Revise personal statement

You offer many strong statements and interesting observations. My main suggestion is to save this version for submission to the job application at Silver Cloud. Then for your final draft, create a Personal Statement that you could use for broader purposes on longer-term career aspirations. Do you want to work in the hospitality industry? Are you interested in HR? Please schedule a meeting with me to discuss! Keep up the good work and meet with me and the writing center coaches as you edit your personal statement. See my comments on the powerful statements near the end of your paper-- continue to write about those concepts and intentions.