Autobiography Based on Erikson's Theory.

July 15, 2020

CDEV 103 Instructor: Dr. Janet Young

Introduction

I was born in the Philippines. I had a very comfortable life when I was a child. My family was not rich but we were well off. My parents had stable income and we could afford what we needed and what I wanted sometimes. I was born into a family of three. I am the youngest and the only son as well. My sisters were much closer in age than I. Since they were born first their relationship with each other was closer than mine and theirs. However, one day my parents decided they wanted to move to California. This was a big deal for my family and I. Around July 2007, my family and I moved to California. However, we ended up leaving my eldest sister because she was eighteen and we could not petition her to become a citizen so she ended up staying behind. This was a devastating blow to my family and I, not only did I have to leave a family member behind but I had to adjust to a new culture.

When we arrived here everything was much different. Everything here had to be done by yourself. Back in the Philippines we were fortunate enough to have extra money to be spent on helpers so my parents would not get too overwhelmed. However here in California, you needed to have a lot of money to get by and even more money to hire extra help around the house. Going into this gave me a very big culture shock. I noticed that since I was so spoiled back home, I had the worse time adjusting here. I threw tantrums every day and refused to do my homework while I was in elementary school. Making friends was especially hard for me because everyone had already established some sort of friendship back in their younger age while I was the new kid. To add onto this, I was bullied because I was new and I did not know anyone. By being bullied, this definitely took a toll on my mental health and I believe that it did stunt my growth a while. I took out my frustration on my parents and my sister at home who were having a hard time adjusting to the move as well.

Trust v. Mistrust (Birth to 1 Year) Getting My Needs Met Children develop a sense of trust that the world is a good, safe place when significant caregivers provide reliable care and consistently meet the child’s needs for food, warmth, comfort, and affection. A lack of this type of care leads to the development of a sense of mistrust (Young, 2019).

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Trust Mistrust

I believe that I placed myself on the more trusting side because my parents are good people. They have raised me well and taught me right from wrong. They taught me that money does not determine your status in this world and that because we were comfortable back home does not mean we are going to be comfortable everywhere. They always fed me whenever I was hungry and whenever I would ask for something more like snacks and sweets. Never once during this period of my life was I ever denied food, rest, and clothes. They loved me and cared for me and always prioritized me first. They took me to all my doctors appointments and always made sure I was a very healthy child. Since they cared for me and fulfilled all my needs I do believe that my childhood during this period of time is something that I am very grateful for.

Autonomy v. Shame and Doubt (Early Childhood: 2 to 3) Becoming My Own Person Children develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and gain a sense of independence. Success leads to a feeling of autonomy. Punishment, for perceived failures, even when the “failures” or “short comings” are age appropriate, leads to feelings of shame and doubt (Young, 2019).

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Autonomy Shame and Doubt

I placed myself here because as a child I knew what right and wrong was. However, during this age I was always really curious. I always touched things that did not belong to me. I would always write all over the floors and vandalize my grandparents furniture. I specifically remember grabbing a marker and drawing all over my grandmothers white couch. During this time I never really needed my parents to watch me when I play. I was pretty careful so they thought that I would not get into trouble. Whenever we would wake up my parents would bring me downstairs and let me play until it was time to eat. That was when I was able to roam around the house I lived in at the time and did whatever I wanted. Although my parents let me play with whatever I wanted to play with, a majority of the time I ended up defacing the walls or breaking something. This of course called for punishment. In Asian culture disciplining your child usually meant that you would spank their butt or slap their hand. Every time I did something wrong, my parents would discipline me and yell at me. I would cry of course and feel bad about it after. However, for some reason I would still do the wrong things even though I knew what I was doing was wrong.

I nitiative v. Guilt (Preschool: 3 to 5 years) Taking Charge Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. They want to participate in real life activities and come up with ideas and actions on their own.  Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. If the child’s attempts to take initiative or exert power are met with disapproval it can results in the development of a sense of guilt (Young, 2019). 

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Initiative Guilt

During this time, I remember that I was really curious. My parents would always try to hold my hand when crossing the street and I would always try to let go. I thought that during this time I was big enough and old enough to cross the street without the help of my parents. I wanted to start doing things on my own like cutting my own and going to the bathroom by myself. I started to dress myself and choose the clothes that I wanted to wear for church. During this time my parents had a hard time adjusting to it because they were so used to always doing things for me. For example, we were at a restaurant and I wanted to order the food that I wanted on my own however my parents believed that I was going to mess up the order and cause the waiter more distress. By dismissing my actions I felt that I was doing something wrong and that I was not old enough or smart enough to speak for myself.

Industry vs. Inferiority (School Age: 6 to 11 years) My Role as a Learner Children need to cope with new social and academic demands on a daily basis. Success in school and school related activities leads to a sense of competence or industry, while failure results in a feeling of inferiority (Young 2019).

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Industry Inferiority

I placed myself on this part of the graph because although I was an average student, it was hard for me to do excellent in school. I have always had this mentality that I needed to be in the top scoring of my class. However, during this time I remember that the schoolwork and the amount of homework I had were significantly increasing and that it was getting harder to understand. On top of that, every time I would take a test, I would blank out because I was so nervous. This lead to getting below average grades and it kept discouraging me due to the fact that no matter how hard I tried, it seemed that my best was not enough.

Identity vs. Role Confusion (Adolescence: 12 to 20). Who Am I? Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. This often means experimenting with roles and ideas.  Success leads to a sense of identity, of being grounded, and the ability to stay true to themselves. Failure leads to role diffusion (confusion), a weak sense of self, and a feeling of being “lost” (Young, 2019).

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Identity Role Confusion

During high school, I was really confused about my sexual orientation. Freshman year I was so confused about who I was as a person because I was in denial about my sexuality. During this time I had a girlfriend who I fell in love with, however, I realized that later on when I was around eighteen to nineteen that it was more of an emotional connection rather than physical. I had no intention of pursuing a sexual relationship with her but more of an emotional relationship. In summary, my entire high school life was a very confusing time for me. I struggled with my sexuality until I graduated. It was not until almost a year after my graduation that I became more comfortable with myself. The reason why I placed myself on the far right corner was because a majority of my lifetime here was all about role confusion.

Intimacy vs. Isolation (Early Adulthood: 20’s and 30’s) Role of Relationships Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong satisfying relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation (Young, 2019).

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Intimacy Isolation

I have always been the type of person to date and meet new people. I never really had trouble meeting new people because I have always been really social with others. I started using a dating app around 21 and ever since then I always liked talking to people. In my future I believe that I will get married. I have always believed that finding a significant other is a very big part of my life because you have someone there to share your life with. I placed myself so close to intimacy because I see myself as a family oriented person. I want kids, I want a husband, and I want to start a family of my own. In the future I hope that I will get married by the age of 28 and hopefully begin my life with my significant other.

Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood: 40’s and 50’s) Giving Back Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children, or creating positive changes that benefits other people. These changes may be in the form of volunteer work or contributing to the community in some way.  Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world and a sense of being stagnate or unproductive (Young, 2019).

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Generativity Stagnation

I placed myself towards more of stagnation because I am usually a really comfortable person and I have a hard time generating new ideas or ways of life. I see myself getting married and having children. After that I will take care of them until they are done with college and have a stable life. That is when I will be satisfied. However during this time with my children my main focus is them and I do not see myself really focusing on anything else such as volunteering or ay other form besides my children. I expect to be the type of parent who will be more understanding than my current ones and really listen to them. I do not see myself getting too involved in my community or really volunteering. That is why I placed myself on the more stagnant part of the scale.

Ego- Integrity vs. Despair (Maturity: 60’s onward) Looking Back Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom and contentment about the decisions they have made throughout their lifetimes.  Failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair (Young, 2019).

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Ego-Integrity Despair

I am the type of person to live my life to the fullest. I believe that this is my only life and I will live it in a way that is fulfilling to me and I will have little to no regrets. I can not say I will not have regrets because I am speculating however, with the way I am headed with my life I am very pleased with what I have done. It may have taken me a while to get to where I am but I believe in the end I will have a sense of fulfillment and I will be happy with what I have left behind. As I grow older I imagine myself retired with my husband looking back at the past. Since I am not really a regretful person, I placed myself closer to Ego-Integrity.

Conclusion

In conclusion learning about Erikson's stages of development has helped me breakdown my life and look at it in phases. It has helped me understand how I have grown as a child to a young adult. One does not really see how much they have grown until they really list what they have done inter life. Taking what I have learned I can apply it to my life to put myself in check. For instance, the stage of Ego-Integrity vs. Despair, this stage will definitely always be on my mind because I would not want to do something that I regret. I always want to live my life to the fullest with little to no regrets. All these stages can potentially help me grow even more as a person. I understand that I have somewhat predicted what I would be like when I am older however I still see room for growth as a person. Understanding Erikson will give me an advantage later on in life. As for the children I will work with, this will help me understand them better. Erikson’s research basically summarizes their life into stages. By listing the stages down with them and observing their behavior, this allows me to fully see into their life. This can help me determine the best way to help them. This can help me change something that will negatively impact their life forever. For example, the stage Identity vs. Role Confusion is something where I would like focus in on more. I know from personal experience with myself and my friends that going through puberty and dealing with problems during this time is one of the hardest things you will do in your life. In this stage you are just coming to terms with who you are. You form an identity that you will carry on forever. Since this is a confusing time for some, I would use this to further help the children or teens in their life. In summary Erikson’s eight stages definitely gives people and understanding about their own life and will grant a form of understanding in another persons life if used correctly.

(Note to students: Scroll down to see the required Work Cited page.)

Works Cited

Paris, J., Ricardo, A., D. Rymond, (2019) Understanding the Whole Child: Birth through Adolescence. California Community Colleges, Chancellor’s Office. CC 4.0 license.