Write Reflection Paper

Content

Intervention

Impact

Alternative

Intervention

Transcription

(Exact dialogue, pauses, “sounds,” etc.)

Skill(s) Used & Intention

Effectiveness of Intervention

Scaled 1-5

(1 being low,

5 highly effective)

Alternative Specific Example of What might have said Differently

Skill(s) Suggested

C: Hi I'm Donna and I'm a counselor in training and I have with me

a young lady that agreed to go through the counseling and training video with

me what is your full name.

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

I’m Donna O’Hara, a counselor in training. Please state your full name.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Hall

C: And what city state and county do you reside in

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please state your city, state and county.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Georgia that's Henry County okay what is the date of this month August

C: Okay and today's date

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please verify today’s date.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Is the 9th

C: What’s the day of the week today is

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please verify the day of the week.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Thursday

C: Ok and what year

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please verify the year.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: 2018

C: And where are you right now

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please state where you are right now.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: In my home in the kitchen

C: Ok how are you feeling

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

How are you feeling at this moment?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: I'm feeling good this morning

C: Okay good and what mood are you in

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Please describe your mood at this moment.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: I am in a calm mood

C: And Do you have thoughts of harming yourself

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Do you feel suicidal?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: No ma'am

C: Have you had thoughts of harming yourself anytime today

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

When was the last time you felt suicidal?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: no ma’am

C: OKAY do you talk with others about killing yourself

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Have you spoken to anyone about being suicidal?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: No ma’am

C: Okay and do you have thoughts of harming anyone

Attending behavior basic listening sequence and positive asset search

5

Do you feel homicidal?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: No ma’am

C: Thank you for joining me I'm Donna. I am a counselor in training. And before the session started you had the opportunity to read over you your consent form, right?

Attending Behavior: Opening and Confirming understanding of consent form

5

Hello Samira, my name is Donna O’Hara and I’m a training to be a counselor. Did you read the consent form?

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Yes

C: Do you have any questions about the form?

Attending Behavior

5

What question do you have about the form?

Open ended question to verify the client understand the form encourage the client to questions

CL: No

C: Okay, do you mind signing it?

Attending Behavior

5

Sign right here if you understand.

Observation skill intended to verify client is aware

CL: Sure

C: So, at any time that you have any questions about the form please feel free to ask any questions at any time and if you're not clear about something please feel free to ask me at any time

Attending Behavior

5

If you think of any questions, please feel free to ask.

Basic response

CL: Okay

C: So, I'm curious to know what brought you in today?

Attending Behavior

5

What are you hoping to receive out of counseling?

Focusing

CL: Well I'm a mother of four boys and we've been having some on-and-off behavioral problems since forever and recently about a few months ago so my second son which is 20 years old he was in New Jersey came back and we were trying to build that relationship amongst each other

C: Okay

Attending behavior used to encourage client to speak more about her issue.

3

Build that relationship

Restatement used to encourage client to speak specifically about the relationship

CL: And we were doing okay met this girl and it just kind of unraveled you know all the good times the laughing time spending time together hugs and different things like that's nothing mama the son does it just started unraveling

C: Unraveling?

Basic response

4

I’m curious to know what you mean by unraveling?

Open ended question to gain more information

CL: Hum, huh it was almost like he was being pulled back away from me and I believe it was because of a girl because uhm in meeting her I, well she was she told me that you know her parents weren't good supporters and you know she had a lot of negative things to say about them and things like that so in talking to her I kind of picked up on what it was she was trying to do cause, you know most time misery or the thing his misery loves company so I guess (laughed) she was one of those people that loved me to company with her in this room so some stuff just back and forth you know she would she would play on us and again I've noticed it but I still trying to help her through things been trying to give her an opportunity to be a better person and know that people are out there that care

C: Okay

Basic response

3

Help her through things?

Restatement used to encourage client to speak specifically about the relationship

CL: And I even said to her you know I don't know you that well and things like that, but I do want you to be the best that you can be and I was willing to be there to be a support for her to help her get there

C: Right

Basic response

3

Willing to be there?

Interpretation of client’s meaning of being there for the outside person

CL: Hum, huh she would talked to my mom you know have different conversation with her she would tell her a lot of stuff a lot of personal stuff that I you know didn't feel that she should have said but she did and maybe that's not who she is or whatever anyways um days went on time went on where she was starting to record things that happen in the house where my son's at work

C: Record things?

Attending behavior

3

What type of things did she record?

Focus on what was being recorded and

CL: Yes, like maybe FaceTime him and just said the phone to the side so he could kind of hear or see hear and see rather what was being said or what was going on different things like that. She would kind of I guess basically set up things so that something negative could be said to her or so she felt it was negative

C: So you felt like she was staging things?

Reflection of feelings of client

3

Why?

Observation skills encouraging the client to explain her thoughts and feelings.

CL: Yes but again she was young she was the same age as my son you know I knew that he had been going through some things because he and I had had something where I think about about two years ago

C: okay

Basic response

2

Two years ago?

Restatement used to encourage client to speak specifically about the relationship

CL: because I still have two younger kids and I felt like you know to have him around them kind of not giving him the positive influence that I know he could give them he just wasn't he would do the negative or you know the opposite of things and tell the youngest child which is ten don't listen to her or don't do this and different things like that so I felt like for the safety of you know the other kids I needed him to go and just be away for a little while he chose to move in New Jersey

C: Okay

Basic response

3

You have four son’s but you feel you have to keep the one son from around the others because he’s angry, but you don’t understand what he’s angry about because you have been waiting for him to tell you without you actually asking him?

Interpretation of client’s story and uncover communication barrier.

CL: because that's where we're from

C: okay

Basic response

1

So he enjoys going back to where you are from?

Restatement used to encourage client to speak specifically about the relationship

CL: so, he did have people that he could stay with things like that he did stay in communication with is dad, because that was important to me even though he and I had something I still wanted him to have a parent that you can go to be able to you know talk to vent things like that

C: Right

Basic response

1

Do you think he want to communicate with both parents?

Observation skill to receive feedback on communication barrier between mother and son.

CL: so, they stayed in constant contact so whatever he knew I knew and uhm, I still did things as far as helping if he a coat or whatever I would send he would accept it as long as it was monetary he would accept it

C: okay

Basic response

1

What normally happens when you try and talk to him?

Observation skill to receive feedback on communication barrier between mother and son.

CL: Hum, huh (laughed) so and it didn't make me feel any kind of way it

just made me feel like okay well at least he has what he needs

C: Hum, huh

Basic response

3

How did you really feel?

Observation skill to receive feedback on mom’s feelings

CL: Hum, huh because I had come in, and I guess I had forgave myself I guess uhm it felt like I didn't do anything wrong and I had to make a hard decision and I did explain that to him after I gave it sometime I did explain him that I love him being a parent you know you have to make some tough decisions

C: Right

Basic response

1

How do you forgive yourself if you feel you haven’t done anything wrong?

Respond to feeling by encouraging mom to think about and attempt to explain her conflicting thought

CL: everything can't always be you know what it is that you want and if I don't challenge you I feel like I didn't teach you anything and I love you and you know my numbers this and I’ll always here when you're ready. Anyway to go back to the current time uhm we would go he wouldn't say different things but I could tell is demeanor had changed

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

2

His demeanor changed?

Restatement used to encourage client to speak specifically about the relationship

CL: our communication would get smaller and then just stop. Uhm this particular night that something happened I'm not sure what it was but I know it was something where the girl had recorded or FaceTime or whatever. and uhm he had sent me a text and was like you know when I come back from my trip I'm moving out. I basically you know just similar you know that's great I said when making any decision for yourself make sure it's a decision from you and for you not from or for somebody else. Uhm and I loved and uhm I kept it positive because I felt it. I knew that something was about to happen uhm and I didn't want him to have the same thing oh my mom cussed me out or my mom did this or my mom did that anyways he just went back and forth with the same things oh you know I could tell that she was saying stuff because some of his messages to me would be words that I might have said to her when she said to

me.

C: (Nod head)

Basic response

1

So you communicated to him through text but is there a reason why you don’t talk directly to him?

Open ended question encourages the client to see a pattern.

CL: so I knew that uhm and I just kind of kept it real you know well whatever decision you make just make sure your decision is yours and different things like that. Uhm we then got to a place where he would say something disrespectful to my 16-year-old. He would go back and forth so I told my 16-year-old to block him so that he didn't have to deal with it on the phone of course he wants to be a big boy now he wants to go back and forth and let him know how he feel and different things like and I had to actually take the phone and block it myself. Hum, huh my oldest son his fiancée we all sat in the room because now he's coming home we don't know this going to happen uhm so we're trying to figure out ways to defuse it so that nothing happens to the minor

C: Hum, huh

Basic response

2

Nothing happens to the minor? Are speaking of your 16 year old?

Observations skills pointing out thoughts of describing her son as an outside minor

CL: uhm came in house yelling screaming uhm you know saying words derogatory words profanity all types of things uhm so we're, my room is down the hall from my 16 year olds. We're like stay in your room and different things like that uhm once he got close to the door my oldest son kind of pushed him up against the wall. and he uhm oh now you're gonna hit me? so everything was about him and not about us protecting the 16 year old uhm somehow we all got into a tussle myself and my son's fiancé we were trying to break them apart eventually we just kind of fell down the stairs we were by the stairwell we just flipped down the stairs nobody was really injured it's was just some bumps and bruises and different things like that at that point I had decided you know that somebody need to call 9-1-1 so I didn't know what was what happened I wasn't trying get him arrested but I needed to do something else I needed for it to stop

C: right

Basic response

2

I’m curious to know more about what “it” is?

Observations skills pointing out thoughts of describing something but avoiding say exactly what “it” is

CL: Hum, huh by that time he was walking through the house I remember holding him back his pants and he would try to pull away from me but I never said a word I just held him by the back his pants as he's walked through the house

C: Ok

Basic response

3

If you had the opportunity now to say at least one word what would you say?

Confrontation and encouraging mom to see a pattern of the lack of verbal communication and behavior.

CL: and I would guide him if he was trying to go to Jordan’s room I would guide him in another direction

C: Hum, huh

Basic response

3

So you were trying to avoid him from making physical contact with your 16 year son?

Interpretation of the meaning of mom’s action in the story.

CL: my youngest son noticed he was bleeding on his forehead and we wanted to go try to get him tissue or something and I remember he yelled something at him uhm so then I just kind of like get off of me and I wouldn’t let him go til he was downstairs and on his way out the door. Uhm he finally went out the door he challenged me uhmm asked me did I want to fight and uhm it took everything out of me not to go toward him and them just what type of mom I can be

C: You did, You did well. You did well.

Affirmations Reflective listening assist the client to move forward, creating change talk and motivation from within

3

What type of mom can you be?

Respond to feelings encouraging mom to think further into what type of my she’s self consciously trying to avoid being but may possibly display

CL: (laugh)

C: You did well.

Affirmations Reflective listening assist the client to move forward, creating change talk and motivation from within

3

How does that make you feel?

Respond to feeling how it really made her feel at the time in the story.

CL: Because I walked towards him and then I turned around and went back in the house

C: very good.

Affirmations Reflective listening assist the client to move forward, creating change talk and motivation from within

3

What did you really want to do in that moment?

Respond to feelings and thoughts in the moment in the story.

CL: Hum, huh that bothered me but I was proud of me

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

What bothered you?

Respond to feeling by encouraging mom to think about and attempt to explain her conflicting thought

CL: all they're saying hey and then trying to breathe asthmatic so my breathing was off flip it downstairs and rent the house doing all that stuff so when the police finally came he was sitting on curb his girlfriend at the time was outside sweating when they came my son's fiancé went outside on the push to talk to them and I stood there and he was basically trying to get me arrested he said you know my mother's crazy she tried to taz me and this kind of stuff , she his girlfriend at the time she kind of was like yeah yeah you know trying to get me arrested (laughed)

Hum, huh so it's from then, this is now August from I think that was about May

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

Wow! How did that make you feel with your son and this outside person trying to get you arrested?

Respond to feeling by encouraging mom to think about she felt in the moment

CL: it's just kind of been very tense because he's in the house his girlfriend doesn't come around but he's in the house all of my boys in the house and it's like you know I'm in a coming I feel like I'm in a place where I know in Georgia you can't kick somebody out thank you you know that's their residents and things like that he don't know that so I could actually do it

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: but I've done it before I don't want to do the same thing I want to give him an opportunity to make some decisions and go somewhere whether it be back to school or something somewhere that's where hum, huh he is somewhere now supposed to be going to school he was working he was getting promoted you know I felt like that was some form of consistency because they wanted to promote him he was a trainer he was going to be a lead once he turned 21 they wanted to make him a supervisor

C: okay

Basic response

1

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: so you know I feel like that's a good thing

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: he wanted to go to school I signed his FASFA just yesterday hum, huh (laughed) to try to help him alone we needed some things he asked his brother to get him from me birth certificate things like that I gave it to him

C: so he's not talking you.

Basic response

2

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: he's not talking,no. so he'll use his brother or whoever it is to maybe ask me something or get something from me that then maybe

C: okay

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: I don't have a problem with that because we still my child I want you to be the best that you can be and I want you to get some help but that's on your time not mine I do know that hum, huh (laugh) so I got tired of kind of talking back and forth (laugh) and the asked for a w2 so the type of work that I do I don't have a w-2 so I said well I don't have a w-2 and I said it out loud instead of me telling my oldest son when we all in the same room because I just spoke loud enough everybody he decided to repeat myself all

C: right

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: as a message that was silly and then I was getting kind of tired of it (laugh) so in going through that I've I felt because I suffered with depression and anxiety I felt myself hum, huh slipping back into those type of behaviors where I want to be closed off when I'm not able to think straight or I have to kind of pull myself back in and different things like that so I'm aware of it because of something that I've suffered for many of years and I did talk to a therapist

C: okay

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: outside of you (pause) about it, so I am aware of it so I kind of take myself away and just try to deal with it the best way that I can or pray about it and different things like that to just kind of be patient on what I should do next. as opposed on you know just jumping and just doing what my first mom a tell me and I'll you know be a little more patient so that I can wait to see I don't want to make things worse I do know that he's suffering with something I feel like he's depressed I know that he's gone through something that he does but he doesn't want to go get it either

C: okay

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: his I've said that to him you like me to talk to somebody in the past and say you need to talk to somebody you know and I said I do, thinking okay he'll say oh (laugh) and I think you knew that but it's just a constant struggle of being a parent you know to a child she brought into this world that you've done so much for and that you'll still continue to do for and it's like when did you stop when do you pull away when do you let go and I think that I've gotten to a place a better place to be able to do that because I know that I did what I was supposed to do

C: Right

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: I'm no longer I used to sit and cry about it over the past few months and wonder but I think what got me to a place of maybe not crying so much anymore it's having my two young is catch me and that's the same way I was some years ago in my marriage my oldest would catch me

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

2

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: and I felt like he carried that burden I loved him so that's not something I want to do too much too young as now

C: Okay

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: so I think that you know I'm just using the steps in different measures to just try to get to a better place so that they don' continuously see their mom cry you'll feel like you know she's blaming herself I don't want to I don't know if moving back up I don't know if I had anything to do with what's going on with my 20 year old but I certainly don't want to take or do the same things that I possibly did to them and do that to the youngest ones so that's why I'm here to just try to stay focused and (deep breath) get to a better place and just to not think I'll go back because in my mind I'll go back and say maybe there was something you know I could have done or maybe maybe I can do this or maybe I should say something and or maybe I should say this is my house you know and and I could and I did set boundaries because had I did I guess it wouldn't be happening away to today's but then on the other hand we're not the traditional family (laugh)

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: so maybe I met things play out the way that they do and just whenever he get to wherever he has gone he'll at some point in his life hopefully playfully he'll you know get to that place where he takes accountability for his actions and not blame me for something that I might've did 15 years ago or something or from your spankings or something because that's what he seems oh you beat my butt

C: Okay

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: so (laugh) so because you got your butt beat (laugh) you know and it wasn't good you know I've heard I had friends they got beat with stitching cause with the encores with two by fours and no it was even my hand on a belt regular belt and read my hand you know it didn't leave any welts it didn't leave any scars didn't cause me to have to take it to the hospital I didn’t keep him out of school because he got his butt tore up

C: right

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: you know was anything wasn't that form of abuse I know and in the world today you know hitting your child is abuse well you know my thing is if you felt like it was that much abuse close to a phone by then it was a house phone call it (laugh) 911 you know that's what I felt if you really felt like you was in danger then you'd certainly knew how to get in touch with somebody else to get yourself out of that situation Hum, huh

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: and I would explain it. I was one that would explain what it is that you're doing and that was only a last result it wasn't like the first time you opened up your mouth you got popped it was after I told you to close your mouth or sit down go somewhere and you know how many times do you say that before okay now I'm going to show you what I want you to do

C: right

Basic response

3

Nod to show you are actively listening

Attending behavior, allowing the client to speak freely without interruption

CL: you know so I don't know I'm not perfect (laugh) and I've said that to my children many times I'm not perfect I mean he I probably did make some mistakes maybe I could have done something a little better but in my mind I was doing the best that I could do at that time and what I had to work with and where I came from and different things like that so I don't talk your head off

C: You’re fine, You’re fine

Basic response

1

It sounds like you are very tense around your 20-year son and you don’t trust what he will do but your trust your other three sons. You want him to be successful and live his life away in school or focus on a career but anything but away from you. It also sounds like you are uncomfortable with him being in the home and conflicted in your thoughts to love him or let him go because you constantly reminded yourself he is your son but you speak of him as stranger because you don’t talk directly to him but through the other three children to him but then sometimes you realize again he’s your son. You also stated you suffer with depression and anxiety and you feel like he’s suffering with the same as well, but you don’t know how to get him the help that he needs for his mental health. However, you are willing to help him with anything else to avoid talking directly to him. It also sounds like you feel guilty about how you disciplined him as a child. It sounds like he has attempted to talk about it, but you avoid talking it about it to him. You also mentioned you felt like your son is carrying your love as a burden. It sounds like you want your son to take accountability for his actions, but you are avoiding talking about your actions with him years ago. Yet you focus on avoiding the same mistakes with your younger two sons by not being vulnerable in front of them, but you possibly feel confused and embarrassed about how you handled things with your older son years ago. You also mentioned several times your son wanted you arrested as if he wants you to be disciplined for what you feel guilty about.

Interpretation /reframing linking critical ideas pointing out the observations made within the story which may be causing the problems of conflict

CL: (laugh) but that’ basically you know what's going on and why I'm here to just try to make things better for me even if not for him but for me

C: okay so I hear you saying that hum, huh that you have are… you have four sons and there's one particular son that you're having challenges with

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

Why do you think it’s such a barrier for you to express your feelings to him?

Confrontation causing mom to examine her own thoughts and patterns

CL: yes

C: and there was like a persons from the outside, a girlfriend that came into your home and created a whole lot of this chaos

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

Do you think you think you are avoiding talking to your son because you feel guilty about how you discipline him as a child?

Confrontation causing mom to examine her own thoughts and patterns

CL: yes

C: and hum, I also hear you saying that before she even came in a picture there was there was another situation before that

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

It sounds like you are trying to avoid him retaliating against you from his childhood.

Confrontation causing mom to examine her own thoughts and patterns

CL: yes

C: where you guys weren't talking as you are not talking now

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

It sounds like you are trying to point the blame at this girlfriend but it really has nothing to do with her because this was a problem before she came in the picture

Confrontation causing mom to examine her own thoughts and patterns

CL: correct

C: and so you're frustrated because you're really not sure if you're making the right decisions

Reflection of feelings of client

3

Are you frustrated about the situation that happened recently or about the relationship you don’t have with your son?

Confrontation causing mom to examine her own thoughts and patterns

CL: yes

C: or how your handling it or you would like to know what you can actually do differently for for the communication to flow

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

What do you think you need to do to start the communication to flow between you and your son?

Confrontation causing mom to examine new ideas of communicating with her son

CL: yes

C: so there's you feel and correct me if I'm wrong you feel there's communication challenge or a problem

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

3

You recognized there is a barrier now what are your plans to break the barrier?

Confrontation causing mom to examine new ideas of communicating with her son

CL: well we're not having any communication everything goes through someone else with with my second son everything goes through something else or someone else I'm sorry but so I don't know if it's a it is a communication barrier but I guess he has to go do something first before he'll be able to talk to me again because right now I do know that he blames me because he's actually sent me a message and say it's your fault it's your fault my relationships don't work

C: Did you ever ask my question why you feel like it's my fault

Closed ended question designed to answer with one word response

1

When you asked him why he feels like it’s your fault, what did he say?

Open ended question helps client to realize they have not been asking the right questions

CL: I didn’t at that time because of the night of the scuffle

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

I noticed throughout your story, you shared how you feel. Is there a reason why you haven’t asked your son how he feels?

Confrontation encourages the client examine themselves and patterns of thinking, feelings, and behavior.

CL: it was he wasn't in his right mind

C: Okay

Basic response

1

Wasn’t in his right mind?

Interpretation -needing mom to explain why she feels her son was not in his right mind at that moment

CL: it was just speaking so I felt like if there was anything that I asked he would just turn it around and make things worse

C: okay

Basic response

3

What happened in the past when you asked him questions when he was in this state?

Confrontation causing mom to examine her pattern of thinking or avoidance

CL: so I just would respond was saying you know I love you you know I'm here for you we're here for you different things like that

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

I love you?

Confrontation causing mom to examine her pattern of thinking or avoidance

CL: and then at one point I think I just stopped responding at all I just stopped because his his (laugh) his messages were you know basically are the hands I'm protecting me almost like he was coming into a war or something as though his family was against him so the only thing that I could think of is that she was in his ear telling him the opposite of what we were really you know what who we really are

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Is it possible he was trying to express to you he felt like the outsider and he felt like he was being attacked

Confrontation causing mom to think how her son may have felt based on his response

CL: and as opposed to him knowing who we are he just kind of listened to her and let her manipulate him yeah

C: that sounds very frustrating

Reflection of feeling of client

1

It sounds like he feels alone, and he brought her in to confirm how he’s been feeling.

Confrontation causing mom to think how her son may have felt based on his response

CL: yeah

C: so I thank you for sharing your story I know that was a lot for you and every mother loved their children and they want the best for their children food I'm curious to know what do you hope to accomplish with this session or of the sessions moving forward

Focusing on what mom wants to accomplish from counseling

3

Thank you for being so transparent in sharing your story. What expectations do you have for counseling?

Attending behaviors to encourage mom to focus on her needs in counseling to have healthy relationships within her family

CL: well with this session I guess getting it out

C: Okay

Basic response

3

Do you feel like you got a lot out today?

Observation skills validating mom needs are being met in the session.

CL: I've had the conversation with me but I've not had a conversation with someone else so being able to have a professional listen

C: Okay

Basic response

3

How do you feel now that you were able to get a lot of it out?

Observation skills validating mom needs are being met in the session.

CL: to me I offer some form of suggestions of something that maybe I can do to try to better the situation either going forward or even if it's just for me

C: okay

Basic response

3

So you are open to suggestions to make your situation better?

Interpretation of mom’s statement to confirm what she’s requesting from counseling

CL: because he is it will be 21 in January so I do understand that you know sometimes a parent has to step away to allow them to grow them and allow them to see things on a own thing I guess they call it tough love although it's not really tough love (laugh) because I'm not pushing them away he's pulling itself away so I guess just um being able to have clarity I guess on you know just knowing that I'm doing the best that I can't and I've done that and I'm going to continue to do that but just maybe if there's some tips or you know just some different things so that I can stay on that on that path

C: right so I think that it will be good for you to learn what you mentioned before that you know works we're coming with you know it's basically saying I love you and you tried different things to try to rekindle the relationship or to keep the relationship and falling apart but it feels like you don't feel those like those things worked

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

1

I think we have a lot of things we can work on together based on everything you shared today. Staring with communication, thoughts and feelings

Basic response assuring mom she was heard

CL: Hum, huh

C: so can you think of some other things that you can possibly do to rebuild your relationship as well as effectively communicate with each other

Goal setting

1

What do you want to work on first?

Action plan to encourage mom to think about what she’s ready to work on first.

CL: the only thing that I could maybe think of that can maybe work it's not going to work right now because he is a stubborn child

C: okay

Basic response

3

Before we move into talking more about your son. Let’s talk more about you and how you can communicate to him.

Focusing on prioritizing clients needs.

CL: so before it is it took eight to ten months

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

2

Eight to ten months?

Confrontation causing the client to examine the pattern

CL: before he came back and he spoke

C: that's a long time

Basic response

1

Do you think that’s a long time?

Focus on providing more clarity

CL: yeah but then I constantly sent uplifting text messages and different things like that this time I hadn't said anything

C: Okay

Basic response

3

How would you want someone to respond to you?

Confrontation causing the mom to think about how she would want to be treated in the same situation

CL: but I do feel like my support is helping him through signing his FASFA word you know getting him the things that he needs so that he can't say oh she didn't do this for me she stopped me from going to school and different things like that he has a loan from a previous school it comes to my email every time I get got forward so that he's informed to take care of it you know so that he can go to school you know so that he can let them know so that he can get aid (laugh)

C: That’s right

Basic response

3

Do you feel like you’re putting a band aid on the situation instead of confronting what really need to be resolved?

Confrontation causing the mom to think about how she’s avoiding the problem

CL: I don't take care of it you might give it away, so you know and I do try to tell his brother and stuff hey them know I got they sent him an email you know I forward him an email he need to get this taken care of otherwise even if your eligible for the aid you’re not going to be able to get it

C: Right

Basic response

3

What ways have he expressed to you he wanted to be supported.

Confrontation causing mom to think about the support her son really needs from her

CL: so I do try to support him support him in those ways sometimes he won't eat if I cook he won't eat it but I will make enough

C: okay

Basic response

3

You’re mindful of what he like and don’t like when you’re cooking.

Strength is mom’s love language towards her son

CL: you know I'm still conscious he doesn't eat cheese so I have I don't really make something with cheese if I do then this two if we have burgers we don't put cheese on it unless you want cheese

C: Okay

Basic response

3

That’s very thoughtful of you. How old was he when you told you he didn’t like cheese?

Focusing by paying attention to her thoughts and feelings

CL: you know so I think that he does see those little things you know we have a put the car in the driveway instead of taking my keys to my room we hang it on the doorknob downstairs this way if you feel like you want to go out or get something to eat or something like that you're able to I can do the opposite I could take the car keys and make sure you don't drive it you know so I feel like in those aspects he does know okay she's helping me you know and eventually I think he'll realize it

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

When you talked to your son do you ask him his needs?

Focusing by paying attention to her thoughts and feelings

CL: right now I think he's a little clouded in different things because you want to be mad and you want to be hateful so you know when you're going through that and my dad and I didn't have a good relationship growing up so I kind of refer back to those times

C: okay

Basic response

3

Do you think he wants to be mad or hateful or he does not know how to process his way through situations?

Confrontation causing the mom to think about her son true thoughts and feelings

CL: When we didn't talk to each other and I try to just kind of give him that space because my dad didn't push

C: you mentioned that you had that same type of problem or happiness I probably I apologize same type of challenge what your dad

Confrontation encourages the client examine themselves and patterns of thinking, feelings, and behavior.

5

Do you think this is why you don’t push your son?

Focusing by paying attention to her thoughts and feelings

CL: yes

C: so there was a lack of communication with you guys

Focus, allowing the client to see a pattern that she developed

3

Did you think to ask him what he wants?

Focusing by paying attention to her thoughts and feelings

CL: yeah

C: how long would that go on for

Focus, allowing the client to see a pattern that she developed

3

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: that would go on for I could remember maybe being a 16

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: and I think my grandfather had passed we went to North Carolina we got into a (stuttered) like a fight or so and I didn't want to talk to him and it took some time right I know I don't think it was years but I think it was maybe mmm it was some time

C: okay

Basic response

1

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: it was it was months it wasn't I don't know if it was ten months because my mom would say like call you dad was birthday calling for Father's Day I would be like no…(oohh having an asthma attack) Wow

C: are you okay

Observation skill – observed client is having a possible anxiety attach

4

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: yeah but I did but we would have a pause in our communicating and things like that it actually took for my dad and I and I to have a good relationship it actually took for me to be an adult

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: we would speak but it would always end in an argument when we would spend time with one another if I would have him see the boys or he spent time with the kids

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Nod and listen

Attending behavior allowing the client to talk freely without interruption

CL: we would it would end in an argument and it mostly was about my mom I mean my dad will talk about my mom and stuff like that and I think that was a trigger for me

C: Okay

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Do you think it’s a trigger for you when anybody talk about other behind their back.

Confrontation on thoughts feelings and behavior.

CL: because I think my dad thought my mom talked about him negatively to me and she didn’t it

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

What did your dad say to make you think he thought your mom was negatively talking about him to you? Did you ask?

Confrontation – encouraging the client to self-examine her lack of communication skills

CL: but I think he thought that so it actually took till I was an adult with two kid at the time where I live with my dad for two years let me just go back really fast

C: okay

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Before we go too far back, lets talk more about ways you can help your son to verbally communicate effectively.

Develop an Action Plan for generalizing the session. Encourage change in communication, thoughts, and feelings.

CL: I lived with him for two school years and he had hired me a housekeeper to help around the house cook and stuff like that because he worked and then he did he was a Mason and different stuff like that she she (stuttered) sexually abused me when I was a little girl so I blamed him because I would leave him notes and he didn't respond just leave money and I didn't understand that, so it took for me to become an adult for me to ask him why didn't you protect me well it came out that he couldn't read (laugh) so once he told me nanny he expressed to me that he did love me and he would have protected me that made things a whole lot better for us

C: right

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Do you think you blame him like your son blames you?

Confrontation – encouraging the client to self-examine the similarity in her relationships between her dad and her son.

CL: and I didn't pull away anymore and I've then knew that he did care about me I wrote a book about it (laugh)

C: Congratulations on your book

Attending behavior used to encourage the client on writing a book

1

I think it’s awesome you were able to write your thought and feelings out in the form of a book

Strength that mom has been trying to heal by writing her thoughts and feelings out

CL: thank you but it did help our relationship so now we do talk often we've not had an argument sense because he now understands me in my pain from then and I understood him better (laugh) because he just you I didn't know things about him because he appeared to be successful

C: okay

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Appeared to be successful?

Confrontation to encourage the client to think more about her thoughts of her father.

CL: so I try to not to think about those things in the relationship with my son because maybe I forgave him more of me than I thought

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Think about what things?

Open ended question to encourage the client to dig deeper in her thoughts and feelings.

CL: and maybe it's just something in us I don't know but maybe he knows a little bit about me and I having a good relationship with my dad and now it's a challenging thing sometimes they say well you're more like the parent you fight the most he is I don't have any girls but he is supposed to be my mini-me (laugh) so maybe it's challenging because we're more alike than I think

C: okay

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

2

Have you ever talked to your son about your relationship with your dad?

Close ended question to encourage the client to talk to her son.

CL: so that's also a possibility and maybe he knows it I know my son and I have talked once and he kind of said that he admires me or you know like I was this figure and I think he saw me as this perfect person

C: Hum, huh

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Kind of said?

Focusing by paying attention to her lack of communication skills.

CL: and I think that something I might have done that wasn't perfect and it kind of blew me talk or it pissed him off or something so that's why when something happens he automatically shuts down from me

C: okay

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Do you think you should ask him why his pissed off with you?

Confrontation – encouraging the client to self-examine her lack of communication skills

CL: so and that's kind of hurtful because that's my child

C: Right

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

1

Hurtful?

Respond to feelings…allow client to hear what they said.

CL: I'm always do for you so I don't understand it

C: Right

Observation skills observing client’s verbal behavior and providing feedback, guidance, and validation

3

What is your son doing for himself?

Encouraging mom to reflect on how she’s treating her adult son like a child.

CL: but then I sometimes feel that that might be why cuz he knows what he's got his self together I'm gonna be there that’s what I think that's what I believe

C: so I hear you saying, well that was a lot

and I couldn't be here you know how frustrating it is for you not to have that communication with your son that you desire to have and I hear you saying that you had that same challenge with your father and that your son he's a whole lot like you

Interpretation/ reframing came from my observation of client’s story

4

Do you think your son maybe longing for you to communicate with him like you longed for your dad to communicate with you?

Confrontation – encouraging the client to self-examine her lack of communication skills

CL: Hum, huh

C: and that you're frustrated because now you have that same challenge that you have what you're doing with your son

Reflection of feelings of client

3

How did you want your dad to respond to you?

Reflection of feelings encouraging client to think about her dad’s communication skills

CL: yeah

C: so I do apologize this is the end of our session

Attending behavior indicates session has come to an end

1

We have to end this session for today, but do you feel your goals were met?

.Basic response encouraging the client to share their feelings about the session ensure the client felt heard.

CL: okay

C: but what I would like to do is like for you to basically write out three things that you feel that you can do to communicate with your son and then our next session will pick back up on it and I will actually add some ideas as well

Influencing skills and strategies directives to use after returning home

4

Can you think of at least three ways you can communicate with your son this week?

Goal setting, counselor suggest client come up with three new ways to communicate immediately

CL: okay

C: thank you so much for this opportunity

Attending behavior indicates client’s involvement in session

1

Do you think this session was helpful?

Basic response encouraging the client to share their feelings about the session ensure the client felt heard.

CL: thank you for listening