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Interpersonal Messages Fourth Edition Joseph A. DeVito

Chapter 4

Listening in Interpersonal Communication

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Chapter Objectives After reading this chapter, you should be able to:

4.1 Define listening and its five stages and describe the ways you can increase listening accuracy at each of these stages.

4.2 Describe the four major barriers to effective listening, and explain how you can improve effectiveness in your own listening.

4.3 Define the four style of listening and explain how each may be used effectively.

4.4 Explain the major cultural and gender differences found in listening and their influence on interpersonal listening.

The Stages of Listening (1 of 6) 4.1 Define listening and its five stages and describe the ways you can increase listening accuracy at each of these stages.

Five Stages of Listening

Receiving

Understanding

Remembering

Evaluating

Responding

Figure 4.1 The Five Stages of Listening

The Stages of Listening (2 of 6)

Receiving

Speakers send both verbal and nonverbal messages

Receive messages more effectively by:

Focusing attention

Eliminating interruptions

Avoiding assumptions

Improving communication between people with and without hearing disorders

Set up a comfortable context

Avoid overlapping speech

Use common terms

VIEWPOINTS Hedging

Research shows that hedging reflects negatively on both male and female speakers when it indicates a lack of certainty or conviction resulting from some inadequacy on the speaker’s part (Pearson, West, & Turner, 1995). The hedging will be more positively received, however, if listeners feel it reflects the speaker’s belief that tentative statements are the only kinds a person can reasonably make.

What have your experiences been with hedging? How do you respond when someone uses a hedge? How do others respond when you use hedges?

The Stages of Listening (3 of 6)

Understanding

For better understanding:

Consider the speaker’s point of view

Rephrase or paraphrase

Ask questions

The Stages of Listening (4 of 6)

Remembering

Effective listening involves ability to recall details

Short-term memory

Long-term memory

Strengthening long-term memory

Focus on central ideas

Organize and categorize

Unite new and old information

Repeat names and key concepts

short-term memory: the memory you use to remember information you need immediately or temporarily

VIEWPOINTS False Memory Syndrome

The term false memory syndrome refers to a phenomenon in which you “remember” past experiences that never actually occurred (Loftus, 2004), a situation depicted here from the 1995 movie Indictment: The McMartin Trial. Most of the studies of false memory syndrome have focused on erroneous recollections of abuse and other traumatic experiences. Sometimes these false memories are implanted by therapists and interviewers, whose persistent questioning over a period of time can create such a realistic scenario that you come to believe these things actually occurred (Porter, Brit, Yuille, & Lehman, 2000).

In what other ways can false memory syndrome occur and create problems?

false memory syndrome: refers to a phenomenon in which you “remember” past experiences that never actually occurred

The Stages of Listening (5 of 6)

Evaluating

Judging messages in some way

Evaluate effectively by:

Avoid evaluating until you understand the speaker’s point of view

Assume the speaker is a person of goodwill

Distinguish facts from opinions

The Stages of Listening (6 of 6)

Responding

Occurs in two forms:

Responses made while the speaker is talking (backchanneling cues)

Responses made after the speaker has stopped talking

Express support and understanding

Use varied cues that say “I’m listening”

Use your own responses

Avoid the common problem-causing listening responses

backchanneling cues: messages (words and gestures) that let the speaker know you’re paying attention, as when you nod in agreement or say, “I see” or “Uh-huh.”

Listening Barriers (1 of 4) 4.2 Describe the four major barriers to effective listening, and explain how you can improve effectiveness in your own listening.

Distractions: Physical and Mental

Physical barriers include hearing impairment, noisy environment, or loud music

Mental distractions include distracting thoughts

Listening Barriers (2 of 4)

Biases and Prejudices

You hear what the speaker is saying through stereotypes

Occurs in a wide variety of situations

Listening Barriers (3 of 4)

Lack of Appropriate Focus

Stay focused on main ideas

Wait until the speaker is finished before formulating a response

Listening Barriers (4 of 4)

Premature Judgment

Assuming you know what the speaker is going to say

Drawing conclusions or judgments on incomplete evidence

VIEWPOINTS Listening Barriers

The four barriers discussed here are certainly not the only ones that get in the way of effective listening.

What other types of barriers can you identify?

Put differently, in what types of interpersonal situations do you have difficulty listening?

Four Listening Styles (1 of 5) 4.3 Define the four styles of listening and explain how each may be used effectively

Listening is situational

Adjust listening based on:

Your purposes

Your knowledge of an relationship to the other person

Four Listening Styles (2 of 5)

Empathic Listening

Important to adjust your empathic and objective focus

Be careful to avoid creating “dividing lines” or losing control over your feelings

Do:

See from the speaker’s point of view

Engage in equal, two-way conversation

Seek to understand thoughts and feelings

empathic listening: to understand on an emotional level the meanings of the other person

Four Listening Styles (3 of 5)

Polite Listening

Often thought of as exclusive function of speaker

May also be signaled through listening

Supporting speaker’s positive and negative face needs include:

Avoid interrupting the speaker

Give supportive listening clues

Show empathy with speaker

Maintain eye contact

Give positive feedback

polite listening: to be supportive and encourage the speaker to communicate

Four Listening Styles (4 of 5)

Critical Listening

Exercise critical evaluation or judgment

Keep an open mind

Avoid filtering out or oversimplifying complex messages

Recognize your own biases

Combat the tendency to sharpen

Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages

Watch out for language fallacies

critical listening: to separate truth from falsehood, accuracy from inaccuracy

VIEWPOINTS Politeness in Social Media

Much of the thinking and research on listening and politeness has focused on them as face-to-face communication skills.

How would you describe listening politeness on the phone or on social network sites? Are the same principles applicable, or do we need an entirely different set to describe social networking listening politeness?

Four Listening Styles (5 of 5)

Active Listening

One of most important communication skills

Functions:

Check understanding

Acknowledge and accept speaker’s feelings

Stimulates speaker to explore feelings and thoughts

Techniques of active listening

Paraphrase the speaker’s meaning

Express understanding of the speaker’s feelings

Ask questions

active listening: to check your understanding, to acknowledge your acceptance of the other person’s feelings, and to stimulate the speaker to talk about as needed

Listening, Culture, and Gender (1 of 2) 4.4 Explain the major cultural and gender differences found in listening and their influence on interpersonal listening

Culture and Listening

Culture in which you were raised will influence listening in:

Language and speech (idolect)

Direct and indirect speech

Accents

Nonverbal differences (display rules)

Feedback

direct speech: say what you mean and mean what you say

indirect speech: emphasizes politeness and maintaining a positive public image rather than literal truth

VIEWPOINTS Gender Differences

A popular belief is that men listen in the way they do to prove themselves superior and that women listen as they do to ingratiate themselves. Although there is no evidence to show that these beliefs are valid, they persist in the assumptions that people make.

What do you believe accounts for the differences in the way men and women listen?

Listening, Culture, and Gender (2 of 2)

Gender and Listening

Men and women learn different styles of listening

Rapport and report talk

Listening cues

Amounts and purposes of listening

Gender differences are changing rapidly

Differences outnumbered by similarities