communication eveulation of interview

Interview Guide

Who: Ali, a friend from college What: A stay-at-home father who gave up his high paying job to raise his son, although the choice was his, he got a lot of criticism for it from his community. (He comes from an Arab community, and they are much more conservative of gender roles). Where: Public library (we live next to each other, so it was easy to meet up at our district’s public library). When: December 6, 2021 (I wrote the responses in 1st Person since it made it easier to take the notes)

1. What made you feel silenced as a stay-at-home father? a. I definitely was silenced from my choice since no matter what people refused to

show me respect and listen to my reasoning, they kept pushing me to go back to my job. Everything seemed to revolve around masculinity, and since me making the choice of being a stay-at-home father went against my community’s gender roles, they truly believe that my choice was tearing away from my manhood. Everyone is so set on a woman being a stay-at-home mother, and because this was the stereotypical and conservative belief they grew up adhering, most of the time they found it hard to listen to my reasoning because they believe that they had a stronger reasoning behind their beliefs.

2. Why did you make the decision to be a stay-at-home father? a. Don’t get me wrong- my wife and I had high paying jobs, and we were very much

able to afford a babysitter. I chose to raise my child on my own only because I wanted to make sure my son was receiving enough care and love from his own parent(s). I didn’t grow up in the best and most healthy household, and due to my past traumatic experiences, I wanted to make sure my child does not live through that. It really messes with your head you know? My goal was to provide a healthy, loving, caring, and safe environment to live in.

3. Did you put in any effort to find a babysitter? Why did you not go with that decision?

a. For months, the thought and planning of hiring a babysitter was on the table, but deep down I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I knew that no matter how many amazing babysitters my wife and I interviewed, it was never gonna be good enough. We found many great candidates, they were all amazing and were willing to work with our guidelines. However, guilt held me back everytime, and it made it hard to try to trust anyone to care for my child the right way, my way. So my wife and I had a tough discussion, and we decided that she brings in the income, and I take care of our son. I did quit my job, but I am still attending college

part-time. Making this decision guaranteed us both that our child would grow up with love and care.

4. What did you do when you got criticism from the male community? a. You know, when you grow up in an Arab community, we were always taught that

men work and bring the income, while women take time off their job or school to take care of their child. When I shared my decision with the male community, I often had very odd reactions and even funny reactions from everyone. I had some males ask me if my wife forced me to quit my job, and I had others tell me that my wife is more manly than me. Most disagreed with my decision because it wasn't a manly thing to do. But honestly, at the end of the day the choice is between my wife and I. The gossip and backlash that revolves around our choice doesn’t get to us because we know what we're doing for our child is for the best. So, I simply ignore it and proceed with my life.

5. How did your family/friends react to your choice? a. My friends have always supported any choice I made regardless of what it was, of

course as long as it was thought through. They did seem very concerned at first, but they know me very well and they know this is a choice that makes me happy, so they are very happy and supportive of my choice. My family on the other hand had a tough time taking it in because it wasn't within their cultural norms. In our culture, it is usually the men who go to work while the women stay home to take care of the child. To this day, they are very disgusted and disappointed with my choice. But again, I did grow up in a toxic household, I don’t expect them to respect nor be proud of my decision.

6. Did you ever voice out your opinion that it's normal to be a stay-at-home father? Would you recommend your choice?

a. Oh yes, many many many times. I have tried to explain to both, the male and Arab community, that it was definitely a normal thing to to be a stay-at-home father. Obviously, years ago this was never the norm. But look at the world now, I truly believe gender roles are slowly dying out- I mean for goodness sake we have women fighting in war now! As the years go on, we should work towards destroying old conservative stereotypes, not embrace them. I would definitely recommend my choice if that's what it comes down to- I was traumatized from my child and was afraid that my child would live through that too. I feel like the choice really depends on one’s circumstances, but I am definitely proud of my choice and I will continue to voice out my opinion, regardless of the hate.

7. Did you embrace being a stay at home father? Would you do it again if you had another child?

a. Of course! My son calls me a superhero, how can you not embrace that? *laughs and cries joyfully* My son, (who is 5 years old) is very close to me, and trusts me a lot. There are things he’s told me that as a child I wish I was able to tell my father- like “hey dad my crush talked to me today!” So, I guess we can say the goal is accomplished. Truly, we've built a great bond and I cannot wait for our bond to grow even stronger as we age. Don’t mistake me, being a stay-at-father is great and all, but it is very tough. Regardless of all that, I would still do it all again if I had another child! It truly is a blessing knowing that my kid knows he's loved and cared for, and the outcome of my son was definitely worth leaving my job.