Practice Writing: The Paramedic Method 

A CURE FOR WORDINESS RICHARD LANHAM'S PARAMEDIC METHOD FOR SICK

SENTENCES

“No student these days feels comfortable writing simply “Jim kicks Bill.” The system seems to require something like “One can easily see that a kicking situation is taking place between Bill and Jim.” Or, “This is the kind of situation in which Jim is a kicker and Bill is a kickee.”

These sentences are “assembled from strings of prepositional phrases glued together by that all- purpose epoxy “is.” In each case the sentence's verbal force has been shunted into a noun and for a verb we make do with “is,” the weakest verb in the language. Such sentences project no life, no vigour. They just “are.” And the “is” generates those strings of prepositional phrases fore and aft.''

“It's so easy to fix. Look for the real action. Ask yourself, who's kicking who? (Yes, I know it should be whom but doesn't it sound stilted?)''

“If you've not paid attention to your own writing before, think of a “lard” factor of 1/3 to 1/2 as normal, and don't stop revising until you've removed it. Prose, unlike beefsteak, does not become more choice when marbled with fat.”

ARE YOUR SENTENCES SICK?

1. Underline the prepositions. (by, with, to, in, on, from, of. etc.)

2. Circle ALL the ``is'' forms (is, are, shall be, to be, was, has been, being, etc.).

A spotty page suggests they are.

THE CURE

1. Ask ``who is kicking who?'' (In every sentence someone or something is doing something. . Find the real action.)

2. Put this action into a simple, active verb.

3. Ask ``who?'' or what?'' to find the subject of this verb.

4. Put the subject and verb first, and rewrite your sentence. ``Start fast, no mindless introductions.''

7. Read your work aloud with emphasis and feeling. ``Because fat in prose, as in our bodies, affects the shape more immediately than the meaning, a feeling for shape and emphasis constitutes our best weapon against wordiness.''

From Revising Prose NY: Scribner, 1979 (PE1421.1 L297)

EXAMPLES

eg.1. This sentence is in need of a verb.

Real action: need Who or What needs? This sentence. This sentence needs a verb. (From 8 words to 5: ``Lard factor'' (LF) 37%)

eg.2. Another activity that I would use my computer for is the wordprocessing software package.

Real action: use Who uses? I I would also use my computer for wordprocessing (LF 57%)

This kind of revision will also force you to ask yourself what the words you use mean. For example, is a “wordprocessing software package” actually an “activity” as the first version implies?

eg.3. There is a great deal of feeling and involvement in his description.

Real action: describe Who? He. He describes the scene with feeling. (LF 50%)

(And now you are forced to ask yourself what “involvement” means if you want to keep it. Perhaps: He describes the scene with feeling, recalling many personal details.

This adds words, but the words add precision.)

eg.4. In all, wherever a computer system is used, or for whatever purpose, there must have been a great deal of time involved before purchasing such an expensive piece of machinery.

Real actions: spend time, purchase Who? the owner The future owner ought to spend a long time analysing her needs before she purchases such an expensive piece of machinery as a computer system. (LF 16% - not much shorter, but much clearer.)

If you feel your revised sentence has left out anything important, you can go back to the original sentence and salvage what you omitted; your new ``lean, mean'' sentence will take it (as in eg.3). Finally, if your sentences sound “choppy” when you read them through with emphasis and feeling, you can even add some lard - but a little lard in the right places.

THE WRITING CENTRE RYERSON UNIVERSITY

LIB 272 B (inside the Library, Main Floor) website: www.ryerson.ca/writing-centre (416) 979-5000 ext.7192