descriptive essay

desc by Doreen Williams

FILE

TIME SUBMITTED 05-FEB-2021 08:29AM (UTC-0500)

SUBMISSION ID 1502295456

WORD COUNT 307

CHARACTER COUNT 1473

DLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_1362562276.PERSONALEXPERIENCE.EDITE D1.DOCX (16.04K)

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

FINAL GRADE

1/1 desc GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor Doreen,

You've included a topic sentence that previews the location, used appropriate narrative transitions to organize the paragraph, and used logical organization throughout the paragraph.

Please use more specific directional phrases and descriptive language as indicated in the comments. There are also minor language and punctuation errors.

Overall, this is good work.--AST

PAGE 1

*Hi!* Hi!

I look forward to reading your essay.--AST

Comment 1 | Format Use plain font instead of bold.

→description thesis/TS Thesis that references all five senses and identifies the scene included.

Misplaced/Dangling Modifier | Grammar The noun should be immediately followed or preceded by the phrase that modifies it to avoid misunderstanding. See this site for tips: http://www.chompchomp.com/rules/modifierrules.htm

, MIA | Punctuation missing comma See this site for tips on spotting them: https://www.turnitin.com/pd/static/build/handbook_viewer/handbooks/Descriptive/mechanics/Missing%20Comma.html

Awk. | Grammar

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

Awkward: The expression or construction is cumbersome or difficult to read. Consider rewriting.

Tense Shift | Grammar Tense Shift: Verb tenses should be consistent throughout your writing in order to make it clear when an action takes place. You will confuse your readers by switching from one tense to another within the same sentence or paragraph. When discussing literature or a published source document of some kind, readers expect you to use the present tense, even though the source you're writing about may have been written many years ago. When writing an essay about historical events, however, readers generally expect that you use the past tense.Tense Shift

descriptive transitions | Transitions

Use narrative transitions to relate the events to each other.

Example: First, we went to see the tigers. After thirty minutes with the big cats, we moved on to the apes.

Use directional phrases to orient the reader spatially.

Example: We entered the zoo from the north gate. After going through the entrance, we made a hard left to get our trolley tokens.

Additional Comment Use directional phrases to make the description more concrete.

Good description Excellent use of concrete description here and throughout.

→apply The marked errors occur throughout the essay. Only the first instance is marked, so be sure to find and correct all instances of the error if this is a rough draft.

narr. transition The transition logically connects one part of the narrative to another.

unnecessary comma(s) Avoid unnecessary commas. See http://www.dailywritingtips.com/punctuation-mistakes-1-unnecessary-commas/

descriptive language | Language Use specific, concrete, sensory details that appeal to all five senses. Avoid using generic or abstract description.

Abstract/generic description: The smell of love was in the air. I felt moved.

Concrete, sensory description: The sickly, sweet smell of the roses overpowered my senses, and the

QM

QM

hair stood up on my arms when I first saw Pat walk into the room.

Comment 2 | Language typo

Good conclusion The conclusion reiterates the thesis and provides closure.

Congrats! Congratulations! You have a full draft!

RUBRIC: ENG101 V6: DESCRIPTIVE DRAFT

THESIS (30%)

POINTS (0)

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

TRANSITIONS (30%)

POINTS (0)

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

LANGUAGE (10%)

4.10 / 5

5 / 5

Thesis, central idea, audience, purpose, digressions

Thesis is neither present nor implied at any point in the submission. None of the senses are described in the thesis or paragraph. The paper fails to create a cohesive, single- focused paragraph.

Lacks an identifiable thesis. One or none of the senses are described. Readers cannot discern the essay’s central idea.

Thesis was attempted but unclear and/or inconsistently addressed. Two or three senses are described in the paragraph. Central idea either lacking or inconsistently addressed.

Thesis is identifiable, but perhaps too narrow, too broad, or otherwise problematic. Three or four senses are described throughout. Digression from central idea may occur.

Thesis is established and is consistently addressed throughout most of the paragraph. Four or five senses are described in the paragraph. Central idea is clear and maintained in most of the essay.

Thesis is clearly established and maintained throughout the paragraph. All five senses are described in the essay. Central idea/focus maintained throughout.

3.50 / 5

Directional phrases

In addition to missing directional transitions or general transitional phrases, the sentences and ideas stray from one to the next, presenting an overall lack of flow and continuity.

Readers cannot envision the experience because of the lack of transitions and/or directional phrases.

Readers have trouble envisioning some parts of the experience due to below-average use of transitions and directional phrases.

Readers may have trouble envisioning some parts of the experience due to average-level use of transitions and directional phrases.

Readers can mostly envision the experience due to use of good transitions and directional phrases.

Readers can fully envision the experience due to excellent use of transitions and directional phrases.

4 / 5

Word choice, repetition, redundancy, awkwardness, article misuse, wrong word form (their/there, etc.), typos/misspellings, vocabulary

POINTS (0)

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

GRAMMAR (10%)

POINTS (0)

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

PUNCTUATION (10%)

POINTS (0)

May contain more than 8 errors in word choice, wordiness, redundancy, or awkwardness. May contain more than 8 errors in inappropriate language for academic audience. Fails to demonstrate clarity in most sentences throughout the paper. The lack of lucidity makes it difficult for the reader to determine the paper’s focus.

Contains 6 or more errors in word choice, wordiness, redundancy, or awkwardness. Contains repetitive, incorrect, and/or insufficient sentence structure and/or limited vocabulary.

Contains 4 – 5 errors in word choice, wordiness, redundancy, or awkwardness. Demonstrates competency with language use but sentence constructions and vocabulary may be limited or repetitive.

Contains 2 – 3 errors in word choice, wordiness, redundancy, or awkwardness. Demonstrates sufficient knowledge and skill with varied sentence construction and vocabulary. Unnecessary repetition is minor.

Contains 1 error in word choice, wordiness, redundancy, or awkwardness. Demonstrates sufficient knowledge and skill with varied sentence construction and vocabulary. Unnecessary repetition is minor.

Contains no errors in word choice, repetition, redundancy, awkwardness, etc. Not only avoid errors but employs vivid, fresh, and original expression.

3.50 / 5

Fragments, subject-verb agreement, verb tense errors, verb form errors, run-ons, pronoun agreement

Contains more than 7 different grammar errors. The identical 5+ errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains more than 5 different grammar errors. The identical 3 – 4 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 4 – 5 different grammar errors. The identical 2 – 3 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 2 – 3 different grammar errors. The identical 1 – 2 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 1 grammar error, which may be repeated throughout the essay.

Contains either no grammar errors, or 1 – 2 different errors with no repetition.

4 / 5

Comma errors, comma splices, apostrophe errors, capitalization errors, semicolon errors, colon errors

Contains more than 7 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical 5+ errors may be repeated throughout.

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

FORMAT (10%)

POINTS (0)

POINTS (2)

POINTS (3)

POINTS (3.50)

POINTS (4)

POINTS (5)

Contains more than 5 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical 3 – 4 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 4 – 5 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical 2 – 3 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 2 – 3 different punctuation/capitalization errors. The identical 1 – 2 errors may be repeated throughout.

Contains 1 punctuation/capitalization error, which may be repeated throughout the essay.

Contains either no punctuation/capitalization error, or 1 – 2 different errors with no repetition.

4 / 5

heading, title, margins, spacing, length*, underlined thesis, *Length for descriptive paragraph is 15 sentences minimum.

Format or word minimum is completely lacking. Formatting may be missing five or more elements (either no title, incomplete heading, inappropriate spacing or margins, and/or thesis not underlined). Essay is severely underdeveloped, such that it includes only a couple sentences.

Doesn’t meet formatting requirements. Formatting may be missing four or more elements (either no title, incomplete heading, inappropriate spacing or margins, thesis not underlined). Length may not meet minimum requirements.

Doesn’t meet most formatting requirements. Formatting may be missing three elements (either no title, incomplete heading, inappropriate spacing or margins, thesis not underlined). Length may not meet minimum requirements

Meets some formatting requirements. Formatting may be missing two elements (either no title, incomplete heading, inappropriate spacing or margins, thesis not underlined). Length may not meet minimum requirements (an essay that does not meet length minimum will score no higher than 3 in this category)

Meets most formatting requirements. Formatting may be missing one element (either no title, incomplete heading, inappropriate spacing or margins, thesis not underlined). Length for descriptive paragraph is 15 sentences minimum.

Meets all requirements. Formatting is appropriate in terms of heading, title, margins, spacing, underlining thesis. Length for descriptive paragraph is 15 sentences minimum.