ENGLISH 1301

Mother and Daughter; A friendship for life Comment by Kelly Savage: Essay is not in MLA format; it is missing the heading, and extra spaces b/w paragraphs need to be removed. Comment by Kelly Savage: Use a colon instead of a semicolon to show a subtitle Comment by Kelly Savage: Capitalize first letters of title words

Describing who a mother is, would be a book with never ending pages, where the writing would be in a continuous manner without a period. She is someone who has given a life to a human with every physical obstacle that has come her way. Carrying a baby in her womb for nine months would seem like a natural process but those nine months is not as easy as we all think. My mother is someone whom I consider as a brave, independent and a person of her words. Coming from a small Asian country, Nepal, where she ought to marry a person against her religion. Her struggles and hinderances were not small. My mother, a daughter of a mayor of the municipality belongs to an upper-class family with all her necessities fulfilled. My Father has six brothers, a sister, his father and his mother, belonging to a middle-class family where he was the only earning person. Comment by Kelly Savage: I don’t understand what this means Comment by Kelly Savage: Verb agreement error Comment by Kelly Savage: Avoid language that overgeneralizes; people don’t all think alike about this. Use wording that leaves room for people’s differences. Comment by Kelly Savage: Incomplete sentence/fragment; also, did the city’s customs really encourage her to marry against her religion? That’s what “ought to” means, but I think you are actually wanting to say the opposite or something different. Be careful with word choice. Comment by Kelly Savage: Comma Comment by Kelly Savage: Awkward sentence structure Comment by Kelly Savage: Verb form error

My mother is a Hindu and my father is a Buddhist. Marrying a person who does not belong to her religion, my mother was in a verge of breaking the relationship with my father. As a typical concept of our society, who follows the religion and its traditional and spiritual practices, a woman should only marry a guy who belongs to the same religion and caste. My father on the other hand, was determined to marry her by all cost. It took a long time for my grandfather and the other family members to accept my father. By all rituals that my mother’s religion demanded, my father did everything for the marriage. The real deal started when my mother had to adjust with my father’s family. Comment by Kelly Savage: Run-on; needs comma before the conjunction Comment by Kelly Savage: *on the verge of Comment by Kelly Savage: Comma

My mother worked in an elementary school as she loved children. As our culture demands, that sons of the family are supposed to look after their parents in the same household. So, my father and my mother stayed in the same household even after their marriage. According to my mother, she used to come to her house after her work and all the rest of the family members did was eat and sleep, all day long. My father, being the only person, who ran the family with his two businesses was hard to keep up with no helping hand. It was too much for them to handle. My mother got pregnant after a year, with me inside, she was not given nutritious food to eat. She was given big chores to complete after she came from work. For some time, my mother did not spoke about the matter, but it was too much for her to handle. On the other hand, my father knew nothing about it as he used to arrive late from work. She confessed what they had been doing and my father quickly took an action to leave the house and the business. Comment by Kelly Savage: Incomplete sentence/fragment Comment by Kelly Savage: This is confusing. Are you saying they each stayed in their respective households? Because this sentence says they stayed “in the same household,” which sounds like they lived together. But the next sentences suggest something different. Comment by Kelly Savage: This is also confusing; I can’t tell who is doing what here. What does it mean that he was “the only person”? What does it mean he was “hard to keep up with,” like for your mom to keep up with? This part needs clarity. Comment by Kelly Savage: This is a good example of where the wording should be clearer and more concise. And why did she not get enough food? Comment by Kelly Savage: Verb form error Comment by Kelly Savage: What who had been doing? And who did she confess it to?

We left the house when I was a year old. We got a flat nearby where we used to stay before. My dad was not employed for three months and had to survive with my mother’s income. Soon, my mother started teaching tuition after her work till nine at night as the income from her work was not enough to feed us. After a month, my father started working in a private bank where he was the financial manager. We came right on track after my father started working. Nonetheless, my mother didn’t stop there, as she wanted a house of her own. I remember studying along with her students and my mother always treated me like her student when it came to studies. Comment by Kelly Savage: This sounds like they left while she was pregnant since you said he “quickly” took action? Do you mean he didn’t notice she was pregnant until after you were born? Or does “quickly” mean about a year and half later? This needs more clarification. Comment by Kelly Savage: ? Comment by Kelly Savage: ? Comment by Kelly Savage: *until Comment by Kelly Savage: Run-on; needs comma before the conjunction

My mother and father saved up money and made a two-story house where they gave the first floor for rental and as far as second floor it was for us to live in. My mother took over the elementary school as their real owners moved to Australia and had to give up the place. After, thirty years of work in that school, my mother still goes to that place like it is always her new day. She fully supported me when I said I wanted to get a degree in USA and was very supportive. My father was a little hesitant to send me here, as I was the only daughter of them. They are still providing me with all the financial support and are always in contact, twice a day. Even though I am thousand miles away from them, my mother always checks up on me thrice a day no matter what the time differences are. My mother is my best friend, a figure that I aspire to become one day with the massive strength and courage she has inside her. Even though, her upbringing was in a lavish manner, she is not at all spoilt and she made sure she made me the same way. She always said nothing comes easy as it seems. There are going to be hinderances in life, but she always suggested me not to panic. She always says that, everything in life has its pros and cons. It takes a lot of courage and patience to overcome it. Comment by Kelly Savage: Work on writing concisely. It’s redundant to say she “fully supported” you and then that she was “very supportive.” Comment by Kelly Savage: *am their only daughter Comment by Kelly Savage: This is also confusing. You said they talk to you “always” twice a day, and in the next sentence you say “always” three times a day.

My mother will always be my role model and I look up to her not just as my mother, but a person who has tremendous will and energy. She is a person who went against her family to settle down with a man who was not her religion. The struggle didn’t end there but was there for awhile where she kept going. She kept going until she reached to a certain point where she could finally say, she had done it. She is not just a mother but a loving wife who helped my father to overcome his fears and always supported him even through his hard times. She is a type of a person that I aspire to be always and forever. Comment by Kelly Savage: Run-on; needs comma before the conjunction