Write a handout by summarizing the material

Common Clarity Errors

The following are clarity errors that I find regularly in student papers. Consider each of these banned from all formal writing for this class. Each inclusion will result in the direct deduction of a point from your paper’s score.

Feel free to draft your document using these short-cuts, if you prefer. But then be sure to revise them out of the document before submission.

Each of these errors originates when a writer has lost connection with the idea he or she is hoping to convey; if the writer has lost that connection, what hope is there for the reader? Focus, and remember the strategies articulated in the notes and lectures of this class.

Hanging “This”:

Salmon feed heavily while at sea and bring the nutrients they accumulate there back into freshwater. This delivers those nutrients inland to the forests and farms of inland valleys.

Notice, the hanging “this.”

“This” is a pronoun used mostly in speech to refer to a specific place or thing. We point to a spot or we hold up an item and we say, “This is where you should go,” or “This is what at you should use.” In written communication, writers start reaching for “this” when they are feeling tired with the prospect of actually connecting one sentence to the next.

If you feel your sentence must use the word “this” (no sentence ever requires the word, by the way), then tell us what you are pointing to, as in “This migration delivers those nutrients inland to the forests and farms of inland valleys.”

Empty Pronouns:

It is true that some people prefer to hate rather than to forgive.

Notice the “it” at the start of this sentence does not replace a specific noun. The word “it” in that sentence is empty.

Pronouns replace specific nouns. Yet spoken language often relies on “empty pronouns” to buy the speaker time. You may encounter moments in your professional life when you need an empty pronoun, but in this class, I want to you practice writing without them, as many students come to abuse the privilege at the cost of clarity.

Vague Pronouns:

Betsy took her dog to the park, and she rolled in poop.

In this sentence, the author intends the “she” to replace the noun “dog,” but many readers will misunderstand the sentence and believe the “she” replaces “Betsy.”

Whenever you use a pronoun, stop and ask yourself, “What noun does this pronoun replace?” If you’re not sure, your reader won’t be either.

Remember, pronouns are gender and time sensitive, meaning that they are heavily context dependent. Readers are trained to believe that any given pronoun will replace the last fitting noun. In the above example, readers may be confused because the dog’s gender remains unstated; the reader naturally goes back to the last female noun in the sentence, “Betsy.”

In this case, a revision might look like: “Betsy took her dog to the park, where the animal rolled in poop.”

Sometimes, we’re better off removing a troubling pronoun altogether.

Which verses That:

Dogwood trees which are yellow will soon lose their leaves.

“Which” is a special word that often signifies parenthetical information. (Parenthetical information is a type of idea; see the Idea Types notes in Module 2). Student writers often use “which” when they should use the word “that,” causing reader confusion.

The above example says, literally, that all dogwood trees will soon lose their leaves. It also says that all dogwood trees are yellow. (Dogwood trees, which are yellow, will soon lose their leaves.) These reader conclusions are not what the author of that sentence intended.

By simply changing the “which” to “that,” clarity is restored.

Dogwood trees that are yellow will soon lose their leaves.

In the revised sentence, only dogwood trees whose leaves are yellow will soon drop their foliage. Notice the substantial difference in meaning?

Always try the word “that” first. If the meaning doesn’t match what you intend, then try “which.” Remember, “which” often signifies a break in ideas, which means you’ll also need to insert one or more commas.