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CM310-Communication and Conflict

Unit 7: Case Study: Power

Deborah Davis, Ph.D.

“Eye to Eye”

It was early Saturday morning. The bright sun was shining into the

kitchen window. Enrique and Monica, a recently married young couple, sat at

the table, sipping coffee, chatting about the day ahead, what they would do

during the day, where they might go in the evening. Monica chirped in,

saying, “I have a real craving for pizza tonight. Or maybe we could go to the

movies. Or maybe both! It‟s been so long since we‟ve been out together.”

“Let‟s see how the day goes first, ok?” Enrique replied. “I‟m not sure,

but we‟ll figure something out.” He looked at Monica, then away, gazing into

space.

“Well, alright,” Monica said, “but let‟s really think about what we‟ll do

tonight. I‟d love to spend time with my new husband!”

There was a brief silence, when Monica quietly said, “There‟s so much

to do around the house—you know, all the laundry that‟s been piling up over

the last two weeks, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the house—all that

stuff.” Hoping for a response, she waited. “I wonder what he‟s thinking,” she

said to herself. She remembered her own mother and father‟s „discussions”

about housework and how they would always just jump into battle and „bite

each other‟s head off.‟ The shouting would continue, both trying to outdo the

other. Her father would yell, saying, “I don‟t see why I need to help you

around the house; I work all day and I‟m tired. I just want to relax on the

weekend! ” Then, her mother would eventually give in, doing the housework

herself.

Not getting a response from Enrique, Monica decided to change the

subject altogether. “How‟s work?” she asked.

“Oh, you know, same thing, different day,” he responded.

“You‟re up for a promotion, though, right?” she inquired.

“Uh huh. For a supervisor, Mr. Kelly‟s not too bad. I mean, we all like

him, even though he‟s the boss. I just wish I had some pull, but there are so

many other people who are after the same job. Just makes me feel like I

don‟t have any say in the matter, you know?”

Wanting to be helpful and encouraging, Monica said, “I know how

much you want that position and we certainly could use the money. How

about we work on cleaning the house a little together, then we can go have

a pizza? Will help you forget about the job for awhile.”

“Forget about the job!” Enrique shrieked. “How am I supposed to do

that? You know how important it is to me.” Monica quietly got up from her

chair, walked to the sink and silently began doing the dishes left over from

the night before.

Enrique slowly rose from his chair and moved to Monica, put his arms

around her, and whispered, “I‟m sorry, honey. I guess we just see the

promotion differently, right? I mean, when you say things like I should

forget about it, I just go crazy.”

“I didn‟t say you should forget it, Enrique. I said, let‟s do something

else for awhile to take your mind off the job, like clean the house, then go

out.” After a slight pause, Monica turned around, faced Enrique, and

resolutely said, “I wish you would listen to what I‟m saying.”

As Enrique backed away slowly, he could feel his blood pressure rise.

He knew he was locked into a no-win situation—whatever he said or did now

would definitely be bad. Monica had a temper—he‟d seen it before. “Why

does she always say I‟m not listening?” he said to himself. “What‟s wrong

with her—doesn‟t she see how much I‟m trying, how hard I‟m working?” He

believed he and Monica had clear picture of one another.

Enrique regained his composure, then said, “Ok, ok. I‟ll go see Jack for

a while, while you clean the house. I‟ll come back later to pick you up for

pizza, and who knows, maybe a movie.”

“You mean you aren‟t going to help me around the house?” Monica

demanded to know. Now, her blood pressure began to rise. “How am I

supposed to do all the work around the house? I work too, you know! You‟re

not the only one who‟s tired by the time Friday comes! Who says I have to

do everything while you go see your friend?”

By this point, both Enrique and Monica were seething, facing off in a

battle, each needing to win. Monica saw a cold unsympathetic husband she

thought she knew, and Enrique saw a manipulative uncaring wife he thought

he married.

“Fine,” he said. “I‟m going to Jack‟s house. I‟ll call you later.”

As Monica watched him leave, she walked slowly to the kitchen table

and sat down. She could not help but think of her parents and if she and her

husband would end up that way