review for paper

Mars: The Next Step Jake Jarzynka

        Earth has been home to humanity for thousands of years. We have evolved from the smallest bacteria into the most intelligent life on this planet. Earth will always be home to humanity, but it is time to leave the security of the home and to venture out into the unknown. The next step in pioneering is to venture into the final frontier, specifically our neighboring planet Mars. Venturing out to Mars and colonizing it is one of the greatest endeavors mankind has ever conceived, and potentially one of the riskiest. However, the risk does not outweigh the rewards. Successful entrepreneur Elon Musk understands this, and that is why he is so active in the process of getting a colony on Mars. Colonizing Mars has so much potential because Elon Musk is leading the charge on the whole idea, advancements in technology are making the trip more attainable, and this journey has the potential to revitalize the economy of every country on Earth.

        There are many great names in the history of science like Einstein, Tesla, and Edison.(maybe put this in chronological order, I don’t know if you’re talking about Edison electricity company or Thomas Edison) The planet is lucky enough to have a man that could potentially be in the same category as the men previously listed. Elon Musk is an entrepreneur and inventor that this world has not seen in a long time. He was born in South Africa and he later moved to Canada, where he was accepted into Queen’s University. Musk decided to go to the University of Pennsylvania to study physics and business. He had plans to attend Stanford for a Ph.D. in energy physics, but decided that it was time he entered the world of entrepreneurship (Biography.com). He has been involved in several world-renowned companies like PayPal and Tesla. His participation in these companies has left him with an absurd amount of money. Like the smart entrepreneur he is, he poured his earnings into new projects which have yielded even more assets. His latest endeavor, and one that he is determined to accomplish is getting to Mars. However, Musk’s dedication goes beyond writing a check, “finding the cost prohibitively high, Musk started his own rocket company to bring the cost down,” (Belfiore and Shibuya 103), he is the CEO of a rocket company named SpaceX. He truly is an innovator, for he saw a problem, which was high costs, and took an unconventional route to correct the problem which was starting his own company Many people may think that he is just an eccentric billionaire who has already profited from all different types of areas like cars and credit cards, but he is truly dedicated. This is not just a hobby for the entrepreneur, it is a full-time job and he is, “a brutally demanding employer,” and, “His unrealistic deadlines and obsessive attention to detail are legendary, as are his seemingly ludicrous ideas,” (Tatu 42). His ideas seemed outlandish at first, but they are slowly coming to fruition thanks to him and his staff. Musk understands that without excruciating detail and pushing himself and his team to the limit, going to Mars would remain just a dream.

        Mars is becoming increasingly more attainable as technology becomes more advanced. The United States of America put men on the moon with computers that were less capable than that of an iPhone. Transportation in every field is evolving; there are plans to build fast rockets that can carry a human from any point on Earth to a different point much quicker than a common airplane. One example of a rocket of the new era is the Dragon. The Dragon is,

“a maneuverable and reusable spacecraft designed and built by SpaceX for future use by NASA to deliver cargo and crew to the International Space Station, or as a science lab for low-Earth orbit experiments. The Dragon spacecraft is carried into space on top of the Falcon 9, a heavy lift rocket also developed by SpaceX,” (Riddle 101).

The Dragon is just the beginning of a new era of rockets and traveling through space. Thanks to Musk’s brilliant, creative mind, there are always changes and improvements being made to all the technology. As previously stated, the Dragon’s original purpose was to deliver cargo and crew to the ISS, but on September 29th, Musk revealed a new plan for the Dragon. Another application for the Dragon would be outfitted to help build a city on Mars and, “would also be capable of helping create a base camp on the moon – and flying people across the globe,” (Davenport). This is huge for SpaceX. This modified rocket would be able to be an asset in all parts of space so far. It has applications here on Earth, the moon, and Mars. Another piece of technology that will aid the adventure of getting to Mars is the spacesuit that Musk invented. This spacesuit will revolutionize an astronaut’s ability to remain safe while in the confines of a rocket. The helmet has a more open view, which allows for better visuals in general, and improving one’s peripheral vision while in space. It has a smaller, less bulkier design which makes for better maneuverability while in the suit. However due to the suit’s smaller design it is said to be a flight suit for one to wear in the rocket, and not primarily used for going on space walks. It also has a sleeker design which shows that it will be used for passengers, because the practicality of the spacesuit is not critical. (Haselton). Another technological advancement that will benefit the poverty-stricken people of Earth, and provide a great service for astronauts trying to get to Mars are the new and improved satellites. Not just one or two satellites are being planned on getting put in orbit, 4,000 of them in total. SpaceX trademarked these satellites as Starlink. These satellites will be able to offer internet to the remote parts of the planet that do not have access to internet. They will also allow a more streamline style of communication much quicker and more fluent than the current style of communication. The satellites will have many purposes, but they will act, “not only as a communications hub but also as observation satellites, meaning SpaceX could gather such data independent of NASA,” (Wilkens). This means that there would be two major corporations gathering their own data, and not just relying on one set of information. One of the biggest technological advances that will allow for humans to get to Mars quicker is the plan for the moon base. Musk says that, ‘“Having some permanent presence on another heavenly body, which would be the moon base, and then getting people to Mars and beyond,’” (Wilkens). This lunar base has applications beyond just getting people to Mars. It can act as a scientific research lab where experiments can be performed and data collected. It can be refueling station, so rockets do not have to fly all the way back to Earth for supplies. The most adventurous benefit of a moon base would be the capabilities it would have for deeper space exploration. A moon base would lead to a quicker establishment of a base on Mars, which in turn can lead to more bases on other planets when the human race is ready to colonize another planet.

        The race to get to Mars will lead to a bolster to the economy on Earth. There are so many applications of the new innovations that are being used to get to Mars here on Earth. Not just the tools that will be used are helpful to the economy, but Mars itself is.

“There is an abundance of rare metals on Mars such as platinum, gold, silver, and others. Shipping from Mars to Earth, as mentioned above, is much easier than the other way around. Even more promising is the proximity of the asteroid belt to Mars. Dactyl, the moon orbiting the asteroid Ida shown in this picture, is 1.4 kilometers in diameter, yet it contains more iron that the human race has used in its entire existence. These asteroids could be mined near Mars and shipped from the planet for little cost. What we could see develop is a triangle trade route, much like the one in the 18th century between Britain, the West Indies, and America. The economic potential is colossal,” (Fisher).

All the drilling, mining, and shipping would require a sizable labor force to maintain a high output of minerals being moved. Thousands of jobs would be created in this business alone, not even considering how many people would need to be hired to train people to go into space. Colonizing Mars would also lead for a higher demand of scientists. Either scientists on Earth would leave and go to Mars, or new scientists would need to be trained to go, but either way this creates a need for scientists. Mars is similar enough to Earth, but overall, it’s a scientific gold mine that as of now has only be studied by a rover. There is also room for rockets to be used commercially on Earth. For example, a similar rocket to the previously mentioned Dragon could be utilized to deliver supplies. The similar rocket, “would involve launching rockets in one city and having them land in another, allowing for ultra-fast transportation of cargo,” (Wilkens). This would allow for unparalleled speed when it comes to delivers. Perhaps companies like Amazon would be interested in implementing a similar style of delivery.

        Overall Colonizing Mars is the greatest feat that humans would have ever done up to date. There is nothing that would challenge the human race as a whole more than reaching Mars. In this adventure, the reward outweighs the risks. It offers so many benefits like technological advancements, and an economic boost on Earth. The long road also has a great leader in the form of Elon Musk to help make sure that this endeavor stays on track and to push everyone and everything as hard as they can go.

Jake Jarzynka's paper:

The strongest part of your paper is the description of all the advances in technology that has been developed to make travel to Mars more realistic and applicable. You go into great detail about The Dragon and provide credible support as to defining what it is and how it would benefit space travel. Also, there are lots of examples present that depict that space travel is an up and coming possibility and you provide the reader with new, credible knowledge through those explanations. A section of the paper I would encourage you to improve is your conclusion. Explain more benefits Earth would obtain. Some questions I have are: 1) What makes Musk competent for leading a company factoring off space exploration, besides the fact that he’s wealthy? 2) Why would colonizing Mars be “the greatest feat that humans would have ever done up to date? 3) Are there other companies competing with Musk for the colonization of Mars? I think your thesis statement is very straight to the point and allows the reader to understand the concepts of your topic in a clear manner. To improve your thesis, I would use a higher caliber of diction. Some people may not know who Elon Musk is, so I don’t think that people would understand why colonizing Mars would be more attainable because he is the leading charge. Overall, your thesis statement clearly outlines your paper, and clearly follows the layout of the paper. 

Women and the Wage Gap by: Emily Sierra

Discrepancies in wage earnings between men and women have haunted the workforce for over a century. If men and women occupy the same job, and perform it in an equalized manner, why do women still earn less pay than men? Many people believe the wage gap is a false accusation against corporate America. Lots of evidence can be shown to decline that notion, such as the origins of the wage gap, the impact of education, race relations, and the attempts to close the wage gap.

Numerous claims have been made stating that the wage gap is a myth. Usually, those who make these assumptions are people who have had no experience with the issue, are males, or do not work in a male-dominated field. An estimated 82% of men do not believe the wage gap exists, and believe that everyone is paid in equal amounts. Many suggest that the government is presenting this notion on purpose, such as the White House and prominent women's groups (Agness). Apparently, these agencies are manipulating the numerical statistics to create the perception that the wage gap exists in order to persuade women into thinking that they are victims of discrimination. People also say that women keep this façade up to enable further government legislation to pass in terms of employee laws. Many of these complicated assumptions are very confusing, and not straightforward, making the claim sound drawn out, therefore less credible.

The wage gap originated over 110 years ago, from when women first started entering the labor force (Goldin). In 1890, 15% of all women in the United States held occupations outside their domestic tasks, a result from the Industrial Revolution. The Industrial Revolution lasted from 1820-1850. In that time frame, the percentage of women in the labor force rose from 30% to 50%. Women became involved outside of the home, entering into clerical sales. However, from 1890 to 1930, only single women worked in areas other than domesticity, explaining the smaller 15% margin previously stated. This increased throughout 1950-1980, eventually reaching 60%, as married women began to enter the workforce. This 60% of women in the labor force was numerically equivalent to the 60 cents a woman made to every man’s dollar. Today, the average American woman makes only 81 cents compared to a man’s dollar.

The opportunity for women did not only grow in the workplace, but also in the field of education. During university, women have proved to earn higher grades than men, and were also favored in their graduating class. However, it "did not matter how equitable one’s college was, one’s paycheck is in another realm altogether.” A woman could have a better education than a man, be more successful in their studies, and be a better worker, yet still make less than a male at an equivalent occupation. Education is supposed to be a tool to increase knowledge and to get a higher degree in order to make a higher earning. It is unfair that women follow these supposed steps to success, and are still depleted and cheated. As a result, women attempt to increase their education and go to school for more superior degrees. However, education is not effective for a pay gap solution because at all levels of academia, women’s earrings are still less than men’s. Interesting enough, the wage gap is higher at higher levels of education. Women will always be at competition with men (Campbell).

The correlations of the wage gap have been calculated to the average woman; however, if the factor of race were to be accounted for, the numbers would show utter variation. As of right now, the difference in pay gap between white, Africa American, and Hispanic women are at a plateau. Inflation adjusted earnings have increased by 32% for white women, 19% for African American women, and 18% for the Hispanic woman. In other terms, white women make $17, African American make $13, and Hispanic women make $12 when describing the average hourly wages of women; white men make $21 an hour on average (“Highlights of Women’s Earnings in 2015 : BLS Reports.”).

There have been numerous attempts to close the wage gap. Although the gap has been narrowed, it has not been closed, and is far from deterioration. One of the first attempt was made in 1963 with the Equal Pay Act. Signed into action by John F. Kennedy as part of his New Frontier programs, the EPA dissented gender-based discrimination because it lowered the standard of living that maintained a balanced health for employees. Also important was the fact that sex-based discrimination prevented the maximum labor force from being at work, which led to labor disputes. The EPA also denounced the apparent unfair competition method and burdened America’s free flow commerce. Even after its passage through legislation, and amendments including specifications of occupation, the gap has still not been closed.

Another method of attempting to close the wage gap is through the act of negotiating pay. Depending on the industry, organizations can have a set wage gap in which it is nearly impossible for women and men to be paid, which is called institutional sexism. When negotiating, women are generally worried about their reputation, both in and out of the workforce. Usually, women are timid, and discuss lower expectations, rather than being fierce and professionally demanding what benefits they would like to receive. Women fear that if they begin to ask for more money, their job will be revoked. Negotiation is extremely important, but it is also very depleting. Its upsetting that a women must present the idea of earning the same salary as her equal as an attempt to actually earn the equalized pay.

Gender occupational sorting acts as another attempt to close the wage gap. This encourages women to choose female dominated industries, therefore avoiding the wage gap because they would be working predominantly with women rather than men. Occupation sorting is performed due to societal and economic forces. Although this may logically seem to be an effective tool to decrease the wage gap, it has many drawbacks. This limits the opportunity for women in achieving higher job status, and limits them to only certain jobs. Women should be allowed to exercise their rights without detriments, just as males do. Another drawback is the wage gap that would be present in the occupation. An example that gender occupational sorting is not necessarily the best option to close the wage gap can be displayed through the United States Women’s National League filing wage discrimination against US Soccer. The women’s soccer team earned more than $20 million in revenue un 2015 and still earned only 25% of what the men's team earned. After winning the World Cup, the women earned $2 million, however the men earned $19 million for losing in the 16th round, only winning one game. "We are the best in the world, have three World Cup championships, four Olympic championships, and the [men] get paid more to just show up than we get paid to win major championships,”said USWNT veteran goalie, Hope Solo. This situation displays how gender occupational sorting has its downfalls. Women who partake in female dominated industries still have high competition with men, and do not have the opportunity for equality (“Women's National Team Files Wage-Discrimination Action vs. US Soccer Federation.”).

In August 2016, Massachusetts passed a bipartisan pay equity legislation, signed by Governor Charlie Baker, which assists to ensure equal pay for equal work. The law allows an applicant to decline including their previous salaries in an application, allows employees to freely discuss their salaries with other coworkers, and prohibits gender-based discrimination in terms of pay. ‘“The gender wage gap has a real impact on the lives of woman. It puts families at risk, and makes self-sufficiency in retirement more difficult,” said State Auditor Suzanne Bump. “I commend the Legislature and the Governor for recognizing the importance of the bill and passing it into law. This measure will ensure Massachusetts continues to be a leader in promoting equality and opportunity.”’An Act to Establish Pay Equity, the official tittle of the legislature, will go into effect own July 1, 2018 (“Governor Baker Signs Bipartisan Pay Equity Legislation.”).

Today, women only make 81 cents compared to a man’s dollar, making the wage gap 19%. Some may say that this is smaller than it has been in the past, therefore women should just be happy about what they receive. Plain and simple, it is into fair that women work just as hard, or even harder, and do not earn equal salary compared to their male coworkers. Closing the gap is progress, but progress has not ceased yet. Women must continue to fight for their rights, especially for equal pay. They are being done an injustice by being discriminated against due to their gender.

Emily Sierra's paper - Wage Gap

1. The best part about this paper is when you offered an idea about how to help fix the wage gap by having women stick to occupations that are not male dominated. In this paragraph you explained why this could potentially help solve the wage gap problem, but you also gave many drawbacks to this particular solution. Then you also included a quote from a female US soccer player that really drove your point.

2. The weakest part of your paper is when you explain education differences in men versus women. The content of this paragraph is relevant, but it feels as if you are bashing men in this section. The wage gap is a real problem, but by attacking men so ferociously, you may lose the attention of your male audience in this section. This paragraph is important to show the differences in education, but I think the overall tone in this paragraph does not match the tone of the rest of your paper.

3. Would you be able to apply more sources and data in your paper?

Are you able to interview women around the university to try and find someone who has been affected by this?

Would you consider combining the paragraphs with the stats to make one larger paragraph with all of the numerical data?

Overall I think your thesis is really strong. You obviously have a lot of passion about this topic, but it is quite a broad topic. It needs to be narrowed, but it is still strong. You also have a good start on your sources, and there is a lot of information out there to help back your thesis. It is a very good rough draft, and once the topic is refined a little more this paper will be well developed and strong.