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Teenagers also give up private pleasures and hobbies to be one of the crowd. Certain pastimes, such as writing poems, practicing piano, reading books, or fooling around with a chemistry set may be off-limits because the crowd laughs at them. So teens often drop these interests or exchange them for riding around in cars and hanging out at the mall. Even worse, teens have to give up their own values and mock the people who stay interested in such hobbies. Against their better instincts, they label as “creeps” the girl who is always reading books or the boy who spends after-school time in the biology lab. Most important, giving up private pleasure during these years can mean that the teenager loses these interests forever. It may only be as an adult that the person wishes he or she had kept up with piano, ballet, or astronomy and feels it is now too late to start again.

Finally, teenagers sometimes give up the people they love in order to be accepted. If necessary, they sacrifice the old friend who no longer dresses well enough, listens to the right kind of music, or refuses to drink or take drugs. Potential boyfriends and girlfriends may be rejected, too, if the crowd does not like their looks or values. Sadly, teenagers can even cut their families out of their lives. They may be ashamed of the parents who are too poor, too conventional, or too different from friends’ parents. Even if the teens are not completely ashamed of their parents, they may still refuse to participate in family get-togethers or spend time with younger brothers or sisters.

It is true that many teenagers face the pressures of being forced to take drugs, to perform dangerous stunts, to do risky things. A more common and perhaps more painful pressure is to conform to the crowd by giving up part of oneself. Attachments to learning, to special interests, and to special people are often thrown away just to “be one of the guys.”