Week 7 Discussion: Work-Life Balance for Modern Parents

Active Parenting: 30 Years ofVideo-Based Parent Education

Michael H. Popkin

Abstract

For decades, Adlerian-based parenting education programs have made a difference in the lives of millions of families throughout the world. These programs have been successful because they combine the innovations of Adler and Dreikurs in psychol- ogy with innovations in educational technology. Active Parenting demonstrates how the advent of video-based parenting education and the Internet are the latest steps in this evolution. The case is made for the importance of research to achieve an evidence-based standard for Adierian programs. Active Parenting posits that there are five key qualities that all children need to succeed in a modern democratic society; (a) responsibility, (b) cooperation, (c) respect, (d) courage, and (e) self-esteem. The Adierian-Dreikursian skills taught in the Active Parenting programs provide parents with the skills to instill these qualities in their children while addressing the problems and challenges of parenting. Active Parenting leaders can be found all over the world, combatting the obstacles to parenting education and ensuring that all parents feel welcomed in Active Parenting groups.

Keywords: Individual Psychology, Adierian, Dreikursian, Active F^renting, parenting, parent education, video-based parenting education, responsibility, cooperation, courage

No one promised that parenting would be easy. That it is often quite challenging would not be a problem if it were not also incredibly important. Other jobs that are both important and challenging usually offer training and support. Why not parenting?

Since Alfred Adler began establishing child guidance clinics through- out Austria almost 100 years ago, Adierian practitioners have been working creatively and diligently to provide high-quality parenting education to par- ents throughout the world. Active Parenting programs alone have reached more than 3 million parents in the United States, China, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, and Sweden. Translations of the texts and videos that constitute the program are also available in Korean, Japanese, Swedish, Arabic, and Chinese, among other languages. The desire for Adierian parenting educa- tion continues to grow along with the need of parents worldwide for better methods of preparing their children for the 21 st century.

The journal of Individual Psychology,\/ol. 70, No. 2, Summer 2014 ©2014 by the University ofTexas Press

Editorial office located in the College of Education at Georgia State University. Published for the North American Society of Adierian Psychology.

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Active Parenting: A Brief History

Alfred Adler was an innovator. He saw real value in the ideas of Sigmund Ereud, whom he worked alongside, along with Carl Jung, for a decade. Not content to live in Ereud's shadow, Adler saw a different light and blazed a trail in this new direction. When he died in 1939, his colleague Rudolf Dreikurs picked up the mantle of Adierian Psychology—now Individual Psychology—and found ways to innovate and evolve beyond the master. His books and lectures became the practical basis for the worldwide appeal of Adierian parent-study groups, as they were then called.

As a 25-year-old graduate student I had a chance to sit in on an Adierian parenting group led by Professor Roy Kern at Georgia State University. Week after week, I watched parents listen to practical ideas for handling the chal- lenges of child behavior, go home to try their new skills, and come back to share how their families were getting better and their children more coop- erative. By the end of the course, I was hooked and knew that 1 was going to be part of Adierian parenting education for my entire career.

Moving from the What to the How

Eive years and many parenting groups later, in 1979, 1 was sitting in a general assembly meeting at the NASAP annual conference when I had an idea. What if we could get two new inventions to interface with each other, and then use that interactive system to teach AdIerian-based parenting edu- cation? At the time, the desktop computer and the vidéocassette recorder were the latest in technological innovations; by 1982 I had developed a prototype of an interactive system that used them both. At $5,000 for the hardware alone, however, the cost to organizations would be prohibitive. To solve this problem, I elected to eliminate the computer for the time be- ing and focus on the video. A year later, in 1983, we introduced Active Parenting, the first ever video-based parenting education program of its kind.

We displayed the original program at an American Psychological Association convention, where the legendary pediatrician and author Dr. Benjamin Spock pointed to a TV screen playing clips from the video and said, "This is the future." Positive responses like the one from Dr. Spock gave us the foundation to create more than 20 programs based on the theories and practices of Adler and Dreikurs.

Thirty years later, video-based training in small groups is readily avail- able, and the computer that was eliminated from that first prototype in 1982 is back in the form of the Internet. Now tools such as YouTube and Moodle, which combine the Internet and video, are emerging as leaders

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in teaching virtually everything—from math skills to skateboarding tricks. Active Parenting now offers online groups, webinars, and self-study to par- ents and leaders worldwide. In my opinion, it is only a matter of time before avatars are meeting in virtual coffeehouses to take a parenting course with- out anyone ever leaving home.

The effectiveness of an AdIerian-based parenting education program, of course, goes beyond technology. How the program is structured, the qual- ity of the writing, and the examples chosen, as well as the scripting, acting, production values, experiential activities, use of humor and emotion, and a mix of other qualities all go into creating the effectiveness of the program. Improvements in these aspects of program development will continue to give Individual Psychology parenting-group leaders the best tools for the critical job they do for families and society.

The Importance of Evidence-Based Practice

There is really no simple way to determine the best parenting educa- tion program for any given group of parents; what seems to be increasingly a prerequisite is to find one that is listed by a credible source as "evidence based." Evidence based means that there is experimental research to show the efficacy of a program. I have gone to great pains to do the research and have the core Active Parenting programs listed on the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices and other sites. Such listings do not guarantee that a program is effective (or that one not listed is not effective). Evidence-based program listings are currently the best system available to help users and funders alike make informed decisions. Because funding sources often use such lists to determine which programs may receive grant money, it is necessary that Individual Psychologists be more involved in re- searching and publishing evidence that our programs are effective. This will help Adierian-Dreikursian parenting ideas and skills become available to even more leaders and parents.

The Tasks of Parenting as Taught in Active Parenting

Active Parenting programs in this article specifically refers to three com- prehensive curriculums:

• Active Parenting Now (Active Parenting, 4th edition; Popkin, 2014) for parents of children 5 to 12 years old

• Active Parenting of Teens (3rd edition; Popkin, 2009), for parents of teens and preteens

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• Active Parenting of Teens: Families in Action (Popkin & Hendrickson, 2012a), a version of the teen program that includes Teens in Action (Popkin & Hendrickson, 2012b), a companion program for teens to take either in teen only groups or in combination with their parents

Each of these three programs is six sessions long, video based, and listed on the evidence-based websites mentioned previously. Each program is also theory based in the work of Adler and Dreikurs.

Because Individual Psychology is purpose driven, we begin each pro- gram with a statement of the purpose of parenting: "To protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the kind of society in which they will live." Although this purpose has not changed since the beginning of human his- tory, what has changed is "the society in which [children] will live." This leads to the question of what kind of society our children will be living in. The qualities necessary to survive and thrive in our democratic, high-tech, multicultural society are very different from those in the autocratic or law- less periods in our history.

Active Parenting teaches that there are five key qualities that all children need to succeed in this type of society: (a) responsibility, (b) cooperation, (c) respect, (d) courage, and (e) self-esteem. Readers will recognize the first three as the same as in the RCR (Responsibility, Cooperation, Respect) model described by P. R. Rasmussen in "The Task, Challenges, and Obstacles of Parenting" elsewhere in this issue. Active Parenting (AP) programs also stress the importance of courage, which is a cornerstone of Adierian Psychology, and is defined in AP as "the confidence to take a known risk for a known purpose." Self-esteem is added because without some degree of belief in oneself, it is difficult to have the courage to take a positive risk. A brief over- view of these qualities from an AP perspective follows.

Responsibility. Responsibility is addressed three ways in the Active Parenting programs: accepting one's obligations, understanding right from wrong (and choosing to do the right thing as appropriate to the situation), and accepting the consequences of one's decisions. Once children learn to take responsibility for their choices by experiencing the consequences that follow, they learn to make better choices in the future. Many of the choices that children make as they mature will affect their entire lives. They will be offered tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs, and they will choose to accept or decline. They will face choices about sex, dropping out of school, work and careers, and perhaps even whether to commit crimes. Parents will not be there in those moments to tell them what to do; if parents have prepared them to make responsible decisions and have instilled in them the cour- age to stand behind those decisions, though, they will be prepared to meet such challenges.

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Methods of teaching responsibility are taught throughout the programs, but especially in the session on discipline. The formula R = C -i- C—that is. Responsibility = Choice + Consequences—helps parents remember the re- lationship between handling everyday challenges and the bigger picture of teaching the vital character trait of responsibility.

Cooperation. A child who learns to live and work cooperatively with others has a much better chance at success than the lone wolf or the rebel. Democracy is based on the notion that none of us is as smart as all of us. Competition has its role in our society, but the individual who values team- work is one who moves society forward.

Learning to cooperate begins in the family and the classroom. It is fostered through solving everyday problems and planning, which require effective communication and a spirit of mutual respect and participation. In Session 2 of the Active Parenting program, parents learn communication skills that will help them win the cooperation of their children while teach- ing their children to solve problems and make decisions cooperatively with others. In every session a Family Enrichment Activity is presented to help parents strengthen the relationship between them and their child.

Respect. The concept of mutual respect is a cornerstone of life in any democratic society, particularly in one that includes a lot of diversity. To treat others respectfully, and to expect them to treat you the same, makes way for freely sharing ideas that will eventually solve problems and create a better society for everyone. In contrast, lack of respect in a democratic society creates an atmosphere of resentment and hostility that can lead to conflict and even aggression. Teaching children to respect their parents is only the beginning. Teaching them to respect themselves, all others, and their environment is what will make a difference.

Mutual respect is presented first in Session 1 and then reinforced throughout the program in videos and discussion.

Courage.

Courage first met fear When I was still a child; Courage gazed with cool, clear eyes; Fear was something wild.

This stanza from the opening poem by the author of Active Parenting in the session about courage sets the tone for what is arguably the most important of the Adlerian child-rearing concepts. It is so important that Individual Psychologists often say that a misbehaving child is a discouraged

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child. A free society provides many opportunities for people to succeed, but success is not guaranteed, nor is it easy to attain. Those who have the confidence to take worthwhile risks have the best chance to thrive. And when life gets tough, those with the courage and grit to persevere are more likely to succeed.

Even among children, it takes great courage to resist peer pressure, to stand up for one's self and for others, to think independently, and to han- dle the many challenges of school. From the French word coeur, meaning "heart," courage is the child's inner strength that is necessary to withstand the fear that so often nips at self-esteem.

We focus on ways of instilling courage throughout the program, but especially in the session on building courage through the encouragement process.

Self-esteem. Children who believe they are lovable, capable human be- ings with something to contribute to others have a good chance at thriving. These beliefs form a foundation of positive self-esteem that helps motivate other core qualities (i.e., responsibility, cooperation, respect, and courage). At the same time, seeing oneself as someone who embodies these posi- tive qualities builds what might be considered character-driven self-esteem, which endures through hard times as well as good ones. We explore this relationship further in the Think-Feel-Do Cycle, in which we look at how to help children build self-esteem based on character and actions, not on self-hype.

An understanding of the task of parenting as helping to instill these and other positive qualities of character in our children so that they will have an opportunity to succeed in our modern democratic society leads to the question of which parenting style is best suited to do the job: autocratic (the parent as a "dictator" who uses a combination of reward and punishment to control the child), permissive (the parent as a "doormat" who either pam- pers or ignores the child), or authoritative (the parent as an "active leader" who provides a combination of discipline and support, freedom within lim- its, participation, and respect).

It is helpful for parents to understand the rationale behind the "active" style of parenting that they will be learning in the course if they are to really understand the validity of the Individual Psychology model. To do otherwise is tantamount to saying, "Parent this way, because I'm the expert and 1 say so." We stress in AP leader-training workshops the importance of model- ing the leadership style we are teaching. Winning cooperation with adults, as with children, requires winning the battle for the mind and not just the behavior. By helping parents change their thinking about parenting (the "mind"), we help them make changes to their behavior that will last long after the course has ended.

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The gift of problems. Along with the task of parenting, Rasmussen (2014) also talks about the challenges that parents face when getting their children to do what they do not want to do. These challenges are what we call in AP "problems." Every family has them. What we point out in the programs is that successful families are better able to handle these prob- lems, whereas families who continue to struggle seem to continue to make the same or worse mistakes. Rather than complain about the problems of day-to-day living (e.g., getting the toys picked up, doing homework, solving conflicts peacefully), we ask parents to think about problems as gifts that allow us the opportunity to teach our children qualities of character (i.e., responsibility, cooperation, respect, and courage) and skills (e.g., problem solving, conflict resolution, self-discipline).

We focus many of the skills taught in Active Parenting around a problem-handling model, which teaches parents how to determine who owns responsibility for a given problem—parent, child, or in some cases, both. When a parent owns a problem, the situation calls for discipline (limit setting). A hierarchy of skills progressing from less assertive to more assertive is later taught using the full interactive process of video-based training. This includes a Parent's Guide reading; a brief lecture by the leader; a brief video vignette modeling a problem and the skill used to correct it; a group discus- sion facilitated by questions in the Leader's Cuide; graphics displayed via PowerPoint, flip chart, or other means; an experiential activity or role play; home assignments supported in the Parent's Guide; and group sharing and feedback in the next session.

The discipline skills taught include polite requests, I-Messages, firm re- minders, logical and natural consequences, and four skills that comprise the ELAC Method. ELAC is an acronym for feelings, limits, alternatives, and (logical) consequences. Eeelings, in this context, refers to expressing em- pathy for what your child is feeling; limits means reminding the child of the limits of a given situation; and alternatives is shorthand for helping the child think of an acceptable alternative for what he or she cannot have. When necessary, parents are to provide a logical consequence, although they are often pleasantly surprised by how rarely they need to use consequences when they learn to use the first three steps of the ELAC Method.

When a child owns the problem, parents are taught to use support skills for helping the child learn to handle problems effectively. This is one area in which we have supplemented the Individual Psychology model with contributions by communication theorists. We teach a five-step Active Communication process that includes active listening, responding to feelings, looking for alternatives or evaluating consequences, encourag- ing, and following up later. Eamily meetings are also taught and include such variations as problem prevention talks, character talks, and problem- solving talks.

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While the video examples used in the programs provide a wide va- riety of typical challenges that parents and children face every day, they are only a means to teaching parents a model of parenting that they can use in any situation. It is the leader's role to help parents learn to apply the skills modeled on video to the real-life problems they experience with their own children.

Overcoming Obstacles in Parenting and Parent Education

The reason Active Parenting programs have been widely accepted throughout the world is partly because families are more alike than different. They all begin with the same basic purpose of parenting, struggle with how to provide the best balance of discipline and support, seek to strengthen their children's character, and look for ways to handle the day-to-day chal- lenges of parenting. The Individual Psychology model of parenting helps parents find a reasonable explanation for how best to accomplish these tasks in a world that has steadily moved from a sometimes lawless, some- times authoritarian history and toward social and political equality. This is the mainstream, the Zeitgeist, of human history that moves all of us along; that Adler predicted, and Dreikurs delineated, its implications for parenting so long ago gives us all a chart from which to navigate.

As the Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset (1914/1963) said in 1914—only 2 years after Adler broke with Freud— "̂1 am I plus my circum- stances" (n.p.). The fact that we are all intertwined with the world in which we live is true of families as well as individuals. Although families do have much more in common than not, the differences can sometimes overwhelm what they are trying to accomplish; Adler knew this, which may be why when asked if one could do psychotherapy with a person who lived in poverty, he responded by saying that it would be like throwing a drowning person a book on swimming.

Parenting education has been more fortunate than psychotherapy in this regard. We have seen parents who were facing all sorts of obstacles em- brace the teachings and skills of Active Parenting in countries throughout the world. An organization has used Active Parenting of Teens to teach life skills to impoverished teenagers in Bulgaria, so that they could have better op- tions for overcoming poverty than moving to Sofia, the country's largest city and capital, to become prostitutes. I had another leader from West Virginia tell me about an abusive, court-ordered mother who, when asked what she had learned from the program, raised her fist and said, "I've learned that I don't need this anymore."

I have heard countless stories of successes with parents in prison, in women's shelters, in foster situations, in group homes, in submarines at sea.

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with deaf parents, and even with those in poverty. What makes the AP pro- gram work is the combination of the theory upon which the program is based, the quality of the program itself, and the unique talents that the group leaders bring to their groups each week.

Although it is impractical to develop a unique program for each set of family circumstances, we have moved in that direction with such programs as Active Parenting in Stepfamilies, Cooperative Parenting and Divorce, Par- ents on Board (a program to promote school involvement), and 1, 2, 3, 4 Parents! (a program for parents of young children). All our major programs are also available in Spanish, and all have closed captioning. As family re- sources frequently are limited, a skilled leader is still the best option for using a program, such as AP, with groups facing special needs and obsta- cles. These leaders understand the parents in their program and customize the universal aspects of the program with the special circumstances and obstacles that might interfere with how the concepts and skills taught in the program might best be applied. Many organizations provide transpor- tation, childcare, and even a meal for their group so that economically disadvantaged parents are better able to attend. Organizations also write grants to cover costs and to promote their courses to the parents themselves. Most importantly, organizations connect with their groups through show- ing empathy for the members' circumstances, which makes the parents feel understood and welcomed.

Adierian/Dreikursian parent educators have a long history of inclusive- ness, often reaching out to marginalized groups in communities throughout the world. Our programs themselves, however, have been criticized for not being more explicit in their outreach to LGBT and other minority groups. To make it clear that all parents are welcome in an Active Parenting group, 1 wrote the following poem which is now included at the beginning of our programs. It is meant to send a signal to the LGBT community and to all par- ents that they are welcome and sincerely wanted in our parenting groups.

You Are Welcome Here

White collar, blue collar, no collar If you are a parent You are welcome here. Calm and cool or hot-under-the-collar If you care for children You are welcome here. Traditional family: husband and wife. Single, remarried, or partnered for life If you love your child

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You are welcome here. Whatever your race From wherever you hail Whatever your faith (or lack thereof) Regardless of creed, or past misdeeds. If you're willing to learn You are welcome here. Mom, dad, uncle or granny Pull up a chair Let down your hair And if you don't have any You're still welcome here!

References

Abbey, A., Pilgrim, C, Hendrickson, P., & Buresh, S. (2000). Evaluation of a family-based substance abuse prevention program targeted for the mid- dle school years. Journal of Drug Education, 30(2), 213-228.

Abbey, A., Pilgrim, C, Hendrickson, P., & Lorenz, S. (1998). Implementation and impact of a family-based substance abuse prevention program in rural communities. Journal of Primary Prevention, 78(3), 341-361.

Fashimpar, G. (2000). Problems of parenting: Solutions of science. Journal of Family Social Work, 5(2), 67-80.

Mullis, F. (1999) Active Parenting: An evaluation of two Adlerian parenting education programs. Journal of Individual Psychology, 55, 225-232.

Ortega y Gasset, J. (1963). Meditations on Quixote. New York, NY: Norton. (Original publication in 1914)

Popkin, M. (2007). Taming the spirited child: Strategies for parenting chal- lenging children without breaking their spirits. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

Popkin, M. (2009) Active Parenting of teens (3rd ed.). Atlanta, GA: Active Parenting.

Popkin, M. (2014) Active Parenting {4th ed.). Atlanta, GA: Active Parenting. Popkin, M., & Hendrickson, P. (2012a). Active Parenting of teens: Families in

action. Atlanta, GA: Active Parenting. Popkin, M., & Hendrickson, P. (2012b). 7eens in action. Atlanta, GA: Active

Parenting. Rasmussen, P. R. (2014). The task, challenges, and obstacles of parenting.

Journal of Individual Psychology, 70(2), 90-113.

176 Michael H. Popkin

Michael H. Popkin, PhD ([email protected]), is the president of Active Parenting Publishers. Popkin pioneered the field of video-based parent education with the introduction of Active Parenting Discussion Pro- gram in 1983. Since then he has authored and produced more than 30 books and video programs, including the best-selling Active Parenting Now,. Active Parenting of Teens, and 1, 2, 3, 4 Parents!, used around the world to teach millions of parents how to raise happy and successful children. A fre- quent keynote speaker and media guest, he has appeared on more than 200 television shows, including multiple appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Montel Williams, and CNN. Popkin is a former child and family ther- apist and received his PhD in counseling psychology from Georgia State University. He and his wife. Melody, are the parents of two young adults and live in the Atlanta area.

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