, patience, and persistence.

When faced with a student’s challenging behavior, imagine you are the parent of that child or someone who loves the child deeply, even if you are still learning to embrace the child, behaviors and all. Consider how you would react from that loving perspective. By reacting from a position of love and acceptance, your response will be with kindness, patience, and humanity—rather than with punishment or control. A crisis response must express compassion for all involved.

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Healing with the Arts Sometimes students aren’t able or ready to communicate about pain or suffering. Miranda Field (2016) shows that music, creative writing, performing arts, and fine arts can help calm the body’s stress responses and help our students feel safer and calmer in our classrooms. Let’s look at a couple examples.

Writing a New Path Aiden was a student who had been educated full time in self-contained, special

education classroom for students with emotional disabilities during 4th grade and part of his 5th grade year. In 5th grade, though, his special education teacher, Kim, and one of the general education teachers in the school, Nancy, wanted to see him included in the general education classroom full time.

Nancy and Kim worked together collaboratively, even shifting Kim’s schedule so the two of them could coteach for part of the day in order to provide Aiden and other students with disabilities appropriate services in the general education classroom. With this important collaborative support in place, Nancy and Kim soon realized that Aiden seemed most engaged when writing stories and most energized when playing basketball. They decided that tapping into Aiden’s interest in basketball, writing, and stories would be a great way to start building his strengths, show him that they truly believed in his success, and help him identify his feelings and challenges.

Nancy and Kim began by giving Aiden time to write about what he was feeling and experiencing in his life, and when he had freedom to write about his feelings and experiences, he seemed to unlock a whole world. They not only saw the birth of a writer but also witnessed how he began to use written expression to work through some of his own trauma (the death of a grandparent). Over time, his negative behaviors decreased and he was able to make it through an entire school day without any emotional outbursts. Nancy and Kim helped him articulate that he could channel his anger and pain into writing and release some of his anger and pain by playing basketball; thereby, he could be more calming, more soothing, and more loving to himself.

When that school year came to an end, Nancy and Kim wanted to make sure Aiden continued to grow his writing as a powerful coping strategy and creative skill. They encouraged and helped him apply to a summer writing program at The

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Telling Room, an organization in their community that supports and empowers youth through writing. Aiden attended the program that summer and continued to hone his writing and even got involved in documentary filmmaking. Later that year, Aiden took part in The Telling Room’s community anthology event. He read one of his poems (see Figure 7.3) in front of hundreds of supporters who attended. His teachers were profoundly moved by Aiden’s growth as a writer and an empowered communicator of his own trauma—along with the self-compassion and self- understanding he’d learned along the way.

For the Love of Dance Jane was a 2nd grade student who went into crisis during transitions. Her

teacher, Dave, explained, “If she was happy where she was, that’s where she wanted to stay. If she was asked to leave that happy place, she’d throw herself onto the floor and kick, scream, and thrash around.”

At first, Dave was stumped. He called in the behavior specialist, the special educator, the occupational therapist, and anyone he could get to help figure out Jane’s transition crises. During one meeting with the behavior specialist, Trina, Dave explained all the various scenarios in which Jane had been in crisis during transition. Trina looked at him and smiled kindly. She then said, “This question might seem off topic, but I promise it’s not. What does Jane love to do?” Dave replied, “I guess she loves to dance. She’s actually a terrific dancer.” Trina and Dave brainstormed how to incorporate dance into transition time for Jane.

The next day, when Dave asked his class to transition from recess back to class for math, one of Jane’s happy places, he told them they would be dancing back to class in a conga line. Jane’s face lit up and she beelined to the front of the line in order to lead the conga. When the conga line was such a success, Dave began to brainstorm other types of dancing transitions throughout the day to support Jane. Soon, he realized it would be more fun and collaborative to enlist the help of the entire class. Dave and his students brainstormed a long list of dance transition possibilities, including tangoing with a partner from the desk to the rug for reading (one of our favorites). He hung the list prominently on the classroom wall and referred to it throughout the year to support transition decisions. Dave reflected that although Jane still occasionally struggled with transitions, the dancing was a huge support for her, and his class sure had a lot more fun.

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MY LIFE Cancer took a person I loved It’s hard not getting to say goodbye the way I wanted to I never even got to say the word

It’s hard having anger inside Like a volcano Ready to erupt a giant rock that shoots out lava Smells like ash and fire breathe me in and you will suffocate

No one wants a life full of anger I never wanted a life Full of anger

I hear my anger Like a roar of a lion it gets me mad My heart pounds with anger it always pounding like a drum in me

I feel different than other people I sometimes feel like I don’t belong on Earth No one wants a life full of anger I never wanted a life Full of anger

I’m alive when I play basketball I turn my anger into energy I get rid of the energy By playing basketball

Writing is how I express my feelings you can figure out if I’m happy or mad Hopeful or sad By reading my writing the words might have hate or happiness I express my feelings through these things Nothing helps but writing and basketball

Figure 7.3: Aiden’s Poem

Source: Poem by Aiden G. Reprinted with permission.

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D e a l i n g w i t h C r i s i s a r t f u l ly 123

Following (and Changing) the Plan Educators often create a crisis plan for any type of emergency, particularly for times when they must react to extremely challenging behavior. Research indicates that a crisis intervention plan offers a coordinated approach for responding to serious incidents (Bender & McLaughlin, 1997; Skiba & Peterson, 2000). Create a crisis binder that includes a note so that in an emergency situation, any adult in charge can follow specific directions for the class. Determine a neutral place where the class could go (e.g., the media center), and have independent work prepared for students. This allows the teacher to be available for an individual student, perhaps simply to sit and breathe together, while maintaining the highest level of safety for the rest of the class in times of crisis.

Although there can be many steps to support a student, sometimes changing those steps is just as important. Simply because you or an entire team has created a fully detailed and scripted crisis plan does not mean you need to stick to it 100 percent of the time. You can decide to change the plan if it will help the student. Just be sure everyone is clear on the changes. Most importantly, be sure the student understands the changes.

There’s never a good time to implement a new way to do things in schools, especially if we don’t feel ready or if we know it will take a lot of our time and energy to do it well. Nevertheless, if we’ve learned one thing in our decades of work with educators to create inclusive change, it is this: It will always be too soon.

We were recently inspired by author and entrepreneur Seth Godin (2014), who writes, “There is a fundamental difference between being ready and being prepared. You are more prepared than you realize. You probably aren’t ready, and you can’t be ready, not if you’re doing something worthwhile” (p. 80). Johannes Gutenberg, Godin explains, launched the printing press when 96 percent of the population was illiterate. Karl Benz introduced the car to Germany when it was still against the law to drive one. No one knew how to drive, there weren’t roads, and there were no gas stations.

You might not be ready to implement new ways to support kids with challenging behavior, but you are more prepared than you think. Getting started is always worthwhile, especially when you consider that you’ll be starting something that will lead to a safer and more loving environment that provides more positive and creative support for your students and for you.

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F R O M B E H AV I N G TO B E LO N G I N G124

Tiny To-Do List

❒ Create your own success plan and have it ready for a crisis. ❒ Consider getting students access to artful healing. ❒ Write down all the ways you are prepared to do this important work. ❒ During a crisis situation, practice the following actions:

❒ Hold space. ❒ Practice pausing. ❒ Breathe.

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