Revised Essay base on my professor comment

Deng 1

Rui Deng

Professor Bowe

English 1005B, Section 15

3/22/2021

Your Name Is Important

Why is your name so important to you? And, do you know how important a person's

name is? A person's name is each of our identities and essentially use for our lives. We should

consider our name as the most potent word because you will hear the word to your name the

most during your whole life. Whenever people ask my name, I would tell them the correct

pronunciation of my name. Whenever they call my name next time correctly, I would feel

respected and more important.

My name is Rui Deng; most people in America feel special because this is a Chinese

Pinyin and is similar to "Ray" in English. Usually, when I meet new friends, I would tell them

the spelling of my name, and if they have difficulty pronounce it, I could let them call me Ray as

respect. I still remember how my name came from my grandfather. Based on the Chinese

traditional culture, I could only have the first name with one sound, and my parents should create

a name for my generation. My grandpa is a knowledgeable and wise person, and he also named

my cousin and my younger brother. He names me as Rui in Chinese（睿）, and it means “a

person who has farsighted and sensible.” In fact, my name shapes my own personality as a

visionary person because I often think of something for the future. For example, before my

family moved to the United States, my mother asked me if I was willing to come or not. After a

decent view, I told my mother that if we could move to America, I could have better education,

Commented [BME1]: Watch formatting and this information in the left corner: double-space the paper (change to double spacing setting in paragraph settings, don’t actually add spaces between paragraphs) and only include information shown here [style/ formatting]

Commented [BME2]: Nice title!

Commented [BME3]: And nice use of the question to connect to the title and get readers into the topic!

Commented [BME4]: Since this answers the question it seems like it could be the thesis, but the actual sentence here isn’t formatted like the thesis. Can you revise this using the ideas from the working thesis assignment page if it is Thesis 1? [thesis] And, can you add a clear thesis (Thesis 1 and Thesis 2) in the paper for readers?

Commented [BME5]: Excellent background and details about your name for logos!

Commented [BME6]: Possible Thesis 2 idea?

Commented [BME7]: Let’s choose another phrase here [diction/ word choice]

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and we also could have better life quality. That is one of the critical reasons my parents could

give up everything in China and bring me to the United States.

There are many nicknames in the Always Running novel, such as Big Red, Boffo, Cowboy

and Mad dog, etc. Those nicknames are so essential in this novel because there create their own

identities. Those nicknames represent the police in this novel, and they would have those names

because Luis Rodriguez thinks they are just another gang group that always against him. In this

novel, nicknames are symbolic of a level either show in family, gangster group, and police.

When Luis Rodriguez has named himself "Grillo" and his brother "Rano" in Spanish, these two

nicknames represent their family levels. Cricket is a smaller species than Frog, which means his

brother Rene has a higher level than Luis. At the beginning of the novel, his brother Jose Rene

constantly argues with Luis Rodriguez and bullies him all the time. Overall, a name, especially

Nickname is matters because it could identify each person's characteristics in this novel.

In Washington Yea, Redskins Boo, by Greg Nasif, the author discusses the football team

named the Washington Redskins, and he criticizes the name shows racism against the Native

Americans. Nasif states: "Sports nicknames generally go for certain things —creativity,

relevance, competitiveness, ferocity, mystique —and many other things that don't describe a

Redskin" (cite). He explains that the sports team should go for different types, but nothing fits

the team Redskins. It shows how important a name is when you can not create it correctly, and it

causes Native Americans to start a demonstration in Washington. Finally, the team of the

Washington Redskin renames to Washington Football Team for the 2020 season.

In a short interview Father G Sees Past Gang Tattoos, To the Heart with Father Gregory

Boyle, He talks about the story when he provides the service to help the gangs to remove tattoos

and why the Latino gangs group is the matter with their name even put the name on the wall.

Commented [BME8]: Again, great background and details about your name in this paragraph! To help give this paragraph purpose, can you connect it to a part of the thesis? [thesis/ purpose]

Formatted: Font: Italic

Commented [BME9]: Can you add the top of the top bun- who this is by and what it’s about overall? [develop/ context]

Commented [BME10]: Thesis 1 idea? [thesis/ purpose]

Commented [BME11]: There are great ideas about the book here and names! Although these are on nicknames, there’s a few separate ideas about nicknames that can be developed further with quotes for logos- 1) gang nicknames, 2) the family nicknames after animals, and 3) the nicknames for police. Can you make a quote sandwich for each idea (perhaps not all, let’s pick the best one or two for logos) to prove these ideas to readers? See the quote sandwich worksheet on our Canvas module Wk 5-1 to help with this! [develop/ logos] And, since they are different ideas, let’s aim for one quote sandwich/idea per body paragraph and leave out any ideas that don’t help to prove a claim about names (like the bullying idea, which doesn’t seem to relate as much) [organization]

Commented [BME12]: “article title” [style]

Commented [BME13]: This is a great quote sandwich! Let’s use this to help develop the quote sandwiches noted above! For the bottom bun, though, let’s connect to the specific thesis you have. It seems like Thesis 1 will be that names are our identities- can you add here how the Redskins and the quote show this idea? [thesis/ synthesize information]

Commented [BME14]: At the end of this body paragraph, and all the body paragraphs, can you add a transition sentence to connect the main idea in this paragraph to the main idea in the next paragraph? Use the transition workshop on Canvas to help with this [organization/ flow]

Deleted: about

Commented [BME15]: “interview title” and can you add who did the interview too? [style/ top bun]

Commented [BME16]: Good top bun for readers! Let’s just rephrase this part a bit

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Father G states: "I think I mention in the book how the principal activity of most gang members

is writing their names on a wall, and that's because they want to be known, as any human being

does. They want to be acknowledged and recognized as a person who exists in the world. So,

knowing the name and that was something I learned early on, 25 years ago when I first walked

those projects, was to know everybody's name" (cite). Father G says that the Latino gangs group

wants to be remembered and well recognized to put their name on the wall. He spends many

times knowing their names before he starts his projects. Like the gang's group, I can connect

with my name because I put my name onto a wall that school for graduated students when I

graduated from high school. I wish I can be well known even I left the place after.

Now, you can understand how important a person's name is and why you should be the

matter you name. Each of our names is an identity and unique; we should show respect to others'

names. Pronunciation for a name is not that matter because the pronunciations represent the

history of a name, as long as when people call your name respectfully. We should learn how to

let people understand each other names and the values of the names.

Rui,

This is off to a great start! The quote sandwiches for the article and the interview are

really effective already, and you have great ideas from Always Running that will make great

quote sandwiches too! The introduction and conclusion are also really effective as well.

For the next draft, let’s first add in clear sentences that explain Thesis 1 and Thesis 2.

Then, let’s keep developing the quote sandwiches that are here, mostly for the Always Running,

and then connect the bottom buns back to the thesis once you’ve added it. Finally, let’s consider

adding in a paragraph with a quote sandwich about the source that discusses pronunciation too!

Let me know if you’d like help with any of these areas and keep developing what you have here!

Commented [BME17]: Can you add in the top bun the fact that he wrote a book too so readers can get this? [develop/ context]

Deleted: .

Commented [BME18]: Great bottom bun so far and connection back to your name! Can you add as well how this can connect back to the thesis? So, it seems like Thesis 1 will be that names are our identities- how the fact they’re writing names on walls and want to be recognized shows this [thesis/ synthesize information]

Commented [BME19]: This seems like a new idea, and actually one that a reading talks about! Do you want to add this in a body paragraph too? If not, let’s delete from the conclusion since we don’t want to add new ideas in the conclusion .

Commented [BME20]: Great call to action for readers! [conclusion]

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Reference

Rodriguez, Luis J. Always Running: La Vida Loca, Gang Days in L.A. Atria Paperback, 2020.

Boyle, Gregory. “Father G Sees Past Gang Tattoos, To The Heart.” NPR, NPR, 11 Mar. 2010,

www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124580071.

Washington Yea, Redskins BooBy Greg Nasif October 12, 2011Source:

http://www.dbknews.com/archives/article_e2c0d15d-3d51-5052-acd2-f25e069515f8.html

Commented [BME21]: We’ll make a Works Cited page later in the semester that uses MLA formatting