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essay3.pdf

essay 3 by Lillian Lopez Villeda

Submission date: 17-Jun-2021 01:10PM (UTC-0500) Submission ID: 1608141071 File name: 58593_Lillian_Lopez_Villeda_essay_3_667919_2115106810.docx (21.95K) Word count: 1379 Character count: 7169

5 Wrong font

Where is your heading?

This title is not creative enough.

Never put your title in bold print.

Who is this person, and what is the "it" he or she is referring to? Also, where is the citation for this?

not-idiomatic wc

How do these things spend leisure time? Only people can spend leisure time.

clar

Why are you using "although"?

compositional effectsWhat is "the impact of composition"?

Where is your SOURCE for any of this? Who is "you"?

SOURCE?

Who is "you", and why do you expect them to be familiar with and have access to the American Time Use Survey?

Chapter 23 and 24 SOURCE?

CITATION? length?

CITATION? And why is this unbelievable?

? sp

SOURCE?

This is not grammatical

I cannot tell what you're trying to say with this paragraph.

Book professor?

CITATION?

in?

SOURCE?

Where does this quote begin, and where is your citation?

CITATION?

1 1

SOURCE?

But weren't you just talking about the US? So why are you switching to the Netherlands?

CITATIONrw

Your language in this paragraph is FAR too close to the source language, and you need to do a better job of paraphrasing in order to avoid plagiarism.

they reported this every single day?

This is a wall of statistics, but what are you trying to say with all of this? And why are there no citations?

CITATION

SOURCE? space-

CITATION

Frag. all four levels of what? Also, where is your source?

Slovak? Where are you getting Slovak research from, and why does it matter?

What does this mean?

Is this a quotation? Where does it start? Also, what is the source? And what does this have to do with the *causes* of a decline in reading habits?

Okay, but you just spent the whole essay talking about other issues in addition to television

You just said television is the biggest distraction, then in the next sentence you said the Internet is a bigger distraction than TV.

What does this mean?

Why are you only talking about teenagers in your conclusion? Isn't the whole essay about the *general* decline in reading habits?

You need to incorporate the corrections I made to your Works Cited page into this Works Cited page. Remove hyperlinks, italicize the names of publication, etc.

newspaper and/or websites need to be in italics

Accessed date?

Accessed 22 June 2021.

italics

12% SIMILARITY INDEX

11% INTERNET SOURCES

1% PUBLICATIONS

1% STUDENT PAPERS

1 6% 2 2% 3 2% 4 1% 5 1%

Exclude quotes On

Exclude bibliography On

Exclude matches Off

essay 3 ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

www.apa.org Internet Source

www.washingtonpost.com Internet Source

www.newyorker.com Internet Source

www.hg.gatech.edu Internet Source

Submitted to Andrews University Student Paper

FINAL GRADE

64/100 essay 3 GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

First off, you do not have a proper introduction or thesis statement. The purpose of your introduction should be to capture the reader's attention before formally introducing the topic. The thesis statement should clearly indicate the main idea of your essay and the direction it will take. The reader needs to know that you will be discussing the causes of a decline in leisure reading and how you plan to categorize these causes (i.e. how you will organize your supporting paragraphs).

How are you trying to organize your essay? Are you trying to give one cause to each paragraph, then use the sources to explain that one cause? If you are, then you don't really have clear topic sentences for each of your supporting paragraphs.

Also, remember that every detail, stat, fact, or whatever that you cite needs to have a purpose. The idea is not to summarize the literature, but to isolate and employ pieces of information from the readings that you can use to support the point that YOU are making.

You also need to a do a better job of incorporating and identifying information from your sources, because you are simply using direct language from your sources without attribution. If this is not fixed, it can be seen as plagiarism. The best way to fix this is to paraphrase the content and cite/attribute the sources.

Finally, you need to a do a better job of proofreading. A lot of the grammatical and word choice errors in this essay make parts of it very difficult to follow.

PAGE 1

Text Comment. Wrong font

Text Comment. Where is your heading?

Text Comment. This title is not creative enough.

Text Comment. Never put your title in bold print.

This needs to be re-worded, as native English speakers do not express it in this way.

Text Comment. Who is this person, and what is the "it" he or she is referring to? Also, where is the citation for this?

not-idiomatic

This is not how native speakers say this. Please re-word.

wc Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.

Text Comment. How do these things spend leisure time? Only people can spend leisure time.

clar

I do not understand what you mean here.

Text Comment. Why are you using "although"?

Text Comment. compositional effects

Text Comment. What is "the impact of composition"?

Text Comment. Where is your SOURCE for any of this?

Text Comment. Who is "you"?

Text Comment. SOURCE?

Text Comment. Who is "you", and why do you expect them to be familiar with and have access to the American Time Use Survey?

Text Comment. Chapter 23 and 24

Text Comment. SOURCE?

Text Comment. CITATION?

Text Comment. length?

Text Comment. CITATION? And why is this unbelievable?

PAGE 2

Text Comment. ?

sp Spelling error:

Text Comment. SOURCE?

Text Comment. This is not grammatical

Text Comment. I cannot tell what you're trying to say with this paragraph.

Text Comment. Book professor?

Text Comment. CITATION?

Text Comment. in?

Text Comment. SOURCE?

Text Comment. Where does this quote begin, and where is your citation?

Text Comment. CITATION?

PAGE 3

Text Comment. SOURCE?

Text Comment. But weren't you just talking about the US? So why are you switching to the Netherlands?

Text Comment. CITATION

This needs to be re-worded, as native English speakers do not express it in this way.

Text Comment. Your language in this paragraph is FAR too close to the source language, and you need to do a better job of paraphrasing in order to avoid plagiarism.

Text Comment. they reported this every single day?

Text Comment. This is a wall of statistics, but what are you trying to say with all of this? And why are there no citations?

PAGE 4

Text Comment. CITATION

Text Comment. SOURCE?

space-

Not enough space

Text Comment. CITATION

Frag. Fragment: A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like

a noun) for a main verb, as in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."

Text Comment. all four levels of what? Also, where is your source?

Text Comment. Slovak? Where are you getting Slovak research from, and why does it matter?

Text Comment. What does this mean?

Text Comment. Is this a quotation? Where does it start? Also, what is the source? And what does this have to do with the *causes* of a decline in reading habits?

Text Comment. Okay, but you just spent the whole essay talking about other issues in addition to television

Text Comment. You just said television is the biggest distraction, then in the next sentence you said the Internet is a bigger distraction than TV.

PAGE 5

Text Comment. What does this mean?

This needs to be re-worded, as native English speakers do not express it in this way.

Text Comment. Why are you only talking about teenagers in your conclusion? Isn't the whole essay about the *general* decline in reading habits?

Punctuation error

PAGE 6

Text Comment. You need to incorporate the corrections I made to your Works Cited page into this Works Cited page. Remove hyperlinks, italicize the names of publication, etc.

issue with singular/plural form

Text Comment. newspaper and/or websites need to be in italics

Text Comment. Accessed date?

Text Comment. Accessed 22 June 2021.

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. italics

Punctuation error

RUBRIC: CAUSAL ANALYSIS ESSAY

ANALYSIS (20%)

UNACCEPTABLE (40)

POOR (60)

UNSATISFACTORY (70)

SATISFACTORY (80)

GOOD (90)

EXCELLENT (100)

SYNTHESIS (20%)

UNACCEPTABLE (40)

POOR (60)

UNSATISFACTORY (70)

SATISFACTORY (80)

GOOD (90)

EXCELLENT (100)

ORGANIZATION (20%)

64 / 100

60 / 100

The writer shows no significant attempt to provide an analysis of the issue.

The writer provides a poor analysis of the issue. Perhaps the writer does not develop important subtopics or a balanced explanation of perspectives. Maybe the writer does not offer enough clear information to help the reader understand the issue.

The writer provides an inadequate analysis of an issue. The information might be very general or vague and unsupported with sufficient detail. Or perhaps the writer offers “facts” but not the proper context for the information. Perspectives may be inadequately explained.

The writer provides an acceptable analysis of an issue. At times, however, the information may be somewhat broad or vague. This paper may not fully explain important aspects of the issue or perspectives associated with it.

The writer offers a clear, informative analysis of an issue. The writer develops subtopics and explains different perspectives, offering clear summary and specific information when appropriate.

The writer offers a clear, interesting analysis of an issue. The writer develops important subtopics and objectively explains different perspectives associated with the issue, offering clearly summarized, yet highly specific information when appropriate.

60 / 100

The writer makes no apparent attempt to combine information from his or her sources.

No clear thesis is provided. There is little or no demonstration of combining ideas from several sources.

Thesis is provided but is too vague or very general. Minimal identification of patterns; may list ideas but information is disjointed.

Thesis is acceptable although perhaps too broad or ambiguous. Writer identifies some patterns related to focus although perhaps without sufficient coherence.

Thesis is clear and adequately controls the direction of the essay. Writer identifies important relationships between ideas and sources, and among subtopics.

Thesis is focused and interesting, providing a clear direction for the essay. Writer presents relationships between original ideas and separate sources with insight and coherently connects subtopics.

70 / 100

UNACCEPTABLE (40)

POOR (60)

UNSATISFACTORY (70)

SATISFACTORY (80)

GOOD (90)

EXCELLENT (100)

RESEARCH (20%)

UNACCEPTABLE (40)

POOR (60)

UNSATISFACTORY (70)

SATISFACTORY (80)

GOOD (90)

EXCELLENT (100)

CONVENTIONS (20%)

UNACCEPTABLE (40)

POOR (60)

The entire assignment is a disjointed mess.

The writer does not maintain a cohesive body of work. Paragraphs are often unfocused (incorporating multiple topics) and out of order. Sentences do not reflect syntactical awareness and transitions are missing.

The writer does not maintain a logically organized essay. Paragraphs are unfocused. Sentences and transitions are awkward.

The writer maintains a logical organization. Some sentences and paragraphs are disjointed. Transitions are missing.

The writer incorporates a logical and fluid organizational plan. Most sentences, paragraphs and transitions are cohesive and wellcrafted within the introduction, body and conclusion

The writer incorporates a logical and fluid organizational plan. Sentences, paragraphs and transitions are cohesive and wellcrafted within the introduction, body and conclusion.

70 / 100

The writer shows no evidence of significant research or documentation.

The writer has made poor use of sources and summarizes excessively. Quotes or paraphrases are not contextualized or integrated. Documentation is missing or very poor.

The writer has made relatively poor use of sources. Quotes or paraphrases are not accurate and are very often not contextualized or integrated adequately. Documentation is poor.

The writer used sources adequately. Quotes and paraphrases are adequate, but only some are contextualized or integrated well. Documentation is flawed.

The writer used sources well. Paraphrases and quotations are somewhat accurate; most are contextualized and integrated well. Documentation is mostly correct.

The writer made excellent use of sources. Paraphrases and quotations are accurate, contextualized, and integrated seamlessly. Documentation is correct.

60 / 100

Grammar, syntax, style, and word choice are so poor that the text is incomprehensible.

The writer demonstrates little to no control of language and/or little to no appropriate style. Grammar and/or syntactical errors consistently interfere with the reader’s comprehension.

UNSATISFACTORY (70)

SATISFACTORY (80)

GOOD (90)

EXCELLENT (100)

The writer demonstrates a weak control of language and/or a style that is often inappropriate. Grammar and/or syntactical errors sometimes interfere with the reader’s comprehension.

The writer demonstrates a basic control of language. Style is mostly appropriate, though not engaging. Grammar and/or syntactical errors exist but do not interfere with the reader’s comprehension.

The writer demonstrates a consistent, aboveaverage control of language. The style is appropriate, though not sophisticated. There are a few minor grammar and/or syntactical errors.

The writer demonstrates exemplary control of language. The style is appropriate, sophisticated, and engaging. Errors are minimal, and the syntax is clear throughout the paper