Meaning-Making Forum 5 (Week 8)
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Examples.docx
E EXAMPLES
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So What?!
I can often find myself being frustrated with the way other individuals behave. This occurs in my personal relationships with my wife, children, and close friends. I focus on how I was wronged by these different persons. This can be a heavy weight and burden that will keep anyone up at night. This is exactly why the Apostle Paul encouraged the believers in Ephesus to, “be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger,” (Eph. 4:26-27, ESV). It is imperative for the believer to not hold on to his anger. This course has helped bring to fruition this truth.
First, we were introduced to this course by reading Masterpieceby Dr. Ken Nichols. This book reinforced my conviction to see people as God sees them. Nichols (2017) writes a list of “I am” statements. These statements focus on who we are in Christ. One of these statements Nichols mentions is, “I am complete in Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:10),” (Nichols, 2017, p.46). This statement has been the focus of my Meaning Making Forum and is critical as I interact with those around me. I often hold people to my own standards and as a result I judge and become burdened by who they are. This “I am” statement has reminded me that the only way one is complete is by being in Christ. This has helped me guide and teach those who are saved and also help unsaved people in my life understand completeness comes through Christ.
The second principle from this course that has helped is the DISC profile. Previously I would have believed that personalities need to change when they are born again. The DISC profile has helped me understand that personalities are not bad in of themselves but how we interact with people opposite of our personalities is what we need to learn. Being a “D/C” personality, I am not very relational (Carbonell, 2008). Although I desire to be relational I understand that my personality prevents me from coming across that way. This helps in interacting with other people. Also, having an opportunity to understand the different personalities allows me to interact better with people. Carbonell (2008), gives a memory peg that will be very helpful, “ACT.” Acknowledge, commit to controlling, and think (Carbonell, 2008). As I interact with people I must acknowledge who I am and who they are, I must commit to controlling my personality and using it in a positive way, and I must think before I act. This principle has helped in dealing with the people around me.
What’s Best Next?!
• Self care is important to the life of a pastoral counselor as they have committed themselves to helping others. One will be ineffective in helping others if they do not commit to taking care of themselves. The first area of self care is understanding who you are in Christ, “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest,” (Hebrews 4:11). Self care is understanding that rest comes from the completed work of Christ. It is also important to differentiate between selfish care, self-care, and soul care (Foster, 2018). Selfish care is doing what you want, when you want and how you want (Foster, 2018). It is important to recognize that all need self-care which means you recognize and attend to the limitations God has set for humans (Foster, 2018). Soul care means that you must learn to live your life with God and it is not driven by us doing but by God doing (Foster, 2018).
• One thing counselors must do in order to be safe and secure in helping relationships is understanding threats. There has been an increase in awareness of sexual misconduct and people may see this as an opportunity to take advantage of the system and create lies. Counselors should have access to legal documents relating to the subject of sexual misconduct (Brotherhood Mutual, 2018). Brotherhood Mutual (2018) offers some key points in helping the counselors avoid these allegations. Examples include, put your counseling procedures in writing, limit the length and number of sessions in which opposite-sex counseling is permitted, conduct counseling sessions only on church premises when others are present in the building, and refrain from any speech or action that could in any way be construed sexually or romantically (Brotherhood Mutual, 2018). This will help in establishing meaningful supportive relationships with the counselee.
• Continuing education is important to any counselor because as time moves on so do different approaches to counseling. Some models learned may become outdated or insufficient. One valuable tool is the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation. While this is not an accredited licensed school its valuable to utilize as one can focus on specific topics such as marriage counseling and also focuses on developing certain counseling skills.
This course has begun to develop in me a passion to learn how to guide and lead people so that they may be effective for the work of ministry (Eph. 4:11). I am thankful for these principals learned in this class and through the meaning making forum.
References
Brotherhood Mutual. (2018). Protect your counseling ministry from sexual misconduct
allegations. Retrieved from https://www.brotherhoodmutual.com/resources/safety-library/risk- management-articles/administrative-staff-and-finance/sexual-misconduct/protect-your-counseling-ministry-from-sexual-misconduct-allegations/
Foster, N. (2018). Selfish Care, Self-Care, and Soul Care-What's the difference? Retrieved
from https://renovare.org/articles/selfish-care-vs-soul-care
So, What?!”
As I understand the scenario, of “So What?!” my convincing argument has been formed from Nicholas (2017) that deals with who we are in Christ.” We must understand that we are a portrait that is, “A Flawed Portrait” and God can take all of our flaws, defects, and sins and let us know that by His grace this is a mark to help turn us into something beautiful” (Nicholas, 2017).
The perplexing person/people puzzle that should keep me up at night does not because the Lord has shown me through my journey with Him that if I trust Him by listening to Him as it relates to His instructionsand guidance, so then, at the end of the day He would either take it away or have me walk through the process.
Moreover, this course has reinforced things that I have learned in other courses of studies here at Liberty University Online. The course materials have taken different concepts and illustrations to show why we relate to individuals different and how we should take those” relational styles” as it has been defined by our “DISC “style.” “We should take those strong and weak styles and implement them when we are counseling (Carbonell, 2008).
“Petersen (2015), gave us insight from the different “brain Theories” he created.” He also gave us great insight on how a person should pay close attention to his or her emotions as it focuses on the emotional and logical side of the brain.” “By doing so, we are able to keep an inner peace when communicating” (Petersen, 2015). “Petersen (2015), gave a lot of insight, examples, and illustrations on how individuals’ can apply the different techniques and theories to create an atmosphere that will bring about structure communication through talking and listening” (Petersen, 2015).
“Clinton & Hawkins (2009) discussed how the Holy Spirit has helped in this course material to identify a piece of junk by letting us know that when we allow anger to come into our lives and not deal with the problem many other mood disorders can result from it (Clinton & Hawkins, 2009).
“What’s Best Next?!”
Self-Care:
The article written by Huie (2016) highlights on three main areas that deal with the “Self-Care” in pastoral counseling to help the counselor conduct a self-check-in the following areas of his or her own life, so that, the counselor will not become a burnt-out servant for the Lord. Below highlight the following areas she speaks about in her article:
· “Do you listen to your body” (Huie, 2016)?
· “Does your schedule reflect your priorities” (Huie, 2016)?
· “Are you less patient or empathetic” (Huie, 2016)?
· “Self-care is not selfish” (Huie, 2016).
Safe and Secure Helping Relationship?
I found another helpful resource as it relates to ethics. “The article gave a brief definition on what is defined as moral ethics and rules of conduct for an individual or a group of people. “The article went on to discuss the terminology of what the word ethics means in the Greek word of ethos, which means, custom, habit or character.” In addition, the word ethics is determined by choices that have been made and this is also the nature and course of actions that must be taken by a counselor” (No author, 2016). Indeed, the article highlighted key information in the following areas:
· “The client must be made aware and have knowledge of the “Code of Ethics” and complaints procedures” (No author, 2016).
· “There must be a degree in which the client feels he or she can discuss feelings and it relates to violations with the counselor” (No author, 2016).
· “There must be a fairness of codes present in the ethics process” (No author, 2016).
· “The client’s ability to manage the code or gain assistance in the negotiation process” (No author, 2016).
Further Training
“The organization called “The National Christian Counselors Association is an organization that trains, certify, and give license to individuals who want to start or continue his or occupation as it relates to becoming a licensed counselor. The organization has been around since 1980 equipping men and women in the field of counseling” (No author, 2011).
References
Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2009). The quick-reference guide to biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI:
Baker Academic. ISBN: 9780801072253.
Ethics and Ethical Codes (2016). [Website]. Retrieved from
http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2009/12/08/what-are-ethics/
Huie, E.J. (2016) Self-Care and Biblical counselor [ Website]. Retrieved from
http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2016/06/10/self-care-and-the-biblical-counselor/
Leadership online profile professional expanded (Uniquely You Resources: Carbonell Assessment). [MBS# 1879478]
National Christian Counselors Association (2011). [Website]. Retrieved from https://www.ncca.org/
Petersen, J.C. (2015). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships (2nded.). Portland, OR: Petersen Publications. ISBN: 97809791155956.
Perplexing people problem:
Speaking to my adult children about their ill-behaved children has kept me up at night. I struggle with the fact they take the time to visit with me, traveling a few hours to get here. I enjoy their time while here but have been challenged with misbehaved toddlers and parents excusing their actions. Moreover, I am challenged with not being more forthcoming with my aggravations. Clinton and Hawkins (2009) stated that good parenting has three ingredients – love, discipline, and guidance (p 182-183). They further state that all three ingredients are “required in all stages of their parenting.” Nichols (2017) states simply that we must trust, even if we don’t understand what God is doing – that every moment is a gift (p 87). This world is ripe with advice and political correctness, and it seems that each mal-intent is a malady of the mind or the physical. Thus, in my attempts to proffer advise on child-rearing, my intent is met with secular knowledge and statistics.
Clinton and Hawkins (2009) shared three rules that may assist parents in disciplining (p 183) KFC – Kind, firm, and consistent; Granny’s rule – first a child does what the parent asks then they may… and; The “Millennial Rule – if you allow a child to get away with something, it may take a thousand times of correction to retrain them.”
These rules apply to me. I must create an action plan to discuss matters of child behavior, particularly while visiting at my home. I must “envision through faith a positive future” (Clinton/Hawkins 2009, p 185). In reviewing biblical insights, Clinton and Hawkins (2009, p 187) share 1 Sam 3:13 – basically Eli didn’t discipline his sons and God stepped in.
Petersen (2015, p. 22) states that feelings are simply energy that needs direction, a direction that I choose. In implementing my action plan, I will undoubtedly have feelings of anxiety, the unknown reaction of parents of an ill-behaved toddler. I will recognize the, accept them and then choose what to do with them (p. 22) – after much prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit.
I am the counselor and the care-seeker in this scenario. Kollar (2011) states that I am the expert, I will define the goals (p 177). In actuality, God is my counselor and I will co-create a solution with Him. Before Jesus died, he said He wouldn’t leave us as orphans. He prayed to the Father to give us a Comforter – who would abide with us forever (John 14:16). The Holy Spirit is our Helper and He will teach me and bring all things to my remembrance (John 14:26).
Locate resources that may foster a therapeutic paradigm in:
1. Self care:
a. The American Association of Christian Counselors (https://www.aacc.net) provides assistance to Christian counselors. They provide education, memberships, various resources – from help finding a counselor to articles on various topics of interest.
2. Safe and secure helping relationship:
a. The American Church Group, North Carolina (www.americanchurchgroup-northcarolina.com) provide services such as risk management, insurance, training, safety tools, etc.
3. Further training:
a. The American Association of Pastoral Counselors (https://www.aapc.org) offers training and continuing education for pastoral counselors by region. The offer assistance with certification, development services, as well as continuing education units (CEUs) for pastoral counselors.
