E201 Assignment
INeal
Feedback.docxZainab Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Hi, Zainab! The rubric that breaks down your grade on this assignment is at the end of the draft. If you have any questions about your grade that my comments don’t address, please don’t hesitate to schedule a virtual conference session with me. Great MLA style—just add your last name and the page number in the header. Note: I highlighted some typos and isolated editing issues.
ENG 201
Assignment 1, Draft 2
02/08/21
The Plot Against America” Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Italicize book titles when using MLA style.
To readers interested in theology and politics, this is an evaluation of an alternative history book that addresses a conflict between one religion and politics. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: This is a great starting point but be a little more specific—this could encompass pre-teens interested the topics as well as experts in a relevant field and many groups in between.
“The Plot against America” is a narrative by Philip Roth. This book is a counterfactual masterpiece of history. This is a “what-if story” where Charles Lindbergh, Nazi sympathizer Nazis, was elected as the United States president. As a result of his election, there was prevalent persecution of Jews in the United States. This book is a fiction novel with overarching drama. In this novel, the author visualizes the national and international crisis that would befall people through intimate specifics. In the book, the author put himself and his childhood family into a fictional world war II America. He has mythologized his childhood. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: When was this book published? Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Capitalize Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Good introduction to the book in this paragraph but aim for a stronger “hook” in your opening lines and a clear thesis at the end of the paragraph to better set up the evaluations in the body paragraphs.
As the story begins, we see little Philip roaming in the Jewish street of Newark and discovering his beloved father's humble status. His father is an ordinary man who is beleaguered by the tides of powerful social forces and anti-Semitism taking shape in this country. The story is creatively narrated by a seven-year-old. The story begins with the horror of the 1940 election for American Jews. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: You have great information in this paragraph, but the paragraph doesn’t flow as well as it could. It’s unclear why the sentences are ordered as they are (why certain ideas are placed in the order that they are). Consider moving sentences around within the paragraph or to new paragraphs and/or better showing the relationship between ideas.
In this particular election, Franklin Roosevelt loses the presidential elections to Lindbergh in a landslide. This converts the isolationist anti-Semitic aviation hero into one of the most influential leaders in the whole world. This fuels fear and anger in the American Jewish community and many other people. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: This paragraph is short, and much of the information in it relates to what you said in the previous paragraph. Consider combining this paragraph with the previous one.
According to Lindbergh, his political ambition was “my intention is running for the presidency to preserve American democracy by preventing America from taking part in another world war” (pg 30). After his inauguration, the newly elected president signed an agreement with Hitler to solidify peace between the United States and Germany. Many Americans had a reason to smile as there would never be another young man from the United States who would go to fight and die in the war. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Rework to avoid a mixed construction (when you combine or put together incompatible grammatical forms)—this happens frequently with quotations. If the quotation is woven into the grammar of the sentence, the quotation should be abbreviated to flow with clause or phrase setting it up. In this case, the quotation should start with what his political ambition was (so omit the “my intention is running for the presidency” part—it’s unnecessary and incompatible with “his political ambition was”). Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: When using MLA style, you do not need to include “Pg” in the parenthetical citations, just the page number (and the author’s last name if it’s unclear which source you’re working with; in this case, though, it’s clear which source you’re quoting)
Although the author has obscured the boundaries of history and fiction in this novel's plot, it is clear that the novel is revolving around the family of the author and the “perpetual Fear’ that their Jewish community faced in the light of the new administration. “Fear presides over these memories, a perpetual fear” (pg. 1). This critically shows the effects of fear that seemed to be taking hold of the author’s family, especially the father. The narrator’s father, Herman, seems to curse the political headlines of the day vehemently. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Keep an eye out for floating quotations. Review the link below about spotting, avoiding, and fixing floating quotations and check for this issue in the rest of your essay. https://sites.clarkson.edu/cuwrite/wp-content/uploads/sites/19/2019/06/quotations-1.pdf
His emotional outburst stems from Lindbergh's election and the blacklisting of his family to the capital of the nation because he was a Jew and his employer's participation in homestead 42. Homestead 42 was a program funded by the government, which would see him, and his family being sent to Kentucky so that they could work and live together with the other Jewish people from his company that was being transferred to that particular area. This did not however; seem to go well with them. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: No comma is needed here. Review comma rules via the link below and check for missing, misplaced, and unnecessary commas in the rest of your essay. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/commas/extended_rules_for_commas.html
According to the letter written to Mr. Roth, it indicated a transfer from his current location together with his family. “in compliance with a request from homestead 42, Office of American Adoption, US department of the interior, our company is offering a relocation opportunity to senior employees like yourself, deemed qualified for inclusion in the OAA’s bold new nationwide initiative” (pg. 204).
Together with their neighbors, who are Jews, Roth's family are forced to deal with the war directed to them. This program seems to divide the Jewish community internally, deliberating if they will support the program. Some of them seem to be supporting the measures while on the other hand, others do not seem to be supporting the procedures, and they find themselves continuously waiting for the shoe of other to fall. They are fearful, and they expect that they have the right of being so. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: You do a great job explaining what happens in the novel and how/why fear is a prevalent mood and theme so far. However, so far, your essay sounds much more informative than evaluative—like you’re explaining the book’s plot and themes rather than assessing/judging the book’s value or worth via an analysis of its strengths and/or weaknesses.
In another case, a disturbing scene is seen when Roth's family is away from their primarily Jewish neighborhood. On their trip to the nation's capital, they face many things that depict fear and paranoia. In every place that they went to, they were seen as Jews by other people. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Use present-tense verbs when describing what happens in a text (in MLA style, at least). You’ve been using present-tense verbs but switch to past-tense here.
The family faces humiliation in the hotel. They find their bags downstairs, and upon inquiring why this had happened, the manager said to them, “Folks, I have to apologize. I had to pack these up for you. Our afternoon clerk made a mistake.” (pg. 67). Things started becoming challenging for the family, for being a Jewish family faces a rough time. After the hotel turned them away, the manager claims that they will not charge them for the missing soap in the room they were staying. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: I know what you mean here, but the phrasing is a little awkward. Can you express this another way?
“We will not charge you for what use you all made of the room today or for the bar of soap that is missing” (pg. 68). This sounded as if the manager meant that not charging them the soap was enough to compensate for the anti-Semitism and the humiliation that they faced in the hotel. This particular incident in this hotel shows the growing public hatred for the family and the Jews as a whole. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Combine this paragraph with the previous paragraph.
Looking at these cases, it is clear that the theme of fear is one of the topics that the author has dramatically looked at. Fear can be described as a feeling of apprehension and agitation caused by the eminence of danger. This emotion is articulated in-depth all through this work of fiction. By reading the first paragraph, one cannot imagine the kind of horrifying events that can lead to a person having such kind of fear. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Depending on your audience (how expert/educated they are), I’m not sure you need to define or describe what fear means.
“Fear presides over these memories, a perpetual fear. Of course, no childhood is without its terrors, yet I wonder if I would have been a less frightened boy if Lindbergh hadn't been president or if I hadn't been the offspring of Jews." (Roth pg1). Lindberg utilized the slogan “Vote for Lindberg or Vote for War,” which aimed to deter people from voting for Roosevelt, who might lead the people of America into the Second World War. Instilling fear further to the electorates, he went further to claim that “most important groups who have been pressing this country toward war [are] the Jewish people and the Jewish race” (Roth pg. 12).
According to the author, fear presides over these memories. Through the author's political and historical, and imaginary historical events, the author can create a powerful sense of fear, paranoia, and anger that permeates the entire novel. This is mostly done through the rich use of imaginary, political and historical events covered in this book. The emotion covered in this novel affect the characters, but the fear and the anger that resonates through the text easily translates to the contemporary reader. This transcends and transforms the readers’ concepts of history and fiction manifested in this narrative. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: This is the first paragraph that seems somewhat evaluative, though I do want to see you delve into this evaluation more. How does this fear and anger that transforms readers’ concepts of history relate to your overall evaluation of the book? Is this a good thing? Does it make the book more powerful? More interesting? More enlightening and insightful? Make it clearer how this motif informs your overall evaluation of the novel and whether it’s a strength or a weakness of the work.
Although this book is fictional, Lindberg's fear-mongering method in trying to avoid war can be compared to the modern American leaders. The latter use fears in generating support for the war. The leaders manipulate fear in supporting the two lengthened military quarrels of the Vietnam and Iraq wars. Lindbergh was using the Jewish population in America as the scapegoat of arousing fear of entering into the Second World War. His followers believed that the Jews were very dangerous because of their large ownership and influence. Those who voted for him believed that Jews were a significant threat in the pro-war movement.
Washington represented the American history as represented in the stamp collection. “Washington was not on the stamps anymore” (p43). It is especially interesting how Washington dc as the location for s much American political history becomes the physical site of conflict. The transformation of Washington into Hitler represents the historical trauma caused by totalitarian regimes as the past is repressed ad revised, purposed at fitting the organizing dogma of the ruling government. The novel has used stamp collection to suggest that the only way an ideal America can be obtained is dedication. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly:
In conclusion, as the author states in the first line, “fear presides over these memories, a perpetual fear,” the book depicts of very dark fear that is old enough and resides amongst the people. This is mostly seen as we can see the Roth family watching in alarm as the events keeps changing out of their control. Although they consider relocating to Canada, they decide to stay and hope for the best. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: Unnecessary language—your readers will know this is the conclusion given that this is the last paragraph. Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: I recommend a different last line. I also recommend emphasizing your evaluation of the book in your conclusion and the reasons for this evaluation/opinion. See my note after your works cited page.
Work Ccited Comment by Bauer, Elizabeth Ann Podufaly: The works cited entry looks great.
Roth, Philip. The Plot Against America: A Novel. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2004. Retrieved from: https://books.google.co.ke/books?hl=en&lr=&id=J2h8mDeDU5UC&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=the+plot+against+america+by+philip+Roth+&ots=zYfTrTnFFW&sig=4-7RnMrBbGFMV1zlcKkTkeAM5IA&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=the%20plot%20against%20america%20by%20philip%20Roth&f=false
I love this novel, Zainab; it’s one of the first Roth books I read, and it is still one of my favorites! You do a great job conveying what the book is about and providing examples from the book to show how it develops and explores (both in content and tone/style) ideas of fear and persecution. Throughout your essay, you also do a good job explaining some general effects of this exploration of fear and some parallels to current politics. However, it sounds more like you’re writing to analyze and explain (and, in doing so, supporting a claim of fact about how the novel explores politics, fear, etc.) rather than writing to evaluate. Certainly, writing to evaluate does involve analysis, but the analysis should pertain to the evaluation: analyzing aspects of the book to emphasize the book’s strengths and/or weaknesses and support your overall evaluation or assessment of the novel. I don’t think you need to scrap this essay and start over—the book’s motifs of fear and trauma and the relevance of the book’s message today are both great evaluative criteria (aspects of the book to analyze)—but you should focus more on sharing and supporting your evaluation of the book. You can do this both by including a thesis (taking the form of a value claim) in your introduction and, in the body paragraphs, by focusing more on explaining how and why these aspects of the book are strengths and/or weaknesses and, in turn, how they support your overall evaluation of the book that you share in your thesis.
This book is [your opinion/evaluation of the book] because [identify the reasons you have this opinion/evaluation—outline the main strengths and/or weaknesses that you examine in the body paragraphs]
This will give your essay more direction and unity, and it will help you better set up the body paragraphs that follow.
Body paragraphs: In your body paragraphs, focus on examining the book’s strengths and/or weaknesses to support your thesis. For example, if your overall evaluation of the book is that it is a powerful exploration of an alternate history and worth reading, think about what aspects of the book make it so powerful and worth reading. (This could very well be the motifs and parallels you currently discuss.) These aspects of the book are what I mean by “evaluative criteria”—the strengths and/or weaknesses informing your evaluation.
In the body of your essay, then, provide examples of these evaluative criteria, explain their effect on you/readers, and then discuss why you think they are strengths or weaknesses—or how they support your assessment of the novel. So, if you had the sample assessment above (the book is a powerful exploration of an alternate history and worth reading) and the reasons for your assessment are the book’s presentation of the fear motif and the plot’s parallels to current politics, you would explain why the fear motif and why these parallels make the book so powerful and worth reading.
I strongly recommend revising your essay so that you can address this approach/purpose issue. If you revise your essay, address this issue first and then attend to my other comments and do another round of proofreading. I also encourage you to review the assignment sheet/rubric. I comment on the issues that catch my eye, but there might be other issues to address or ways to make your draft stronger; reviewing the assignment sheet might help you identify other ways to improve your essay. If you have questions about the rubric or my feedback, please let me know.
Responsiveness 12.5/20%
Purpose/Thesis 8/20%
Organization/Unity 16.5/20%
Support/Development 14/20%
Presentation 17.5/20%
Raw Score: 68.5% = 137/200
Deductions: Peer review draft more than 20% too short, -10 (excellent peer review feedback, though!)
Score: 127/200
