Comparison/Contrast Essay
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comment.docxAbakporo
INTRODUCTION/THESIS: Rowland, be sure that you create a thesis that contains a clear comparative argument, preferably with details of the points of comparison of the two missions you discuss in your essay. The grounds for comparison should determine the comparative nature of your thesis, and the thesis depends on how the two topics you've chosen to compare and contrast actually relate to one another. Be sure to review your professor’s instructions, check out the link in the section below, and pay close attention to the “Your Thesis” section.
CONTENT DEVELOPMENT: Rowland, you can develop effective unity of your essay by developing more effective topic sentences that directly connect to and support your overall thesis, once you revise it. You can also develop an efficient flow of your essay by structuring your body paragraphs to better analyze the specific points of comparison and contrast you discuss. I provide you with a comparison/contrast outline handout to help you create effective topic sentences and to help you to further develop your thoughts. These resources will help you to further develop your essay. Here are some links to help you as well:
USE OF RESOURCES: Rowland, while you do a good job of incorporating information from your outside sources, you want to make sure that you explain how this information supports your claims. I also noticed at least one area where you haven’t clearly identified the resource you use to develop your essay. In a research paper, readers need to know when you rely on outside sources. If you do not make this distinction, you might accidentally plagiarize or use someone else’s words or ideas as though they are your own.
You will see at least one area in your paper where I point out possible plagiarism. You will see text highlighted in lime green that is assumed to have come from source material because it is not common knowledge and would have had to come from an outside source.
GRAMMAR & MECHANICS: Rowland, the few grammatical and mechanical errors that I found in your paper pertain to comma usage. Check are some links to help you with those errors:
1. Extended Rules for Using Commas
Be sure to check out the comments that I have left throughout the text of your essay
Good luck with your revisions!
Geroya Richardson, English and Writing Tutor
Rowland Abakporo
Janis Innis
English 1301
06/28/2019
Comparison essay
NASA [The first time that a short form is used, it must be written out completely with the abbreviation or acronym in parenthesis. After that, you may use just the shortened form.] is a national Agency of the United States that leads an innovative space exploration. The agency has achieved significant success in the past few years. In the past, the agency has successfully landed men on the moon and preparations are underway to send a team to Mars. [Using an obscure piece of information that is not common knowledge makes your work suspicious. See the handout about Common Knowledge. Without a citation here, this could be considered plagiarism.] The agency’s Apollo mission is closely related to the planned mission to the Mars. [Make sure that you have included enough information so the reader clearly sees what you are saying.] NASA aims to explore the universe to explain the misery of life. [The thesis statement of a paper controls the development of the entire paper. It explains what the paper is about and how it will be developed. Your thesis statement is missing, underdeveloped, or incorrect.]
The two missions, Apollo mission and the planned Mars mission, [A comma needs to be added.] involve a spacecraft designed to meet the conditions of their targets. The aim of the two missions is to explore locations across the universe with the use of innovative technologies (Graff, 24). The Apollo was the first manned mission to the moon and this will be the same for the planned mars mission. [Rowland, in this draft, you have not yet fully developed your paragraphs or included enough points nor pertinent information to support those points. I provide you with resources to help you to further develop your essay, so be sure to check out the outline and the links I provide you.]
The Apollo missions were unique since they were the first mission to land men on the moon. The main reason for the Apollo missions was to land men on the moon. The rocket also used for the mission was the most powerful ever to be built by men. The Mission successfully landed men on the lunar surface and safely returned to the earth (Yu et al., al 34).
The planned mars missions are unique in the sense that previously there is no other manned mission that has made it to the planet. This mission will allow astronauts to explore the red planet and gather significant insights on its existence (Zurek et al., 23). This mission will involve innovative technology that will allow astronauts to gather as much information as possible from the planet.
In conclusion, NASA missions provide significant insights on the state of other planets and bodies that helps us in our scientific advancements as well as the economy. The Mission to the mars will help us understand the planet’s geology, climate and the role of water.
Works Cited
[Rowland, in the future, try using the Page Break feature to ensure that your Works Cited always begins on a new page, as I’ve done here. You can easily create a page break by placing the cursor just before the words “Works Cited” and hitting CTRL+ENTR.]
Graff, Paige V. "Apollo Missions to the Lunar Surface." (2018).
Yu, Shanshan, et al. "Molecular spectroscopy and NASA missions." (2016).
Zurek, Richard, et al. "Ongoing Mars Missions: Extended Mission Plans." AAS/Division for Planetary Sciences Meeting Abstracts# 48. Vol. 48. 2016.
