Family Therapy paper
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Michelle Washburn-Busk, MS, LMFT
Slides adapted from Austin Beck’s
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Music
In-Class Journal
What’s a song that makes you feel happy?
What’s a song that makes you feel sad?
What’s a song that makes you feel cool?
What’s a song that makes you feel stressed out?
What’s a song that relaxes you?
In-class journal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecYgqLml89c
Write some of your thoughts and feelings down during each song, including the original.
Share in your groups.
Theoretical Basis
Origins:
Attachment is the emotional bond to a primary caregiver
In couples, attachment style is the way someone bids for intimacy
Based on patterns of emotional response from childhood
The working model of attachment
Stressor event
Fight or flight system triggered
Turn to attachment figure for support/soothing
Figure responds
Outcome = soothing or distress
Baby face video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0
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Still Face Experiment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0
Attachment Theory
Styles of Attachment
1. Secure
Views partner as trustworthy
Knows partner will respond to needs in a healthy way
2. Anxious
Views partner as inconsistent
Not sure if relationship is safe
Clingy
3. Avoidant
Views partner as unavailable/unsafe
Becoming emotionally invested is dangerous, so why bother?
Withdrawn
Based on strange situation, Ainsworth and Bowlby stuff
Styled responses to attachment threats
Anxious – up the ante - “I’ll make you respond”
Avoidant – cool your jets – “I will care less”
Fearful – chaos – “Come here, but don’t touch.” (this is often labeled as borderline)
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Therapy Based on Attachment Theory
Focuses on attachment needs and forms of engagement and disengagement
Privileges emotion
Creates the therapy session as a secure base
Shapes new bonding responses, events
Addresses impasses, attachment injuries
Gottman said: “People fight about sex, chores, parenting, money.”
Sue said: “All fights are about attachment. The fights that matter are attachment focused. Don’t get lost in the content of the fight. Rather, think about and focus on the process of attachment.
Sue Johnson on Attachment
“In relationships, feeling understood is like oxygen. If you feel misunderstood, you feel like you are suffocating.”
It’s Not about the Nail clip
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
“In relationships, feeling understood is like oxygen. If you feel like your emotions and needs are ignored or misunderstood, you feel like you are suffocating.”
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Goals of Therapy
The goals of therapy are to:
Access, expand and reorganize key emotional responses
Enhance the attachment bond
Create a shift in interactional patterns
Foster the creation of a secure bond between partners where vulnerable emotions are safe to be expressed
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Focus on the Present
EFT focuses on the here-and-now
Family of origin and past history
Only attended to as they relate to functioning in the present
Change occurs in session
Less of a focus on homework
Although couples often come up with their own homework
Mention the differences to other therapies like bowen
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Focus on Emotion
Emotion = prime player
Relationship distress
Changing that distress
“Music of the Dance” metaphor
Clients are not viewed as deficient, delayed, or unskilled. Instead, viewed as:
Having emotional needs
Getting stuck in emotional states
Developing negative cycles
No Duh, right? This is the name of the therapy!!!
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Origin of the problem
EFT believes that couples develop harmful cycles because of deprivation, isolation, and loss of secure attachment
Problems originate because of insecure attachments therefore, treatment is aimed at fostering secure attachments.
Key Emotion Concepts
Primary emotions
Core feelings
Vulnerability
Authentic/genuine
Examples:
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Shame
Loneliness
Key Emotion Concepts
Secondary emotions
Defenses of the more vulnerable primary emotions
Reactive
Examples
Anger
Jealousy
Resentment
E.g., I may feel hurt (primary) but I then feel angry (secondary) in response to the hurt.
Primary emotions generally strengthen the bond between partners
Secondary emotions tend to push partners away from each other
When you feel overwhelmed with school (primary), what is your secondary reaction?
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Vignette
Paul came home from work, slamming the front door and yelled when he accidentally tripped on some of his children’s toys on the living room carpet. Paul’s wife, Sarah, asked him why he was behaving this way. Paul slumped down on the couch, sighed, and said he was let go because the company had some budget problems. Sarah starts asking him several questions about how they were going to pay their bills, and what they should do to prepare for the future. At Sarah’s questions, Paul gets up quickly saying he “had enough” and leaves the room. Sarah quickly follows him, and says, “you always do this!”.
In-class journal: What were each of their secondary emotions?
In-class journal: What were each of their primary emotions?
Divide into groups
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Mechanisms of Change
Involve:
Identifying the negative cycles of interaction vilifying the cycle, not partner
Accessing the emotions that are both a response to and organizers of these cycles
Reprocessing these emotions to create new responses that shape secure bonding events and new cycles of trust and security
“Cleaning the wound vs. applying a Band-Aid”
(Woolley & Johnson, 2005)
EFT posits a unique change mechanism distinct from many of the other models.
Cleaning the wound vs. bandaid
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EFT Assumptions
In EFT, it is assumed that:
Once emotional bonding events occur, then
The attachment with the partner can become secure, then
The interactional cycle becomes more supportive, and finally
The couples are believed to be able to have or help each other generate the skills and insights necessary to solve their own unique problems.
Role of the Therapist
EFT therapist is NOT a:
Coach teaching communication skills
Wise creator of insight to the past
Strategist employing paradox and problem prescription
Teacher
EFT Therapist is a:
Process consultant
Choreographer
Collaborator
Interventions in EFT
Some of the interventions EFT therapists use:
reflecting emotional experience
validation
evocative responding
empathic conjecture
“Perhaps you feel like you’re not worthy of love?”
tracking, reflecting, and replaying interactions
reframing
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Sue Johnson EFT in Action
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaHms5z-yuM
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaHms5z-yuM
Interventions
Reframing
Three most commonly used reframes:
Anger is framed as attachment protest
Withdrawal is framed as fear
Cycle is framed as the enemy and the problem, rather than the partner
Enactments
Therapist structures a safe interaction where each partner can talk directly to the other
Each partner expresses attachment needs
Each partner responds to the other person’s expressed needs
Ex: “Can you turn to her and tell her, ‘I feel so helpless and defeated, I just want to run away and hide.’”
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Interventions
Heightening New Responses
Use RISSSC
R= Repetition
I = Imagery
S = Slow
S = Soft
S = Simple
C = Client’s words
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Role Play
A couple come in to see a therapist because they have been fighting more often. Most of the fights occur because they disagree about how much time they are spending with one partner’s family.
Split into groups of 3-5.
Have two people role play the couple.
Have one person role play the therapist using the RISSSC techniques.
Use RISSSC
R= Repetition
I = Imagery
S = Slow
S = Soft
S = Simple
C = Client’s words
The 3 Stages and 9 Steps of Change
There are three primary stages of the practice of EFT:
(a) cycle de-escalation,
(b) formation of new interactions
(c) consolidation/integration.
There are 9 interactive steps within these phases (Johnson, 2004).
In all of these steps, therapist moves between the following two:
Helping partners uncover and express their emotional experience
Helping partners reorganize the pattern of their interactions
The steps are not rigidly sequential, but flexible guides for the mechanism of change
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Steps of EFT
Stage1
Step 1: Exploration of conflict issues and building a strong alliance.
Step 2: Identify the negative interactional cycle fueling couple distress.
Step 3: Access core emotions underlying the interactional cycle.
Step 4: Reframe the problem in terms of the interactional cycle in response to unmet attachment need.
Stage 2
Step 5: Identification with own attachment needs and emotions.
Step 6: Promoting acceptance of partner’s emotional experience.
Step 7: Expression of needs and wants/creation of bonding events.
Stage 3
Step 8: New solutions to old problems.
Step 9: Consolidating new positions and cycles.
At step 4, help couple to unite against the enemy: the cycle
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Stage 1
The first stage is cycle de-escalation and includes steps 1-4 in the change process.
The main objectives of Stage 1 are to:
assess the couple’s perceptions of the presenting problem
develop a solid therapeutic alliance
gather relationship history that could be influencing their interaction patterns
uncover the negative cycle of interaction that is leading to the couple distress.
Stage 1
Step 1: Exploration of conflict issues and building a strong alliance.
Gathers relationship history.
Joining by validating
Observation of cycle
Step 2: Identify the negative interactional cycle fueling couple distress.
Step 3: Access core emotions underlying the interactional cycle.
Validation
Empathic reflection
Step 2: For example, a wife could be perceived by her husband as verbally attacking him and he may then withdraw in response to her attack.
She could then respond by increasing the intensity of her verbal attacks because he is withdrawing.
The two have begun the cycle of responding based on their interpretation of the actions of their partner.
Step 3: Let’s assume her verbal attack touched on a deep-seated fear that he is a failure as a husband. In response to this fear, he becomes angry and tells himself that he is not a good husband. He then withdraws from his wife in response to him viewing himself as a failure. In turn, his wife views this withdrawal and has an emotional response of her own that influences her subsequent behavior.
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Interaction Cycle (Scott Woolley)
Behavior
Behavior
Perceptions/Attributions
Perceptions/Attributions
Secondary Emotion
Secondary Emotion
Primary Emotion
Primary Emotion
Unmet Attachment Needs
Unmet Attachment Needs
Partner 1
Partner 2
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Interaction Cycle (Scott Woolley)
Withdraw
Verbal Attack
“My husband is scary”
“I’m a terrible husband”
Anger
Anger
Fear
Abandonment
She wants protection & safety
He wants acceptance & to be loved
Mary
Kevin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn3I6-DBLJM (The Breakup Clip with couple fighting)
Class will discuss the cycle based on the clip
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Pursue withdraw
Most cycles have some element of pursuit and withdraw patterns – where do you see these for Mary & Kevin?
Three Major Shifts clients make in EFT
Negative cycle de-escalation at the end of the first stage of therapy.
Withdrawer engagement in stage two of therapy.
Blamer softening in stage two of therapy.
Stage 1
Step 4: Reframe the problem in terms of the interactional cycle.
Relabeling and reframing to understand emotional needs in the cycle.
Both the individual and the partner can start responding to these main emotions.
Externalize the problem to view the main issue as the negative cycle, not as the uncaring husband or critical wife.
Stage 2
Stage 2 is the formation of new interactions.
Now that the negative cycle has been identified, a healthier cycle can be created that promotes secure attachment.
This is accomplished as the couple moves through steps 5-7.
Stage 2
Step 5: Identification with own attachment needs and emotions.
Each individual takes responsibility for their part in their cycle.
The couple reveals their attachment needs and emotional responses to their partner.
Step 6: Promoting acceptance of partner’s emotional experience.
In this step, the couple is responding to the unseen emotional causes of behavior rather than responding to the behavior that can be seen on the surface.
It’s like addressing the underlying cause instead of treating the observable symptoms (Johnson, 2004).
Step 7: Expression of needs and wants/creation of bonding events.
Safe expression of emotion leads to deepening connection and responsiveness of partner
Step 5: In the example, this would involve the husband discussing his fear that he is a failure as a husband and the subsequent behaviors that result. “I withdraw because I’m afraid that I failed as a husband.”
Step 6: This would involve the wife being able to express that she believes and accepts what her husband is expressing related to his deep seated fear of failure rather than criticizing his behavior.
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Stage 3
Stage 3 is Consolidation/Integration.
Changes in session changes in daily routine
Stage 3
Step 8: New solutions to old problems.
Healthier style has been created
The couple has a more secure bond from which the couple can explore future problems
More effective responses
Step 9: Consolidating new positions and cycles.
Couple can articulate the changes they have made
Chances that they will revert back to old patterns of interaction are decreased
The partners are aware of the new positions they hold in the interaction cycle and how each person has a specific role in maintaining the progress gained through therapy