assignment 7

Supplemental notes, Family Relations, L.F. Massey, Ph.D.

DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

My reason for posting a question on divorce in Assignment 7 is that it is a major concern to many sincere Christians, and in our culture almost everyone has been hurt by it, one way or another.

Some of you were unaware of harsh church rule on this until I posted this question. Allow me to share an example. Years ago, when I was a young minister in a very conservative church, I was present when an older minister conducted a pre-baptismal interview of a middle aged couple. They openly said they had each been married before, and now had been married to each other for about eight years and had a son. The minister asked them some very personal questions, and concluded that neither of them had divorced for “biblical grounds” (referring to the “fornication” mentioned in Matthew 19:1-12), and therefore he said they were not free to remarry. He said that before this church would accept them and allow them to be baptized, they had to break up, try to go back to their previous partners, and if that was not possible, they would have to vow to live as celibates. He said the legality of their current marriage was irrelevant. In God’s eyes (so he said) they were living in a state of adultery. And true repentance means “stop sinning.” So to be Christians, they had to first give up this “sinful relationship.” They went away in tears, and I went away angry. I could not see how that could be God’s way of dealing with human problems.

The subject of divorce and remarriage is a very sensitive and difficult subject. Traditionally, Christians derive their beliefs about the sanctity of marriage from Genesis 2, referred to by both Jesus and Paul. Christians typically believe that marriage is a divine institution, sealed by God, a commitment for life, and the two partners become as one flesh. Divorce is not God's plan.

However, divorce happens. It was common in ancient Israel. It was common in other ancient cultures too. And in the Hebrew Bible (the Christian Old Testament) provision is made for divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 as part of the Law of Moses. The grounds for divorce, and legal issues related to remarriage, were a controversial issue even among Jesus' contemporaries (positions stated in writings by Rabbis Shammai and Hillel). People asked Jesus questions about this to see which view he would support.

Comments made by Jesus appear in four texts. The two long ones are Matthew 19:3-12 and Mark 10: 2-12, and the shorter statements are in Matthew 5:31-32 and Luke 16:18. However, these two long texts differ, and should be carefully examined to determine exactly what Jesus really said, and how his words might have application in a social and ecclesiastical context. In essence, Mark has Jesus saying that that the Mosaic clause was a concession, but divorce was not the plan from the beginning. He said that when you divorce and remarry, you commit adultery. No excuses.

It is interesting that nowhere in these Gospel texts does Jesus suggest or give permission for a woman to divorce her husband, under any circumstances. These statements are all about men divorcing wives. The reason for that is that in ancient Israel women could not divorce their husbands. Furthermore, the entire debate among the rabbis hinges on one term in Deuteronomy 24 which defined the grounds for a man to divorce his wife and marry another, but the Law of Moses did not allow women to divorce husbands under any circumstances. So, for the church to do so, while claiming to derive its rules from Jesus’ teaching here, is highly inconsistent and poor hermeneutics at best.

The Roman Catholic Church has had traditional rules on this for centuries, and many Protestant churches have followed along, with certain modifications. Some churches do not allow divorce, for any reason, and if someone gets a divorce the result is some form of rejection or repudiation, perhaps the denial of fellowship or exclusion from teaching and positions of leadership. In some churches, anyone who is divorced and then marries another person is considered an adulterer, and is not admitted into fellowship. If such people are admitted, they might not be permitted to teach or serve in any position of leadership. Some churches allow divorce for adultery (based on the passages above) but will not allow remarriage for the one who is guilty of adultery. That person has to stay single. The “innocent” party, thy say, is allowed to remarry.

But looking critically at both scripture and church doctrine, there is no just basis for the church denying fellowship to people because of their marital problems. Nor is there a basis for harsh reaction or punitive measures when divorce occurs.

Of course, when conflicts arise, preserving marriage (avoiding divorce) is generally considered to be ideal. But that is easy for any outsider to say about someone else’s situation. Thinking that we can solve all the current divorce problems by reminding young couples to take marriage seriously is naïve and simplistic.

So, since churches are faced with enormous numbers of their own people getting divorces, remarrying, and wanting to remain active in church, how should churches respond? By traditional rules, based on their interpretation of scripture, some churches would reject half the current adult population of the USA, should they want to join. Why? Because they simply don’t fit the standard. They have a lifestyle that renders them unsuitable for church membership. They are living in sin.

However, many Christians recognize that such a position cannot be the will of God or the way of Christ. People who have made mistakes, even the most serious ones, should find in the church a haven of rest, acceptance, recovery, participation, and even active ministry. And since church rules have been based more on what we think are the implications of Jesus’ teachings, we should rethink our position. Many people have suffered a lifetime of remorse, guilt, and isolation because of a failed marriage. This does not harmonize with Jesus’ words “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden.” If former sins were grounds for denying membership, or for denying leadership positions in the church, where would the Apostle Paul be in today’s Christian world?