English essay questions
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Chapter8.pptxCommunication Climate:
The Foundation of Personal Relationships
Features of Satisfying Relationships
Investment
the time, energy, thoughts, feelings, and commitments we make with another person.
the irrecuperable time that is committed between two individuals (and if a relationship you have with an individual is ended, so too is the investment).
The effort that is required to maintain a satisfying relationship with a significant other usually succeeds if the investment both individuals make with one another is close to equal.
Commitment
the decision to stay in a relationship long term with the explicit intent of sharing a future with your significant other.
Partners in a committed relationship have more long term responsibility in order to keep the relationship functional over the long term future.
Trust
Trust is a person’s belief in the reliability of another person to look out for each other’s welfare in a relationship.
Trust is a privilege that is given to people over time and is eventually earned through proof of someone’s reliability.
The importance of trust cannot be overstated. If trust is established between two individuals, than risks involving the opening of one’s self – and thus greater intimacy - are more likely to occur.
The opening up of personal information about oneself to another person cautiously and over time.
Self Disclosure
Self Disclosure
Early on in a relationship providing some self disclosure to another person is out of reciprocity and usually helps improve the vulnerability that one or both parties are feeling in the early stages.
Self disclosure is less of an important process after the early stages of a relationship because once a relationship has been established over many years the need for self disclosure lessens as the relationship becomes more stable.
Comfort with Relational Dialectics
Opposing tensions and conflicts that are
constant & normal in personal relationships
Autonomy/Connection
“I want to be close with you.”
“I need my own space.”
Novel/Predictability
“I like familiar rhythms & routines.”
“We need to do something
new and different.”
Openness/Closedness
“I like sharing so much of our relationship.”
“There are some things I don’t want to talk about with you.”
Autonomy/Connection
Autonomy/connection is the need for balance between independence (autonomy) and closeness (connection). This balance is entirely determined by individual preferences and is essential for balancing friendships and relationships.
The issue of autonomy/connection is one of the most common causes of tension between friends and couples.
Autonomy/connection is expressed through openness/closedness and is usually expressed by one person to another as “I love spending time with you” (connection) “I need space from you”(autonomy).
Novel/Predictability
Novelty is defined as new or unique elements in a friendship or relationship to maintain interest.
Predictability is as defined as consistency and predictability throughout your day.
Like autonomy/connection, there is a certain amount of balance required in order to have a healthy amount of novel/predictability within a relationship.
A good way to balance novelty and predictability is to split responsibilities between each other and to do new activities with one another.
Openness/Closedness
Openness/closedness is defined as the amount of open communication and closeness with a person (openness) and the amount of privacy you want for yourself (closedness).
The key to balance with openness/closedness is the need to communicate and set boundaries with a friend or close partner how much appropriate openness you both want, and how much privacy you want.
The Three Dialects
All three dialectics, and negotiating them, are the most common disputes and discussions that people in close relationships have.
But balancing all three is an important requirement needed in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Autonomy/Connection
Novel/Predictability Openness/Closedness
Negotiating Dialectical Tensions
The first response is neutralization, which is negotiating a balance between the opposing needs.
The second response is selection, which prioritizes one dialectical need over the other.
The third response is separation, which assigns a dialectic to one sphere of interaction between two people and vice versa.
The fourth response is reframing, which involves articulating the opposite dialectics in a manner that is not oppositional. An example would be when two romantic partners do not become angry and confrontational when they disagree about a dialectic, but instead use the tension to promote more intimacy.
Confirming & Disconfirming Climates
| Confirming | Disconfirming | |
| Recognition | “You Exist.” “Hello.” | “You don’t exist” [Silence] |
| Acknowledgement | “You matter to me.” “We have a relationship.” “I’m sorry you’re hurt” | “You don’t matter.” “We are not a team.” “You’ll get over it” |
| Endorsement | “What you think is true.” “What you feel is ok.” “I feel the same way.” | “You are wrong.” “You shouldn't feel the way you do.” “Your feeling doesn’t make sense.” |
Three Levels of Confirmation & Disconfirmation
Confirming & Disconfirming Communication
(Gibb, 1961, 1964, 1970)
Evaluation v. Description
Evaluation
Making judgments about another's thoughts, feelings or actions.
Promotes defensiveness.
Description
Observing and describing another’s thoughts, actions, or behaviors.
Promotes openness.
Certainty v. Provisionalism
Certainty
Includes language that is bottom line and absolute. Closed mindedness.
Provisionalism
Language that suggests one is open to other ideas other than his or her own.
Promotes an open, free, accepting environment.
Strategy v. Spontaneity
Strategy
Communicates manipulation and deceit.
Makes others put their guard up.
Spontaneity
Being outright with needing help.
Communicates openness, honesty, vulnerability.
Control v. Problem Orientation
Control
Conveys that one’s ideas and solutions are the only correct, acceptable option.
Makes others feel inferior.
Problem Orientation
Teamwork and cooperation. Everyone plays a part.
Makes others feel included and valued.
Neutrality v. Empathy
Neutrality
Responding to someone in a detached manner.
Shows disregard for another's feelings, ideas and actions.
Empathy
Acknowledging and endorsing another's feelings thus making them feel validated and understood
Equality
Allows both parties to feel equal. Felt when someone expresses that they are our equals and not in competition with another.
Promotes a safe, relaxed and open environment.
Superiority v. Equality
Superiority
Communicates that one is better, wiser, more intelligent than another.
Makes others become defensive and shut down.
Sustaining Confirming Climates + Social Media
Guidelines for Creating & Sustaining Climates
Actively Using Communication
Identify patterns
Accept tension
Honor our needs
Actively Using Communication
Autonomy vs. Connection
Novelty vs. Routine
Openness vs. Closedness
“Contradictory needs keep us aware and provide us with the importance of fulfilling all.”
Guidelines for Creating & Sustaining Climates
Accepting & Confirming Others
Be honest
Provide context
Validate their thoughts
Accepting & Confirming Others
Intimate talk vs. activity experience:
review & take perspective of how a person prefers to handle conversations
“You might combine the two styles of intimacy by doing things together that might invite conversation.”
Guidelines for Creating & Sustaining Climates
Affirm & Assert Yourself
* Give everyone a voice
* Express feelings with
I language
* Respect different preferences
Affirm & Assert Yourself
Aggression vs. Assertion
Neglection of self vs.
of relationships
Needs: Subordinate vs.
Placing above
“Thought I was taking care of my relationships but really I was hurting them, because I felt neglected.”
Guidelines for Creating & Sustaining Climates
Respect Diversity in Relationships
Be cautious about imposing meanings
Compromise closeness and autonomy
Western/Eastern self-disclosure
Respect Diversity in Relationships
Dialects vs. Communication styles
Patterns vs. Relationships
Not sure? JUST ASK!
“There is a tremendous variety in what people find comfortable, affirming, & satisfying.”
Guidelines for Creating & Sustaining Climates
Respond Constructively to Criticism
Seek more information
Consider the validity of critique
Determine how to move forward
Respond Constructively to Criticism
Concrete information vs. Assumption
Keeps the door open for future dialogue
“It gives us insight into how others feel about us and what we do. Allows honest expression of feelings.”
Failed to:
Use assertion
Gauge the situation’s
necessary context
Not impose meanings
Seek info on critiques
Respect preferences
Guidelines Example
Social Media & Communication Climate
Disclosure:
less secure
Confirmation:
poor acknowledgement
Interpretation:
limited nonverbal cues
Conclusion
People’s perceptions of how a climate should be interacted with vary greatly. Take your time, assess the relationship, be honest, and be respective.
