Final Reflection Paper

As my wife and I have kind of put on hold things till after the summer, I feel like it a really good choice. We did not put coaching on hold, nor has she stopped looking for a job, but rather she is looking for a GS job that could take months to get due to the background checks and application process. We have come to the realization that we will have to commute as we were trying to avoid that, but reality has it that if we want the jobs, we want then we are going to have to.

2. What is the real challenge for you now that we have gone through this process?

It was a real challenge to understand her side, and just when I thought I had it I would be back at square one. For instance, I knew she wanted a job from seven to three in the afternoon and I know my daughter has therapy but for some reason in my brain I was just not thinking about that, but I was thinking about money, job, and her working. Our last conversation helped me to hear this instead of just listening to her.

3. What is the desired goal? (You can have them do an exercise for you where they draw {pictures} their goal and where they see themselves)

That is a very interesting concept, I asked my wife about this and she said that it would be a picture of her behind a desk, in work clothes, and having some responsibility. I asked about a list she would make also. Other then her main goal of working her big concerns are her working and able to support our family at least for a little bit when I retire so that I do not have to rush into the work force, and I can take some time.

4. What else can I do to support you? Who else can help? Do they know?

I can honestly only be there for her right now. I offered to go to a hiring event with her, she is nervous about going and she asked if I could come and support her. I am helping her get a resume together as well as work on her cover letter to hand out at this event. I think just being there for her and helping her with the transition is what is going to help her most. She is independent and can mange by herself but does better support. She leans on her friends for support, she also reaches out to a Facebook group that helps spouses find jobs as well as post job events, she also has made appointments with the people that help write resumes on post to get incite and have professional help with it.

5. If you say yes to this, dedicate your time to this, what are you saying no to? This is key, make a commitment.

She has my full support; I offer any help that I can as well as any leads that I can with the help of people that I have met in my line of work. We are both fully committed, and I think that is what is making this process go further beucase we have the same goals as well as wants for the outcome we are going for.

6. What has been most useful to you?

Mapping out what she wants the outcome to be. It had changed and she is still back and forth between working GS or USAA but in the end the better job will show once she gets an offer. Keeping with the ABS’s has helped me to coach her better. It brings me back to ask the questions, make the suggestions and rework things that may not be working with her.

7. COACH - reflect on the entire process, what worked, what did not work? What would you do differently? What options did you have to change course? What are your next steps?

Working together has just always worked for us. I didn’t have any reservations about stepping up to coach my wife. She likes to rely on me, and I rely on her. This works out very well beucase she is open to suggestions from me, she understands that I have the experance and she has the smarts. We make a great team. The thing that did not work for a bit was me not understanding her concerns, and I honestly do not even know why I did not understand them beucase its our everyday life with our daughter and her likelihood that she needs to become an adult. I had to not just listen to her, but I needed to start hearing her. Our next steps right now are just taking it slow if something comes up with a job for it, we deal with it then. We have summer coming up and with three children out of school it can be harder to find child care as well as pay them for the day with all the kids verse one child at home.