write

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello Alexander! I'm Bev S. and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:  Well done, Alexander, on relating your points to words in the poems to show the reader how the message of each poem expresses each aspect of the Harlem Renaissance. Good work here: "The keyword "defy" appears in the poem's middle, and the speaker believes violence is permissible when reacting to murder or injustice."

*Alexander 12296574, you requested help with Grammar & Mechanics:   Alexander, I'm going to defer Grammar & Mechanics for now and review Introduction/Conclusion instead as it is a more pressing concern. You can check out   Commas going forward.

*Alexander 12296574, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:   The topic sentences of your paragraphs are not always relevant to your main point about the Harlem Renaissance. Consider this topic sentence, for example: "When it comes to today's poetry, Claude McKay shows how the sonnet tradition has endured and continues to be an important influence." You have not incorporated points about poetic technique into your main idea/thesis, so it strikes the reader as strange that you would discuss the poet's use of the sonnet form in this passage. Consider linking the paragraph more effectively to your main point. For example: An aspect of the Harlem Renaissance that was noteworthy is the use of formal poetic structures, such as McKay's use of the sonnet form in ...   Note how this topic sentence would show a clear link back to your main point about the Harlem Renaissance. How will you create stronger links between your topic sentences and your main point? For more information about writing a thesis or main idea statement, check out Developing a Thesis in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook .

Content Development  Some of your points are confusing, even contradictory. Consider this passage: "In the opening words of 'From the Dark Tower,' the speaker says that "we," Black men and women, aren't always the ones performing all the hard labor that others benefit from. This is a powerful statement for many reasons. As a result, it seems that this is the situation right now. Those of European ancestry get the rewards of the labor ..." In this passage, it is difficult to know whether Black men and women "aren't always the ones performing the hard labor, or are always the ones doing it. While Cullen says they aren't, your point is that "it seems that this is the situation right now." this is confusing. Clarify Cullen's point. If it is not always Black men and women doing the labor, then who else does it? How will you clarify this point?  Introduction/Conclusion 

Your introduction is very long, and while it gives a good introduction to the Harlem Renaissance and the article, it goes beyond that - it starts discussing the article in detail. Consider this passage from it: "It was advocated for African Americans to embrace their roots and become "The New Negro," named by Alain LeRoy Locke in 1925. This article illustrates the major themes during this period and how the authors relayed their main message to the audience." Note how the first sentence ends the broad discussion of the purpose of this renaissance - for African Americans to reconnect to their roots and forge a "New Negro" identity. However, the next sentence starts discussing the article, which has already been introduced, in more depth. The first point is suitable for an introduction, but the second point would work better in the first body paragraph. Here is a simple structure that will enable you to introduce the broad scope of the paper without getting into too much detail early on: 

· 1-2 sentences – start with an opening, attention-getting statement

· 1-4 sentences - give an overview of the article and the Harlem Renaissance

· 1 sentence - present the main idea of your paper

Summary of Next Steps: 

· Link the topic sentences to your main point.  

· Clarify points quoted from the poems you cite.  

· Revise the amount of content used in the Introduction. 

Thank you, Alexander, for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! Bev S.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook .

_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Surname 1

 

Title

Student Name

Instructor

Course

Date  

 

 

POETRY OF THE HARLEM RENAISSANCE

 

During the 1920s, African Americans' arts, literature, and music had a renaissance known as the "Harlem Renaissance." Great variety and experimentation occurred throughout this era of time. WWI's Great Migration was a chance to pursue new possibilities and create better lives by moving from the southern countryside to northern cities for many African Americans. Many of them ended themselves in Manhattan's Harlem district, where they formed the nucleus of the movement. [The term "ended themselves" sounds as if they took their own lives. If this is not your meaning, how will you reword the point?] The Harlem Renaissance was significant because it sparked a burst of cultural pride among African Americans and was seen as a fresh start for the race. Black Americans were motivated by their own culture rather than copying white American aesthetics. It was advocated for African Americans to embrace their roots and become "The New Negro," named by Alain LeRoy Locke in 1925. This article illustrates the major themes during this period and how the authors relayed their main message to the audience. This was perhaps the most crucial moment in the history of the Harlem Renaissance because blacks now had a standard for defining their culture and race and were able to utilize it to recognize that they should be the ones to create their own culture. When it comes to blacks, the Harlem Renaissance was nothing more than a time of self-expression and self-definition for the black man. Rather than being depicted by others, this was the primary mode of expression throughout much of their history; the black man himself assumed the task of expressing himself.

 

Countee Cullen remarked in his poem "From the Dark Tower," alluding to the way blacks feel about bigotry, "We shall not always plant while others reap" (Cullen, 1993, page 1). [Consider using a transition in this topic sentence to show the link between Cullen and the Renaissance.]  Cullen was a well-known African American poet during the Harlem Renaissance, a period when African Americans were seeking a new sense of self. 

In the opening words of 'From the Dark Tower,' the speaker says that "we," Black men and women, aren't always the ones performing all the hard labor that others benefit from. This is a powerful statement for many reasons. As a result, it seems that this is the situation right now. Those of European ancestry get the rewards of the labor done by the community represented by the speaker.

In Helene Johnson’s poem, “Sonnet to a Negro in Harlem,” the author talks about a black person during the Harlem Renaissance trying to find his place in the world, establish his identity, and be appreciated for his presence in the 1920s and 1930s. The poet starts by saying, “You are disdainful and magnificent, / Your perfect body and your pompous gait.” (Johnson, 1995, page 1). Johnson slams the Negro guy in Harlem as "magnificent" and "proud," but with a "pompous walk" in this verse. [Unless the poet uses this term, consider using more formal wording than "the Negro guy."] To put it another way, his attitude is confident but also haughty. She regards the Harlem-dwelling Negro as a snob and an idiot. He is solely familiar with the Harlem neighborhood and has little interest in learning about other people's cultures.

The other sonnet by Claude McKay's "If We Must Die," just like the other Harlem Rennaissance, encourages resistance. The poet starts by saying, “If we must die, let it not be like hogs” (McKay,1919 pg 1). this statement reinforces the importance of fighting hard. The keyword "defy" appears in the poem's middle, and the speaker believes violence is permissible when reacting to murder or injustice. This urges forthright defiance, even if it results in death. In any case, the speaker here is not invoking guerilla warfare but rather a more literary sense of fighting face to face, and the poem is not designed to express complex politics or a real project of resistance but rather to elicit the correct emotions in its audience. [Consider quoting lines, as well as words, from the poem so that the poet can speak through their own poetry. You can then comment on the lines after doing so.]

When it comes to today's poetry, Claude McKay shows how the sonnet tradition has endured and continues to be an important influence. Through the sonnet's rhythm and imagery, Cullen expresses a community's pride and joy amid the strain of an unfair socioeconomic position during this period. A staccato melody and a staccato-like rhythm distinguish Johnson's "Sonnet to A Negro in Harlem," which on the surface seems to complement the other piece. Nevertheless, a closer look at the language employed reveals violent insults, suggesting that Harlem in the 1930s was a place of bitter tension. McKay was inspired by events documented in history, but his personal experience of them was intensely felt and unique. In McKay's poetry, the tone is conversational and intimate, and the subject matter is sometimes very religious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work cited

 

Cullen, Countee. From the Dark Tower. Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1993.

Johnson, Helene. "Sonnet to a Negro in Harlem." Caroling Dusk (1995).

McKay, Claude. "If we must die." The Liberator 2.6 (1919): 1.