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Chapter6.pptxChapter Six
Mindful Listening
The Listening Process
The Listening Process
Hearing: Physiological activity that occurs when sound waves hit our eardrums.
Listening:
More complex than hearing
An active, complex process that consists of being mindful; physically receiving messages, selecting and organizing messages; interpreting messages; responding; and remembering.
Interpret, remember, and respond to what others communicate
Hearing is a physiological activity while listening is a psychological activity
Hearing happens automatically when soundwaves hit our eardrums while listening is taking in what we hear and making sense of it
Listening is an active and complex process that consists of being mindful, physically receiving messages, selecting and organizing messages, interpreting them, as well as responding and remembering them
Mindfulness
Decision to be mindful
“Wide awakeness”
Trying to understand what the other person is saying
Not already having responses while people are talking
Mindfulness involves being present in the moment. This involves being fully present and focusing on what the other person is communicating without imposing our own ideas, judgements or feelings
Represented physically by taking an attentive posture, eye contact and indicating interest
It involves taking on the perspective of the other person and encourages dual perspective. It even makes the other person a better communicator by allowing them to elaborate more and better express themselves
It is a choice. You wont be a better listener if you dont make the commitment to be fully present
Physically Receiving Messages
Receiving messages is a prerequisite for listening
Hearing impairments may have difficulty receiving oral messages
Hearing ability tends to decline when we are fatigued from concentrating on communication
Receiving messages is hearing noises, specifically human voice. People with hearing impairments may receive messages through reading lips, writing or ASL
Hearing impairments such as age, endurance, and outside noise can interfere with this generally automatic process
Men generally focus hearing on specific content while women are more mindful of the whole communication, taking into account more details, tangents, and relationship level meanings
Physically Receiving Messages
Men and women differ in their listening
Women are more attentive
Women notice details and usually have more developed right lobes (creative & holistic thinking)
Men have more left lobe development (analytic & linear information processing)
Selecting and Organizing Material
Selection is based on our interests, cognitive structures, and expectations
Organizing takes into account not only content but also the person speaking
We can monitor our selection better by recognizing the stimuli that draws our attention. We are more likely to select and listen to people who are loud, unusual, or stand out from normal communication. We need to be aware of this so we dont overlook people who are quiet or don’t draw attention to themselves
Organizing also is about understanding the situation of the communicator. We figure out the state of the communicator, anxious, calm, open or closed to advice.
Selection and organizing allows us to create meaning about what is being communicated. We need to recognize this so our perception is open and not limited
Interpreting Communication
Person-centered
Dual perspective
Often, we impose our meanings on others, try to correct them about what they feel
Responding
Responding is an active process throughout the interaction
Use signs of responsive listening
Eye contact
Nodding
Attentive posture
Questions and comments that elaborates
Active process
Nonverbal behaviors demonstrate engagement
When we respond, we communicate to the speaker that we are listening and paying attention. We do this through nonverbal communication. It lets the communicator know we care about what they are talking about
Remembering
Remembering is about retaining the more important information in communication
Remember less than half of a message immediately after we hear it
Only recall 35% of a message 8 hours after hearing it
Selective about what to remember, we enhance our listening competence
After hearing a message, we tend to remember less than half of what was just said, going down to as low as 33% retention after 8 hours. It is important to retain the more important info and let go of the fluff
Obstacles to Mindful Listening
External Obstacles
Message overload
Noise
“The more detailed and complicated the message, the more difficult it is to follow and retain it”
There are a lot of barriers to effective listening
One of them is message overload. If we were to pay attention in detail to everything that is being communicated to us each day, our brain would shut down. Even by filtering what we listen and pay attention to, we can still become overwhelmed. This overwhelmed feeling can hinder our ability to listen effectively
Message complexity can often overwhelm us. If a message is too technical or has a lot of information to digest, we tend to stop paying attention as much because it is easier. To combat this, we have to use more energy in order to interpret and remember these messages. Taking notes and asking questions is a good way to break down and remember complex messages. Grouping material is another way to organize and retain complex information
Noise also can distract us from listening. Noise can draw our attention away from the one who is communicating to us, displaying a lack of interest. It is beneficial to recognize sources of noise and take steps to minimalize the noise so we can give more attention to the person talking to us.
Internal Obstacles
Preoccupation
Prejudgement
Reacting to Emotionally loaded language
Lack of effort
“When we are absorbed in our own thoughts and concerns, we can’t focus on what someone else is saying”
When we are preoccupied and lost in our own thought, we aren’t being fully present to others and we are not being mindful. We need to make the conscious effort to not let our thoughts wander so we can give our attention fully to the person communicating with us
Pre-judgement is thinking we know what the person is going to say and tuning out because we think we already know it. This disconfirms and disvalues the communicator and takes away their voice. It also makes us close minded and less likely to learn things from the person speaking
Words can evoke different feelings for a lot of people. By allowing these reactions, we can sometimes miss the meaning of the message. This often leads to lack of interpretation of what the person has to say as we start to not think about what they are saying and rather think about what those words mean to us. It is important for us to recognize in ourselves what phrases and words evoke the reactions so we can monitor them better
Active listening is hard and draining which often leads to us not doing it well. In cases like these, we need to call forth additional energy or maybe ask the person to talk about this later and explain that you are interested but are too drained to do so well at that moment
Effective listening can be stopped if we don’t adjust how we listen. How we listen should depending on the goal of communication, ie getting information, supporting others, or for pleasure. It is also important to have different listening styles because of different cultures and speech communities.
Failure to adapt listening style
Different skills are needed for different situations
Listening should change based on culture or community
Race is also a factor in shaping how we listen
Effective listening can be stopped if we dont adjust how we listen. How we listen should depending on the goal of communication, ie getting information, supporting others, or for pleasure.
It is also important to have different listening styles because different cultures and communities expect different things. Women use communication to develop relationships thus their listening style tends to focus on eye contact, giving substantial feedback, as well as using nonverbal communication to express interest. Masculine communities dont focus on these as much but rather offering advice to show interest. Adapting to these listening styles serves for better communication with these communities
Race can also provide different listening styles. Caucasians tend to not interrupt each other as a sign of respect and to show interest. African American listening styles tend to use interjections like “go on” or “tell me more” to show that they are paying attention.
We shouldnt impose our own listening styles on every situation. We should try to understand and adapt to different communities to better understand the messages they are telling
Forms of NonListening
Pseudolistening (pretending to listen)
You might miss important information!
Usually, people can tell you are not paying attention
If they can’t tell it will be made obvious when your input is not relevant to the conversation
Monopolizing (focusing communications on ourselves instead of listening to the person who is talking)
Conversational Rerouting - they shift the topic back to themselves
Interrupting - diverts attention from speaker to themselves
There are less opportunities to learn from others (we know our own opinions, there is nothing to gain from hearing ourselves)
Not all interruptions are attempts to monopolize the conversation. Interrupting can show interest, voice support and ask for elaboration
Selective Listening (Only focusing on particular parts of communications)
You screen out parts of a message that doesn’t interest you
You reject communication that makes you uneasy
You could be missing out on valuable information
Defensive Listening (perceiving personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communications that is not critical or mean-spirited)
We assume others don’t like, trust or respect us and we read these motives into whatever they say
Some people expect criticism from all sides
This outlook can distort our perceptions of others’ communications
Ambushing (listening carefully for the purpose of attacking a speaker)
This involves careful listening in order to gather information to attack a speaker, not to understand them
Often arouses defensiveness in others
Literal Listening
When someone only listens for content
It is insensitive to others’ feelings and to our own connection with them
This person doesn’t make the effort to understand how others feel
Adapting Listening to Communication Goals
Determine your reason for listening
You listen differently depending on your motive
Listening for Pleasure (Music, Podcasts, Videos, etc.)
Listening for information
Listening to Support Others
Listening for Information
(The goal is to gain, evaluate and understand information)
Be Mindful: don’t let mind wander and ask questions to better understand
Control Obstacles: Minimize noise and psychological distractions
Ask Questions: Deepens insight into content that you did not comprehend
Use Aides to Recall: Repeat important details immediately to yourself, use mnemonic devices
Organize Information: Regroup jumbled information
Listening to Support Others
Be Mindful
Be careful in expressing judgement
Understand Other’s perspective
Paraphrasing
Minimal encouragers: (“Tell me more”, “Really?”, etc.)
Ask Questions: (“How do you feel about that?”, “What do you plan to do?”) Sometimes it is helpful to ask “Are you looking for advice or just to vent?”
Being interested and invested in the conversation by concentrating on what lies between and behind content
This distances us from others and their feelings. It can be helpful if that is what the other person is looking for but REMEMBER “judgements are harsher than honesty requires”
Focus on words and nonverbal behaviors that gives us clues about how others feel and think
clarifying other’s meaning or needs by reflecting our own interpretation.
Indicates we are listening, interested and encourages others to keep talking
Online Communication requires listening You use the same listening attitude and skills when listening to someone f2f
Increased online engagement can be an obstacle Our devices threaten to overtake our lives
Exercise critical thinking Ask critical thinking questions when accuracy is not guaranteed and check other sources for consistency
When it comes to online communication we use the same listening attitude and skills when we listen to someone in face to face communication. All online communication requires listening and attentiveness to the things you chose to see or read. Video calls over social media are a big example of when we use our listening skills because it reflects f2f communication virtually. Our increased engagement can be seen as an obstacle to listening. A majority of people have portable online devices that they use on a daily basis. The more we use our devices the less attention we give to tasks or people that require our awareness. Through online communication we should exercise critical thinking. It’s important to ask critical questions about what we read or choose to read in order to determine credibility. Accuracy is not guaranteed, therefore we should check various sources for consistency before forming our own judgements.
Guidelines for Effective Listening
Be mindful
Adapt Listening Appropriately
Listen Actively
Be mindful
Adapt Listening Appropriately
Listen Actively
