essay

Comments

There are some great points in this essay, it is well researched and your writing is quite sophisticated, well done

To improve, please read each of my comments carefully. Mainly, you need to a) link your ideas in paragraphs and in between sentences, with linking words to show how they link and b) make sure that your overall structure is clear.

This will significantly help the cohesion of your argument. 

You may find some of the information in the BCT ppts useful as well, it's all there!!

Good luck with your revised version!