What Should My Home Region Prioritize In Order To Ensure Its Own Food Security?

Running head: FOOD SECURITY IN RAJASTHAN

FOOD SECURITY IN RAJASTHAN 6

Food Security in Rajasthan

Ekta Katihar

Royal Roads University

Author Note

This paper was prepared for MGMT 542 Argument and Communication for International Business, taught by Alisa Gordaneer on October 13, 2018.

Annotated Bibliography

Agooramurthy, G., & Hsu, M. J. (2015).Irrigation-based social work relives poverty in India's drylands. International Social Work ,58(1). 23-31. doi: 10.1177/0020872812463106 Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: ACCURACY: Double-check to ensure factual accuracy throughout. If one part of the whole is inaccurate, it casts doubt on the accuracy of the entire document. Should have “relieves” here.

The objective of this study focuses on the growth in agriculture once the community irrigation technique is set up in the dry land state - Rajasthan, India. The author specifically cites case studies from different areas of Rajasthan where the agriculture yield was enhanced post incorporating the social welfare board that assisted farmers in lift irrigation operations along with the wise techniques of water conservation. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: TENSE: past tense is an APA convention for signal phrases. CONCISION: Avoid over-phrasing, which uses more words than needed to say something simple. Try “this study focused” Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CONCISION/GRAMMAR: Remember subject-verb-object construction, which can help clarify who’s doing what—and will make your sentence less wordy.

Govindasamy Agooramurthy and Minna Hsu (2015) has explained the significant increase in agriculture production once the community welfare board is set up to build the artificial water storage for agriculture. This article favours the approach of developing irrigation along with the case studies that show the increase in the crop productivity post implementing smart water conserving techniques which proved beneficial for the farmers. Overall, the data gathered in this study has helped me establish my claim that developing irrigation will help in improving the food productivity even in the dry state too. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CLARITY/GRAMMAR: Ensure subjects and verbs agree. Here's a helpful resource on how to address this: http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-centre/writing/grammar/sentences/sentence-errors/subject-verb-agreement Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: ORGANIZATION: This would make the basis for a better topic sentence because it directly addresses the point(s) you want to make.

Deutsch, J. (2014, January/February). Food security under siege. Canadian Dimension,47(7), 9. Retrieved from https://moodle.royalroads.ca

This paper highlights the fundamental necessity to comprehend collaboration of climate change and free trade agreements on food security. Jane Deutsch (2014). determines the underlying harmful effects of poisonous gas emission from food transportation. She concludes the article by suggesting the numerous possibilities that lie in along with developing agriculture in terms of jobs and water restoration that will help make the region along with farmers to be self-sufficient . Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CLARITY: I'm having trouble understanding what you mean here. Try reading out loud. What did you mean to say? Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: TENSE: past tense is an APA convention for signal phrases. I won't point out this type of concern throughout the rest of this assignment, but you should be aware that it needs to be addressed throughout. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: A line space between paragraphs would help make it clear that you are moving on to the next part of your discussion.

Deutsch (2014) compares the agriculture to low hanging fruit. She has emphasized on increasing availability of the food at the national level by boosting food production. Overall, the article is thorough and well researched about the burning issue of food security, however, at times it lacks the statistical data to support her claims. Her approach towards making area self- food sufficient by enhancing agriculture can be used as an example to support my main argument to develop agriculture in my state to overcome the hardships of food security. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CLARITY: Be aware that the tone here becomes somewhat more casual than you'd want to use in an academic paper. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: Just “emphasized” not “emphasized on” which is redundant. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: Presumably all of the articles would be. What makes this one unique? Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: So, does this mean it’s less than credible? Would it make sense to use a different one?

Mohammad, I., Yadav, B.L., & Ahamad,A. (2017). Effect of phosphorus and bio- organics on yield and soil fertility status of mungbean under semi arid condition of Rajasthan, India. International Journal of Current Microbiology and Applied Sciences, 6(3), 1545-1553. doi:10.20546/ijcmas.2017.603.177 Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: format

A key element in soil responsible for plant growth is Phosphorus. Indian soils have a limited quantity of phosphorus. This article inspects the average yield production of mungbean, which is used as a test crop boosted by the use of phosphorus. It concludes with establishing the fact that less productivity can keep agriculture aside. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: GRAMMAR: Review rules for capitalization. CONCISION/GRAMMAR: Remember subject-verb-object construction, which can help clarify who’s doing what—and will make your sentence less wordy. REFERENCING/CITATION: Use signal phrases as well as in-text citations to indicate that the information is coming from an article. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: RELEVANCE: This is somewhat vague. What did you mean to say?

This paper is an informative source because it provides the quantitative baselines showing that how the production of this important crop is low compared to its production potential in absence of essential nutrients in the soil. In 2017, Irfan Mohammad, B.L. Yadav and Atik Ahamad concluded that minerals form an integral part of the plant metabolism which leads to nutrient accumulation and weight gain of the crops. Moreover, it helps in emphasizing the claim that setting up a sustainable system would lead to proper utilization of natural resources that will help in eradicating food insecurity. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CLARITY: Read this sentence out loud. Does it sound right? Listen for places where you might be missing a word or using the wrong verb form. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: ASSIGNMENT ANALYSIS: Your second paragraph needs to make a claim about how this article will contribute to your argument or help answer your research question. It can use points from the article to support that claim, but it should not be an extension of your summary paragraph.

Savei.S. (2012, Feburary). An agricultural pollutant: chemical fertilizer. International Journal of Environment Science and Development, 3(1), 77-80. Retrieved from https://library.royalroads.ca

This paper investigates the overuse of fertilizers and their effect on the environment and health. To meet the increasing demand for food, the agriculture industry is under tremendous pressure. The author concluded the article by emphasizing on the alternate solution along with an effective examination of the soil determining the number of fertilizers to restrict the side effects of these plant growth booster. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: CONCISION: Avoid over-phrasing, which uses more words than needed to say something simple.

Serpil Savei (2012) noted that soil doesn't have instant effects of chemical due to its buffering nature but its constant use accumulates these toxins in the vegetables causing human health issues. Overall, this article suggests setting up the sustainable solution to increase the crop productivity that will help overcome the food insecurity and establish proper access to food that is crucially accepted and beneficial to the man and nature. Quantitative analysis towards the accumulation of toxic nutrients due to prolonged use of fertilizers will strengthen my main claim to develop irrigation with effective water boosting technique. Comment by Alisa Gordaneer: ORGANIZATION/SEQUENCING: This is a more general statement than the one that precedes it. Logical order dictates that you go from general to more specific, so this would make more sense if it appeared earlier on.

Domain 1.1 Communicate Effectively	Annotated Bibliography	E	VG	G	S	U	Points
Organization (10)	Entries are presented following reference list organizing conventions	x					5/5
	Assignment adheres to the assignment guidelines		x				4/5
Effective Communication (10)	Writing is concise and clear and avoids complicated awkward wording			x			6/10
Formatting (10)	Title page and body of assignment formatted according to the School of Business guidelines and APA standards	x					5/5
	Body is formatted accurately for an annotated bibliography	x					5/5
Documentation (25)	Sources are cited appropriately and correctly according to APA standards		x				7/10
	Summarisation, paraphrasing using own words and signal phrases where applicable. No direct quotes used.	x					14/15
Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling (5)	Writing is correct without errors in spelling, punctuation or sentence construction			x			3/5
Domain 2.1 Critical Thinking		E	VG	G	S	U	Points
Key point(s) (10)	Uses key point (s) from article(s) to support claims.		x				7/10
Synthesizing resources (10)	Draws research from multiple sources.	x					9/10
Argumentation (20)	Presents clear claims about each article’s relevance.			x			6/10
	Provides sufficient evidence to support those claims.		x				7/10
Total							78/100

Hi Ekta,

Thanks for your work on this assignment. I can tell you’ve done some good research here, and I think you’re well on your way to understanding more about your topic for your final assignment.

As you can see throughout, your next task will be to clarify the best evidence for your argument specifically.

You’ll need to ensure your evidence clearly and specifically supports your claims, and you’ll need to clarify your claims to have a sense of what evidence best supports them.

In your bibliography, it was difficult to tell how you thought the article might contribute to your overall research and argument, as you just continued summarizing in your second paragraphs without linking the article to your overall research question. The explanation paragraphs need to make and support a point about how the article will help your overall argument. You don’t need to know yet exactly what claim you’ll make, but these paragraphs are the place where you can indicate where you think that argument might be going.

Suggestions for improving :

1. Aim to be more specific about your statements and the relevance of the evidence you have found, because this will become very important for your final assignment argument.

1. For summary, remember you need to mention the author, and use signal phrases to indicate the information is coming from an article.

1. Clarify claims to have a better sense of what evidence best supports them. In your explanation paragraphs, you need to make your own claim about how the article supports your research, and then use examples from the article or the reading to support that claim.

1. Remember that you want to create a well-supported overall argument for Assignment 7. I recommend you go deeper with your research and look for additional resources to help ensure your final assignment is well-supported with a range of evidence. You will want to make sure you have sufficient evidence to make and refute a counter-argument as well – look for articles that express alternative points of view to the ones you’ve included here.

1. It appears you still need to work on sentence structure and syntax. Please make this a priority, as it will continue to be a concern for you as you move forward. Your ideas deserve to be communicated as clearly as possible.

I hope the feedback helps, and that you’re able to bring some of this material together to create a strong argument for your final assignment. I look forward to reading it!

Alisa