information literature

Pearson Tutor Services Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Pearson Tutor Services' Online Writing Center to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Nasira! I'm Bedarex S. I look forward to working with you on this Pearson Tutor Services Essay Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:  You provide background details about marijuana and the issue concerning it. By doing so, you give your readers context, which helps them understand the relevance and significance of your discussion. Keep this up!

*Nasira 13043103 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:  You do not show your main idea and key points in one concrete thesis statement. Let’s take a look at this excerpt:

Marijuana is one of the most often abused substances by teens, and its usage has a detrimental impact on adolescent cognitive development and poor respiratory health.

Here, you preview your key points. You might want to show your claim, along with your key points so that your readers know exactly what to expect from your discussion. Near the beginning of your essay, you assert that “the drug's harmful effects far exceed its good advantages.” If this is the claim that you prove in your essay, you might want to show this in your thesis statement. To help you develop your thesis statement, consider this example:

Although the internet has developed phenomenally without net neutrality regulations, (<counterargument) net neutrality should be restored (<claim) because it preserves free speech, protects consumers, and promotes competition. (<supporting reasons)

Aside from my claim and supporting reasons, I address a potential counterargument here to show readers that I considered both sides of the issue. Based on this example, how might you develop your thesis statement?

*Nasira 13043103 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources: 

You do not cite all your sources in your main text. Let’s take a look at this excerpt:

Even though not all marijuana users become addicted, studies suggest that almost 10% of users do.

Where did you get this information? I gather that you are following APA style. IN APA style, you need to have in-text citations in all sentences that contain outside information. You need to identify your source(s) to avoid plagiarism and help your readers easily locate your source if they want to verify the information you present or learn more about your topic. If your point comes from multiple sources, consider this example to help you with your citation:

Research indicates that the two most frequently mentioned deterrents to adult education are lack of money and lack of time (Cross, 1981; Merriam & Caffarella, 1999; Scanlan & Darkenwald, 1984).

Here, the sources are separated by semicolons. If the information comes from one source, then you need to show the author and year of your source in your in-text citation. Make sure to proofread your essay for missing in-text citations. Organization 

You do not focus on one key point in your first body paragraph. Let’s take a look at this excerpt: When people exposed to marijuana and have pre-existing genetic abnormalities consume it, they show clear signs of psychiatric issues (Oomen et al., 2018). Nussbaum et al. (2011) evaluated survey data from over 270,000 young adults between 18 and 35 years. The study discovered that marijuana usage is associated with suicides, suicide attempts, and suicide plots. Suicidal conduct is more common in women than in men due to marijuana consumption.

Here, you talk about how marijuana causes psychiatric issues. Note that in your paragraph, you also discuss other effects of marijuana, such as cognitive decline and decreased IQ levels. Ideally, you should have a paragraph for each of your key points so that your readers can smoothly go through your discussion. Discussing multiple points in one paragraph might overwhelm your readers or make your point confusing. Thus, I suggest you focus on one negative effect of marijuana in your paragraph. For instance, in your second body paragraph, you focus on the effects of marijuana on respiratory health. Now, how might you organize your ideas further?

Summary of Next Steps: 

· Create a concrete thesis statement.

· Cite all your sources.

· Create a paragraph for each of your key points.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Nasira. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day!~Bedarex S.

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Please look for more comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Pearson Tutor Services! We hope to see you again soon.

 

The Effects of Marijuana on the Cognitive and Respiratory Health of Teenagers

Marijuana, often known as cannabis, is a controlled substance widely abused by teenagers and many individuals worldwide. According to the increasing body of evidence, the drug's harmful effects far exceed its good advantages. However, the medical benefits depend on the chemical compounding process rather than the drug itself. In comparison to the plant, medical arguments suggest that the chemical compounds in marijuana are the problem. The chemical substance in question affects the mental and physical health of those who abuse the drug (Compton, 2016).   Some people may believe that smoking marijuana is a great thing, and they may try it without considering the hazard that comes with it. When teenagers smoke marijuana for the first time, they may want to do it repeatedly, and they may get addicted to it for the rest of their lives. There are many different types of marijuana, but they all come from the same two plants: Indica and Sativa (Compton, 2016). Although marijuana legalization has been a contentious topic that has sparked countless focused discussions and a standard measure of contradictory research, there are numerous points of view to examine. Marijuana is one of the most often abused substances by teens, and its usage has a detrimental impact on adolescent cognitive development and poor respiratory health.

Many people believe that marijuana use is generally harmless and that it is a common occurrence among teenagers. However, it can have various adverse effects, and the longer you take it, the more harm it causes. Marijuana contains THC, the psychoactive element in marijuana that makes you feel euphoric (Compton, 2016). Anxiety, moodiness, despair, paranoia, short-term memory loss, an increase in heart rate, dilated pupils, an increase in appetite, and a decreased reaction time are all side effects of marijuana. Even though not all marijuana users become addicted, studies suggest that almost 10% of users do. When people exposed to marijuana and have pre-existing genetic abnormalities consume it, they show clear signs of psychiatric issues (Oomen et al., 2018). Nussbaum et al. (2011) evaluated survey data from over 270,000 young adults between 18 and 35 years. The study discovered that marijuana usage is associated with suicides, suicide attempts, and suicide plots. Suicidal conduct is more common in women than in men due to marijuana consumption. They concluded that marijuana users in the United States double every year, with youngsters accounting for more than 70% of the increase. Therefore, the use of substances such as marijuana regularly can have a substantial harmful influence on the brains of young adults, such as poor attention and memory, cognitive decline, and decreased IQ levels.[Your preceding evidence does not illustrate your conclusion here. Note that you only say that "marijuana users in the United States double every year." You do not show the effects of marijuana on the brains of young adults.] Nussbaum et al. (2011) go-ahead to state that out of the survey data of more than 270,000 young adults aged between 18-35 years, abusing marijuana is associated with rising cases of successful suicides, suicide attempts, and suicide plans.

Marijuana in teens is also dangerous and causes respiratory health problems among teens.[You have redundancy here. To create a more compact sentence, consider mentioning "teens" once. Here's an example: Marijuana also causes respiratory health problems among teens. Alternatively, you can omit "teens" at the end of your sentence.] Research suggests that young people can be particularly susceptible to the intoxicating effects of certain drugs and that early exposure could prime their brains to crave them (O’Connor, 2021). Smoking marijuana leads to chronic bronchitis. It harms the cell linings of the major airways, which could illustrate why smoking marijuana produces symptoms such as persistent cough, wheeze, acute bronchitis and phlegm production. Marijuana smoking weakens the lungs' first line of defence against infection by destroying cells that remove dust and bacteria and causes more mucus to build up.

Furthermore, marijuana smoking suppresses the immune system. These effects may raise the risk of lower respiratory tract infections in marijuana smokers, while there is no evidence that such conditions are more common in marijuana smokers. It is a common myth that smoking marijuana is not as harmful as tobacco. However, just like tobacco smoke, the smoke from marijuana irritates the lungs and has high levels of chemicals like tobacco and tar (Tetrault et al., 2007). Studies by Owen et al. (2014) say that marijuana smokers are at risk in two ways: greater possibilities of persistent cough and exposure to bronchial biopsies due to increased pulmonary inflammation.[You might want to use the authors as the doer of the action in your sentence. Consider this example: Taylor et al. (2017) found that women suffering from endometriosis experienced decreased pain when taking elagolix. "Study" is an inanimate object, so the point here is attributed to the authors.] In addition, cannabis contains more than 50% carcinogenic compounds, which are to blame for the negative effects of marijuana usage on people (Tashkin, 2018). Therefore, long-term exposure and abuse are related to the occurrence of lung cancer.

The bottom line is that smoking marijuana harms the lungs, causing chronic bronchitis and making an immune-compromised person more prone to lung infections. Therefore, parents, teachers, or responsible adults should not overlook smoking marijuana by teens as a 'normal stage' that they will overgrow. The substance is highly addictive and can have long-term detrimental effects on their health.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Compton, M. T. (Ed.). (2016). Marijuana and mental health. American Psychiatric Pub.

Nussbaum, A., Thurstone, C., & Binswanger, I. (2011). Medical marijuana use and suicide attempt in a patient with major depressive disorder. American journal of psychiatry, 168(8), 778-781.

O’Connor, A. (2021). Teenage Brains May Be Especially Vulnerable to Marijuana and Other Drugs. Nytimes.com. Retrieved October 17, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/29/well/family/teenage-brain-marijuana.html .

Oomen, P. P., van Hell, H. H., & Bossong, M. G. (2018). The acute effects of cannabis on human executive function. Behavioural pharmacology, 29(7), 605-616.

Owen, K. P., Sutter, M. E., & Albertson, T. E. (2014). Marijuana: respiratory tract effects. Clinical reviews in allergy & immunology, 46(1), 65-81.

Tashkin, D. P. (2018). Marijuana and lung disease. Chest, 154(3), 653-663.

Tetrault, J. M., Crothers, K., Moore, B. A., Mehra, R., Concato, J., & Fiellin, D. A. (2007). Effects of marijuana smoking on pulmonary function and respiratory complications: a systematic review. Archives of internal medicine, 167(3), 221-228.