Analyzing a Corporate Message

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Improving Ease of Reading with Natural Style

The closer you match your writing style to the way your readers think and talk, the easier it is for them to process the information you present. Ease of processing means your readers need less mental effort to understand your message, which is especially important for readers who are busy and preoccupied with other work challenges.

Several broad principles support the strategies in this section. First, people can generally process information more quickly when writers use action verbs. Second, people tend to think in a doer- action-object pattern, so using this pattern in your writing enhances comprehension. Furthermore, when the subject or doer is missing from the sentence, readers may become confused. Third, people generally process simple, short words more quickly than long, complex ones.

Use Action Verbs When Possible

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As a business writer, you want to project a positive, can-do, action- oriented tone whenever possible. Indeed, fostering action is the basic purpose of most workplace communication. Using action verbs focuses on the goal of coordinating action in the workplace and livens up your writing. Also, it usually reduces word count.

Typically, then, you can focus on two types of revisions to achieve more effective action verbs. First, find nouns that you can convert to action verbs. For example, have a meeting becomes meet or have a discussion becomes discuss. Second, find forms of the verb to be (e.g., be verbs such as is, are, am) and convert them to action verbs (see Table 6.8 ). For example, Sunrise is a great place to open a franchise with becomes Sunrise provides great opportunities for franchises.

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TABLE 6.8 Using Action Verbs

Less Effective More Effective

We have made an estimate

that you will need an initial

investment of between

$290,000 and $605,000.

We estimate that you will

initially invest between

$290,000 and $605,000.

This sentence contains 17

words.

This revision contains 11 words.

Sunrise is a company with

excellent customer service.

Sunrise provides excellent

customer service.

This sentence contains 8

words.

This revision contains 5 words.

Use Active Voice One way to immediately improve your writing is to use active rather than passive voice in most sentences. Active voice and passive voice contain the following grammatical patterns:

 Active voice: Doer as Subject + Verb + Object  Passive voice: Object as Subject + Be Verb + Verb + Doer

(Optional)

Consider the following examples:

 Active voice: Sunrise provides free training for up to three people

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for each new store.  Passive voice: Free training is provided for up to three people for

each new store.

In active voice, this sentence immediately identifies the doer (Sunrise). It then uses a strong verb (provides) and proceeds to the object (free training). In passive voice, this sentence begins with the object of the action (free training), proceeds to a weak verb (is), then employs a strong verb (provided), and leaves out the doer, thus lacking the clarity of active voice.

Using active voice in writing includes many benefits. The doer-action- object allows for faster processing because most people’s natural thinking occurs in this way. It also emphasizes the business orientation of action. Perhaps most important, it specifies the doer. Because business activities depend on accountability and coordination, knowing the identity of the doer of an action is usually important. Furthermore, writing in the active voice usually results in fewer words (see Table 6.9 ).

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TABLE 6.9 Using Active Voice Appropriately

Less Effective (Passive Voice) More Effective (Active Voice)

A marketing plan, budgeting

plan, and break-even analysis

will be provided to you with

your active participation.

Sunrise will work directly with

you to create a marketing plan,

budgeting plan, and break-even

analysis.

This passive sentence de-

emphasizes who will create

the plan and lacks an action-

oriented tone.

The active verb construction in

this sentence helps achieve a

more engaging, action-oriented

tone.

An analysis of your chosen

location will also be provided

that includes demographics,

traffic patterns, competitors,

and a related analysis will be

given to you that contains

estimates of retail sales and

revenue.

Sunrise will use its well-

developed formula for analyzing

the demographics, traffic

patterns, local competitors, and

other factors of your chosen

location. Sunrise will also

provide you with estimates of

retail sales and revenue.

This sentence contains two

sets of passive verbs. Again, it

de-emphasizes who will

create the plan and lacks an

action-oriented tone. It is also

wordy. It contains 33 words.

These sentences clearly

identifies that Sunrise will

conduct the analyses. It is

action-oriented. It is also easier

to read. It breaks the thoughts

into two sentences of 21 and 12

words, respectively.

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While active voice is the preferred writing style for most business writing, passive voice is sometimes better when attempting to avoid blaming others or sounding bossy. Some research reports also use passive voice to emphasize neutrality (see Table 6.10 ).

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TABLE 6.10 Using Active Voice Appropriately

Less Effective (Active Voice) More Effective (Passive Voice)

Since you did not meet the

financial criteria, we have

denied your application for a

Sunrise franchise.

Since financial criteria were not

met, your application for a

Sunrise franchise was not

accepted at this time.

This active verb construction

emphasizes the reader’s

failures.

This passive verb construction

provides the bad news without

assigning blame or directly

pointing out failure.

You need to complete the

application forms carefully for

us to seriously consider your

application.

Application forms that are

completed carefully allow us to

better determine the merit of

your application.

This active verb construction

might be perceived as bossy

(sounds like an order) or

demeaning (implies the reader

is not smart enough to

understand basic procedures).

This passive verb construction

emphasizes the importance of

carefully completing the forms

without directly implying the

reader is likely to make

elementary mistakes.

Use Short and Familiar Words and Phrases Whenever possible, choose short, conversational, and familiar words. Using longer, less common words to “sound smart” rarely pays off. They

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Page 179slow processing and distract from your message. They may even inadvertently send the signal that you are out of touch, quirky, or even arrogant (see Table 6.11 ).

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TABLE 6.11 Using Short, Familiar Words and Phrases

Less Effective More Effective

Sunrise advocates that you seek

consultation with us during the

application process.

Sunrise suggests that you

seek our advice during the

application process.

Advocates is a word that is less

familiar to many readers.

Furthermore, advocates and

consultation are words that may

suggest the need for legal

counsel to some readers.

This sentence contains short,

familiar words that allow for

ease of reading.

Sunrise bestows you with many

opulent greeting cards and

singular flower arrangements

that can only be found in Sunrise

stores.

Sunrise provides you with

many upscale greeting cards

and unique flower

arrangements that can only

be found in Sunrise stores.

This sentence contains

infrequently used adjectives

(opulent, singular). These terms

sound overblown and will

confuse many readers.

This sentence contains

shorter, more familiar terms

that capture the intended

meaning.

To facilitate this course of action,

we organize a convivial annual

retreat for store owners and

managers where we collectively

To help make this happen,

we organize a fun-filled

annual retreat where store

owners and managers can

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discuss our mutual challenges,

solutions, and opportunities.

discuss our shared

problems, solutions, and

opportunities.

This sentence contains rarely

used or stuffy words (course of

action, convivial, collectively,

mutual) that will frustrate many

readers.

This sentence avoids stuffy,

formal-business-sounding

words (course of action,

collectively, mutual) and

replaces them with shorter,

more conversational words.

Use Parallel Language Using parallel language means that you apply a consistent grammatical pattern across a sentence or paragraph. Parallelism is most important when you use series or lists. For example, when you describe a product with three characteristics, use the same grammatical pattern for each— that is, for example, choose adjectives or nouns or verbs for all of them. When you use consistent grammatical patterns for items in lists and series, readers can process the information far more naturally and quickly (see Table 6.12 ).

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TABLE 6.12 Using Parallel Language

Less Effective More Effective

Our customers are refined

and purchase high-end

products.

Our customers are refined and

upscale.

The two characteristics of

customers are not parallel.

They are in the following

pattern: adjective and verb–

object.

The two characteristics of

customers are parallel. They are

both adjectives.

OR

Our customers appreciate refined

craftsmanship and purchase high-

end products.

The two characteristics of

customers are parallel. They both

follow verb–object patterns.

Sunrise will work directly

with you to create a

marketing plan, develop a

budgeting plan, and break-

even analysis.

Sunrise will work directly with you

to create a marketing plan,

budgeting plan, and break-even

analysis.

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The three items in the list

are not parallel. They are in

the following pattern: verb–

object, verb–object, noun.

The three items in the list are

parallel. They are each nouns

(each are objects of the verb

create).

OR

Sunrise will work directly with you

to create a marketing plan,

develop a budgeting plan, and

set up a break-even analysis.

The three items in the list are

parallel. They each follow verb–

object patterns.

Profit level depends on

many factors, including

choosing the right location,

market demand, square

footage, and managing the

store effectively.

Profit level depends on many

factors, including location, market

demand, square footage, and

management.

The four factors do not have

matching grammatical

patterns. They are in the

following pattern: verb–

object, noun, noun, verb–

object.

The four factors are parallel. They

are each nouns.

OR

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Profit level depends on many

factors, including choosing the

right location, meeting market

demands, leasing adequate store

space, and managing the store

effectively.

The four factors are parallel. They

each follow a verb–object

pattern.

Avoid Buzzwords and Figures of Speech To keep your writing natural and engaging, make sure you don’t distract your readers with overused or out-of-place words or phrases. Buzzwords, which are workplace terms that become trite because of overuse, can stir negative feelings among some readers. In Table 6.13 , you can see one list of annoying buzzwords cited in a recent survey of executives. (Dozens of such lists exist because business professionals become so agitated by these overused words.)

5

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TABLE 6.13 The Most Annoying Buzzwords

Leverage At the end of the day

Reach out Synergy

It is what it is Solution

Viral Think outside the box

Game changer On the same page

Disconnect Customer-centric

Value-add Do more with less

Circle back Downsizing

Cutting edge Overworked

Source: “WHAT’S THE BUZZ? Survey Reveals Most Overused Workplace Terms,” online article retrieved July 2014.

Figures of speech, such as idioms and metaphors, which contain nonliteral meanings, are generally out of place or inappropriate in business writing. Because they are nonliteral, they lack the precise meanings needed in business. Also, some idioms and metaphors have become so clichéd that they have lost almost all meaning (see Table 6.14 ).

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TABLE 6.14 Avoiding Buzzwords and Figures of Speech

Less Effective More Effective

Do you want to make your wildest dreams

come true? There are many reasons for

owning a Sunrise store.

Owning a Sunrise

store can help

you reach your

financial dreams

and satisfy your

wish to be your

own boss.

Making your wildest dreams come true is a

figure of speech that sounds unbelievable to

most readers.

This sentence is

more believable.

It avoids

exaggerated

figures of speech

but remains

extremely

positive and

future-oriented.

We also create a tight-knit group of store

owners and managers who share tricks of

the trade with one another.

We create a tight-

knit group of

store owners and

managers who

share ideas

about improving

our brand and

sales

performance.

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Tricks of the trade is a figure of speech that

is more appro priate in oral communication.

Some readers may be unfamiliar with the

phrase. In any case, it could create

confusion.

This sentence is

more specific. It

explains what

expertise is

shared and

discussed among

owners and

managers.

To this end, we organize an annual retreat

that is a total blast for store owners and

managers and that provides synergistic,

win–win solutions and proactive approaches

to managing our stores.

To help make this

happen, we

organize a fun-

filled annual

retreat for store

owners and

managers where

they can share

and discuss

problems,

solutions, and

opportunities.

These sentences contain various figures of

speech that readers may not receive well. A

total blast is slang. Not only can slang be

misunderstood, but it can also serve as a

generation marker. Slang goes out of style

and can make you look out of date. Other

slang will highlight how young you are. The

combination of buzzwords (synergistic, win–

win, proactive) in the second sentence will

annoy some readers.

This sentence,

without the

excessive slang

and buzzwords,

is easy to read.

Readers can

rapidly process

this sentence and

relate to its tone.

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Avoid It Is/There Are Readers naturally want to know precisely who or what the subject of a sentence is, particularly in business writing, where specificity is so important. Most sentences that begin with it is or there are fail to provide a specific subject and generally contain more words than necessary. A message can be particularly awkward when many of the sentences begin with it is or there are. By rewording it is/there are statements, you generally liven up your writing.

One way of recognizing when to reword it is statements is to ask the question what does it refer to? If you don’t know the answer, your readers won’t either. Consider the second sentence in Table 6.15 : It is wonderful to see happy customers day in and day out. What does it refer to? Recognizing what it is requires you to think for a few seconds. By rewording the sentence, you can provide a more descriptive, concise, and natural statement: Seeing happy customers day in and day out is wonderful. After considering the examples in Table 6.15 , read the Te chnology Tips in the "Reviewing Your Message" section for ways that you can use your word processing program to further improve your writing.

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TABLE 6.15 Avoiding It Is and There Are

Less Effective More Effective

There are many reasons for

owning a Sunrise store.

Owning a Sunrise store has

many benefits.

This sentence contains 9

words.

This sentence contains 7

words.

It is wonderful to see happy

customers day in and day out.

Seeing happy customers day in

and day out is wonderful.

This sentence contains 12

words.

This sentence contains 10

words.

It is great to be in a line of

business where there are such

extremely loyal customers.

In this line of business,

customers are extremely loyal.

This sentence contains 17

words.

This sentence contains 9

words.