essay

My conflict

A month ago, I encountered a serious conflict. This conflict occurred in my family including my dad and me. The reason for the conflict was so upset that I felt my pressure was very high. In China, parents like to intervene in their children's future. In their eyes, their children can only live in their own way. Therefore, my father wants me to find a girlfriend to marry and have children sooner, but this is ridiculous to me. In my opinion, I still don't have the ability to support a child because I haven't finished my studies. In my father's opinion, if I have a child, my father will help me raise him. Although it seems easy, he still puts a lot of pressure on me. This conflict confuses me because I don't know how to resolve it. But through two weeks of study, I have a preliminary understanding of how to resolve a conflict, which is of great significance to me.

By Using the five core principles and MVS to resolve conflict

Before taking this course, I always like to avoid the conflicts I encounter. It turns out that this approach is wrong. According to authors stated，“As new problems emerge, we have to be focused enough not to get sidetracked. We can not let every breeze blow us in a different direction.”（Patterson et al， P,98). When problems occur, we need to focus on one direction. Besides, Through understanding the five principles and MVS, I understand how to use a systematic approach to help me resolve the conflict I encounter in my life or work. The five principles can make me know that how to analyze conflict and how to solve them and the MVS can make me understand the motivational value which I have.

Anticipate

In terms of anticipate, it can improve my personality when I encounter a conflict which is inevitable. In other words, I would have guessed the conflict before it happened. It can bring me a lot of time and opportunities to think about words is which I want to express so that I can solve it according to the way I thought about it at the beginning. Therefore, this part is a necessary part for me. The reason for this is that I will not be confused or surprised when I am in conflict. Moreover, anticipate help me to have a wise brain. More details, anticipate and futuristic are similar. Futuristic people are always able to use their brain to discover future problems and deal with them well.

Prevent

In terms of prevent, it is an essential part in the five core principles. It can help me stay away from dangerous and unhealthy predicaments. For example, if my father insists on asking me to have a girlfriend, he might arrange a blind date for me. Using this principle, I can use the first step which is anticipate to prevent it. The better method to do that is to admit conflict when it appear. For example, when I am arguing with my father, I cannot choose to avoid it. What I have to do is to admit this dispute and come up with a decision to respond to his actions which is incomprehensible.

Identify

For identify, It will help me find out what way should I take to resolve this conflict. First of all, I will identify the differences between me and my father. This is to help me find the essence of this conflict. Secondly, I will analyze it to decide what kind of countermeasures that I need to take to persuade my father. My father's thinking is very clear. He hopes that I can get married soon and have a son for him. This will add a lot of fun to his life. According to center for creative leadership（2020）“Describe the conflict from your perspective as objectively, clearly, and specifically as you can. Talk honestly and directly to the other person.” Therefore,about his thinking, I will say that marriage is not an easy task. It requires long-term running and getting along between two people to determine it. If I look for a lady just for childbirth, it will make her feel that I am an irresponsible man. At the same time, you will also be considered an irresponsible father.

Manage

Managing your emotions is a necessary method. It can help me resolve conflicts through emotional expression. The first thing I want to do is to find the emotional aspect of the conflict and acknowledge it. Obviously, my father loves me, but the way he conveys love is incorrect. I can show love and respect to my father to reduce the conflict between us. Therefore, only by finding out emotions can we better manage the conflict between me and my father.

Resolve

After mastering the four principles, I can deal with this problem. Before the conflict is resolved, these four methods are indispensable and they cannot exist alone. The last step is also the most critical step, because it requires you to spend a lot of time to exercise.

Motivational value system

By judgment, my motivational value is blue and green, which is cautious-supporting. As the author stated, “The blue-green group pays attention to others and their own development. They prefer to develop self-sufficiency”(scudder, et al, 2011,p,117). In addition, my father’s motivational value is red, which is Assertive-Directing. The author found that people in red pay more attention to completing tasks. They think that achieving results is so important that they need concern for organization of cash, time, member.(Scudder, et al, 2011, p, 116) By understanding my father's MVS, I understand his thoughts and his characteristics of dealing with conflicts. This helps me resolve the conflict between us.

At last, our conflict happened a month ago, and it was resolved before taking this course. Through communication, my father thought his idea was really unrealistic, so he made concessions. Although the ending is good, the resolution process is very difficult.

References

6 Tips for Leading Through Conflict.(2020, November 16) Retrieved 2021, from center for creative leadership

https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/calm-conflict-in-the-workplace/

Kerry D Patterson; Joseph Grenny; David Maxfield; Ron McMillan; Al Switzler(2013): Crucial accountability : tools for resolving violated expectations, broken commitments, and bad behavior.New York McGraw Hill Education

Scudder, T, Patterson, M Mitchell, K (2011): Have a nice conflict, Jossey-Bass,One Montgomery Street, Suite 1200, San Francisco, CA 94104-4594