Circle time
trainedthoughts
Draft_wb5ntp876559.docxProofed Paper: ntp876559 - Thu Apr 9 11:00:08 EDT 2020
page 1 / 6
Proofed Paper: ntp876559 - Thu Apr 9 11:00:08 EDT 2020
page 1 / 6
Proofed Paper: ntp876559 - Thu Apr 9 11:00:08 EDT 2020
page 1 / 6
Paper Title:
No. of Pages: 1200
Paper Style: MLA Paper Type: Persuasive/Argumentative
Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No
Feedback Areas: Focus/Thesis Statement, Transitions & Fluency
Paper Goals: Revising and improving before final draft paper
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Proofing Summary: Hello, Thank you for submitting your essay to NetTutor. I’m Henry, and it was my pleasure to review your work. Strengths: You have done a nice job of developing your body paragraphs. The essay is well-organized and the grammar is great. This essay is on the right track. Suggestions: Focus on word choice. There are some awkward word choices in this essay. You can usually fix these by reading the paper out loud, preferably to someone else (you can also have the other person read it out loud). If anything sounds odd when it is read out loud, then this is usually a sign that you should change that section. In general, you should try to convey your points in a clear and concise manner: do not use a word just because it is more complex. Use the word that most accurately conveys your idea. The first instances of repeated issues are pointed out, and suggestions for corrections to be made are given where possible. Please use your writing resources as well as the given suggestions for corrections to help make revisions and improve your writing. You can also return to the Paper Center for additional reviews of your work. As always, feel free to join a Live Tutoring Session with a tutor to receive immediate feedback on any additional questions you may have, including any questions you may have on the review of this paper. Keep up the good work, and thanks for using NetTutor! |
Good thesis! It summarizes your coverage of the topic in this paper.
Good introduction. The
grammar is good and it
is focused on introducing
the topic of the essay.
It is generally a good idea to use clear
and concise language over more
complex language. Some of the words
here are imprecise or awkwardly used.
Use the author name in this citation if it is
available. If not, you should put the article
title in quotation marks.
This is not a verb, so do not
treat it like one. It is a noun.
"Juniors" is an odd word to
use when referring to
children in general. You
should also consider
specifying what these vices are.
Consider putting the adverb
phrase beginning with
"especially" after the part of the
sentence that it modifies.
It is not clear what
"the same" refers
to. You should be
more specific here.
Also consider
using a pronoun instead.
It is unclear who "they" refers to. This
is the topic sentence that establishes
the topic of the paragraph, so it should
use nouns to introduce its subject and
object rather than pronouns, which
rely on an established topic.
You should use a grammar article (a, an,
the) before this singular noun.
So far, the grammar in
your body paragraphs has
been very good. The body
paragraphs are also well-developed.
A new clause does not begin here,
so do not use a comma.
http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/commas.ht
Good conclusion! It wraps up the main ideas of the essay.
Make sure that you follow title capitalization rules
for your journal and article titles.
This is sentence capitalization
(
only the start of the title and proper nouns
are capitalized)
This Is Title Capitalization
(
all verbs and nouns are capitalized
)
This is the name of the news
website. You need to include the
author name and article title for this article.
You should also
include the
publication date.
