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COUPLING PROCESSES AND EXPERIENCES OF NEVER MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL BLACK MEN AND WOMEN:
A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY
Christiana I. Awosan Seton Hall University
Kenneth V. Hardy Drexel University
Over the past decades, the decline in Black marriages and the upsurge of never-married Blacks have stimulated much theoretical focus, but researchers conducted few studies on never-married heterosexual Black adults’ coupling unions. Guided by an integrated frame- work of Africana womanism and symbolic interactionism, this qualitative hermeneutic phe- nomenological study used comprehensive individual interviews to explore the experiences of 26 never-married heterosexual Black men and women between the ages 25 and 35 about their attempts to cultivate and maintain intimate romantic relationships as well as their desire for marriage. Findings revealed mixed emotions from participants’ lived experiences in develop- ing and sustaining romantic relationships. Clinical implications highlighted the need to effec- tively attend to Black romantic relationships and experiences in their sociohistorical and sociocultural contexts.
In recent years, a common myth and attitude in the larger society is that Blacks 1 do not desire
marriage or a steady couple relationship (Banks, 2011). The proliferation of such myths and atti- tudes is evident in mainstream literature, often focused on the difficulties Black men and women face in efforts to cultivate and maintain long-term committed romantic relationships with each other. Rather than lacking desire for steady romantic relationships or marriage, many Black men and women desire to either be married or engaged in and maintain a long-term committed intimate relationship (Barr, Simons, & Simons, 2015); however, many Black women and men have been unable to cultivate and nurture these desires. Increasingly, the number of married Blacks has plunged and among those who do marry, the rate of divorce and separation is higher than all other racial groups (Awosan & Opara, in press; Helm & Carlson, 2013). To understand Black male–fe- male romantic relationships and coupling experiences, qualitative empirical investigations are needed (Camp, 2002). Thus, we investigated the qualitative coupling processes and relational expe- riences of never-married heterosexual Black women and men, guided by the integrative theoretical framework of Africana womanism and symbolic interactionism.
PURPOSE OF STUDY
In this study, we contribute to understanding the experiences and coupling processes of never- married Black women and men. In establishing a body of literature on romantic experiences of never-married heterosexual Blacks, this study is one of the first to document both adult Black men and women’s attitudes and beliefs about their experiences in the mate-selection process and their efforts to sustain intimate romantic relationships with one another.
Christiana I. Awosan, PhD, is an assistant professor in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Seton
Hall University. Kenneth V. Hardy, PhD, is a professor in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at Drexel
University.
Address correspondence to Christiana I. Awosan, Marriage and Family Therapy Program, Department of
Professional Psychology & Family Therapy, Seton Hall University, 400 South Orange Ave., South Orange, New
Jersey 07079; E-mail: [email protected]
July 2017 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY 463
Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 43(3): 463–481 doi: 10.1111/jmft.12215 © 2017 American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
The objectives of this study, guided by the integration of Africana womanism and symbolic interactionism, are to contribute to the discourse on Black romantic-relationship experiences and coupling processes in three ways. First, we identified Black men and women’s experiences, atti- tudes, and beliefs regarding the initial stages of cultivating romantic relationships and their efforts to sustain these relationships. Second, we explored the coupling processes and experiences of never-married heterosexual Black men and women. Third, to understand the discrepancy between the upsurge of singlehood, desire for marriage, and enduring quality romantic unions among Blacks, we surveyed the desirability of never-married Black men and women for involvement in secure intimate romantic relationships or marriage. The underlying research question was, How do never-married heterosexual Black men and women between the ages of 25 and 35 describe and interpret their experiences in attempts to cultivate and maintain intimate romantic relationships? Using qualitative open-ended questions and a quantitative 5-point Likert-type scale survey proto- col, we explored a subquestion to identify participants’ desire to be involved in a secure intimate romantic relationship or marriage.
THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK
The theoretical frameworks of Africana womanism (Hudson-Weems, 2008) and symbolic interactionism (Charon, 2007) guided this study. The theoretical and methodological use of Black feminist theory, critical-race feminist theory, and other Black consciousness (Africana womanism, womanist consciousness, African-centered or Afrocentric perspective) theories in family studies emphasizes the significance of integrating Black consciousness into family studies research and couple and family therapy research (Few, 2007). Theories of Black consciousness align with family theories such as symbolic interactionism and ecological theory to explore and understand the lives of Black individuals and families (Few, 2007).
Africana womanism theory is an ideological outgrowth of the Black feminism/womanism phi- losophy. This theory, grounded in African-centered ethos and values and Black-consciousness per- spectives, places African ideals at the center of analyses that involve the lives of all women, men, and children of African descent (Hudson-Weems, 1993). Crucial theoretical tenets are concepts of interdependency and interconnectedness between Black women and men: Black women are in con- certed efforts with Black men in the struggle for humanity and liberation against racial oppression, gender subjugation, and class marginalization. Efforts to find solutions and attempts to resolve the relational hurts and alienation between Black women and men should not be relegated to women alone but to men as well (Hudson-Weems, 2008). Thus, using Africana womanism to explore and analyze the experiences of Black men and women in their attempt to establish and sustain intimate romantic relationships is fitting.
When assessing Black families and Black male–female relationships through Africana woman- ism, one considers the social, political, economic, and cultural factors that impact such relation- ships (Hudson-Weems, 2008). Africana womanism underscores the imposition of institutional racism on Black male–female relationships, recognizing the tensions between Afrocentric and Eurocentric values on those relationships. Internalizing the Eurocentric values of individualism and rigid gender roles influences Black male–female relationships. Using an Africana womanism lens aids in exploring and analyzing how issues such as racism influence the intimate romantic cou- pling experiences of never-married heterosexual Black men and women.
Furthermore, Africana womanism centers the unique experiences, struggles, needs, and desires of Black women and men in their historical and cultural contexts, emphasizing the concepts of self-naming and self-defining (Hudson-Weems, 1993, 2008). Self-namer, Nommo, a term used in African cosmology, signifies the importance of proper naming, which is essential to the existence of Black women and men, families, and communities (Hudson-Weems, 2008). Self-naming accu- rately accesses and identifies the authentic nuances of Black women and men’s voices and perspec- tives of their historical and current roles and activities in their personal, relational, familial, and communal lives. Self-naming in this study allowed Black women and men to name their identity and self-actualize their experiences and struggles. The concepts of self-defining and self-naming inextricably link (Hudson-Weems, 1993, 2008). Historically, Black men and women have always managed to find ways to properly name their experiences and define their realities in ways that
464 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY July 2017
reflect their authentic identities, rather than being defined by others. Thus, self-naming and self- defining stances offer women and men the opportunity to define and interpret their experiences as they attempt to cultivate intimate romantic relationships.
Integration of Africana womanism and symbolic interactionism theoretical frameworks aligned with exploration of coupling processes of never-married Black women and men; both theo- ries explicate factors that influence the ontologies, epistemologies, and worldviews of participants (Few, 2007). Africana womanism contextualized participants’ descriptive experiences in the unique racial, gender, sociohistorical, and sociocultural contexts of participants’ lived worlds; symbolic interactionism framed the meanings participants made of their coupling processes in these contex- tual worlds, and how those worlds influenced their dating behaviors, interactions, experiences, and relationships (Charon, 2007; Hudson-Weems, 2008).
LITERATURE REVIEW
Statement of the Problem Lower marriage rates, high divorce and separation rates, and higher rates of singleness are
common in the general population, regardless of race but are more profound among Black hetero- sexual men and women (Copen, Daniels, Vespa, & Mosher, 2012). The rate of marriage for Blacks is noticeably lower than rates for Asians, Latino/as and Whites (Bryant, Wickrama, Bolland, Cutrona, & Stanik, 2010). In 2008, 37% of Black women were married, compared to 65% of Asian women, 57% of Latinas, and 58% of White women, whereas 44% of Black men were married, compared to 65% of Asian men, 56% of Latinos, and 61% of White men (U.S. Census Bureau, 2010). These data corroborate growing concern in academia and mainstream society that Black marriages are becoming obsolete (Banks, 2011; Helm & Carlson, 2013).
Marriage decline among Blacks largely aligns with the striking increase in the number of never-married Black adults in past decades (Toldson & Marks, 2011). An inverse relationship exists between the lower rate of Black marriages and higher rate of never-married Black adults. Although the rates of divorce have increased among Blacks in past decades relative to the rates of never-married Black adults, the numbers involved are small. From 1990 to 2008, an increase of 1.5% occurred in the rates of divorce for Blacks and 2.1% for the general population. In the same period (1990–2008), 6.2% of Blacks were never married, compared to 2% in the general population (U.S. Census Bureau, 2010). The rise in the unmarried pop- ulation of Black adults is more the result of the large proposition of never-married Black adults rather than divorces rates.
Despite the prevalence of singlehood among Black adults, most Black men and women do desire to be married or in stable romantic relationships (Barr et al., 2015), reflected in the number of nonmarital opposite-sex cohabitating unions among never-married Blacks (Copen, Daniels, & Mosher, 2013). However, cohabiting relationships among Blacks is short lived, compared to those of other races; Blacks are less likely to convert this union into marriage (Copen et al., 2013). Even so, the majority of heterosexual Black women and men aspire to have secure intimate relationships that may or may not transition into marriage but nurturing this desire has been challenging. Given the large proportion of never-married Black men and women who desire to establish stable roman- tic relationships, it is critical to empirically understand the experiences and processes of courtship among this population.
Gap in the Literature The decline in Black marriage and rise in the rates of never-married Blacks has stimulated
much theoretical focus about the nature of Black heterosexual coupling relationships (Helm & Carlson, 2013). Few empirical studies, however, have empirically explored the coupling experi- ences of never-married Black men and women. Many theoreticians asserted that the discrepancy between the high rates of never-married Blacks and their expressed desire to be in romantic rela- tionships is due to sociohistorical residual effects of slavery, sociocultural effects of racism and neg- ative racial stereotypes; and sociostructural factors such as male-to-female ratio imbalance and gender imbalance in income and educational attainment (Awosan & Opara, in press). The adverse effects of these factors may have created and promulgated relational and emotional tensions in
July 2017 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY 465
Black male–female romantic relationships, contributing to the current prevalence of singleness among Black men and women (Banks, 2011; DeGruy Leary, 2005; Watson, 2013).
The crucible of distrust and conflicts in Black male–female romantic relationships can trace to almost 3.5 centuries of the holocaust of slavery and its historical lineaments of peonage of share- cropping, neoslavery of Jim Crow, racial-segregation eras, and remnants of institutional racism observed in society today (Bethea & Allen, 2013; Watson, 2013). The psychological, emotional, and relational trauma endured during slavery and the coping mechanisms used to survive the shame and humiliation of the practices and attitudes that considered Black men and women less than human have transmitted from one generation to another (DeGruy Leary, 2005). The multi- generational residual effects of slavery and the ubiquitous presence of racism in today’s society continue to negatively impact Black men and women’s intimate relationships with each other (Bethea & Allen, 2013; Wilkins, Whiting, Watson, Russon, & Moncrief, 2013).
Daily experiences of racism and negative racial stereotypes generate race-based trauma and stressors of devaluation, assaulted sense of self, internalized oppression, disappointment, hostility, and alienation between Black men and women (Browne, 2014; Hardy, 2016; Watson, 2013). Racial discrimination and oppression around denial of access, inequality, and instability of social capital such as jobs, education, economy, health care, justice, and housing, and nega- tive racial stereotypes propagate the marginalization of Blacks as oversexed, lazy, promiscuous, and incapable of marital commitment perpetuate deep-rooted emotional and relational injuries that plague the formation and maintenance of intimacy in Black male–female relationships today.
The literature provides little empirical understanding of Black men and women’s lived experi- ences of the influences of social factors on their coupling relationships and processes (Elliott, Kriv- ickas, Brault, & Kreider, 2012; Marsh, Darity, Cohen, Casper, & Salters, 2007). A few quantitative studies examined demographic factors such as sex-ratio imbalance or gender imbalance in income and educational attainment that contribute to the “shortage of eligible or marriageable Black men” and rise in singlehood among Blacks (Barr et al., 2015; Camp, 2002; Elliott et al., 2012; Marsh et al., 2007). However, these studies do not aid in understanding never-married heterosex- ual Black men and women’s qualitative experiences of romantic involvement and relationships. Merely focusing on demographic factors obscures underlying issues that distress and hinder culti- vation and maintenance of intimate romantic relationships (Awosan & Opara, in press). Thus, it is critical to explore factors that impact intimate relationships.
Across races, research on nonmarital romantic relationships focused on the transition to mar- riage (Lincoln, Taylor, & Jackson, 2008). Little understanding exists of the coupling process in romantic relationships such as the initial stages of attraction and the development of emotional connection and commitment among unmarried adults who may or may not get marry (Weiser & Niehuis, 2014). Recent studies focused on married individuals’ views about marriage and why Black women are disproportionately single (Hurt, McElroy, Sheats, Landor, & Bryant, 2014; Marks et al., 2008), leaving a gap in understanding never-married Black men and women’s per- spectives and experiences. The scant research on heterosexual coupling relationships among unmarried individuals focuses on Whites or compares Blacks and Whites (Copen et al., 2012). More empirical research on the coupling process of Blacks, particularly never-married heterosex- ual Blacks, is needed.
METHODS
We explored the qualitative experiences of never-married heterosexual Black men and women’s romantic relationships using hermeneutic phenomenology. Phenomenology, initiated by Husserl, aims to understand how objects, actions, and events appear in a person’s conscious, pre- conscious, and unconscious (i.e., real or imagined, empirically measurable, or subjectively felt) processes (van Manen, 1990), describing the meaning of several individuals’ lived experiences of a phenomenon: “what” and “how” people experienced it (Moustakas, 1994). This study enabled par- ticipants to give direct descriptions and interpretations of lived and everyday lifeworld essential themes (lived time, lived space, lived body, and lived human relations) of their nonmarital romantic processes and experiences (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003).
466 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY July 2017
Study Sample We used a purposeful homogeneous criterion-based snowball sampling approach to select
participants between the ages of 25 and 35 years who identified as Black, male or female, hetero- sexual, and never married, either single or currently involved in a romantic intimate relationship (e.g., never-married single, never-married/noncohabitating dating couple, or never-married/coha- biting couple). The purposeful homogenous sampling yielded an in-depth description and interpre- tation of the phenomenon being investigated (aligned with Patton, 2002).
The Interview Process We recruited participants through study flyers posted on a university campus in the northeast,
in neighborhoods, community health centers, hair salons, and barber shops; through mass e-mail to a Black graduate-student-union Listserv; and through word of mouth. We offered a $25 gift card to iTunes music store online or the Best Buy store. After completing the informed consent form and 35-item self-report demographic and desirability for marriage and relationship survey, participants chose pseudonyms to address confidentiality. Interviews ranged from 90 to 240 min in length, averaging 150 min. Comprehensive semistructured interviews took place in participants’ homes and neighborhoods and researchers’ offices.
Interviews were individual and audio-taped. The semistructured interview guide comprised 24 open-ended questions, supplemented with probes. Participants had the opportunity to debrief and volunteer for a follow-up interview to ensure accurate interpretation of the phenomenon. The cen- tral research question was, How do never-married heterosexual Black men and women between the ages of 25 and 35 describe and interpret their experiences in an attempt to cultivate and main- tain intimate romantic relationships? A subresearch question asked, Do you desire to be involved in a secure intimate romantic relationship or marriage?
Data Analysis The first author performed the data collection and analysis. Descriptive quantitative analyses
conducted on the 35-item survey data are reported as means and correlations, due to the small sample size of the study. The structure for the qualitative data analysis was partially borrowed from Moustakas’ (1994) modified version of the van Kaam method (1959, 1966). Themes emerged using Giorgi’s (1997) and van Manen’s (1990) models. van Manen’s (1990) method of lifeworld essentials was used to generate textural and structural descriptions and employed Giorgi’s (1985) four phases of qualitative phenomenological data analysis.
Phase I. The first author read and reread all 26 descriptive texts for accuracy. The phe- nomenological-reduction strategy aided in understanding each participant’s narratives, as did underlining sentences that revealed the phenomenon.
Phase II. Themes were developed through horizontalization, highlighting significant state- ments to form meaning units to reveal the essences of the phenomenon, according to participants’ verbatim descriptions, supporting thematic analysis. Themes were created if they occurred fre- quently in the text and they incorporated the main idea of the phenomenon described by the partic- ipants. They were also created based on the similarities of meaning units or descriptive accounts. Moustakas’ three-point thematic validation scale kept meaning units as a theme.
(a) if it is exactly reported by a participant; (b) if the meaning unit is not expressed verba- tim but it is similar to the lived experience description; and (c) if the theme is not literally mentioned and what is said is not similar to the theme, then it is rejected. (van Manen, 1990, p. 86)
Phase III. The process of transformation required making implicit meaning units into explicit descriptive themes that described participants’ phenomenological interpretations and experiences (Giorgi & Giorgi, 2003). Significant statements and themes provided what participants experienced about the phenomenon. The first author used these textural descriptions to write a reflexive (struc- tural) description of how participants experienced the phenomenon. I integrated Africana woman- ism and symbolic interactionism with the four existential themes to describe, interpret, and transform the what into how of the experienced phenomenon.
July 2017 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY 467
Phase IV: provided a united description, capturing the essence of the phenomenon as a whole (Moustakas, 1994).
Trustworthiness Reflexive (cultural) bracketing allowed the first author to develop a thoughtful and conscious
self-awareness of internal suppositions, reducing the influence of personal lived experiences as a never-married heterosexual Black woman in her early 30s on the phenomenon. Complete bracket- ing of researcher bias is impossible (Gearing, 2004). Particularly, in reflexive (cultural) bracketing, inclusion of larger world suppositions (i.e., culture, history, and context, etc.) is essential for researchers’ understanding of the phenomenon being investigated.
Reflexive bracketing occurred through writing reflexive memoranda and journaling, particu- larly during data analysis. The final stage of bracketing, reintegration, took place through member checking (Gearing, 2004). To ensure finding credibility and trustworthiness, the first author engaged in constant consultation and debriefing with the second author throughout the processes of data collection and analysis. Trustworthiness of descriptions, interpretations, themes, and essence of participants’ experiences accrued through processes of member checking “meaning units” and brief descriptive themes with participants and triangulation. Data, investigator, and theoretical triangulation strengthened finding credibility (Patton, 2002).
FINDINGS
Demographics of Participants Participants were 26 never-married heterosexual Black men and women (see Table 1) aged
25–35 (M = 28.73, SD = 2.66). Half of participants were women. Participants’ highest education at the time of the study varied: a quarter held a master’s degree and half held a bachelor’s degree. Annual incomes ranged from $0 to $120,000, with a mean of $40,817.60 (SD = $28,397.26). Employment status ranged from 65.5% full-time to 3.8% disabled, not working.
For birth household, 46.2% were raised in single-parent households; of those, 38.5% had mother as head of household, 7.7% indicated fathers and 3.8% indicated other. Of the 53.8% of participants raised in a two-parent household, 30.8% stated that both mother and father were heads of the household, whereas 19.2% indicated father and 7.7% indicated mother as head of household. Although all participants self-identified as Black or African American during the inter- view, in the demographic survey, 19.2% indicated a biracial or multiracial background. All had diverse ethnic backgrounds and ancestries.
Relationship Status All 26 participants had never married; 13 were currently single and 13 were currently in an
intimate romantic relationship. Of the 13 in an intimate romantic relationship, four were couples, interviewed individually. Six of 13 participants were “living with a partner.” Of the 13 participants who were single, nine desired to have a main intimate romantic relationship.
Qualitative Themes: Essence of the Phenomenon The qualitative themes below emerged from the data analysis on three categories of this study
(see Figure 1): (a) the experiences of cultivating intimate romantic relationships; (b) the experi- ences of maintaining intimate romantic relationships, and (c) the desirability for secure intimate romantic relationships or marriage. These three categories were based on the main research ques- tion and subquestion.
Category I: Experiences of Cultivating Intimate Romantic Relationships Theme I: “Starts Off Good . . . at the Beginning.”. A majority of participants described the ini-
tial stage of the relationship between never-married Black men and women as “very good” in the sense that “the relationships are very passionate, very strong connections.” However, “over time,” many felt the passion and strong connection dissipated, or according to Isabelle, “it just kind of died down.”
468 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY July 2017
T a b le
1 D em
o g ra p h ic s o f P a rt ic ip a n ts
P se u d o n y m
G en d er
A g e
(Y ea rs )
R el a ti o n sh ip
S ta tu s
A n ce st ry /e th n ic b a ck g ro u n d
N u m b er
o f se ri o u s
ro m a n ti c re la ti o n sh ip
H ig h es t
ed u ca ti o n
co m p le te d
E m p lo y m en t
Ja n eb
F em
a le
2 7
S in g le
S o u th
A fr ic a n ; N a ti v e A m er ic a n ;
G er m a n ; Ir is h ; A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
7 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
P a rt -T im
e
R o ck y c
M a le
2 5
C o u p le d a
G u y a n es e; A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
3 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
G re a t
G u y b
M a le
3 0
C o u p le d
B la ck
4 M a st er ’s D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
K ro to so
b M a le
2 5
S in g le
D o n ’t k n o w
2 M id d le S ch o o l
O n D is a b il it y
Z a ri a b
F em
a le
3 1
S in g le
S ie rr a L eo n ea n
2 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
L a y la
b F em
a le
3 0
S in g le
B la ck /A
fr ic a n A m er ic a n
2 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
S ta rb
F em
a le
2 5
C o u p le d a
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n ; C h er o k ee ; Je w is h
3 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
S tu d en t
A n g ie b
F em
a le
2 5
S in g le
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
1 M a st er ’s D eg re e
S tu d en t
K B b
M a le
2 9
C o u p le d
B la ck ; Ir a n ia n
6 M a st er ’s D eg re e
S tu d en t
Is a b el le b
F em
a le
2 6
S in g le
H a it ia n
3 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
S tu d en t
B ig D a d d y b
M a le
3 0
C o u p le d a
A fr ic a n
4 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
D L b
M a le
2 5
C o u p le d
A fr ic a n ; In d ia n
4 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
T ra cy
b F em
a le
2 9
S in g le
A m er ic a n In d ia n ; A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
5 M a st er ’s D eg re e
S tu d en t
F ir efl y b
F em
a le
2 8
S in g le
A fr ic a n - N ig er ia n
3 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
Ju sM
e c
F em
a le
3 3
C o u p le d a
C h in es e Ja m a ic a n
4
July 2017 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY 469
T a b le
1 C o n ti n u ed
P se u d o n y m
G en d er
A g e
(Y ea rs )
R el a ti o n sh ip
S ta tu s
A n ce st ry /e th n ic b a ck g ro u n d
N u m b er
o f se ri o u s
ro m a n ti c re la ti o n sh ip
H ig h es t
ed u ca ti o n
co m p le te d
E m p lo y m en t
B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
U n -
em p lo y ed
Ja m es
b M a le
2 8
C o u p le d a
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
3 M a st er ’s D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e E L Z b
M a le
3 2
C o u p le d
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
4 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
T ru th
S ee k er
b M a le
2 9
S in g le
A fr ic a n ; N ig er ia n
2 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
D a v id
B ro w n b
M a le
3 5
S in g le
A fr ic a n
2 H ig h S ch o o l
F u ll -T im
e
L a u re n c
F em
a le
2 9
C o u p le d a
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n ; Ir is h ; N a ti v e
A m er ic a n
5 M a st er ’s D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
Je su sc
M a le
2 6
S in g le
C a ri b b ea n ; It a li a n ; E n g li sh
2 4
B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
B ra in
b M a le
2 9
C o u p le d
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
2 M a st er ’s D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e D o n o v a n b
M a le
3 0
C o u p le d a
N ig er ia n A m er ic a n
5 H ig h S ch o o l
F u ll -T im
e S a ra
c F em
a le
3 1
S in g le
S co tt is h ; C -Z ec h ; A fr ic a n A m er ic a n
3 M a st er ’s D eg re e
S tu d en t
R o x a n n eb
F em
a le
3 0
C o u p le d a
A fr ic a n A m er ic a n a n d Ja m a ic a n
4 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
M s. D iv a b
F em
a le
3 0
S in g le
In d ia n ; A fr ic a n A m er ic a n a n d W h it e
3 B a ch el o r’ s
D eg re e
F u ll -T im
e
a C u rr en t ro m a n ti c p a rt n er
a t th e ti m e o f st u d y a ls o p a rt ic ip a te d in
th is st u d y . b Id en ti fi ed
ra ci a ll y a s B la ck
o r A fr ic a n A m er ic a n o n d em
o g ra p h ic su rv ey
a n d
d u ri n g th e se m is tr u ct u re d
in te rv ie w . c Id en ti fi ed
ra ci a ll y a s b ir a ci a l/ m u lt ic u lt u ra l o n
d em
o g ra p h ic
su rv ey
a n d
se lf -i d en ti fi ed
a s B la ck
d u ri n g
se m is tr u ct u re d th e in te rv ie w .
470 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY July 2017
In her experience of establishing a romantic relationship with her current boyfriend, Big Daddy, and with other Black men in the past, Lauren also described the beginning stages as “good.”
I mean it’s been good . . . being able to relate just because of the culture, so it’s always nice to have somebody that you can relate culturally to, because it’s like you can make a refer- ence about something and they’ll get it. You could make a reference to, like, Rodney King or just different things like that and have a discussion about it. Even not have to have a discussion about it and you just kind of understand. I guess that has always been a good thing . . . to be able to laugh and joke about our culture. I was just watching this last night, The Color Purple. . . . You can make a reference and they’ll know what you’re talking about. So that’s an example of those little cultural things. Overall, I guess that has made for a positive experience. (Lauren, female, age 29)
Similar to many participants, Lauren gave voice to her experiences of relatability with Black romantic partners on the basis of having shared understandings of their racial cultural identity and background as Blacks. Such shared understandings and awareness of a racially based historical event and literature such as the “Rodney King incident” and “The Color Purple,” highlighted evi- dence and the importance of “very strong connection” that seemed to characterize the beginning stages of Black coupling experiences.
Categories Themes Subthemes
Category I: Experiences of Cultivating Intimate Romantic Relationships
Theme I: “Starts Off Good…at the Beginning”
Theme II: Unspoken bond…“Shared Experiences of Trials and Tribulations”
Subtheme a: “Having Each Other’s Backs”
Subtheme b: “Shared Experiences of Trials and Tribulations Wear on the Relationship”
Category II: Experiences of Maintaining Intimate Romantic Relationships
Theme 1: Maintaining Relationships is like Building a Sandcastle on the Beach
Category III: Desirability for marriage and/or secure intimate romantic relationship
Theme I: “Don’t want to rush into marriage”
Figure 1. Qualitative findings.
July 2017 JOURNAL OF MARITAL AND FAMILY THERAPY 471
James (age 28) also voiced the significance of a shared unspoken cultural understanding. He felt that having a commonality of being able to relate to Black women “without even having to say something, or even something as simple as you’re referencing a movie,” exemplified the importance of having a romantic mate who is able to connect with his culture. Like many male participants, James felt these relational experiences had “always” made for “cool . . . special and important” expe- riences in developing romantic relationships with Black women.
Theme II: Unspoken bond . . . “Shared Experiences of Trials and Tribulations.”. KB felt an “unspoken connection” between Black men and women because of “trials and tribulations” they experienced individually before coming together as a couple. Many participants like KB contextu- alized these “trials and tribulations” in their personal present experiences and awareness of histori- cal and contemporary racial oppression that Black people encounter in the United States.
So I can relate that to the Black community and romantic relationships in the sense that Black people for pretty much our existence even until today in this country have gone through different trials and tribulations. Some were more relevant and apparent during the Civil Rights Movement and obviously during the slavery period, but there are still tri- als and tribulations that we go through now. So to have individual people that all are experiencing these trials and tribulations: Black men have their own issues, and Black women have a different set of issues just because of their nationality and ethnicity [race]. To then be able to at some point come together, it’s like there’s an unspoken connection, I think, that kind of brings people together, which other ethnicities [races] I don’t think necessarily have that linkage. (KB, male, age 29)
KB explicated why racial “trials and tribulations” seemed to make Black male–female romantic relationships valuable. He evoked a sense of pride in experiencing and witnessing a quality rela- tionship between Black men and women because to him, such a relationship educed a feeling of tri- umphing over racial “trials and tribulations” that Black men and women encounter in their individual lives. The positive effects of the racial “trials and tribulations” that Black men and women encounter separately seemed to allow them to have a unique “unspoken connection” when they came together as a couple.
Subtheme A: “Having Each Other’s Backs.” For many participants, physically and emotion- ally being there for each other around shared experiences of racial “trials and tribulations” brought about an “unspoken connection,” generating a sense of “having each other’s backs.” However, for many participants these shared experiences also created a sense of sadness and deficit in efforts to prevent relationships from their destructive effects.
I do think especially in the Black community there is so much pressure from the outside. I think it’s so cool when you’re in a relationship with somebody, you feel like that person has your back. Because you’re dealing with a lot of mess outside, so you don’t want to come home to deal with a lot of mess inside your house. So I think what would be impor- tant to me, anyway, is having somebody who I feel like I can bear their burdens with them and be a place of refuge and not add to the stress. I think that’s especially important in Black male–female relationships because society tells us a lot of the time that we’re less than or that we can’t do this because we’re Black or we can’t X, Y, Z because of this. We have to jump through more hurdles. So I think what’s great is that on some level we understand the struggle. We understand each other’s struggle. I feel like that should pro- vide a safe place. (Firefly, female, age 28)
Repeatedly, several participants poignantly expressed the pain and sorrow of coupling with some- one who shared similar racial identity and unspoken understanding of racial assaults. For instance, Rocky felt the sense of shared comfort and togetherness as well as anguish about being in relation- ship with Star, who could sympathize and understand his complaints connected to negative experi- ences of being marginalized because of his race.
Let me take, for example, when I was dating somebody that was White, having to explain things like this is the reason we got sat by the bathroom at the restaurant . . . or something like that. Having to explain, you might not see the small signs of racism, so not having
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that aspect built in. Kind of having somebody that’s on my team is good and bad because now we get treated twice as bad, but at least I have somebody that I can complain to. . . . Well kind of understands, especially, dating a Black girl right now that’s from the sub- urbs, kind of can understand my upbringing and somebody that can relate to me, as opposed to anybody from any other race. (Rocky, male, age 25)
Although having someone who was on his “team” served to buffer implicit racism for Rocky because he had “somebody that [he] can complain to,” he also articulated mixed emotions about having a Black partner who was on the same “team” with him. As quite a few participants men- tioned, being on the same “team” as a Black couple meant they would experience racism together and thus would be “treated twice as bad.” Rocky was lamenting that not only would he have to experience racism, but his girlfriend would share this experience with him; as a team, they would probably experience double emotions of hurt, pain, and shame around being “treated twice as bad [ly]” because of their race.
Subtheme B: “Shared Experiences of Trials and Tribulations Wear on the Relationship.” JusMe spoke to the sense of weariness that other participants also expressed regarding the pride and admiration they felt in having an “unspoken connection” with potential or current partners due to intuitive knowledge, awareness, and personal experiences of shared racial “trials and tribulations.” Like Rocky, JusMe felt that having these shared “struggles” made cultivating and maintaining inti- mate romantic relationships with Black men “easy and hard.” Relationships were “easy” because they had that “unspoken connection” and knew each other’s struggles and history in society because of their race; “hard” because they are “from the same place,” having to confront racial oppressions in their individual daily lives.
Interviewer: . . .What makes it easy and what makes it hard?
JusMe: Because you already know, you know [what] I mean for the most, . . . you’re from the same place so I kind of know your history; I know what you’re about. But it’s also hard because we’re from the same place: I know what your struggles are; your struggles and my struggles are the same, and yours sometimes are more magnified than mine, so it’s good and it’s bad. (Female, age 33)
JusMe made a critical distinction between her struggles as a Black woman and her boyfriend’s struggles as a Black man. She indicated that the experience of her male partner’s struggles with racial “trials and tribulations” may be more intense than the woman’s struggles. JusMe alluded to a felt sense that this perception—male partner’s racial struggles are “sometimes more magnified” than female partner’s—may contribute to the relational difficulties women and men experience in efforts to cultivate romantic relationships.
Similarly, KB described how the experiences of daily racial “trials and tribulations” may con- tribute to the demise of Black male–female romantic relationships. As Black men and women establish their relationships, these “trials and tribulations” eventually wear on the individuals. Like many participants, KB discussed that for
Black people in this society, there are a lot of struggles . . . a lot of times whether you are the most educated and successful or not, you still have a lot of these trials and tribulations that you go through and your outlet is usually your partner. That outlet is not always a positive, supportive one. It is usually attacking or a negative outlet or a punching bag a lot of times.
KB’s description sadly illustrated that Black male–female romantic relationships may not nec- essarily “be a place of refuge” in which romantic partners have “each other’s backs” against the racial oppression of “trials and tribulations.” The inner emotional pain, struggles, hurts, and frus- trations that individuals embodied because of racial “trials and tribulations” are often directed toward their romantic partners negatively, destroying the secure attachments and efforts of Black men and women to establish their relationship with each other as “a place of refuge.” The outlet that romantic partners may seek in each other—that “place of refuge”—”isn’t always a positive, supportive one. It’s usually attacking or a negative outlet or a punching bag lot of times” because
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individuals may not truly understand their partner’s emotions and struggles around these “trials and tribulations” or know how to handle them.
In spite of Black couples’ education and success, KB believed romantic partners have difficulty expressing emotions that arise due to racial oppression, individually and collectively, in “positive and supportive” ways. It appeared difficult for participants to recognize and know how to address the racial “trials and tribulations” in their individual lives; thus, as a potential couple or current romantic partner, it may be challenging for both individuals to know how to effectively prevent these “issues” from creating a wedge in their intimate bonds.
I just think that ultimately if people stop thinking that relationships are easy, that’s half the battle. Especially the most oppressed race in United States’ history, like wouldn’t you think just in general just being a Black man, being a Black woman . . . that’s a struggle within itself. So being able to support each other, that whole topic is just stressful thinking about it, more so being in it. (Ms Diva, female, age 30)
Category II: Experiences of Maintaining Intimate Romantic Relationships Theme I: Maintaining relationships is like building a sandcastle on the beach. In describing
their overall experiences of dating and maintaining intimate romantic relationships, almost all the participants interpreted their experiences of sustaining romantic bonds as challenging, requiring a great deal of hard work. Donovan compared the experiences of never-married Black men and women as “building a sandcastle on the beach.” He stated,
It’s like you can do it. If you have the right tools, it can definitely work. But there’s constantly stuff working against you; the sand in and of its self will blow away. It’s not really stable like you can form it, but five minutes later it will just fall apart. You have the wind and the waves kind of causing havoc as well. So if you do have the proper tools, and you have the patience and the work ethic, it will definitely work. But it’s not just going to fall together by its self . . . . Very labor intensive. (Donovan, male, age 30)
Similar to many male participants, Donovan experienced sustaining relationships with Black women was “very labor intensive” because “there’s constantly stuff working against you.” Maintain- ing these romantic bonds also required “patience and proper tools” to prevent them from “fall[ing] apart.” The never-married Black men in this study experienced maintaining intimate romantic rela- tionships with Black women as “work.” KB expressed this view, indicating he felt “the motivation isn’t always there to maintain the relationship because relationships take a lot of work and take a lot of time from Black males.”
Several female participants, like Zaria, concurred that maintaining romantic bonds between Black men and women required patience and “intensive labor.”
Zaria: I don’t think I’m very good at [maintaining relationships with Black men]. The longest relationship I had was 2 years and that was my first boyfriend. Ever since then I’ve been dating, basically. My second boyfriend was only 8 months; I’ve really gotten less tolerant. The last guy I was dating 2 months maybe. It’s just like my patience is noth- ing now. I just cut them off.
Interviewer: What do you attribute that to?
Zaria: I’m just tired. I just feel like I can tell what he’s about to do before he’s going to do it. (Zaria, female, age 31)
Women and men described the need for self-preservation in safeguarding their emotions, dignities, time, energies, and labors as barriers to maintaining their romantic relationships.
Furthermore, Donovan believed the sociocultural context that holds the romantic relation- ships of never-married Black men and women greatly informs the “intensive labor” required to maintain these relationships.
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Interviewer: If you can go over the analogy, what would you say the waves and the wind are in Black male–female relationships?
Donovan: The culture is the ocean. The wave that comes in and causes the most havoc is the culture. The stereotypes that we deal with, I would say that is like the wind because it’s constantly blowing. You can deal with it if you have great communication to deal with it, but it’s something that’s constantly there. (Donovan, male, age 30)
Black women and men may hold each other at an arm’s length as they battle with the “constant waves and winds” of the racial assaults and stereotypes they encounter in society, which seemed to “cause the most havoc” in their efforts to maintain romantic bonds. Donovan believed the way to address the “waves and winds” is through “great communication”; however, “it’s something that’s constantly there,” wearing on their relationships. Thus, for many participants, the constant “wind” and “the wave” on never-married Black men and women created a coupling context in which they needed “lots of work,” in terms of mental and emotional energy, time commitment, and motivation to maintain and have “great communication” to address the ubiquitous influences of racial assaults and stereotypes on their relationships.
Category III: Desirability for marriage or secure intimate romantic relationship Theme I: “Don’t want to rush into marriage.”. The overwhelming majority of participants
expressed a desire for marriage. Quantitative results corroborated this finding in that, of the 26 participants, 26.9% indicated a “very strong desire” (7), 42.4% “quite a bit of desire” (11), 11.5% “a moderate desire” (3), 15.4% “a little desire” (4), and 3.8% “no desire” (1), on a 5-point Likert- type scale response. Particularly, participants qualitatively emphasized the importance of marriage to Black communities and their own personal decision to be married at the “right time . . . to the right person” to mitigate the chance of divorce. Most participants articulated a desire to be married and indicated a conscious decision for marriage that would not end in a divorce. Star desired to marry but felt that she was not “financially ready” and specifically indicated that she wanted to be “sure about [her] partner.”
The idea of getting married has been on my mind lately. And I think I would like to get married, but I think I want to wait until I’m financially ready. And I’m going to make sure that I’m sure about my partner. So it’s not going to be something that I rush into. (Star, female, age 25)
Like Star, Donovan, expressed a desire for marriage and the decision not to “rush.”
It’s always been my desire to have a family you know; Little DJ; little Donovan Jr. . . . It’s always been a strong desire of mine. Initially, I thought I was going to be married by like 23. I thought I was going to start having kids by 28. I had it all mapped out; 23 came and went; 28 came and went. And so now I mean I’m not in a rush because the only thing worse than not having a family is having a family with the wrong person because that’s not going to be good. Because of my beliefs, divorce is not an option. (Donovan, male, age 30)
Many participants articulated the significance of being certain or making a conscious decision about their marital partner and not “rush” into marriage just because they desired it. The over- whelming majority expressed a strong desire for marriage and seemed to view it as “a lifetime com- mitment” for which they are preparing themselves individually and as a potential or current couple.
DISCUSSION
Findings lend insights to ways never-married heterosexual Black men and women between the ages of 25 and 35 described and interpreted their experiences of cultivating and maintaining inti- mate romantic relationships. Particularly, the unique findings from this study identify the possibili- ties of how participants might experience historical and present-day racial trauma, thereby influencing the coupling processes of never-married Black men and women.
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Using the two theoretical concepts of self-namer and self-definer from Africana womanism, the overwhelming majority of participants named their experiences in developing and sustaining romantic relationship with mixed emotions (Hudson-Weems, 2008). Core themes such as relation- ships “starts off good . . . at the beginning”; “unspoken bond . . . shared experiences of trials and tribu- lations”; “maintaining relationships is like building a sandcastle on the beach”; and “don’t want to rush into marriage” illustrated the essence of the ambivalent emotions participants experienced in their coupling processes and romantic relationships.
Positive Aspects of Shared Racial Identity, Cultural Background, and Experiences Participants felt particularly strongly that the positive descriptions and emotions experienced
at the beginning of their coupling experiences aligned with their shared racial identity, history, and cultural background as Black people in the United States. They also compellingly felt that these strong connections and passions quickly dissipated, due to experiences they encountered in society as a result of shared racial identity, and historical and cultural backgrounds they cherished and admired in their potential and current romantic mates.
Consistently, study findings revealed that participants’ lived experiences with collective com- mon struggles associated with racial oppression underscored the significance and importance of common understanding and relatedness that garnered positive experiences and emotions at the beginning of their courtship. A quantitative study supporting this finding that Black women and men who embraced Afrocentric cultural consciousness tended to prioritize the admired character- istics of their ideal mate in terms of Black awareness, commitment to the Black community, mutual respect and sharing, emotional and intellectual stimulation, unconditional love, and family orien- tation (Bell, Bouie, & Baldwin, 1990). Although most study participants did not overtly embrace Afrocentric cultural consciousness, many of their narratives defined and named shared common awareness and experiences of Black men and women in society, based on their race as a positive and important element of coming together as a romantic couple. It is possible that understanding of what it means to be Black historically, culturally, and socially or an awareness of the racial “tri- als and tribulations” that Black people experience in society may be a critical quality that men and women admire and desire in a potential mate.
Additionally, participants’ narratives highlighted a compelling commitment to the concepts of interdependency and interconnectedness by emphasizing the significance of “having each other’s back” in their attempts to nurture and sustain an enduring, supportive, loving, romantic partner- ship as they struggle with the constant assaults of racial oppression they experience as individuals and partners in society (Hudson-Weems, 2008). These values of interdependency and interconnect- edness against racial oppression in never-married Black men and women’s romantic relationship are consistent with findings of “pulling together, work together and together we are strong” from two qualitative studies with married heterosexual African American couples (Cowdery et al., 2009; Marks et al., 2008).
Detrimental Effects of Shared Racial Identity, Cultural Background, and Experiences To understand the discrepancy between the high rates of never-married Blacks and their
expressed desire to be in romantic relationship with each other, and their ability to sustain these relationships, scholars have cited material resources such as gainful employment and education (Elliott et al., 2012; Marsh et al., 2007) that are critical to establishing and maintaining quality enduring romantic relationships that may or may not end in marriage. This study provides a unique contribution to the literature on nonmarital coupling scholarship enhancing understanding of the influences of the historical and contemporary social context on Black men and women’s cou- pling processes and experiences.
Participants felt that the “trials and tribulations” that Black people, like them, experience in society, historically and presently with daily experiences of explicit and implicit racism affect their motivation, desire, commitment, and efforts to maintain secure enduring romantic relationships. This finding lends support to scholars’ assertion that the discrepancy between the high rates of never-married Blacks and their expressed desire to be in romantic relation- ships is due to external factors related to racial experiences of Black men and women in soci- ety (Helm & Carlson, 2013).
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Using the theoretical concept of symbolic interactionism, the historical and current cultural environment holds never-married Black male–female coupling processes and relationships with contaminants of sociohistorical and sociocultural racial trauma from slavery, present-day oppres- sion of explicit and implicit racism, and constant stressors of negative racial stereotypes. This find- ing concurs with previous literature on the destructive impacts of residual effects of slavery, racism, and racial stereotypes on the stability and quality of Black male–female romantic relation- ships (Watson, 2013; Wilkins et al., 2013). Similarly, the symbolic representation of never-married Black male–female relationships as “a sandcastle on a beach” seemed to evoke a sense of the frailty and uncertainty about the stability of these relationships in the context of sociohistorical and con- stant sociocultural racial assaults.
Participants felt that Regardless of their gender, education, success, desire, motivation, hard work, and effective communication skills in protecting their romantic bonds from racial “trial and tribulation,” the constant “wind and waves” of negative racial stereotypes and racism adversely impact their efforts to secure a quality enduring love with one another. This finding calls for further exploration of the ways sociohistorical, sociocultural, and present-day racial oppression impacts the coupling processes and experiences of nonmarital Black male–female romantic relationships.
Relational Effects of Sociohistorical and Sociocultural Racial Trauma A critical function of Black male–female romantic relationships is that never-married Black
men and women view their relationships as a place of sanctuary, a place of protection from the daily struggles and assaults of racial traumas and oppression they experience in society. Thus, it is possible that never-married Black men and women’s coupling processes and relationships require more emotional and psychological focus and attention, compared to those of other racial groups (Awosan & Opara, in press). As one participant potently asserted,
especially the most oppressed race in United States’ history, just being a Black man, being a Black woman, that’s a struggle within itself. So being able to support each other, that whole topic is just stressful thinking about it, more so being in it. Relationships are work.
Although participants compellingly expressed admiration and desire to “carry each other’s racial burdens,” they also experienced the effects of racial assaults as detrimental to their individual mental, psychological, and emotional well-being and even more damaging to their relational bond with romantic mates. Having to attend to one’s racial assaults and wounds of oppression, as well as witness and carry one’s romantic partner’s pain and struggles around racial oppression, nega- tively impact Black male–females coupling experiences, possibly dampening men and women’s desire and motivation to establish romantic relationships with one another. Additionally, such negative influence creates stressful feelings of sadness and inadequacy, rendering men and women unable to protect themselves and their partner from these racial assaults. Sadly, the stressors of racial trauma can undermine potential for intimacy among never-married Black men and women, even before it develops (Awosan & Opara, in press; Camp, 2002).
Another unique finding of this study is that men and women may experience the effects of racial oppression differently. Such gender difference may influence the ways potential and current partners communicate, understand, and support each other around the emotional and psychologi- cal effects of racial assaults.
Attitude and Desirability for Secure Intimate Romantic Relationship or Marriage Almost all participants described the initial stages of developing romantic relationships with a
Black woman or man as “very good . . . very passionate . . . very strong connection . . . good . . . cool . . . beautiful . . . wonderful.” These positive descriptions and emotions, experienced at the earlier stages of participants’ coupling process, support scholars’ assertions that Black men and women do desire to establish and be involved in stable romantic relationships (Barr et al., 2015).
Not only did more than half of the participants either desired to be involved in a romantic relationship or were currently involved in one, a majority also expressed a strong desire to be mar- ried. Quantitative responses supported a “very strong desire” and “quite a bit of desire” for mar- riage. This finding also validates a recent study that found a strong appeal for and salience toward marriage among African American young adults (Barr et al., 2015). The precipitous decline in
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marriage rates and increased rates of singlehood may imply that Black men and women are apa- thetic to marriage or stable intimate romantic relationships (Marsh et al., 2007). However, findings from this study are consistent with Patterson’s (1998) view that the lack of partnership among heterosexual Blacks does not contradict their desire and value for marriage or commitment to a stable romantic relationship.
In their expressed values and desires for enduring marriages, male and female participants articulated the need to select the right partner and a strong distain for divorce. Browne (2014) found similar sentiments from unmarried Black men who desired marriage but were concerned about the possibility of divorce and finding the right woman, particularly one who understands them. It is plausible that never-married heterosexual Black men and women, “Love Jones Cohort” single and living alone (Marsh et al., 2007), may be postponing marriage because they desire to marry the right partner and maintain an enduring marriage, immune to divorce, not because they voluntarily choose to remain single as a result of achieving and solidifying their middle-class status as part of a growing population of a Black middle class.
TRAINING AND CLINICAL IMPLICATIONS
Study findings offer several important training and clinical implications for Couple and Fam- ily Therapists (CFTs) working with never-married heterosexual single or coupled Black men and women. Given the rise in singlehood and first age of marriage, it is probable that more never-mar- ried single and coupled Black men and women will seek therapeutic services to address the difficul- ties they face in their coupling processes and experiences. Study findings revealed that participants largely experienced coupling processes as psychologically, emotionally, and relationally taxing. Thus, CFTs must not only understand the coupling processes and experiences of Black men and women, but also how to help forestall and ameliorate the psychological, emotional, and relational challenges they encounter in their efforts to secure enduring romantic relationships or marriage. To achieve this end, CFTs must attend to several areas in clinical training and in therapeutic work with this population.
First, the overwhelming majority of participants contextualized and defined their coupling experiences in the context of racial background and experiences, historically and presently. Many participants referenced Black male–female coupling processes, experiences, and relationships as different from those of other racial groups. Thus, context is critical to effective ethically and cultur- ally responsive treatment. Unfortunately, almost all the major theoretical models in the field of CFT conceptualize romantic relationships and processes from the perspective of “theoretical myth of sameness” in which all couples, regardless of contextual background, possess similar relational and emotional dynamics (Hardy, 1989). In particular, many therapeutic theories in family therapy, such as emotionally focused couple therapy, center on the Eurocentric theoretical model.
Using a Eurocentric worldview of coupling obfuscates understanding of the coupling pro- cesses and romantic relationships between Black men and women (Lawrence-Webb, Littlefield, & Okundaye, 2004). Therefore, it is critical for clinicians to comprehend how coupling in their socio- historical and sociocultural contexts influences single and coupled Black men and women’s experi- ences, attitudes, and beliefs about romantic involvement, evaluation of potential and current partners, and the qualities and outcomes of their relationships. The use of cultural genogram would be effective in exploring and understanding sociohistorical and sociocultural contexts (Hardy & Laszloffy, 1995). Questions such as “In what ways have your past or current experiences in society as a Black woman or man influenced your coupling experiences or mate-selection pro- cesses?” and “What are your feelings as a Black male or female around your dating experiences?” can aid in exploring the ways historical and current racial experiences impact men and women’s views of a potential or current romantic mate, themselves as a romantic partner, and their coupling experiences.
Second, participants felt that cultivating and maintaining intimate romantic relationships with Black potential mates or current partners was “difficult,” “hard,” and “labor intensive” because of their shared experiences of “trials and tribulations” as a result of the racial oppressions they cur- rently and historically face. These findings explicate the need for clinicians to not only conceptual- ize Black male–female coupling experiences in their sociohistorical and sociocultural contexts, but
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also the necessity to recognize, identify, and talk about race in therapeutic work with this popula- tion, whether or not the client brings it up (Laszloffy & Hardy, 2000).
The topic of race seemed to permeate participants’ entire experiences of romantic coupling. In initial courtship Black men and women seemed to be attracted to each other because of their “shared cultural experiences” or as they struggle and work together to maintain their relationships by “having each other’s backs,” to prevent the infiltration of implicit and explicit racism from their “place of refuge.” Clinicians must recognize the ways implicit and explicit racism, residual effects of slavery, and negative racial stereotypes adversely impact men and women’s efforts to cultivate and maintain romantic relationships (Awosan & Opara, in press; Watson, 2013; Wilkins et al., 2013). Identifying race and its effects on clients’ lives is challenging. To effectively train and super- vise clinicians in clinically ethical and culturally responsive ways in their work with Black singles and couples, therapists of all racial groups should develop racial awareness and sensitivity (Hardy & Laszloffy, 1992), equipping clinicians to recognize, acknowledge, and validate the presence and effects of sociocultural trauma such as race in therapy (Hardy, 2016). Therapists can achieve such awareness and sensitivity by engaging with various writings and experiential learning on the effects of racism in clients’ lives (Laszloffy & Habekost, 2010).
LIMITATIONS
Although the unique study findings provide significant insights into the lived experiences of never-married heterosexual Black male–female coupling experiences, limitations existed. The aim of most qualitative research is to arrive at a comprehensive understanding of participants’ experi- ences. Conclusions gained from this study are specific to this population; generalization to other groups should be tentative, given the obvious fact that no research findings are definitive.
A critical limitation of this study was the exclusion of perspectives of Black lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) individuals and same-sex couples. Their perspectives on Black heterosexual intimate romantic experiences may be critical in further understanding intimate romantic experiences and relationships among heterosexual Black men and women. Future research can explore the similarities and differences in coupling experiences of Black LGBT and heterosexual men and women, based on their racial backgrounds and experiences.
NOTE
1 We use the word Black rather than the term African American throughout this article to
describe individuals who identify as descendants of Africa and the African Diaspora (i.e., Africans, African Americans, Afro-Caribbean-Americans, biracial/multiracial, etc.).
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