Sexual Psychology – Sexual Behaviors – Due Wed 11/24
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Chapter_9_Sexual_Behaviors-The_Psychology_of_Human_Sexuality.pdf
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The Psychology of Human Sexuality, Second Edition. Justin J. Lehmiller. © 2018 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. Published 2018 by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. Companion Website: www.wiley.com\go\lehmiller2e
9
CHAPTER OUTLINE
Introduction, 236 Solitary Sexual Behaviors, 236
Asexuality and Celibacy, 236 Sexual Fantasy, 238 Masturbation, 241
Partnered Sexual Behaviors, 246 Kissing, 246 Touching, 248 Oral Sex, 248 Vaginal Intercourse, 249 Anal Sex, 250 Same-Sex Behaviors, 251 Sex With Three, or Four, or More, 252
Frequency and Benefits of Sex and Orgasm, 255 Sexual Behavior in Psychological Perspective, 257
Self-Regulation, 257 Attachment Style, 259 Mortality Salience, 259
Sexual Behaviors
©ginasanders/123RF.COM.
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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9 Sexual Behaviors236
Introduction
What does it mean to be “sexually active?” It is difficult to say because everyone has different ideas about what “counts” as sex and how frequently you need to do it in order to be con- sidered “active.” Consider this: in a study in which college undergraduates were given a long list of sexual behaviors (e.g., kissing, nipple stimulation, vaginal intercourse) and asked to rate whether each one counted as “having sex,” researchers found that there was not a single act that everyone agreed was “definitely sex” or “definitely not sex” (Sewell & Strassberg, 2015)!
Rather than getting bogged down in a debate about what sex is and is not, this chapter will instead focus on the incredible diversity that exists in human sexual practices. As some evidence of just how much variability there is when it comes to sexual behavior, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) revealed that Americans reported 41 different combinations of sex acts during their most recent sexual encounter (Herbenick et al., 2010a). The NSSHB also revealed that the prevalence of specific sexual acts varied considerably across sex, age, relationship status, and numerous other demographic variables. For a sampling of just a few of the ways that sexual activities differ across individuals, check out Table 9.1. Please pay particular attention to the finding that sexual activity persists across the lifespan. At least some participants in each age group reported practicing each activity, which tells us that there is no definitive end point to our sex lives. Although it is true that the frequency of sexual activity often decreases as we age (more on this in chapter 10), the stereotype that older adults do not desire or engage in sexual activity is patently false.
This chapter will shed light on some of the most common forms of sexual expression. We will consider both the prevalence of each behavior and the different forms each can take. Before we delve into the details, please recall that sexual behavior is a biopsychosocial event: as discussed in chapter 1, everything from hormones, to evolved traits, to cultural standards, to our current mood state affect both our general level of interest in sex and our specific sexual practices. That said, our psychology has a particularly profound influence on sexual behavior, affecting when and how it is expressed. As a result, we will explore the role of psychology in greater depth toward the end of this chapter.
Solitary Sexual Behaviors
We will begin our discussion of sexual practices by focusing on sexual thoughts and behaviors at the individual level.
Asexuality and Celibacy
Some individuals are not sexually active for a part of their life or for their entire life for reasons that vary widely. For instance, as discussed in previous chapters, some people are asexual, meaning they have a general lack of desire for partnered sexual activity. Asexual persons may still masturbate and have sexual fantasies, but some do not engage in any type of sexual behav- ior whatsoever (Bogaert, 2013). Contrary to popular belief, many asexual individuals still desire relationships and intimacy (e.g., cuddling), and some even go on to enjoy sexless marriages (Travis, 2010). In contrast to asexuality, individuals who have sexual desire but intentionally refrain from acting on it are practicing celibacy. There are two variations of celibacy. Complete celibacy refers to abstention from any kind of solitary or partnered sexual activity, whereas partial celibacy refers only to abstention from partnered acts, while still engaging in masturba- tion. Whereas asexuality is increasingly being viewed as a sexual orientation, in the sense that
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
C o p yr
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2 0 1 7 . Jo
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& S
o n s,
I n co
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te d . A
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9 Sexual Behaviors238
it can be seen as an enduring characteristic of a person, celibacy is instead regarded as a form of sexual expression because it reflects a voluntary decision to forego certain types of sexual behavior for a period of time ranging from months to years.
Celibacy is practiced for various reasons, but it is perhaps most frequently associated with reli- gion. For example, nuns and priests are usually required to take vows of celibacy, and many ado- lescents and adults abstain from sex before marriage because they believe it is the moral thing to do. However, there are a number of other reasons one might choose to become celibate, includ- ing a desire to focus on personal growth, physical and psychological health concerns, and having endured some bad sexual experiences (Siegel & Schrimshaw, 2003). Regardless of the reason, some people find that they benefit from the experience, while others find it challenging and lonely.
Of course, not everyone becomes celibate by choice. Involuntary celibacy is a reality for some individuals when they lack access to a desired partner due to separation (e.g., military deploy- ment), institutional restrictions (e.g., nursing homes may have rules that restrict sexual activity among patients), and other constraints (e.g., persons with physical and psychological disabili- ties may have caregivers who discourage or do not allow sex). Involuntary celibacy can also arise when a long-term relationship becomes sexually inactive (e.g., one partner loses interest in or desire for sex), or when a single individual desires a sexual relationship but encounters barriers to establishing one. Barriers to establishing a sexual relationship can include shyness, issues with body image, as well as unfavorable living and workplace arrangements (e.g., living at home with one’s parents, working in an environment that is segregated by sex) (Donnelly et al., 2001). By and large, involuntary celibacy tends to be experienced negatively.
Sexual Fantasy
One of the most common forms of sexual expression occurs entirely within the brain: fantasiz- ing. Sexual fantasies have been defined as “any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to the individual. A sexual fantasy can be an elaborate story, or it can be a fleeting thought of some romantic or sexual activity. It can involve bizarre imagery, or it can be quite realistic. It can involve memories of past events, or it can be a completely imaginary experience” (Leitenberg & Henning, 1995, p. 470). Sexual fantasies are thus very diverse in nature, ranging from mild to wild.
The vast majority of people fantasize. In fact, studies have revealed that more than 95% of men and women have fantasized at least once in their lives (Davidson, 1985; Pelletier & Her- old, 1988). That said, men tend to fantasize more frequently than women, and the sexes have different fantasy content. For a discussion of some of the ways that male and female fantasies differ and how sexual orientation factors into this, see the Digging Deeper 9.1 box.
Sexual fantasies serve a number of functions, including enhancement of sexual arousal, compen- sation for a less than ideal sexual situation, and reduced sexual anxiety (McCauley & Swann, 1980). Others may fantasize in order to express hidden desires (e.g., for culturally taboo activities) or to break free of traditional gender role expectations. Our fantasies may also serve a self-protective function. For example, consider a study in which participants were primed to feel either attach- ment security or anxiety by subliminally exposing them to photos of either (1) a mother looking at and caressing her child (security prime) or (2) a mother who had turned her back on a crying child (insecurity prime) (Birnbaum, Simpson, Weisberg, Barnea, & Assulin-Simhon, 2012). After- ward, participants wrote down one of their sexual fantasies. Participants who were primed to feel insecure and anxious reported more fantasy content that involved distancing the self from one’s partner (i.e., emotionless sex) than participants who received the security prime. This suggests that among persons who are feeling situational anxiety or are chronically insecure, the nature of their fantasies may shift so as to protect the self from further feelings of rejection. In other words, when we are feeling anxious, our fantasies may contain less content that could potentially result in further harm to our self-esteem (e.g., feelings of dependence on one’s partner).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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Soliiarry Sexual Behaviors 239
Figure 9.1 Sexual fantasies are very common in both men and women and serve a number of different purposes. ©gpointstudio/123RF.COM.
Digging Deeper 9.1 How Do Men’s and Women’s Sexual Fantasies Differ?
“Hoi iub filled wiih whipped cream, pudding, and muliiple blondes” “We’re oui for a drive in ihe counirry and ii siaris io rain. We pull inio ihe drivewary ai home and mry pariner pulls me inio ihe barn, where we make love on a bale of hary as ihe rain coniinues ouiside.”
Can you guess which of the above fantasies was written by a man and which was written by a woman? If you guessed a man wrote about the hot tub and a woman wrote the romantic farm story, you would be right. When it comes to sexual fantasies, is it usually this easy to categorize which fantasies belong to which sex? Are men’s and women’s fantasies really that different?
Research has found that fantasy content differs in several ways between the sexes, and those differences frequently align with modern stereotypes (Zurbriggen & Yost, 2004). First, men’s sex- ual faniasies are more sexuallry explicii ihan women’s on average. That is, not only are men’s fanta- sies more focused on the sexual act itself, but they frequently include mention of specific body parts (including pieces of their own and their partner’s anatomy). Second, women’s faniasies irypi- callry coniain more in ihe wary of emoiional and romaniic conieni ihan do men’s. Women frequently describe the setting of their sexual encounter in detail (e.g., on the beach or under the stars), as well as the “prelude” or build-up to sex (e.g., drinking champagne at a candlelight dinner before adjourning to the bedroom).
(Coniinued)
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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9 Sexual Behaviors240
Digging Deeper 9.1 (Continued)
Figure 9.2 The content of men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differs, and often in a way that is consistent with gender role stereotypes. ©altafulla, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
Figure 9.3 ©zhu difeng, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
Third, men are more likely than women to fantasize about having several sexual partners at the same time (e.g., threesomes, “fourgys,” gangbangs, and more). Finally, the sexes also differ when it comes to fantasizing about dominance and submission. While men are equallry likelry io faniasize aboui being dominani and submissive, women iend io faniasize more aboui being submis- sive ihan dominani.
How does sexual orientation play into all of this? Do gays and lesbians have different fantasy content than their heterosexual counterparts? Most research on this topic suggests that the only reliable difference between the fantasies of gay and heterosexual men and between lesbian and heterosexual women is the sex of the person(s) they are fantasizing about (Leitenberg & Hen- ning, 1995). Thus, the same sex differences in fantasy content observed among heterosexuals also emerge when you compare gay men to lesbians.
In short, the fantasy worlds that occupy men’s and women’s minds are quite distinct and, while there is always a vast amount of individual variability (e.g., there are many men who fantasize about romance, just as there are many women who fantasize about group sex), there appears to be at least a hint of truth to some of the gender stereotypes that exist regarding fantasy content.
Note: Reprinted with permission from Sex and Psrychologry (www.lehmiller.com).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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Soliiarry Sexual Behaviors 241
Sexual fantasies used to be viewed as problematic and revealing of psychological troubles. Indeed, Sigmund Freud once argued that “a happy person never fantasizes, only an unsatisfied one.” In the modern world, however, sexual fantasies are generally regarded as a healthy aspect of human sexuality. Indeed, people who fantasize more often tend to report being more sexu- ally satisfied (Leitenberg & Henning, 1995). That said, people are sometimes concerned about the content of their fantasies. In particular, students have frequently asked me whether it is normal to fantasize about (1) being “forced” to have sex, and (2) having sex with someone other than one’s current partner. As it turns out, both of these are very common fantasies and they do not signify anything pathological about the individual or the relationship. With respect to forced sex (i.e., “rape”) fantasies, studies indicate that 31 to 57% of women report having them (Critelli & Bivona, 2008); however, this should not be taken to mean that 31 to 57% of women want to be sexually assaulted. This research simply tells us that many women find the thought (not the reality) of some type of forced sex to be arousing, and it is important to emphasize that the amount and type of force desired varies, as does the nature of the resistance (for many women, arousal comes from providing token resistance). Thus, “rape fantasies” generally do not resemble a rape, if for no other reason than that the woman remains in control—a feature that is absent in actual rape. Although it was once thought that only victims of sexual assault fantasized about forced sex, research has found that this is not the case (Gold, Balzano, & Stamey, 1991). Where do these fantasies come from? It appears that forced sex fantasies are most likely a product of greater openness to sexual experience (Bivona, Critelli, & Clark, 2012). The idea is that women with more positive feelings about sex have more fantasies, and that as the frequency of fantasizing increases, so does the range of fantasy content. Thus, forced sex fantasies are not a reflection of past experience or a product of unhealthy attitudes toward sex. With respect to fantasies about cheating and infidelity, research indicates that 98% of men and 80% of women in relationships have fantasized about someone other than their current romantic partner, and these fantasies become more common the longer a relationship goes on (Leitenberg & Hicks, 2001). Thus, cheating fantasies appear to be normative and do not mean that someone actually wants to cheat or has plans to do so. If such fantasies signified trouble, it would be extremely rare for a monogamous relationship to last.
Of course, this is not to say that all sexual fantasies are inherently good. There are certainly some cases where the desire for a specific sexual activity could be dangerous. For more on the darker aspects of sexual fantasy, check out the Your Sexuality 9.1 box.
Masturbation
Sexual fantasies go hand-in-hand with a variety of sexual behaviors, especially masturbation. Masturbation refers to all solo forms of self-stimulation focusing on the genitals. Mastur- bation practices vary widely depending upon the individual’s body and personal preferences. For instance, masturbation among women may involve manipulation of the clitoris and labia, stimulation of the breasts, or vaginal penetration with a sex toy. To learn more about sex toys and how they came to be so popular among women, check out the Digging Deeper 9.2 box. Among men, masturbation most frequently involves using one or both hands to stimulate the penis. Of course, men sometimes utilize sex toys too (e.g., masturbation sleeves, butt-plugs, etc.). Across individuals of all sexes, masturbation habits vary in terms of the motion, speed, and amount of pressure applied, as well as whether they incorporate pornography (e.g., erotic images, videos, or stories).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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9 Sexual Behaviors242
Your Sexuality 9.1 The Dark Side of Sexual Fantasy.
Having sexual fantasies is generally considered a sign of a healthy sex life (Leitenberg & Henning, 1995). However, there is wide variability in terms of what people fantasize about. Although most fantasies are relatively harmless, some are potentially problematic and even dangerous to others. For instance, if a man develops an obsession with a very idiosyncratic fantasy that is incompat- ible with his partner’s desires, it could negatively impact the relationship. In addition, to the extent that someone fantasizes about an activity that is harmful to another person (e.g., sexually assaulting children or adults), there is a risk of other people getting hurt should this person act on their fantasy.
Unfortunately, however, determining which fantasies are acceptable and which are unaccep- table is not as clear-cut as it sounds. For instance, the fantasy most common among people who identify as feeders is that their partner will gain an excessive amount of weight, sometimes to the point where that person becomes physically immobile and requires a caretaker. Such individuals often find complete dependency on someone else to be sexually arousing. Is this a healthy or an unhealthy fantasy? What about a heterosexual man who only fantasizes about having sex with mar- ried women who are secretly cheating on their husbands? In these scenarios, the subject of the fantasy is consensual sex, but somebody ends up getting hurt. The question therefore becomes this: at what point does a sexual fantasy cross the line? And who should be the one to draw this line?
Are there certain fantasies that you think are potentially problematic? What should someone do if they have a sexual fantasy that is potentially harmful?
Digging Deeper 9.2 The History of Motorized Sex Toys.
Believe it or not, human beings have been making sex toys since the Stone Age. Dildos, Ben Wa balls, and various other devices to aid in sexual pleasure have a surprisingly long (and quite inter- esting) history. However, out of all of the different sex toys ever created, one in particular stands out for having a most unique and “hysterical” backstory: the vibrator.
In the modern world, vibrators are a sex and masturbation aide utilized by men and women alike. In fact, approximately half of US men (44.5%) and women (52.5%) today say that they have used a vibrator before (Herbenick et al., 2009; Reece et al., 2009). However, the world’s first vibra- tor was designed as a therapeutic device for doctors to use on their female patients who were diagnosed with hysteria. At one point in time, hysteria was among the most common medical disorders diagnosed in women, and included a wide range of symptoms from nervousness and insomnia to loss of appetite for sex with one’s husband, to a “tendency to cause trouble for oth- ers” (Maines, 1998). The symptoms were so broad that almost any woman with any medical com- plaint could be diagnosed as hysterical. Although hysteria was originally thought to be the result of a woman’s uterus “wandering” throughout her body and causing problems, later physicians viewed the disorder as a consequence of inadequate or insufficient sex.
For centuries, the primary treatment for hysteria was a “pelvic massage” culminating in “hys- terical paroxysm” (i.e., orgasm) (Maines, 1998). Massages of this nature were usually performed by doctors, who made a hefty profit practicing this “therapy,” given that hysteria was so prevalent and required multiple treatments. In reality, all these doctors were doing was helping women have the orgasms they weren’t having with their husbands and taking the husbands’ money for the privilege of doing so! The only problem was that these treatments were very time consuming (even with effective stimulation, an average woman may take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm) and the doctors were doing it by hand. The first vibrator was thus invented to cut down on the length of office visits, thereby allowing doctors to “treat” more patients.
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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Soliiarry Sexual Behaviors 243
Digging Deeper 9.2 (Continued)
Figure 9.4 Sizes, and shapes, and colors, oh my! ©IVL, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
As electricity started making its way into people’s homes, the consumer market for vibrators grew rapidly. Not only could a personal vibrator save money on trips to the doctor’s office, but it could also be utilized within the privacy of one’s own home day or night. The demand for vibra- tors was so strong that motorized sex toys became just the fifth electric device approved for home use after the sewing machine, fan, teakettle, and toaster (Maines, 1998). Vibrators thus made their way into homes long before vacuum cleaners, electric irons, and television sets.
Modern vibrators are battery operated (or solar powered, for the environmentally conscious), many are waterproof, and hundreds of variations exist to serve many different sexual purposes. Certain vibrators are optimized for clitoral stimulation, others for the G-spot, and yet others for the anus. Some vibrators are lifelike, others are pointy and ribbed, and some look like probes taken from an alien spaceship. And, of course, vibrators come in all different sizes, shapes, and colors and are made for people of all genders and sexualities. However, please keep in mind that if you incorporate vibrators or other sex toys into partnered sex, those toys need to be properly cleaned before sharing to reduce the risk of transmitting sexual and other infections. Using con- doms with shared sex toys is also an advisable practice, given research demonstrating that, even after cleaning, infectious agents are sometimes still detected on vibrators (Anderson et al., 2014).
As you can see, the history and evolution of vibrators is a fascinating subject. If you want to know more, check out The Technologry of Orgasm by Rachael Maines (1998).
Note: Reprinted with permission from Sex and Psrychologry (www.lehmiller.com).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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9 Sexual Behaviors244
Most people masturbate. For instance, as seen in Table 9.1, the NSSHB revealed that a major- ity of men and women across all age groups reported masturbating before. The percentage of masturbators is higher today than it was in the original Kinsey reports as well as the NHSLS; however, it is not clear whether this reflects a true increase in masturbation, or simply an increase in comfort admitting to this behavior. Although masturbation is something that most people have done, there are some important sex differences in this practice. Specifically, research indicates that men are more likely to masturbate than women, and also that men do it with greater frequency (see Table 9.2). Despite these differences, the NHSLS found that men and women masturbate for similar reasons, including tension relief, pleasure, relaxation, and the unavailability of a sexual partner. Research in the United States finds that masturbation practices also vary according to age, education level, and race (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994). Specifically, being younger (i.e., under age 49), having a higher level of educa- tion, and being White are associated with a greater likelihood of masturbating compared to being older (i.e., over age 50), having less education, and being African American.
Concerns About Masturbation Masturbation has been a source of moral and medical concern for centuries. Historically, penis-in-vagina intercourse within the context of a heterosexual marriage was seen as the only “valid” form of sex by many world religions. Because masturbation provides pleasure with- out the possibility of procreation, it was long condemned as a sinful activity. However, this view of masturbation began to change in the eighteenth century with a movement that is best described as the medicalization of sex. During this time period, masturbation, homosexual- ity, and other sexual activities that had traditionally been seen as immoral came to be viewed largely as health problems and diseases.
For instance, in the 1700s, Swiss physician Samuel Auguste Tissot wrote extensively about the physical and psychological health damage that accompanies masturbation. In Tissot’s view, semen was an “essential oil” that the body cannot function properly without. He argued that excessive masturbation could therefore lead to everything from blindness to insanity. These beliefs about the dire consequences of masturbation persisted for centuries after and led to many inventive attempts to “cure” the masturbation pandemic. One supposed cure was dietary modi- fication. It was thought that being a vegetarian, eating bland foods, and getting frequent exercise would curb the desire to masturbate. To that end, the Reverend Sylvester Graham invented the original graham cracker and Dr. John Harvey Kellogg invented to original cornflake. Yes, you read that right—cornflakes and graham crackers were originally designed for the purpose of stop- ping chronic masturbators. I bet you will never look at the cereal aisle in the grocery store the same way again! Of course, keep in mind that the original formulations of graham crackers and
Table 9.2 Frequency of masturbation by age and gender groups.
Age
18–19 20–24 25–29 30–39 40–49 50–59 60–69 70+
Men In the last month 61.1% 62.8% 68.6% 66.4% 60.1% 55.7% 42.3% 27.9% Lifetime 86.1% 91.8% 94.3% 93.4% 92% 89.2% 90.2% 80.4% Women In the last month 26% 43.7% 51.7% 38.6% 38.5% 28.3% 21.5% 11.5% Lifetime 66% 76.8% 84.6% 80.3% 78% 77.2% 72% 58.3%
Note: Adapted from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (Herbenick et al., 2010a).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2017). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. Created from umuc on 2021-11-19 16:22:55.
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cornflakes were very bland, and barely resemble the sweetened versions you see on supermarket shelves today, which do not claim to have any anti-masturbatory properties. At any rate, Kellogg and Graham were both strong believers that masturbation was a source of both physical and psychological ailments ranging from acne to epilepsy to insanity and, therefore, required a cure.
When the nutritional solution did not work, the means for stopping masturbation became more extreme. For instance, in his book Plain Facts for Old and Young, Kellogg (1881) recommended that young boys be circumcised without anesthetic, because the pain of the procedure would serve as a deterrent to future masturbation. Another procedure he recommended for boys was to pull the foreskin over the glans and suture it together so as to prevent erections. For girls, Kellogg rec- ommended applying carbolic acid to the clitoris in order to reduce “abnormal excitement.”
As if that were not enough, a number of devices were invented that were designed to not only discourage boys from masturbating, but also to prevent them from having nocturnal emis- sions. In fact, between 1856 and 1919, fourteen patents were granted in the United States for devices of this nature (Mountjoy, 1974). Among them were genital cages (a sort of chastity belt that could only be removed by the person who held the key), spermatorrhoea rings (which sort of looked like modern “cock rings,” but with an extra, inner layer of sharp metal teeth that would dig into the penis should the wearer get an erection), as well as the spermatic truss (a device that involved stretching the penis out and strapping it to a short pole in order to make an erection impossible). However, my personal favorite is what I call “the bell-ringer,” a device patented in 1899 that would ring a bell any time the wearer’s penis started to swell, effectively alerting everyone in town that an erection was nearby. Rather than try to physically prevent erections, this device was designed to curb them through shame and embarrassment.
As it turns out, all of the longstanding health concerns about masturbation have been com- pletely unsubstantiated by modern research, which means that all of these radical attempts to stop people from pleasuring themselves have been for naught. In fact, research suggests that, if anything, masturbation is associated with enhanced physical and psychological health. As just a
Figure 9.5 Among the more popular anti-masturbation devices of the late 19th and early 20th centuries were genital cages. ©Science & Society Picture Library/Getty Images.
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few examples, masturbating frequently is linked to higher self-esteem among women (Hurlbert & Whittaker, 1991) and a lower risk of prostate cancer among men (Giles et al., 2003). There is simply no truth to the idea that masturbation will make you go blind, crazy, or grow hair on your palms. On a side note, there is also no evidence that masturbation is harmful to people’s romantic and sexual relationships, which has also been a major concern about self-pleasure. For instance, some research has found that people in relationships masturbate more than sin- gles (Laumann et al., 1994), suggesting that masturbation may complement an active sex life rather than supplant partnered sex. As a result of these and other findings, most modern medi- cal and psychological associations around the world have adopted the view that masturbation is a normal part of sexual experience and is not something that requires treatment.
Partnered Sexual Behaviors
At this point, we will shift our focus to some of the most common partnered sexual activities, including kissing, sexual touching, oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal intercourse. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of all possible sexual behaviors, just those that are most frequently observed. I should also clarify that “partnered” does not necessarily mean just two people, because some individuals enjoy these activities in the context of groups. We will also consider the nature of same-sex behavior and correct some of the most common misconceptions about the sex lives of gay men and lesbians. Sexual behavior variations (i.e., uncommon forms of sexual expression) will be addressed separately in this book in chapter 14.
Most adults have engaged in partnered sexual activity. For instance, national US surveys have found that by the time people reach their mid-twenties to early thirties, 97% have had oral, vaginal, or anal sex previously, while 3% have had no sexual experience at all (Haydon et al., 2014). When do people typically start engaging in partnered sexual activities? That depends upon the specific activi- ties and cultural backgrounds in question. For example, one study of US college students found that, on average, men and women reported having their first kiss around age 15 and their first act of sexual intercourse around age 17 (Regan, Durvasula, Howell, Ureno, & Rea, 2004). Other research is consistent with these numbers, although men usually become sexually active at a slightly younger age. How does cultural background factor into the equation? Regan and colleagues found that White and African American participants tended to have their first kiss and first sex at a younger age than those who were Latino(a) or Asian American. The largest difference was seen between African and Asian Americans. Specifically, African Americans reported their first kiss at age 14.8 and first sex at age 16.3, whereas Asian Americans had their first kiss at age 17.6 and first sex at 18.85.
As noted at the beginning of this chapter, once partnered sexual activity begins, it often con- tinues through the rest of our lives. In fact, it is not uncommon for men and women to stay sexu- ally active into their 70s and 80s. However, a number of factors are related to continued sexual activity, including good health (both physical and psychological), having a positive view of sex and one’s own sexuality, not to mention access to a partner (DeLamater, 2012). It is also worth noting that even in cases where older adults’ health has declined or they have acquired physical disabilities or chronic illnesses, sex often continues to be an important part of their lives.
Kissing
Kissing is an activity that people frequently associate with sex, and this makes sense in a lot of ways. The mouth is an erogenous zone endowed with many nerve endings, which means kissing can be very pleasurable. In Western society, kissing is one of the most common and socially accepted sexual behaviors; however, in other cultures, kissing is considered a dis- gusting act (Gregersen, 1996). Thus, kissing is by no means universally practiced throughout
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the world. As some evidence of this, consider the results of a study that analyzed the pres- ence of kissing (defined as “lip-to-lip contact lasting long enough for the exchange of saliva”) using anthropological data obtained from 168 different cultures (Jankowiak, Volsche, & Gar- cia, 2015). These researchers found that kissing was present in less than half (45.8%) of the cultures studied! Kissing was least likely to be observed among cultures in Africa, Central and South America, and Oceania, but more frequently observed in North America, Asia, Europe, and the Middle East.
In places where kissing is deemed acceptable, it often becomes an individual’s first and, for some, most memorable sexual experience. Although most people only distinguish between two types of kissing, the closed-mouth kiss of affection and the open-mouthed kiss of passion, kissing can take many different forms. In fact, the Kama Sutra denotes 17 different types of kisses that vary in terms of whether they permit tongue action, the amount of pressure and force applied, and so on. Because there are so many different manners of kissing and people have their own preferences when it comes to what feels good, it is inevitable that some people will be thought of as “bad kissers” and others as “good kissers.”
Beyond simply feeling good, scientists believe kissing may serve other purposes. In fact, some have suggested that kissing might be an evolutionarily adaptive behavior. For instance, perhaps kissing emerged as a way of “sizing up” potential partners (Wlodarski & Dunbar, 2013). Specifically, the act of putting our noses and mouths so close together could assist in the detection of pheromones, thereby helping people to subconsciously identify partners who are healthy and fertile. Alternatively, other scientists believe that kissing evolved in order to promote the exchange of bacteria and microorganisms that promote good health (Hendrie & Brewer, 2010).
Figure 9.6 For some individuals, kissing is one of the most pleasurable sexual activities there is. ©Alexandru Chiriac, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
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Touching
As discussed in chapter 4, touch is the predominant sexual sense in most people. As a result, it should not be a surprise to learn that touching is often an integral part of sexual activity. In fact, the role of touch in sexual arousal and pleasure was considered so vital by Masters and Johnson that they recommended it as part of almost every sex therapy routine (we will return to this idea in chapter 13). Sexual touching usually focuses on primary and secondary erog- enous zones; however, almost any part of the body can be involved, because nerve endings are present throughout our skin. It is important to note that sexual pleasure can be derived from touch even if the genitals are not directly stimulated. What matters most is the individual’s personal preferences and how the touch is interpreted, which means that it is important to communicate with your partner about what does and does not feel good.
One of the most common forms of sexual touching is tribadism, which refers to the act of rubbing one’s genitals on the body of a sexual partner. This could mean rubbing the genitals together, or rubbing them against other parts of the body. Tribadism is most commonly used to describe vulva-to-vulva contact between two women (known colloquially as “scissoring,” because it involves interlocking the legs of the partners like two pairs of scissors; Hite, 2003).
Oral Sex
Stimulation of the genitals with the mouth has become extremely common over the past cen- tury. As evidence of the current prevalence of this behavior, both the NSSHB and the NHSLS have reported that approximately three-quarters of all adults have engaged in oral sex within the past year (Herbenick et al., 2010a; Laumann et al., 1994). As you can see in Table 9.1, oral
Figure 9.7 Touch can be a sensual experience even if it is not focused on the genitals. ©Dewayne Flowers, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
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sex practices vary with age, with younger folks being the most likely to do it; however, even among older adults, oral sex still occurs with some frequency. There are also educational and racial differences in the practice of oral sex. Being college-educated and White are linked to a greater likelihood of having ever practiced oral sex compared to having a high school education (or less) and being African American or Hispanic (Laumann et al., 1994). It is also important to note that within some religions and some parts of the world (e.g., Sub-Saharan Africa), oral sex is seen as an unnatural and unclean activity and is not practiced widely.
The general term used to describe stimulation of the vulva by a partner’s mouth is cunnilin- gus, while the term used to describe oral stimulation of the penis is fellatio. Oral sex is a behav- ior practiced by people of all genders and sexualities, and it can take many forms. For instance, oral sex varies in terms of whether it is performed individually vs. simultaneously in the so- called sixty-nine position. In addition, the area of focus may differ (e.g., fellatio sometimes includes oral stimulation of the scrotum), as does movement, speed, pressure, and use of the hands (e.g., a finger or two may be used for vaginal insertion during cunnilingus). If applicable, couples also vary in terms of how they prefer to deal with male and/or female ejaculate. Some find ejaculation inside the mouth to be exciting, while others dislike it. As always, it is best to communicate with your partner about your preferences and it is important to recognize that when your partner reveals personal likes and dislikes, it should not be construed as an attack on you. Everyone’s bodies and brains are different, which means that the sexual techniques that brought you compliments in a previous relationship may not necessarily draw praise from all future sexual partners. Thus, it is wise not to assume you know what your partner will enjoy or that your partner will automatically know what you want. When it comes to sex, communicate early and often.
Not surprisingly, many men and women find that oral stimulation alone is enough to bring them to orgasm. In fact, about one in ten men and one in five women report that oral sex is their preferred route to climax (Janus & Janus, 1993). Despite the large number of people who practice and enjoy oral sex, there is a lot of misinformation out there about this activity. Per- haps the biggest misconception is that oral sex is a “safe” activity with little to no risk of disease transmission. However, as we will discuss in chapter 12, there are multiple infections that can be spread through this activity, which means it is important to take appropriate precautions no matter what kind of sex you are having.
Vaginal Intercourse
Among heterosexual adults, vaginal intercourse (also known as coitus) is the most common form of partnered sexual activity (see Table 9.1) and it is most frequently practiced among those who are younger, married, and more highly educated (Laumann et al., 1994). As with all of the other behaviors we have discussed up until this point, vaginal intercourse is an activ- ity that can take many forms. For one thing, a multitude of sexual positions are possible. The four most basic positions are man-on-top (i.e., “missionary”), woman-on-top, side-by-side, and rear-entry (i.e., “doggy style”). People obviously vary in their position preferences, and those preferences can change over time (e.g., during pregnancy, certain positions can become impos- sible or uncomfortable). In general, research shows that men tend to prefer woman-on-top, while women tend to prefer man-on-top (Elliot & Brantley, 1997). We do not know why that is, but some might view it as evidence that most people are lazy in bed. By contrast, others might see it as a sign that a lot of us just like to give up control.
One of the most common things students ask about in my human sexuality course is the “best” position for vaginal intercourse, usually meaning the position that provides the great- est likelihood of female orgasm. Research has found that the coital alignment technique (CAT) significantly increases the odds of both female orgasm and simultaneous orgasm
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during heterosexual intercourse (Pierce, 2000). The CAT is a modified “missionary” position in which the male partner leans further forward to the point where the base of his penis comes into contact with his partner’s clitoris. Instead of thrusting in and out, the partners “grind” back and forth to maintain the penile–clitoral connection. This is a very coordinated set of body movements that takes some practice to master, but many people find that the results are worth the effort.
Beyond position selection, partners also vary in terms of what they do with their hands (e.g., providing breast and/or clitoral stimulation), whether they keep their eyes open or closed, whether they require an artificial lubricant, and so on. There are also cross-cultural differ- ences in the practice of vaginal intercourse, such as the common preference for dry sex in Sub- Saharan Africa. Dry sex (not to be confused with “dry humping,” or non-penetrative sex) is a form of intercourse accompanied by removal of a woman’s natural vaginal lubrication (Sandala et al., 1995). Lubrication is removed or minimized by wiping the vagina out or by placing leaves or chemicals inside the vagina. The goal is to increase friction during sex, which is thought to provide more pleasure to the male partner; however, this behavior may also stem from a cul- tural view that female wetness is a sign of promiscuity. Regardless of the reason, the practice is painful for women and may increase the risk of contracting infections by causing trauma to the vaginal lining.
Anal Sex
Although anal sex tends to be among the least commonly reported partnered sexual behaviors (see Table 9.1), it is certainly not rare and, like oral sex, has been increasing in recent years. For instance, according to the NSSHB, as many as one in four or one in five US adults in their 20s and 30s report having practiced this behavior in the past year (Herbenick et al., 2010a). Lifetime prevalence estimates are even higher. For instance, the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth found that about one-third of women and almost half of all men surveyed had attempted anal sex at least once before (Chandra, Mosher, & Copen, 2011). However, there are age, education, and racial differences in this practice (Laumann et al., 1994). Similar to masturbation and oral sex, anal sex is more common among those who are younger and more highly educated. With respect to race, White and African American men are equally likely to reported having ever tried it; however, African American women are about half as likely as White women to report having had anal sex in their lifetime.
Anal sex is an activity that produces divided opinions. Some people find it repulsive, while others find it thoroughly arousing. Although anal sex is most commonly associated with gay men, it is also practiced frequently among heterosexuals. Given the prevalence of anal sex observed in survey studies and the fact that heterosexuals vastly outnumber gay men, the real- ity is that most of the people who practice anal sex in this world are male-female couples, a fact that many people find surprising.
When most people hear the term “anal sex,” they tend to think about penile–anal penetration. However, this is not the only way that the anus can be involved in sexual activity. Some people may insert a finger or sex toy into the anus during masturbation or partnered sex. Others orally stimulate the anus, a practice known as anilingus (colloquially referred to as “rimming”).
There are a few special health concerns that merit mention in our discussion of anal stimu- lation. First, the rectum is a rather delicate structure and does not produce its own lubrica- tion, unlike the vagina. As a result, a generous amount of a safe, non-irritating lubricant should be used, in addition to gentle, slow penetration. This applies regardless of whether a penis or a sex toy is being inserted. If inserting a sex toy, please ensure that the base is sig- nificantly larger than the top so that it does not accidentally enter all of the way and become
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stuck. I have heard many a story from my friends in medicine who have encountered emer- gency room patients with devices lodged in their rectums. Perhaps the most interesting case I ever heard about was a man who had set his cellular phone to vibrate, wrapped it inside a condom, and inserted it into his anus before proceeding to call himself repeatedly from another phone (this gives new meaning to the terms “buttdialing” and “booty call,” right?). Unfortunately for him, however, his phone made for a poor sex toy. It became irretrievable after going in too far and had to be removed in the middle of the night by a very talented and slightly amused surgeon.
In addition, it is important to note that anal sex carries the highest risk of disease transmis- sion out of all of the sexual activities we have discussed above (for more on this, see chap- ter 12). To reduce risk, condoms should be worn during penile–anal penetration and, during anilingus, dental dams should be used to limit transmission of intestinal infections. On a side note, a practice often referred to as ATM (“ass-to-mouth”) is becoming increasingly common in pornography and involves taking the penis directly from a person’s anus and putting it in someone’s mouth without cleansing the penis in between. This is an extremely risky activity and is not recommended because of the very high risk of transmitting infections.
Same-Sex Behaviors
The sex lives of gays and lesbians are strikingly similar to those of heterosexuals in most regards. The one exception, of course, is the lack of penile–vaginal intercourse. Nonetheless, there are numerous stereotypes about what non-heterosexual individuals do when it comes to sex. For instance, perhaps the most prevalent sex stereotype targeting lesbians is the notion of “lesbian bed death,” or the idea that sexual activity drops off dramatically in long-term female couples, a result some have argued stems from the fact that there is no man around to initiate sex (see Schwartz & Blumstein, 1983). Although the sex lives of some lesbian couples eventually slow down, the idea that this is somehow a universal phenomenon is a myth and many psychologists have been critical of the data used to support the notion of “lesbian bed death” (Jasenza, 2000). The reality is that many lesbian couples maintain long-term, sexually satisfying relationships. It is also important to note that, while studies have shown that lesbian couples tend to have sex less often than other types of couples (e.g., gay male and heterosexual couples), lesbians’ sexual events typically last much longer (Blair & Pukall, 2014). For more on myth versus reality when it comes to lesbian sex, check out the Digging Deeper 9.3 box.
What about gay men? There is a widespread belief that anal intercourse is the primary sexual behavior practiced by gay men. However, this could not be further from the truth. As it turns out, oral sex and mutual masturbation are far more common. See the Digging Deeper 9.4 box for more on what the sex lives of gay men are actually like.
There is less research into the sexual behaviors of bisexually identified individuals, but exist- ing work suggests that, like persons of other sexual orientations, they also have a wide sexual repertoire. For example, in a study of bisexual men in the Midwestern United States, research- ers found that the vast majority (>75%) reported having practiced vaginal intercourse, given and received oral sex with male and female partners, engaged in mutual masturbation with male and female partners, and practiced some form of anal sex (Dodge et al., 2013). Notably, bisexual men were much more likely to have anal sex with male partners compared to female partners, and they were far more likely to be the insertive partner rather than the receptive partner during such activities; however, a small number of bisexual men reported that their only experience being the receptive partner during anal intercourse occurred with women (e.g., being penetrated with a strap-on dildo, known colloquially as “pegging”). Thus, the sexual practices of bisexuals are incredibly diverse.
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Sex With Three, or Four, or More
Up until this point, our discussion of partnered sexual behaviors has primarily focused on sex that occurs between two people; however, as mentioned earlier in this chapter, it is not uncom- mon for people—especially men—to fantasize about sex acts that involve more than two part- ners, such as threesomes, orgies, and gangbangs. In other words, a lot of us are turned on by the idea of having sex in a group. Despite the fact that group sex is a common sexual fantasy, little is known about how many people have actually practiced it or what the most common group sex activities are because this is not something that is routinely inquired about on national sex surveys.
Digging Deeper 9.3 Are Media Portrayals of Lesbian Sex Accurate?
When it comes to lesbian sex, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions, many of which are fueled by inaccurate representations in pornography and in the popular media. In light of this, let’s take a moment to separate fact from fiction.
First, the activities depicted in most woman-on-woman internet porn hardly reflect the reality of most lesbians’ sex lives. Most such porn is produced by men, for men—and this kind of porn is blatantly obvious because it focuses on imagery and activities that appeal primarily to hetero- sexual men’s fantasies. For example, these videos typically feature highly feminine women who have bodies that conform to straight men’s ideals (i.e., young, skinny, shaved, with large breasts) and who engage in sexual activities that revolve around vaginal and oral penetration with dildos and strap-ons (Morrison & Tallack, 2005). In reality, lesbians’ bodies come in many shapes and sizes and their bodily ideals are not necessarily the same as those of heterosexual men (e.g., many lesbians prefer women who are “butch”). Likewise, lesbians’ sexual repertoires involve more than just dildos. In fact, one study found that vaginal penetration with sex toys is something that just 16% of lesbian and bisexual women say that they do often (Bailey et al., 2003). Despite what you might see in porn, lesbians do not necessarily enjoy performing oral sex on dildos either. Consider this comment from a qualitative study by Morrison and Tallack (2005) in which lesbians were exposed to pseudo-lesbian porn:
“The sirap-on dildo. . .boihers me. Because ii doesn’i alwarys happen and whry would a lesbian. . .suck a sirap-on? How is ihai visuallry or even sexuallry appealing? If ryou’re a lesbian, ryou are a lesbian for a reason. Yes, use iorys. I’m noi sarying don’i use iorys. Bui I don’i suck on ihem afier.”
Second, another popular stereotype about lesbian sex is that it focuses primarily on “scissor- ing” (i.e., tribadism), an idea popularized by the television show Souih Park, which aired an infa- mous episode about lesbian sex in 2007. In stark contrast to this stereotype, a survey of over 1,200 lesbian and bisexual women who were asked about their sexual practices revealed that genital-genital touching was something that just 50% of the sample said that they did often (Bailey et al., 2003). Even larger percentages said that they often practiced oral sex (72%), vaginal penetration with fingers (84%), and mutual masturbation (71%). Thus, while tribadism/scissoring is certainly a sexual behavior that many lesbians practice, it is far from the only behavior, and by no means is it the most common.
In short, lesbians have very diverse sex lives, and the reality of them is not well represented in porn or in the media.
Note: Reprinted with permission from Sex and Psrychologry (www.lehmiller.com).
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Figure 9.8 Despite the widespread stereotype of “lesbian bed death,” many female same-sex couples lead very active and satisfying sex lives. ©Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock.
Digging Deeper 9.4 Do Gay Men’s Sex Lives Match Up With the Stereotypes?
There are several common stereotypes about the sex lives of gay men. One of the most prevalent is that anal sex is the primary (if not only) sexual activity that gay men practice. Another is that sex in public places (e.g., in parks or public bathrooms) is a common occurrence. And yet one more is that gay men mostly have sex with anonymous partners. Is there any truth to these widespread stereotypes? According to research, the answer is no.
Rosenberger and colleagues (2011) examined the sexual behaviors of a national US online sample of nearly 25,000 men who have sex with men (86% of whom identified as gay). Par- ticipants were asked to describe the details of their most recent sexual event with a male part- ner. Results indicated that these men have a diverse sexual repertoire, with over 1,300 unique combinations of sexual behavior reported. Most participants (63.2%) reported engaging in somewhere between five and nine different sexual activities during their most recent sexual encounter.
The single most commonly reported behavior was kissing on the mouth (74.5%), followed closely by oral sex (72.7%) and mutual masturbation (68.4%). Contrary to popular belief, only about one-third of men in the sample reported engaging in anal sex (37.2%). This tells us that the common assumption that “gay sex” is necessarily anal sex is inaccurate.
In terms of the context of sexual behavior, only a very small minority of participants reported that their sexual activity took place in what would be considered a public setting (3.1%)—the vast majority had sex in their own home or in their partner’s home (77.7%). In addition, 37% reported that sex occurred with a boyfriend or dating partner, and 17% indicated a friend. Thus, for the majority of the men in this study, their most recent partner was well known to them and was not anonymous.
(Coniinued)
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Just a few studies have addressed this topic, and they have largely been limited to hetero- sexual college students and their experiences with threesomes. This is unfortunate because it is likely that interest in and experience with threesomes—and group sex more broadly—varies with age. For younger persons, sex with just one partner is still very much a novelty. As a result, group sex might not even be on their radar. However, for older adults, especially those who are in long-term monogamous relationships, that novelty is more likely to have worn away. Group sex might therefore be more appealing to older adults because they see it as a way of augment- ing sex with a romantic partner.
With that said, one study of heterosexual Canadian college students found that 13% of them reported having taken part in a threesome before; however, men (24%) were actually three times more likely to say they had been in a threesome than women (8%; Thompson & Byers, 2017). For both male and female participants in this study, the most common type of threesome they had experience with involved two women and one man. Some research has examined group sex practices among non-heterosexuals, with the results revealing that interest in multi-partner
Digging Deeper 9.4 (Continued)
Figure 9.9 Contrary to popular belief, kissing on the mouth is the most frequently reported sexual behavior among men who have sex with men. ©mavo/123RF.COM.
While it is certainly true that some gay men have anonymous anal sex in public places, this is not necessarily what all or even most gay men do. The results of this research thus seem to counteract many common stereotypes about the sex lives of gay men. In addition, these findings suggest that doctors and public health professionals should not make too many assumptions about the sexual behaviors of men who have sex with men; rather, we need to take into account the wide individual variability that exists.
Note: Reprinted with permission from Sex and Psrychologry (www.lehmiller.com).
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sex transcends sexual orientation. For example, in a study of mostly younger men who have sex with men from New York City, approximately 18% reported having had group sex before (Jenness et al., 2010). However, “group sex” was not defined in this study, so it is not clear whether these experiences represented threesomes, orgies, sex parties, or something else.
Obviously, group sex can mean a lot of different things. As a result, the relative risk associ- ated with this activity can vary tremendously. For instance, a couple who brings a third person into their relationship for an evening but uses condoms would be taking on far lower risk than, say, someone who is participating in an orgy or gangbang and has successive sexual contact with ten or twenty people. That said, research has found an association between group sex and STI acquisition (Rothman et al., 2012), which highlights the importance of employing safer-sex practices when engaged in any form of multi-partner sex.
Frequency and Benefits of Sex and Orgasm
One of the most common concerns people have about their own sex lives is whether they are having “enough” sex. As a result, students taking this course often ask what a “normal” frequency of sexual activity is. As discussed in chapter 2, however, we cannot look to a single number to represent normalcy; rather, we need to consider a range of responses. The reason for this is because people have preferences for different amounts and types of sexual activity. For instance, some older married couples may be content having sex just one per year on their anniversary, whereas some younger couples may not be content unless they are having sex most days of the week. Thus, the “correct” amount of sex is the amount that makes you and your partner(s) happy.
Although there is a lot of variability when it comes to desired amounts of sex, several studies have found that, overall, the more frequently people have sex, the more satisfied they tend to be. However, a closer examination of this data reveals that there’s a leveling-off point. What this means is that once you reach a certain level of sexual activity, having more sex doesn’t seem to enhance sexual satisfaction any further. Specifically, once per week seems to be the leveling-off point—having more sex than that offers diminishing returns (Muise, Schimmack, & Impett, 2016). In other words, people who are having sex once per week are happier than people who are doing it less often; however, people who are having sex every day or multi- ple times per day aren’t necessarily any happier than people who are doing it once per week. Experimental research supports this idea. In a study in which people who were already having weekly sex were asked to either double their sexual frequency or not, those who tried to dou- ble the amount of sex they were having weren’t any happier after three months (Loewenstein et al., 2015). In fact, those who forced themselves to have more sex found the experience to be negative for the most part. Thus, although people tend to think that more is always better when it comes to sex, this does not necessarily seem to be the case in reality. As a result, it is usually not productive to worry about whether you “should” be doing it more.
With that in mind, to give you some sense of sexual frequency, Table 9.3 presents results from the NSSHB looking at how often heterosexual married adults report having penile–vaginal intercourse in the United States. Of course, keep in mind that while vaginal intercourse is one of the most common sexual behaviors, it is far from the only behavior people might engage in. Unfortunately, we currently lack nationally representative data on how often people engage in other sexual activities, as well as how sexual frequency differs across other demographic groups. If other sexual behaviors were assessed and more diverse groups were considered, the conclusions might be quite different. With these limitations in mind, what you will see is that a few times per week was the most common response. However, you will also see that
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frequency of vaginal intercourse depends upon both age and sex, with adults under age 50 and men reporting it most frequently.
Research suggests that there may be some physical and psychological health benefits of being sexually active on at least a semi-regular basis. For instance, a study of male rats that were ran- domly assigned to sex deprivation (i.e., just one act of sex over the course of the study) or daily sex for two weeks revealed that the more sexually active rats exhibited greater neuron growth (a key factor in mental agility) and lower circulating levels of stress hormones (Leuner, Glasper, & Gould, 2010). In addition, research on humans has found that people who have recently fallen in love have higher levels of nerve growth factor in their blood (Emanuele et al., 2005). Like- wise, research on young heterosexual women has found that more frequent vaginal intercourse is linked to enhanced memory on word recognition tasks (Maunder, Schoemaker, Pruessner, 2016). Together, these results suggest the intriguing possibility that sex may help maintain and possibly enhance cognitive functioning.
In addition, sex may promote better physical health and longevity. As some evidence of this, an experimental study in which men’s blood was tested immediately after masturbating to orgasm or after refraining from sexual activity revealed that orgasm was linked to enhanced immune system functioning, including an increase in natural killer cells (Haake et al., 2004). Could frequent immune boosts following orgasm potentially help you to live longer? A study of men from the United Kingdom found that participants with the highest orgasmic frequency had a 50% lower risk of death than those men who had did not have as many orgasms (Davey Smith, Frankel, & Yarnell, 1997).
Table 9.3 Frequency of Penile–vaginal intercourse in the past year among married American adults stratified by age and sex.
Women Not in the past year
A few times per year to monthly
A few times each month to weekly
2–3 times per week
4+ times per week
18–24 11.8% 14.7% 14.7% 35.3% 23.5% 25–29 3.5% 11.6% 47.7% 35.2% 2.0% 30–39 6.5% 16.3% 50.2% 21.9% 5.1% 40–49 8.1% 21.7% 46.6% 20.8% 2.7% 50–59 22.0% 23.7% 36.2% 16.9% 1.1% 60–69 37.9% 20.0% 35.9% 6.2% 0.0% 70+ 53.5% 25.4% 18.3% 1.4% 1.4%
Men Not in the past year
A few times per year to monthly
A few times each month to weekly
2–3 times per week
4+ times per week
18–24 4.2% 12.5% 16.7% 45.8% 20.8% 25–29 1.6% 9.3% 46.3% 37.1% 5.9% 30–39 4.5% 15.6% 47.3% 26.8% 5.8% 40–49 9.1% 16.2% 51.0% 19.9% 3.7% 50–59 20.6% 25.0% 38.3% 15.0% 1.1% 60–69 33.9% 21.2% 35.4% 9.5% 0.0% 70+ 54.2% 24.2% 15.0% 5.8% 0.8%
Note: Adapted from Herbenick et al. (2010b) and Reece et al., (2010).
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Sexual Behavior in Psychological Perspective
As we close out this chapter, we will further explore the role that psychology plays in sexual behavior so that you can better understand when and why people might be inclined to engage in or avoid the behaviors discussed above. In chapter 1, we mentioned a few psychological influences in detail, including personality traits (e.g., erotophilia, sociosexuality, and sensation seeking), classical and operant conditioning, observational learning, and evolved tendencies. However, beyond these factors, there are a number of other variables psychologists have identi- fied that can affect how and when we express our sexuality. In this section, we will consider the roles of self-regulation (i.e., self-control), attachment style, and mortality salience.
Self-Regulation
According to the Strength Model of Self-Control (Baumeister, Vohs, & Tice, 2007), our will- power is a limited resource. In other words, our ability to exert self-control is finite. You can think of self-control as being akin to a muscle in the sense that drawing upon your willpower repeatedly in a short period of time will deplete your strength, thereby making it harder to exert self-control again in the near future. Psychologists have documented evidence of this time and again in a variety of settings (although, to be fair, some self-control effects have failed to replicate and there is an ongoing debate in the field about the precise mechanism that underlies this phenomenon, as well as the length of time it takes for depletion effects to set in; Hagger & Chatzisarntis, 2016). Among other things, studies have found that when people’s self-control abilities have been weakened, they have less ability to resist the temptation to consume alcohol, eat sugary foods, and spend money impulsively (see Baumeister et al., 2007). Does self-regulatory failure also have implications for our sex lives? It would appear so.
Figure 9.10 Frequent sex increases the growth rate of neurons in rats. Are creatures that have more frequent sex smarter? ©Cathy Keifer/123RF.COM.
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Before we get into the findings, it is worth pointing out that there is a difference in trait vs. state self-control. Trait self-control refers to your overall, chronic level of self-control. It is a simple fact of life that some people just have bigger self-control reserves than others. For instance, you probably know some people who are very good at sticking to diets, and others who constantly fail at them. Part of the reason for this is because self-control is, to some extent, a psychological trait that we can possess in larger or smaller quantities. State self-control refers to your self-control abilities at a specific moment, taking into account situational factors. State self-control therefore fluctuates moment to moment and can go up or down depending upon how much willpower you have exerted recently.
With regard to trait self-control, research on adolescents has found that lower overall levels of self-control longitudinally predict pursuit of riskier sexual behaviors (e.g., Raffaelli & Crock- ett, 2003). Thus, being chronically low on self-control may predispose individuals to forego con- doms, have larger numbers of partners, and engage in other behaviors that increase their risk of infection transmission. Likewise, research has demonstrated that lower levels of trait self-control are associated with more temptation to cheat on one’s current romantic partner. For instance, a study of romantically involved, heterosexual male participants seated in a waiting room with an attractive female confederate revealed that the men with lower levels of trait self-control engaged in more flirting with the confederate than men who possessed greater willpower (Pronk, Kar- remans, & Wigboldus, 2011). With regard to state self-control, we discussed a study by Gailliot and Baumeister (2007) in chapter 2 in which they found that when participants’ self-regulatory abilities were temporarily weakened, participants subsequently engaged in more extensive sexual activities with their current romantic partner. In two other studies, Gailliot and Baumeister found that when participants’ self-control abilities were temporarily depleted, they reported a greater likelihood of cheating on their partner and had a stronger tendency to unscramble letter sets (e.g.,
Figure 9.11 When our self-control resources are low, we may become more susceptible to cheating on a romantic partner. ©Kzenon, 2013. Used under license from Shutterstock.com.
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N I S E P) as sex words (PENIS) instead of non-sex words (SPINE). Thus, both our trait and state levels of self-control appear to influence our sexual thoughts and behaviors.
Attachment Style
As described in chapter 8, each of us has our own attachment style, which can be thought of as one’s general approach to developing and maintaining relationships with other people (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). To refresh your memory, people can be securely attached (i.e., they have an easy time getting close to others), anxiously attached (i.e., they fear that their partners may leave), or avoidantly attached (i.e., they are uncomfortable with intimacy). Research has found that these attachment styles are associated with different sexual behaviors, as well as dif- ferent overall levels of sexual functioning.
Specifically, a review of 15 studies in this area by Stefanou and McCabe (2012) revealed that higher levels of anxious attachment were associated with a greater frequency of sex and the pursuit of sex as a means of getting closer to one’s partner. Additionally, higher levels of avoid- ant attachment were linked to a lower frequency of sexual activity and pursuing sex for nonro- mantic reasons (e.g., to enhance one’s own status or to manipulate a partner). Moreover, both anxious and avoidant attachment were linked to lower levels of sexual satisfaction and a higher number of sexual problems (e.g., difficulty reaching orgasm). Other research has found that patterns of attachment also predict safe-sex practices. For example, high levels of attachment anxiety are associated with lower levels of condom use (Strachman & Impett, 2009), perhaps because anxious individuals feel as though they have less power to negotiate condom use out of fear that their partner will leave. Thus, our attachment style may lead us to view sex very differ- ently, which may ultimately influence the frequency with which we engage in certain behaviors as well as the quality and safety of the sex that we have.
Mortality Salience
One additional psychological factor that can affect sexual behavior is mortality salience, which refers to human beings’ conscious or unconscious recognition that we will eventually die. Accord- ing to Terror Management Theory (Solomon, Greenberg, & Pyszczynski, 1991), when we are reminded of our own mortality, we subconsciously alter our attitudes and behaviors in order to help us cope with the “terrifying” prospect of our eventual death. If you have ever taken a social psychol- ogy course, you have probably learned that these coping mechanisms focus on embracing cultural worldviews and enhancing self-esteem; however, what you may not have learned is that changes in sexual attitudes and behavior may be an important part of coping efforts for some people.
Consider a series of studies conducted by Landau and colleagues (2006) in which participants were primed with mortality salience (i.e., the prospect of death was brought to mind by asking participants to write a brief essay about what will happen to their body when they physically die). Their research consistently found that mortality salience primes reduced heterosexual men’s interest in sexy and alluring women; however, mortality salience did not diminish their interest in women who appeared more “wholesome” (i.e., women who were dressed more conservatively). Landau and colleagues argue that, for some men, “the experience of raw sexual attraction. . . trans- forms the individual from something unique and special to an impulsive, animalistic, material, and finite piece of biological protoplasm” (p. 132). In other words, sexy women may remind men of their creaturely instincts and impulses. As a result, when a man is already feeling threatened (e.g., as a result of a mortality salience prime), he may seek to distance himself from and perhaps even derogate sexy women as a way of helping him feel better about himself.
However, mortality salience does not lead everyone to distance themselves from sex. In fact, for some people, the opposite effect emerges. For example, interest in sex increases after a
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Discussion Questions: What is Your Perspective on Sex?
● What (if anything) were you told about masturbation while you were growing up? What does the information you received (or failed to receive) suggest about modern society’s attitudes toward self-pleasure?
● Several studies have suggested that people who have sex and reach orgasm more frequently tend to be healthier. Do you think this is primarily because sex is good for you, or because healthy people are just more capable of sex and tend to “do it” more often?
● Out of all of the different psychological influences on sexual behavior we have considered thus far, which ones do you think best explain your own sexual attitudes and behaviors?
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mortality salience prime among people who have positive body image (Goldenberg et al., 2000). What this suggests is that for people who are more comfortable with their physical appear- ance, the body itself and bodily activities like sex come to represent an important source of self-esteem. For such individuals, sex may be an appropriate way of dealing with the prospect of one’s own mortality by reducing feelings of anxiety. Research has also found that mortality salience primes make people with a low fear of intimacy more willing to have risky sex (i.e., hav- ing sex with a new partner without protection; Taubman-Ben-Ari, 2004). Again, this suggests that for people who are more comfortable with physical intimacy, reminders of death may spur sexual behavior. Thus, the specific effects of mortality salience fundamentally depend upon how we feel about ourselves and about sex in general.
As you can see, a variety of dispositional (e.g., trait self-control, attachment style) and situ- ational factors (e.g., state self-control, mortality salience) may affect the likelihood that an indi- vidual will engage in sexual behavior. Because there are so many factors that can promote or inhibit sexuality, it makes understanding both the causes and treatments of sexual problems incredibly complex, an issue we will return to in chapter 13.
Key Terms
celibacy sexual fantasies masturbation hysteria tribadism
cunnilingus fellatio coitus coital alignment technique
(CAT)
dry sex anilingus trait self-control state self-control mortality salience
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