the drawbacks of battery technology and future possibilities

1. The essay is a bit long – you could remove 50+ words

2. For the beginning of the article：I think you could give a little bit of context instead of beginning so quickly – i.e. how batteries influence / affect the world…

3．In introduction：“face out”，Wrong word choice here – rephrase

(what do you want to say?)

phase out?

“upcoming developments”：What do you mean by this? It’s a bit vague – try to be more precise

Upcoming developments could be new houses, tv shows etc

4.For the end of introduction： you should include a thesis statement in your introduction.

This should briefly outline what you will discuss in the essay and what your position is…

“future possibilities”：Also vague – can you add a bit of detail…

7．For the beginning of the second paragraph：This is your topic sentence, so it should set out the main idea for this paragraph.

8. The historical background and working principle are too much, and the two parts should be reduced

9.Talk more about the limitation and future possibilities, they are the most important points of this article

10：For the whole article, reduce descriptive language and add comments and evaluation。

11．“According to the author, Jack Goodenough “：site this

12: You should avoid making suggestions about ‘what the government should do’. Your role is to discuss the batteries objectively…

If you wanted to make a suggestion – you might use：Could play a role…

13 reference list : You should use Harvard – not APA so don’t indent the second line

Change this for the other references

Also – have a gap between each reference

14 You use all sources from different books or pretty short articles. I want you to add at least 2 source which are academic articles，not books, which has complete structures including introduction， conclusion, reference list（can you understand this？）