Significant Endeavor Essay

Surname 1

Lazaro Cepero

Dr. Kelly Kennedy

ENC-1102

04/20/2021

Significant Endeavor Essay (ONLY 218 WORDS- This is not enough. It needs more detail)

I excited that we were going on vacation and the opportunity I would have to interact with new people both from our country and from other countries. Least did we know that the worst could happen. Comment by Dr. E E: I was excited….and about the opportunity…Little did I know that the worst was about to happen.

One of our members developed some health complications and we thought we could manage it using pain relievers. However, they failed and he needed to be rushed to hospital. Comment by Dr. E E: …this was not enough, and…

Unfortunately he was diagnosed with kidney failure. We faced two problems, one there was no blood in the hospital and even if we donated the blood, there was no a dialysis machine. Our colleague had to wait till the following week when the machine will be returned. Comment by Dr. E E: New sentence Comment by Dr. E E: Remove Comment by Dr. E E: Until

Although our organization transferred the patient to a private facility we had to look for a long term solution. We organized a fund drive that was aimed at purchasing blood donation kits and dialysis machine for public hospitals in the area. Our organization also agreed to fund the project having been affected by the issue. Comment by Dr. E E: comma Comment by Dr. E E: hyphen Comment by Dr. E E: plural

Using the expertise and experience I had gained in my organization, I was able to convince members of the community to donate. 20 hospitals were equipped with dialysis machines and 1000 blood transfusion kits each. I am happy that patients who need these equipment will no longer suffer in the future. Comment by Dr. E E: Can’t begin a sentence with a numeral. Spell it out. Comment by Dr. E E: Equipment is a non-count noun. Use this Comment by Dr. E E: As stated, you are supposed to get as close as possible to 500 words. This is too short and lacks detail. The hook should be more specific and intriguing.