ENG 121 Revision Checklist

ENG 121 – Peer Review Template

Week Three Discussion: Peer Review

As part of the writing process, you are expected to reflect on your work and revise and edit accordingly. It is also useful to establish a community of learners in which you help edit and proofread each other’s papers. This reciprocal process will help you identify areas of strength and weakness in others’ writing as well as reflect on your own work and perhaps discover similar mistakes. For this week, you will be performing a peer review on your Personal Essay – Draft before you submit it to your instructor on Day 7. For this discussion, please either (a) upload your paper (.doc format) as a new thread with your name and title of paper, or (b) create a new thread in which you copy and paste your essay into the body of your post. The draft you share with your peers needs to be at least two double-spaced pages in length.  After posting your draft, you will perform one peer review in which you will complete the “Peer Review Template” and upload it as .doc file. Please review a paper written by a classmate who has not yet received feedback.

GENERAL

· What did the writer do well in the essay? Please be specific.

Melissa was displayed an enormous amount of drive and determination in her verbiage. I am clearly aware of her long-term goals and can relate to her story. I am able to appreciate the tenacity she has relayed to the reader within her essay.

THESIS

· How does the writer indicate that it will be a personal essay? Is there a clear thesis? Describe how features of the essay and thesis work and/or need work.

Melissa indicates that it will be a personal essay because of the point of view she is writing the essay and the purpose being about her desire to for furthering her own personal education. The thesis is relatively clear but the paragraphs that follow seem to state the same long-term goal over and over but do not give descriptions of the path, the courses, the time that will be invested.

· Do all major points relate back to the thesis statement? In short, does the writer seem to go off topic in places? If so, how? (In other words, is the paper unified and are all points related?) If not, suggest ways to correct.

I feel that Melissa did a great job to maintain the thesis statement throughout the paper. I feel that all topics were clearly related to the thesis and opening paragraph.

ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE

· List the use of transition words and phrases that show chronology or shifts in topic. Are additional transitions needed? If so, where?

There are many transitional words used throughout Melissa’s essay. The words indicate a chronological order of events but the events themselves may be better emphasized by adding more description. I think more details regarding the balance of having a career while being a parent could help outline the timeline.

· Indicate where the writer uses features like concrete language, tone, or abstract language effectively.

Melissa did a fantastic job with the overall tone of her paper. As the reader, I am clearly aware of her determination and tenacity. Her tenacity shines through when she discusses wanting to be able to compete with other graduates as well as maintain job security.

· Does the writer provide enough description, dialogue or narration so that you can

easily infer the thesis or controlling idea for the essay? Where might the writer include more dialogue, narration, or description?

I think that more description of key events would add to the intensity and drive that Melissa is writing about. Perhaps adding dialogue would make the essay more relatable to the reader. I would enjoy feeling more connected with her personal story.

EDITING

· Suggest at least one item the writer might add to this essay.

I think that adding dialogue with her children about why she is doing what she is doing would add impact to the thesis. I find it admirable to want to be better for herself as well as being a role model for her children.

· Suggest at least one item the writer might remove from this essay.

The only suggestion that I have, is to remove some of the unnecessary transitional words between sentences. I found some of the “therefore”, “furthermore” and “notably” to be a bit distracting from the intended meaning of the sentences that followed.

CONCLUSION

· Is the concluding paragraph effective? If so, why? If it is not effective, what can be done?

I feel that the concluding paragraph ties back to the opening paragraph and the thesis statement. The only improvement for the conclusion that I would suggest is more descriptions and examples to reiterate Melissa’s drive and determination that is felt throughout her essay.

After completing this template, copy and paste your responses to the discussion board. Your response should be posted as a reply to the original thread for the essay that you reviewed.