Final draft essay

Running head: GAME DAY 1

Purpose: Use this example assignment to explore important elements that make this an exemplary submission. Hover over the information symbol ( ) or select the numbers within the text to read about what the student has done well in this assignment.

(1) Game Day

Sample Student

English 121

Instructor Champ

June 8, 2014

EXAMPLE

Running head: GAME DAY 2

Game Day

(2) [Like many high school teenagers, I loved sports. I especially loved football and was

thrilled to be chosen as a quarterback for my high school’s football team. Aside from the very

first game day of the season being exciting and significant, it is memorable because of the

support and love my father showed me that day when I needed it most.] It was 6:30 AM on the

first day of autumn of my freshman year of high school. As I lay in bed, the sun just beginning to

seep through the closed blinds, I realized the day I had been waiting for all summer was here.

The first football game of the season was today. I had spent the good part of my summer at

practice for this very day, and the excitement and pressure were as heavy as the weights I had

been lifting for months in training. The team and I had taken thousands of laps around the

rubbery track turf, and doing a cycle of pushups and jumping jacks until we threw up in the

locker room sinks. I was the quarterback for my freshman football team and all of that training

didn’t stop the nervousness in my stomach, which felt like I had swallowed a flock of monarch

butterflies. (3) [Like a young child on Christmas morning, I hardly needed my alarm clock that

began to chirp; I was already wide awake and ready to start my day.] As I rolled over to turn off

the alarm, I heard a familiar knock on the door. Most days, this knock was the first thing I heard

in the morning, not the alarm clock. But not today. Not on game day. Even though the alarm was

clearly waking me up, blaring out through the rest of the house, my father knocked on the door

anyway. He knew what day it was, and wanted to see me before he went to work.

Running head: GAME DAY 3

That morning, I must have set the record for any high school kid getting dressed for

school. At my high school, it was tradition to wear jerseys on game day. I can still remember

the fresh smell of a brand new football jersey, free of the impeding grass stains, blood, sweat

and tears that would fill the jersey and fade the crimsons and gold at season’s end. My jersey

was neatly folded on top of my favorite pair of Levis’ jeans, new cotton socks in the same

school colors, boxer shorts with a pattern of little leather footballs, and gold Stan Smith adidas

Originals with black laces. I quickly dressed and hurried to the kitchen to catch my dad before

he left for the day.

“Good morning son, how are you feeling? Get any sleep last night” he said while

smiling. There was something different about his smile though, as if he was hiding something.

“Yeah, I had a good night’s rest” I lied. He knew I was lying too, but no it was big deal.

As he stood there I noticed that one of his hands was behind his back and I began to wonder

what he was keeping from me. Was it bad news that he didn’t want to tell me because he didn't

want to ruin my game day? (4) [Or was it a present?] He saw my eyes wander to his hand

hidden behind his back and said, “I have something for you”. He pulled out small bag and

handed it to me.

(5) [It wasn’t heavy or bulky. It was surprisingly light. I opened the small bag with

anticipation and pulled out its content. It was small, white, Nike towel with Velcro designed to

hang from my football belt. Stitched above the Nike symbol was the number

12. It was the number he wore as a high school quarterback and the number I had chosen to

carry on the family tradition. I was overcome with gratitude and happiness. The gift meant

that my father was proud of me, that he knew I was going to do great,

Running head: GAME DAY 4

and he wanted to see me succeed.] I will always remember what he said as I hugged him:

(6) [Son, I know you're nervous. Today is a big day and something you have worked

extremely hard for. A lot of people will go through life and never get to feel the feeling

you have in your stomach right now. Those feelings you have are good; it means you are

ready. If you weren’t nervous, you wouldn’t care. No matter how the game goes tonight,

remember that I’ll always love you and support you. Nothing can happen in this game

that would make me feel otherwise. Do the best you can, have fun and compete as hard as

you can. If you do that, I can promise you good things will happen!

At that moment, those monarch butterflies flew away. The sense of relief I felt was like

the weight of 1000 pianos being lifted off my shoulders. Having my dad believe in me and be so

sure that I was going to perform great replaced the nervousness I was feeling with confidence.

His gift symbolized faith in me as a high school quarterback, but also faith in me to achieve my

goals. (7) [I didn’t even want to wait or the game. I

wanted to put it on right then and there, and run out to the field for everyone to see it. He held

on to my shoulder and said, I’ll see you tonight, go get em’!”]

As my older brother drove me to school that day, I felt like a king getting out of the

beat-up hatch back he’d washed the day before just for me. It’s amazing how a person can feel

incredible nervousness, and then channel those emotions into confidence and readiness. My dad

knew what I was feeling and how to fix it. His generosity came from a place of experience for

having gone through the same thing as

Running head: GAME DAY 5

a teenager and from a place of assurance in my athleticism. I’m sure he had that towel for weeks

and was dying to give it to me, but he understood the nerves on game day are like hard to handle

sometimes. I’m glad he waited. His timing, love and support were the greatest feeling I’ve ever

known and are what made my first game day incredibly memorable and touching.

(8) [The team didn’t win the game that night, but in retrospect that is not what truly

mattered. What mattered then and now is love, support, and the ability to understand the

loved ones in your life and what they need at certain times. My father knew then what I

needed more than anything, and that is what made that day significant.]

Running head: GAME DAY 6

Comments (color and number coded): 1. This a properly formatted title page according to APA style. For help on APA formatting please

visit https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-apa-checklist.html. Return

2. The student has revised his essay to have an introduction that states the purpose of his writing and

the significance behind it. We as readers understand he is writing about the importance of his first high

school football game but also the support his father gave him. We now know what to expect from his

paper and what it will be about. Return

3. In your personal essay you must establish why your topic is important to you. Here, the student does

this by creating a sense of importance, stress, and excitement over game day. We also know that his father

does something supportive that day, so we as readers are now primed to look for that as we continue

reading. Return

4. Again, the student emphasizes the excitement and nervousness he is feeling. He focuses his paper now

on his father and the role he plays in this special day. Return

5. This section ties back to the introduction and purpose for writing this personal narrative. It is now

revealed to us the gift that his father gave him and also the significance behind that gift. We understand

how important this gift is to the student and it's role in enhancing this memorable day. Return

Running head: GAME DAY 7 6. This is an example of a block quote. "Block" the quotation if it's more than 40 words long. Block

the quotation by having it start on a new line and in the same position as a new paragraph. Return

7. The student takes time to clearly explain how he felt when he received the gift and how it affected

his whole emotional attitude toward game day.

Tying your support points back to your thesis is important when writing a strong, cohesive essay.

Return

8. Every essay needs a conclusion, and the conclusion for this essay reiterates the significance of his first

high school football game as well as the significance of the gift that his father gave him. A strong

conclusion not only restates the thesis, but reminds readers of what the essay was about and how that

meaning was presented to them. Return