Critical

Create a Love Map

Introduction:

Research has found that the healthiest relationships are built upon friendship and higher levels of intimacy. 

The development of friendship and intimacy requires creating what John Gottman refers to as "cognitive room" for each partner.  In other words, we must make cognitive space for the people in our lives and think about them in particular ways.  We must understand what the world is like for the people in our lives and see it, to some extent, from their perspective.  This doesn't mean we have to like the same things or think the exact same way, but we must have empathy and the ability to include the world of our partners in our lives.

Love Maps are snapshots of your partner at a particular time in history and are meant to be a continuing process or activity rather than done once and never considered again.  You are creating the cognitive space to understand your partner on a deeper level.  You could think of Love Maps represented by a physical map--how we got here (the present) from there (the past), for example.  As time goes on, some of the information will stay the same (such as where they were born) and other information may change (such as favorite books, movies or food).  The ultimate goal of creating cognitive room for others and for creating Love Maps is to impact, in healthy, positive ways how people move through time together.

When first creating a Love Map, think of it as a baseline.  It is okay if you don't know all the answers to the questions posed!  That is part of the fun of creating a love map--you are getting to know other people in your life and create a richer friendship and more intimate connection with other people in your life.  Be kind and gentle with yourself (and others) and have fun!

Assignment:

1. For the purposes of this class, your Love Map can be established with intimate romantic partners, but you may also develop them with other family members such as parents or children, extended family, and friends.  Choose someone with whom you have a current, ongoing relationship and is willing to help you with this assignment.

2. Have each person (separately) choose 10 numbers randomly between 1 and 60 and write them down.  Then go to the file provided for you on Canvas called "Love Map Exercise Questions" and find the corresponding questions.

3. Ask the other person the questions you've chosen and have them ask you the ones they chose.

4. Once you've completed the exercise, answer the following questions in one paragraph each (thus your assignment will be a minimum of four paragraphs):

1. How did this exercise make you feel?  Was it a comfortable experience, was there anything that made you uncomfortable?

2. Did you learn anything new about the other person?  Not just about how they answered the question (especially if you already knew the answer before asking them), but about the person themselves?  Think about how they may have responded to or answered the question, or if they elaborated on the answer.  Tell me a bit about the questions you asked and answered.  NOTE:  You do not have to share overly personal information here, just general thoughts and observations!

3. Being as specific as possible, how did this exercise influence the cognitive space you maintain for the other person?  How does this lend to improved friendship and intimacy?

4. How does the completion of this type of exercise link to any of the models/theories of love you read about in your textbook?  Name the model or theory and the element or elements you can connect it to.  Elaborate as much as you can to support your claims and arguments in this paragraph.

**Final assignment should be written in essay format (complete sentences, doubled spaced with one inch margins), and submitted in Word or Pdf format.