Editing Excercise

Attached below are two paragraphs taken from an actual student paper. Your job is to edit and annotate the large host of problems within these two paragraphs. You will not rewrite the paragraphs; rather, this is an exercise in editing at the paragraph level, so all you are expected to do is to note where problems exist in the paragraphs and indicate in some way why that area you’ve flagged is faulty. This assignment is intended to be an exercise that promotes two important areas of writing: 1) the close review and assessment of ideas, and 2) an understanding of how and why writing is problematic.

There are a multitude of errors in the passage. Some are relatively small in quantitative size, but such errors may have huge qualitative effects. For example, at several points the author uses an individual word that is simply not the right choice for his/her discussion, and the word the author employs can create a vastly different effect for the reader than the author presumably intended. There may also be entire sentences that are convoluted and difficult to understand because of the phrasing or lack of contextual/explanatory detail. Likewise, some sentences may not logically follow previous ideas, and there may be structural flaws as well. There can even be errors within errors, such as faulty word choice within a grammatically incorrect sentence. Also, look specifically for errors in the presentation of ideas as based on our established notion of how to construct a unified paragraph.

When analyzing the paragraphs, be on the lookout for the following:

· Spelling errors

· Grammatical errors

· Punctuation errors

· Loose/awkward phrasing

· Poor word choice

· Underdeveloped and/or incomplete ideas

· Illogical progression of ideas (may be a result of the previous)

· Paragraph unity and cohesion

· Formatting

· Integration of quoted or paraphrased material

· Citation formatting

This is not necessarily an exhaustive list, so there may be other types of errors present that are not listed here. For a more detailed list of potential errors, review “the top twenty” on pages 1-12 of The St. Martin’s Handbook.

You have three options for making your revisions. In the first version, make your revisions in text by typing your annotations in a different color font immediately following the perceived error. (When you’re ready to add in an annotation, simply click on font color on the tool bar; red is the easiest to see.) Here is an example:

There are a multitude of error subject-verb agreement in the passage [missing period] Some are a relatively thing vague word [an adjective is missing there], but such errors are importint spelling [how are they important?]. For example, at several points the author uses, comma splice an individual word that is simply not the right choice for his/her discussion. Grammar is important [word choice was the topic—how does grammar fit into this? Illogical!]; the word the author employs can create a vastly differnent spelling effect on the reader than the author presumably intended.

For the second option, you may use the Track Changes tool found in Word, annotate the text thus, and submit it a Word document. For the third option, if you would prefer to actually work with a hard copy, you may edit the paragraphs by hand and submit a PDF of the assignment.

This assignment will be worth 50 points, and will be due at the date/time identified in the Module 3 overview.

Women and men respond differently to alcohol consumption. “Premenstrual hormonal changes cause intoxication to set in faster during the days right before a woman gets her period. Birth control pills or other medication with estrogen will slow down the rate at which alcohol is eliminated from the body.”(Alcohol and Your Body). Men can typically handle more alcohol than women. A woman does not have as many liver enzymes to break down the alcohol so it takes women longer to decompose alcohol than men. Men are made of more water than women so men are more capable of diluting alcohol more quickly. It is recommended that women drink more slowly than men. Women are more susceptible to rape when heavily intoxicated; the majority of rape cases include alcohol. “At least 1 out of 5 college students abandon safer sex practices when they’re drunk, even if they do protect themselves when they’re sober.” (Risks and Realities)

Before alcohol begins to control a person’s life, there are numerous ways to prevent alcoholism. When a person drinks, he can set limits on his intake to keep control. Also, a person could alternate an alcoholic drink with a non alcoholic drink so their body is not completely absorbed with alcohol Slowing down a person’s intake can help their body to digest the alcohol more efficiently. A person could always choose abstinence from alcohol as an easy alternative. A few tips to abstain from drinking include: drink water first, take a certain amount of money, keep drink records, eat beforehand, and set a certain time to stop drinking. Any person who drinks whether of the legal drinking age or not, should have a designated driver for the safety of, not only themselves, but other as well. Drinking and driving is harmful because alcohol consumption causes loss of motor skills and coordination, therefore, putting their lives in danger by being behind the wheel.