ENGL-102-WR1

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patriarchy. It shows us, too, that not all women are feminists and not all men are misogynists.

FIFTEENTH SUGGESTION

Teach her about difference. Make difference

ordinary. Make difference normal. Teach her

not to attach value to difference. And the reason

for this is not to be fair or to be nice, but merely to be human and practical. Because difference is the reality of our world. And by teaching her about difference, you are equipping her to

survive in a diverse world. She must know and understand that people

walk different paths in the world, and that as long as those paths do no harm to others, they are valid paths that she must respect. Teach her that we do not know-we cannot know- eve rythi ng about li fe. Both reli gion and sc ience

have spaces for the things we do not know, and

it is enough to make peace with that. Teach her never to universalize her own

standards or experiences. Teach her that her

standards are for her alone, and not for other

people. This is the only necessary form of hu- mility: the realization that difference is normal.

Tell her that some people are gay, and some are not. A little child has two daddies or two mommies because some people just do. Tell her that some people go to mosque and others go to church and others go to different places of worship and still others don't worship at all, be- cause that is just the way it is for some people.

You say to her: You like palm oil but some people don't like palm oil.

She says to you: Why? You say to her: I don't know. It's just the way

the world is. Please note that I am not suggesti ng that

you raise her to be "non-judgmental," which

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is a commonly used expression these days, and which slightly worries me. The general senti- ment behind the idea is a fine one, but "non- judgmental" can easily devolve into meaning "don't have an opinion about anything" or "I keep my opinions to myself." And so, instead of that, what I hope for Chizalum is this: that she will be full of opinions, and that her opin- ions will come from an informed, humane, and broad-minded place.

May she be healthy and happy. May her life be whatever she wants it to be.

Do you have a headache after reading all this? Sorry. Next time don't ask me how to raise your daughter feminist.

With love, oyi gi, Chimamanda