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Su

Yi Su

Professor Anderson

English 101

5 Dec. 2019

How Father’s Love could be Expressed Differently

Parents who accompany children to grow up are the most important people in children’s lives and they both play an irreplaceable role in children’s growing process. They are also the first teacher of children which is implied in the tendency that children are likely to imitate their words and behaviors in daily life. Everything the parents say and do always exerts an influence to different extent on the growth of their children. Father, who is usually the leader of a family plays a significant role in the establishment of values and worldview of children and the forming children’s characters. The poems “My Papa’s Waltz” written by Theodore Roethke narrates a waltz between a drunk father and his kid; “Those Winter Sunday” by Robert depict a story where the father shows his love in a silent manner. The common theme of the two poems is the stories happen between a father and his child, while there are some similarities and differences between them. Fathers have influence on their kids’ personalities though their own behaviors and actions, and they try to act as a role model for their children in order to show the kids it is important to work hard. In addition, fatherly love is indispensable in the growth of a child. It is easy to be overlooked in that it always accompanies with the kid in a silent way.

Childhood is a period in which children’s personality is formed and shaped. In this period, children are easily to be affected by the people around them, especially their fathers, who are usually provide both the financial and spiritual supports for the whole family. Theodore Roethke describes the waltz with his father by writing, “the hand the held my writs was battered on one knuckle; At every step you missed my right ear scraped a buckle” (Roethke 199). It is a conceivable fact that the author was abused by his father from words like “battered” and “scraped”. This dance was not very beautiful or harmonious since the father made author feel uncomfortable during the whole dance. Since the father was so drunk, he just quite enjoyed himself without caring about his son’s feelings or whether his son was getting got hart. The author must feel scared at that time, but he could only endure his father’s ill-treatment since he was just a little boy. In contrast, Hayden’s father takes cautious care of him, and he describes his father by saying, he “put his clothes on in the blueblack cold. When the rooms were warm, he’d call, and slowly I would rise and dress” (Hayden 436). The contrast of the words “blueblack cold” and “warm” tactfully reflects the silent love of his father. In order to heat the house for his child, so the author can wake up in the warm every morning, the father tolerated the death cold merely on his own. All the details of life are filled with his father’s love; thus, the author was well protected in his childhood by his father. The two fathers described in the two poems respectively treat their children quite differently. One rudely abuses his kid; another one gently takes care of his kid. A drunk father who ill-treats his kid is more likely to leave a terrible childhood memory filled with fear for the kid. The negative influence of childhood trauma will stay with the kid for all his life since childhood is one of the most important stage that is irreversible. Both the physical health and psychological health will be negatively impacted by the experience of being abused by his father. The way a father treats a child might heavily affects how the child treat his own child which creates a circle. In other words, the child will probably also become a rude father after he group up under the influence of terrible childhood experience. He will not reckon his behavior is wrong because he is just mimicking the way how his father treats him. In addition, the disharmonious family atmosphere and the fear of his father might make him an inferior and cowardly person. By contrast, Hayden’s father creates a warm and happy childhood by showing his love in every possible detailed aspect. Under the protections and love from his father, the author grows up in a harmonious family atmosphere and has a wonderful childhood memory. This positive childhood experience is conducive in forming a positive personality. For example, he is more likely to become a kind person who gently treat everyone and show his care in every small thing. The author might also carefully look after his family members because that is how he was treated by his father. Therefore, the way children get along with their fathers in the childhood may heavily affect children’ personality. In other words, the childhood the father creates for children will greatly decide what kind of person they will be in the future.

As the breadwinner in a family, father always take the responsibility to earn money in order to support the daily expense of family. That is one of the reasons why people always believe male have heavier financial responsibilities than female who mainly engage in keeping household. Both of two fathers in the poems teach their sons how to take family responsibilities by setting themselves as an example. The fathers were both engaged in laborious work which sometimes make them exhausted or even ruin their physical health. The father in “My Papa’s Waltz” possessed “a palm caked hard by dirt”, which shows the hardship of his work (Roethke 200). The words “caked” and “dirt” reflect that there is a high possibility for him to take a backbreaking or dirty job for bringing home the bacon. It’s surely hard to imagine how tiring his job is. Although he is alcoholic who always abuse his kid after he get drunk, it is still necessary to admit that he takes the responsibility for supporting the whole family. Maybe he dinks merely is to briefly relax himself after the laborious work. Thus, his personality is complex, the conclusion that he is an irresponsible father only because he ill-treats his son is ill-conceived. Similarly, Hayden also describes his father’s hand in the poem as “cracked hand that ached” (Hayden 436). His rough hands cracked in the winter because of his hard work, what’s worse, he has to endure the ached during working. The father sacrifices his physical health in order to support the family, and he tolerates the death cold so as to warm the house for family members. These two fathers both take the responsibility in supporting their family as they believe man ought to be responsible for taking care of kid and wife. Their children can also learn to be a responsible man who support is able to support the family by learning from fathers’ behaviors. The sacrifice of the fathers clearly defines “man’s responsibility” for the kids; they also define the meaning of being a man in a family.

These two poems express different emotions between a father and a son, and two fathers treat their sons in very different ways. The feeling sensed by children under the influenced of a rude father and a thoughtful father is totally different; In “My Papa’s Waltz”, when Roethke dance with his father, “the whiskey on your breath” makes him “dizzy” (Roethke 199). The father becomes less rational after drinks a lot of wine which could be sensed by his breath reeking of booze, that’s also the reason why the father hurt his son many times during the waltz. Although, the son must feel so uncomfortable, he lacks the strength to resist his father’s abuse. In addition, he did not dare to disobey his father who is the head of his family. The poem shows his fear of his father. However, Roethke was still attached to his father, the poem described the end of the waltz as “then waltzed me off to bed still clinging to your shirt” (Roethke 200). According to the word “clinging”, the author still does not want to be separated from his father until the end of the dance. Although he got hurt during the dance, it was still not a bad memory for him. Maybe, in his perspective, the waltz is one of his father’s ways of accompanying him. Since Waltz is a kind of joyful and lively dance, the author describes the dance as a waltz in order to express that dancing with his father is still a sweet childhood memory for him, even though he was treated rudely by his father during the waltz. It is thus conceivable that Roethke has complex emotion for his father; He is afraid of his father, in the meanwhile, he also deeply loves his father. In “Those Winter Sunday”, the author expresses his regret in ignoring the sacrifice that his father made for the whole family and he also feels bad “speaking indifferently to him, who had driven out the cold and polished my good shoes as well” (Hayden 436). The father expresses his love by trying his best to improve the quality of the family member’s life, and he takes the responsibility as a father to work hard on a day-to-day basis and thoughtfully take care of family members. Since Hayden already got used to it, he did not treasure the love given by his father and did not express his gratitude, neither. Thus, when he recalled his childhood, he eventually realized his father silent love and deeply regretted of being disrespect to his father. Father is usually not good at showing his love directly and explicitly. Rather, he transforms his love into companionship and concern. Thus, it is likely to be ignored by children. As time goes on, children can finally realize that they are always surrounded by father’s love. All fathers, whether they are alcoholic, rude, or hardworking, use their own way to show love for their children. Feeling being loved by fathers is also important for children’s growth because love from a father can always give kids power and confidence.

In conclusion, parents are the ones with whom children spent most of their time. They play significant roles in children’s growth. Father who usually take the responsibility for supporting the whole family always become the model imitated by children. It means their children will probably become the same kind of person like their fathers, and the kids will probably treat their next generation in the same way how they were treated by their father in their childhood. How children get along with their fathers and how their father treat them during the childhood will heavily affect children’s growth. Therefore, father plays an irreplaceable role in the forming of children’s characteristics. “Those Winter Sunday” and “My Papa’s Waltz” described the childhood memory with their fathers. Although these two fathers treated their kids in totally different ways, both of them show their kids how to be responsible by setting themselves as an example and expressing their love in their own way.

Works Cited

Theodore Roethke. “My Papa’s Waltz.” The Carolina Reader, edited by Kelsey Flint-Martin

with Ethan J.H. Knight, U of UC-Press, 2019, pp.199-120.

Robert. “Those Winter Sunday.” The Carolina Reader, edited by Kelsey Flint-Martin

with Ethan J.H. Knight, U of UC-Press, 2019, pp.436.