Interpersonal Communication essays

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Communication Journal

April 17, 2011

COMMUNICATION JOURNALS

In Need of a Perception Check.

Our ears cannot always be trusted; thus, clarifying what has been said by repeating the message back to the sender and asking for clarity is always a great aid to our ears. I have experienced hearing a message which I thought to be true, that in reality was not. My former boyfriend and I were talking about working things out and how I should not continue to treat him in a not nice manner. He said, or what I heard him say, “...that's when I like you the most, when you're silly.” I took offense to this thinking he was saying he did not like me when I was serious, sad, or anything other than being in a joking state; I kept going on about how I was offended and he acted so confused. I then asked how could he not expect me to be upset with him saying he only likes me when i'm silly; of course he laughed and explained that he had said FRIENDLY, not SILLY, because he obviously would not like me being a b*tch towards him. Thus, if I would have said, “Wait, so you're saying you like me the most when I am silly and not serious, is that right?” then I could have prevented a minor tiff in our conversation.

Mediated Communication

Entering my first semester of college, I was in a long-distance relationship; this resulted in a large amount of mediated communication in my life. The relationship has changed, but it is still present and so is the mediated communication. Considering the time from then to now and all the things I have felt I HAD to say, that is a whole lot of mediated messages. Recently, I got to see my “man” in person, it was not at all the first time since the long-distance relationship began, but there was something very different about it. I had been working hard on watching how I speak to people and what I say, so the second I saw him I was overcome with a feeling of embarrassment. I realized at that moment that everything I was communicating through mediated messages was not my honest feelings or what I would say to him in person. I knew that he knew in detail all the things I had said to him that I regretted, and I did not like that feeling. At that moment I knew mediated communication is not my best way of communicating my feelings, wants, needs, or anything else. I told him that for me to speak to him in a better way, I needed to stop texting; we started calling each other instead and our relationship grew to be so much stronger and happier.

It IS Forever.

I have many times said something I knew I meant, later to realize I never meant it or should have said it. This has been done to romantic partners, parents, friends, siblings, and more. Sometimes I think that I just have to say something or the world will end; if I do not get it off my chest then the person won't know and that can't be good, right? Wrong. Every thought that goes through one's head is not meant to be said, I am sure of that. I have even said to myself that I should not say this message I am thinking because it will not end well, but said it anyway. Obviously, I was immediately filled with regret every time and begged for forgiveness, but there are only so many times people will forgive you. The messages we say or send are forever; people may forget what you said and they may forgive you, but they won't forget if you hurt them, embarrassed them, or put them down in any way. It is always a great idea to think and pause before you speak, no matter how confident you are in knowing your message is the right thing to say.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm is very prevalent in today's society; it seems to be a way of getting away with being a jerk or lightening the mood of a conversation. Yet, when a person is not available to see or hear your tone, manner, body language, etc. then sarcasm can be difficult to pick up on. For example, I texted a friend I was having a conversation with, who said something as a joke, and I then said, “shut up.” I meant these words to be said in a laughing matter with a sort of sarcastic tone; my intention was not to be rude. Yet, the friend did not see my body language or hear my tone through the text, causing her to take offense. I had to explain and then everything was fine, but the whole situation could have been avoided. Some communication mistakes are hard to avoid and bound to occur, but preventing as many as possible is always a good goal to have.

A Successful Conversation

Feeling like someone is not listening to you no matter how many times you say the message, is a terrible, frustrating experience. I had told my boyfriend/not boyfriend many times that I needed him to act like he cared more about me and when he took long to answer my calls/texts it made me feel I was not important to him. Well, it seemed this message would never sink in and that he just did not understand what I was saying or maybe was not listening. I was about to give up after expressing this need to him yet again, when he said, “I'm sorry I didn't call you and I'm sorry that it made you feel that way.” This apology meant so much to me; he actually seemed to understand why I was upset and admitted that he was wrong and I deserved more. A big smile came across my face because I knew he finally was listening, and when communication is successful it really is such a great feeling.

“I” Language

Without realizing it, I had been using “you” language a lot in my communication styles. I had learned of “I” language before this class and started to try and put it to use; learning about it again in class only increased my desire of using it. I have used it many times now and have tried to make it a permanent part of my communication style. “I” language really helps in allowing the other person to grasp the meaning of the message; it takes away all blame and does not allow defensive language to occur. I realized “you” language was only a way of making myself feel innocent and escaping the responsibility of my actions/words. Now, I love the use of “I” language and try to use it as often as possible; it has also become easy for me to spot it out in others conversations which I find interesting.

The Importance of Communication

I have learned that communication is so important; communicating effectively is a sign of maturity. I have learned so much about myself this past year and also so much about how I communicate. I've learned what needs to change and of my positive traits. I have realized taking responsibility for the things I say and admitting to not being the best communicator you can be is the most rewarding thing I have done. Learning how to speak to people the right way has made me grow and mature so much; I am so excited to see how much farther I can go with improving my communication and becoming a better individual.

MUMBLES

I have a very close guy friend who mumbles terribly; he talks quiet and fast, making it impossible to know for sure what he is communicating. Before we were close friends I would just deal with his mumbles and pretend I knew what he was saying. I would respond with a smile, laugh, an “ok,” or a “yeah.” These responses would usually work, but sometimes I would use them when he was supposedly asking a question that required more of a response. It would drive me crazy, because I loved talking to him when I actually could understand him. Once we became closer friends, I decided I had to say something! So the next time he was attempting to mumble a story to me, I stopped him. I told him laughingly that I could not understand a word he was saying and that he was talking way too fast and quiet. He laughed and spoke more clear; no more mumbles! Now anytime he goes back to his mumbling ways I just remind him to speak up and all is good. Asking for more clarity can be awkward, embarrassing, or intrusive at times, but usually it will be worth the risk.

Body Language

My little brother has always spoken strongly to me through his body language. I did not notice this until recently though. He has always gone out of his way to ask to give me a hug, sit by me on the couch, and things like that. I used to think of them as annoyances and him just being a weird kid, but now I see them very differently. I have noticed how much I mean to him, how much he looks up to me, and how much he cherishes time spent with me. It was not at all something he was hiding from me, his body language said it all, but I was not noticing it for some unknown reason. I realize how important body language is now, and just because someone is not saying something does not mean they are not communicating to you. I am so glad that I now understand and recognize my little brother's body language and the messages he sends with it.

It's Out of My Control

Sometimes no matter what your intention or how clear you may be, an individual just will not understand the true meaning of your message. My dad and I have had a difficult past and do not speak or see each other, but unfortunately I understand him very well. I say this is unfortunate because by saying I understand him, I am saying I am one of few that understands his inexcusable behavior. This is because I inherited some of his negative tendencies and behaviors; many people ask how can he do/say that, well I understand, I do not think it is ok, but I understand. Once I realized that I felt somewhat of a connection with him and that maybe how he acts is not his fault, I decided to contact him. When I did I was asking questions about why he acts the way he does; I asked if it were because of the same reasons I do, which I then explained. I was trying to understand and make sense of something I had never been able to make sense of. I never intended to offend him or attack him; I made sure I chose my words carefully. No matter my intentions, he was offended and told people that I accused him of being a bad person, etc. I am a very honest person and if I wanted to talk badly towards my dad, I would without any denial; I honestly only wanted some clarity or answers and was in no way rude or anything of the sort, even though I had every right to be. I realized that sometimes conversations will not go how you planned; sometimes no matter what you say or how hard you try to be effective the conversation will end badly and disappoint you. This is when one has to understand it is out of their control; communication needs a sender and receiver, who are both willing to be the best person they can be, to be successful.

Overreacting

Many of times I have thought that when a person takes longer than expected to answer a message I have sent, they are ignoring me. I have realized and admitted to not having enough patience, but this still seems to bother me. I have sent message after message annoyingly asking why I am being ignored or saying mean things because I was convinced I was being ignored. Only later realizing the person was in class, their phone was dead, or they were dealing with something more important; thus, making me feel terrible and stupid. I have to understand that life is very unpredictable and no one important to me or that cares and loves me will purposely ignore me. I also have to understand that how long a person takes to answer does say a lot about how they feel about you, so if they are seeming to purposely “put me off,” then I should consider my options in that situation. More importantly, I need to be more patient and not rush communication; I need to understand delays in communication are not always a bad thing.