Cybercrimes 2

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

Paper Title: Week 5 English Draft

No. of Pages: 4

Paper Style: MLA Paper Type: Research

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No

Feedback Areas: Topic Development, Paper Format

Paper Goals: Please review my paper and post feedback. Thanks in advance. English 111 Assignment

Review Summary:

Hi Antwan,

My name is Maria, and I really enjoyed reading your essay today.

Strengths:

You did a really good job of utilizing specific examples as evidentiary information to support your claims about

cybercrime in this essay; this enabled you to write authoritatively about this topic. Additionally, you did a really

good job of employing an active writing voice in this essay; this enabled you to communicate your ideas more

directly. Good work in this essay!

Areas for Improvement:

While you have written a strong thesis, you should utilize the topic sentence of each body paragraph to

directly address and support a different specific element of your thesis. In other words, you should

utilize the topic sentence of each body paragraph to propose a secondary argument that explicitly

supports the primary argument contained in the thesis. Doing this will enable you to reemphasize your

primary argument more consistently throughout your essay, and this will improve the overall

organization and focus of your essay. In this essay, you should use the topic sentence of each body

paragraph to identify a specific effect of cybercrime that was first introduced in your thesis. Additionally,

you should utilize the first sentence of the concluding paragraph to restate your thesis as this will

enable you to reemphasize your primary argument at the end of your essay before utilizing the

remainder of the conclusion to consolidate the information presented in the body paragraphs and to

bring your essay to an effective close. In this essay, you should use the first sentence of the concluding

paragraph to reiterate the specific effects of cybercrime.

You can also return to the Paper Center for additional reviews of your work. As always, feel free to

join a Live Tutoring session for immediate feedback, including for any questions that you may

have regarding the review of this paper.

Thanks for using NetTutor, and keep up the good work!

page 1 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

This is a strong and

specific thesis. Good work!

page 2 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

This paragraph is a

little long, and it

covers multiple

interrelated topics.

You should consider

separating this

longer paragraph

into several shorter

paragraphs, with

each shorter

paragraph serving

to examine a

different element of

the topic presented

in the longer

paragraph. Analyzing

interrelated, yet

unidentical,

elements of your

topic in separate

paragraphs will

improve the

organization of

your essay, in

addition to making

each individual

paragraph more

comprehensible

and digestible for

the reader.

page 3 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

While you

have written a

strong thesis,

you should

utilize the topic

sentence of

each body

paragraph to

directly address

and support a

different

specific element

of your thesis.

In other words,

you should

utilize the topic

sentence of

each body

paragraph to

propose a

secondary

argument that

explicitly

supports the

primary argument

contained in

the thesis.

Doing this will

enable you to

reemphasize

your primary

argument more

consistently

throughout

your essay,

and this will

improve the

overall organization

and focus of

your essay. In

this essay, you

should use the

topic sentence

of each body

paragraph to

identify a

specific effect

of cybercrime

that was first

introduced in

your thesis.

page 4 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

Additionally,

you should

utilize the

first sentence

of the concluding

paragraph to

restate your

thesis as this

will enable

you to reemphasize

your primary

argument at

the end of

your essay

before utilizing

the remainder

of the conclusion

to consolidate

the information

presented in

the body

paragraphs

and to bring

your essay

to an effective

close. In this

essay, you

should use

the first

sentence of

the concluding

paragraph to

reiterate the

specific

effects of

cybercrime.

page 5 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021 page 6 / 7

Reviewed Paper: ntp1350785 - Mon Nov 15 22:28:38 EST 2021

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