English essay questions
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Chapter7edited.pptxInterpersonal Communication
Everyday Encounters: Chapter Seven
Emotions and Communication
Emotional Intelligence . . .
What is that?
How to Define Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence: The ability to recognize feelings, to judge which feelings are appropriate in which situations, and to communicate those feelings effectively
Emotional competence:
awareness of our own emotions (even multiple ones at once)
ability to recognize and empathize with others’ emotions
awareness of the impact of our expression of emotions on others
Qualities of Emotional Intelligence
Being aware of your feelings
Dealing with emotions without being overcome by them
Being able to understand how others feel without spelling it out
Not letting setbacks and disappointments derail you
Listening to your feelings and those of others so you can learn from them
Recognizing social norms for expression of emotions
Having a strong yet realistic sense of optimism
Alternative video: Krystle Nicole. (2013, March 8). The Office PDA Clip (Michael and Holly) [Video File]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjudDt_9DG0.
Understanding Emotions
Well, What are Emotions?
“Emotions are our experience and interpretation of internal sensations as they are shaped by physiology, perceptions, language, and social experiences.”
Nature vs. Nurture
Basic Emotions: Biological, Instinctual, Universal
Learned Emotions: Societal Constructs, Learned Behaviors/Reactions
Some scholars argue there are two kinds of emotions: those which are biological and universal and those which are learned through social interaction. Others disagree and argue it is not useful to even distinguish between them.
“Freunde von mir beim Oktoberfest am Bodensee in der stadt Konstanz. Prost! Friends of mine at the Constance Oktoberfest toasting”. (2005, September 23). [Image File]. Retrieved from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Prost_oktoberfest.jpg.
RedCoat. (2007, January 20). “A Barbary Macaque (Macaca sylvanus) by the Upper Rock Nature Reserve in Gibraltar” [Image File]. Retrieved from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gibraltar_Barbary_Macaque.jpg.
Organismic View of Emotion
Williams James & Carl Lange
Rejected individual perception
Emotions as Reflexes
No longer widely accepted
Perceptual View of Emotions (Appraisal Theory)
subjective perceptions shape emotions/reaction
physiological reactions don't have intrinsic meaning
Interpretation varies between individuals
Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions
Similar to the Perceptual View
Incorporates language as a mechanism for interpreting our physiological responses.
Incorporates language as a mechanism for interpreting our physiological responses.
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The Cognitive Labeling View of Emotions
Corrects a problem with the Perceptual view. Whereas the perceptual view does not clearly identify the mechanism by which we interpret emotions. The cognitive labeling view invokes language as the mechanism by which we interpret emotion. The view argues the labels we use for our physiological responses shapes our interpretation of our responses.
Emphasizes the impact of social factors on how we perceive, label, and respond emotionally to experiences.
Acknowledges cultural differences in both feelings and the expression of feelings.
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The Interactive View of Emotions
The interactive view of emotions focuses on how we “perceive, label, and respond” emotionally to our experiences. It differs from the other views by focusing on how culture and other social factors influence the process of emotional expression.
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The Interactive View of Emotions
Framing Rules
Culturally defined rules governing the emotional meaning of situations.
Framing rules are culturally defined and help us understand their meanings.
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The Interactive View of Emotions
Feeling Rules
Rules informing us what we have a right to feel or are expected to feel in particular situations.
Feeling rules tell us what we are allowed to feel in given situations.
An example of this could be a funeral. Is it appropriate to be joyful and exuberant at a funeral? Is it appropriate to be sad? Different cultures have different appropriate responses to death.
There is a connection as well between feeling rules and the social order in our society. One way of seeing this is to look at the way we respond to people with different jobs. Do we treat people in servile positions with more hostility than we would to those in authority?
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The Interactive View of Emotions
Feeling Rules
Rules informing us what we have a right to feel or are expected to feel in particular situations.
Deep Acting
Surface Acting
As children, our parents teach us how to deal with our feelings. The textbook mentions two different kinds of control parents teach:
Deep acting
Learning what we should and should not feel.
Surface acting
Involves learning to control the outward expression of emotions rather than feelings.
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The Interactive View of Emotions
Emotion Work
The effort or work we do to generate what we think are appropriate feelings for the given situation.
Emotion work is the work we do to create or manipulate our feelings to fit what we think is appropriate. When you are angry, and you suppress that anger so you don’t say or do something hurtful to someone, that is Emotion Work. When you feign being excited for someone else’s good fortune, even though you don’t actually feel that way, that is emotion work.
Emotion work is not always successful. The dissonance created between what we feel and what we think we feel forces us to engage in Emotion Work.
Obstacles to Communicating Emotions Effectively
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Effects of Suppressing Your Emotions
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Cause stress
Associate with depressive symptoms
Gain weights
Associate with mental illness
Associate with physical illness (digestive problems, sleeping)
Reasons
Cultural and Social Expectations
Gender
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We learn both as children and adults that “Don’t be so emotional!”, or “Don’t get mad, get even!”
Sometimes boys are given messages like “Don’t cry. A boy should not cry.”
In the US, men are expected to control their feelings better than women; however, they are allowed to express anger.
Furthermore, they should not feel or express a wide range of emotions. Thus, some men may suppress feelings or avoid expressing them. Over time, men may forget their feelings, unable to recognize what they do feel.
Many Western women learn to care about others. Therefore, many women engage in emotion work in attempt to make themselves feel caring when they don’t want to that.
Most Western women are taught that they should support others, they feel that they shouldn’t experience or express envy or competitiveness.
Reasons
Self - protection
Do not want to give others information that affect how they perceive or act toward us.
Chilling effect
Protecting others
Fear we could hurt or upset others
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https://www.theodysseyonline.com/selfless-healthy
We don’t want to give others information that could affect how they perceive or act toward us.
We fear that someone will like us less if we say we feel angry with him or her.
We fear that if we tell how deeply we feel about another person, she or he will reject us.
We may also restrain expression of feelings, particularly the negative ones because of chilling effect. When we know someone, who is more powerful than us, we may hide our complaints and dissatisfaction or anger because we fear that person could punish us.
We might fear that our parent take away something you like, a manager could fire us.
The third reason is protecting others.
We worry that we might hurt or upset others or cause them to lose pride. Sometimes, we can make a choice not to express our emotions so that we can protect them.
In this reason, it happens strongly in many Asian cultures because it is a shame to hurt others. Moreover, Asian cultures believe that conflict can destroy the relationship between two or more people.
Reasons
Social and Professional Roles
Our roles make it inappropriate
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The last one is social and professional roles.
Sometimes we cannot express our true feeling because our roles make it inappropriate. (Doctor-Police Officer)
Examples: A judge cries when listening to a sad story from a witness, or a professor gets mad when students ask too many questions.
We have identified four common reasons that we may not express our emotions. However, there is no simple rule for when to express feelings. We must exercise judgment.
We have an ethical obligation to make thoughtful choices about whether, when and how to express our feelings. As a communicator, you should decide when it is necessary, appropriate and constructive to express your feelings. Always keep in mind that you, others, and relationships will be affected by your decision.
Ineffective Expression
Speak in Generalities
“I feel bad.”
“I’m happy.”
“I’m sad.”
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The first common is speaking in generalities. What do you think if somebody said, “I feel bad?” You do not know their exact feeling, right? Because the statements “I feel bad, I’m happy, I’m sad” are so general, they don’t clearly tell what the speaker feels.
How does she feel bad about? Is it depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, or anxious?
Why does she feel happy? Someone give her a gift, or she is in love, get good grades, eat her favorite food, just go shopping and buy a lot of clothes?
When we use general emotional language, we don’t tell effectively about how we feel.
Besides that, our nonverbal expressing emotions may be limited.
Lowering our head and eyes may express a range of emotions, such as reverence, shame, and thoughtfulness.
We can experience many motions; however, most of us express only a small number.
A limited emotional vocabulary restricts our ability to communicate clearly with others.
Ineffective Expression
Not owning feelings
Stating feelings in a way that disowns personal responsibility.
I language and you language
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The second one is not owning feelings. Stating feelings in a way that disowns personal responsibility. I language and you language in chapter 4 is relevant to learning to express emotions effectively.
“You make me angry” express a feeling; however, it relies on you language. That suggests somebody is the source of the angry feeling to the speaker. Others must say and do things affect us. But we decide what their actions mean, and we are responsible for our feelings.
We could change “You make me angry” to “I feel angry when you said you be on time but you didn’t”.
This statement would be more effective, clearer and more precise if the speaker said, “I feel hurt and disrespectful when you said you be on time but you didn’t”
We can add information about what the speaker wants from the other to make it is more effective: “I feel hurt and disrespectful when you said you be on time but you didn’t.
Ineffective Expression
Counterfeit emotional language
Seem to express emotions but does not actually describe what a person is feeling.
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Social Media and Emotions
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Social Media and Emotions
The reasons in face-to-face interaction may also operate when we use social media.
Social media may help us experience and express feelings.
Social media can become substitutes for emotional involvement with people in our face-to-face relationships.
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In social media, emotions in f2f interaction is relevant to digital and online communication in several ways.
First, the reasons that we may hide our emotions in f2f interaction may also work when using social media.
Second, social media may help us experience and express feelings. When some event happens, either sad, shocking or happy events, we like to connect with people to share our feelings.
After pop star Michael Jackson died, fans went online to grieve together
Many people find like-minded communities to celebrate happy events (the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Kate) or make sense of violence (campus shootings)
Third, social media become substitutes for emotional involvement with people in our f2f relationships.
It is easier to turn to an online acquaintance than your real-life friends when you need emotional connection. We can say what we want which is not always possible in f2f conversations.
Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Effectively
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SIX GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNICATING EMOTIONS EFFECTIVELY
Identify Your Emotions
-Identify a primary or main feeling
-Create a feeling list or keep a journal
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2. Choose Whether and How to Express Emotions
Four Guidelines to Help You Decide How to Express Emotions
Evaluate your current state
Decide to whom you want to express your feelings
Select an appropriate time
Select an appropriate setting
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Debbie Downer Video
SIX GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNICATING EMOTIONS EFFECTIVELY
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3. Own Your Feelings
Use I language
reminds us that we—not anyone else—have responsibility for our feelings
reduces the potential for defensiveness
4. Monitor Your Self-Talk
The thoughts we communicate to ourselves affect what happens in our lives.
Increasing awareness of your negative self-talk and replacing it with more positive self-talk can become a useful habit with many potential applications including:
• Improving your ability to control and change your behavior e.g. motivate yourself to
carry out goal-directed behavior e.g. lose weight.
• Improving your ability to regulate your moods and emotional reactions
• Increasing your understanding of yourself. For example, by monitoring your self-talk you can become aware if you have any worries, preoccupations, unfulfilled goals etc.
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SIX GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNICATING EMOTIONS EFFECTIVELY
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5. Adopt a Rational-Emotive Approach To Feelings
Monitor emotions, identify commonalities of emotional reactions, tune into self-talk and irrational beliefs and fallacies and use self-talk to dispute false assumptions
6. Respond Sensitively When Others Communicate Emotions
Be sensitive, show you care even if you don’t agree, validate feelings, don’t say “I understand” exactly how you feel, you don’t. Be sensitive to the person and the issue and what it might mean to them.
